candy crushing!; 談戀愛!; 1/2
13600w > kailu;krisyeol
useful summary from carvone sshi: idk omg someone's getting married, lu han burned his butt, and jongin is not helping????
for arejour & carvone, for their kindness and generosity towards those who need it and each other. i feel rly, rly glad and happy to know you two! :>
thanks to ~pepper~, your comments are always better than fic. even those unnecessary snide beta comments about bias
erm, pls skip the first line if you like han geng
★
Lu Han has always maintained that his favorite singer is Wang Lee Hom. But when used as an alarm ring tone, even Wang Lee Hom sounds like Han Geng at 8 a.m. in the morning (read: kind of really awful).
He rolls over in his bed, taking the blanket with him so Kris knees him in the ass. In retaliation, Lu Han makes a wild aim and ends up slapping his own thigh which is right next to Kris’ crotch. He moans, half awake, reaches out blindly for his phone and makes Lee Hom shut the fuck up about everlasting love.
“I like Forever Love,” Kris mumbles and Lu Han nods sleepily. He might have wanted to slap Kris’ balls but that man sure has good taste in sappy music. Yawning, he clings onto Kris’ arm and is beginning to fall back into slumber when he remembers to be enraged. His eyes fly wide open.
“Why are you sleeping in my bed?” he croaks angrily.
Kris thinks very hard but there is just no good answer. “Why are you clinging onto my arm?” Lu Han gets into a prissy fight with the blanket and makes a big fuss out of throwing Kris’ arm away, as if that awful limb has deeply offended him on some personal level. He also looks like he’s about to kick Kris off his bed.
So Kris has no choice but to kick him first.
He appreciates the way time seems to slow down when Lu Han makes that graceful face just before he disappears from the edge of the bed and how it takes less than a second for him to reappear. Relativity is so profound.
“You kicked me out of my bed?!” Out of sheer rage, Lu Han’s voice has been reduced to a harsh whisper.
“In my defense, you looked like you were about to kick me first,” Kris mumbles logically and Lu Han realizes he doesn’t have a comeback for absolute truth.
“Why are you even sleeping in my bed?” He changes tactic by repeating himself.
Kris looks genuinely concerned (or as concerned as one could be when he’s squishing a plushie) when he says sadly, “You looked so lonely last night.”
It takes Lu Han only three kicks to get Kris off his bed.
Then he crawls up to draw the curtains open, only to see the old granny in the opposite apartment block at her window too. It is quite an inconvenient moment for Lu Han to recall that he’s half naked. To add on to the inconvenience, he follows the granny’s eyes southwards and sees the morning glory blooming beautifully in his boxers.
Lu Han very slowly draws the curtains shut when the granny breaks into a toothless grin at him. He consoles himself with the clichéd fact that there’s nothing time cannot heal. Not even leering grannies. But when he turns around and sees Kris Wu smiling sleazily at him from where he still lies on the floor, Lu Han’s faith in humanity drops yet another notch. “I will punish you in the name of the moon,” he says cruelly to his flat mate, who promptly lets his head loll and feigns death. Lu Han assaults him with an army of plushies anyway, and Kris looks cute buried in a sea of soft toys. A Rilakkuma rolls off his head.
What a great morning this is. Lu Han looks at the clock on the wall. But oh, it’s not 8 a.m., it’s close to 12 p.m. in the afternoon.
Victoria is going to kill him.
★
Victoria didn’t kill Lu Han. But don’t fault her because it’s not like she didn’t give it her best shot. Lu Han makes a small simpering sound when the black heel hits the wall, just beside his head when he appears from behind the door.
“Oh I’m sorry,” Victoria giggles, a bright tinkling sound that echoes around the room, “I didn’t mean to. The straps on this pair of heels are just too loose.” Her right foot is bare as it kicks merrily at air while she sits at a round table. They have arranged to meet in a private room of the hotel where the wedding is to take place, and Lu Han is supposed to turn up right after Victoria and Changmin have finished sampling the dishes for their big day.
Behind her, Changmin mouths ‘She means it’ and makes a cutthroat gesture at Lu Han in all seriousness. Then he puts on his normal face and scampers over to fetch the shoe for his fiancée.
Victoria isn’t the first mean bride Lu Han has come across, although he has always suspected that she knows more kungfu than she lets on with her extreme yoga feats. “Song Qian,” Lu Han says placatingly, when he walks over and kneels down to hold both of Victoria’s hands. “Look at me.” So Victoria Song Qian looks at Lu Han.
It is true that Lu Han finds his face to hold a mysterious, unearthly sort of power that seems to calm people down. “It’s the power of face,” he once told Kris, who then asked what kind of face power he has. “You impregnate people when they look at you. Just like Medusa, except you give life instead of taking lives,” Lu Han had replied. His answer pleased Kris immensely. Victoria has long grown immune to his face, however, so she merely gasps and cries, “Is that a sleep crease on your cheek, how dare you!”
“You are wrong, that’s just a wrinkle, I have lots of them,” declares Lu Han before smiling excessively to make his point. Victoria nods in agreement to his face, which is as wrinkled as a sour prune. To further calm her down, Lu Han fishes out his handphone and shows Victoria a picture. “I have found you the perfect wedding dress.”
“Oh, Lulu…” Victoria whimpers and tears up immediately when she sees the picture of an elaborate traditional Chinese wedding gown in the richest shade of red and has a phoenix sewn onto it with sequins. “It is beautiful.” Brides are fragile and emotional. Even Changmin tears up too, but for the wrong reason. “I have to wear that?” he points to the Chinese wedding costume for men in the picture. There is a great show of reluctance on his face.
“Changminnie,” Victoria smiles to him in a way that can only mean ‘You will wear it, bitch’.
‘She means it,’ Lu Han mouths to Changmin, who starts coughing in mortification.
“You see,” Changmin begins his sales pitch slowly, as every word he speaks nowadays seems to be laced with explosives that Victoria can’t wait to ignite. “I’ve engaged another wedding planner to present his proposal.” Victoria raises a brow and Changmin almost falls over screaming, ‘I will repent, please forgive me’, but he chances a look at the costume he is to wear and ploughs on ruthlessly. “You never know, you might like his idea, no offense, Lu Han.”
Lu Han is offended, of course. He isn’t the best in his field for nothing. For all the times Lu Han has had to step in between squabbling in-laws, runaway brides/bridegrooms, the bitter ex at the wedding dinner, and even divine interventions when a guest at the wedding objected to the union of two and claimed he was sent by Jesus Christ (Lu Han called the cops and managed to successfully convert the man to Buddhism by the time the vows were exchanged and the police arrived). So yeah, who does Changmin think is he? If not for the fact that Victoria and Lu Han were childhood friends, Lu Han won’t even be here, his schedule is packed all the way through next year already.
“To be honest, it’s a new startup but Jongin is very creative. He suggested that we go causal in our photoshoot. Imagine that! Me wearing bermuda shorts and you in a nice cocktail dress in our summer-themed wedding shoots. Isn’t that cool?” But Victoria has ceased to hear anything once Changmin mentioned bermuda shorts. She seems extremely scandalized. What would the folks back in Qingdao say? Her mother will never live it down if her only child were married off to someone dressed as a fisherman. Fuck summer, Changmin will just have to find a way to survive the weather in his suit, or survive Victoria in his shorts.
“No one is wearing shorts any time soon, Changminnie,” says Lu Han with a note of warning in his tone. Changmin raises a brow and Lu Han remembers the groom is in his own special class of hell too. Definitely not one to Changminnie around with, unless you’re Victoria. “Hyung,” Lu Han adds with a cheeky grin. The door opens just then and oh, Lu Han wouldn’t mind seeing this stranger’s sexy legs in bermuda shorts, to be quite honest.
“Sorry, wrong room,” the stranger mumbles when he sees two men crouched in front of Victoria, one holding her hand and the other, her bare right foot. Unfortunately, Changmin turns his head then and shouts, “Jongin!” before he could even close the door. He gets up in a jiffy to shake hands with him. The exact same hand he held Victoria’s foot with. Jongin stares at his hand after Changmin releases it.
The enemy, Lu Han realizes, is attractive with his full lips and careless sideswept bangs. He’s also wearing a body-hugging long sleeved tee, which allows Lu Han to check out his lean form. And his torso, Lu Han decides, is really nice. So naturally, he has to pretend to not notice it. Lu Han stands up and lingers around, expecting to be absorbed by the carpet or get introduced. What’s the difference, anyway.
“Here’s Victoria, the bride-to-be.” Victoria is introduced to Jongin with a flourish of Changmin’s arm and an underlying warning of ‘This is where you tread carefully because we all value our lives’. Jongin immediately correctly interprets the situation as one where true feelings will be mouthed or communicated via telepathy instead of spoken outright. He turns to Lu Han and averts his gaze quickly when they made eye contact. But the edges of his lips are tugged up ever so slightly and Lu Han wants to reciprocate with one of his trademark twinkly-eyed smiles because Jongin’s shy smiles are so cute.
Instead, his face malfunctions and Lu Han ends up doing whatever faces do when they see something supernatural.
Jongin blinks and looks away then, and yup, as far as first impressions go, Lu Han is now Constipated Face. He wants to cry because he’s so fucking dumb he can’t even smile right. “This is Lu Han,” Victoria carries on with the introductions because Changmin is ignoring Lu Han’s presence, for which Lu Han is quite grateful. Jongin turns back to Lu Han who somehow manages to not perish on the spot. “Hi,” he gurgles and to his surprise, he actually sounds mildly normal. But then, Jongin repeats his name, “Lu Han,” he mutters lowly to himself, and Lu Han gives up on his awkward existence altogether.
“Jongin is a nice name too!” He wants to exclaim but the words got jumbled up in his throat and what comes out of his mouth is something that could only be understood by the phrase word-fart.
Changmin and Jongin exchange glances and begin to talk to each other like there isn’t a bumbling white elephant in the room, because that’s what people do in awkward times, and true enough, Lu Han is starting to trip on his invisible trunk. But Victoria just narrows her eyes at Lu Han because she recognizes the symptoms all too well. Oh no, you don’t, she hisses silently.
I did, Lu Han nods his head sadly, I did.
Because only Lu Han’s closest friends know that he suffers from Bitchface the Crush Syndrome.
★
Bitchface the Crush (BTC) Syndrome is coined by Victoria out of affection for her ridiculous friend, who feels zero affection and lots of aggravation. Bitchfacing the crush is just one of the symptoms but the syndrome is named so simply because that’s how Victoria likes it.
Lu Han is a very lovable person, always willing to give a helping hand and stand up for his friends. Unless he has a crush on you, of course, because that’s when things become complicated.
“You really mean to say, dumbassery, utterly incomprehensible, right off the logic tangent and straight into outerspace, don’t you,” counters Victoria.
Yes, something like that too.
“Lu Han has a crush on someone and God forbid if the person gets to know about it,” Victoria drawls when asked about BTC. “He would gush and swoon over his crush in private but when Crush is around, Lu Han becomes a frigid arse.”
“Harsh,” Lu Han sniffs primly from the side, “Some people are just discreet about feelings.”
Somewhere in the background, Kris makes a fussy little cough that sounds remarkably like disagreement. It is true that Lu Han is unable to stop his face from becoming an emotion book and feelings are feelings, even the unable-to-function-around-crush kind.
Victoria continues as if Lu Han/Kris has never spoken a word, which is usually how their conversations go, by the way. “Well, to be fair, sometimes he’s a frigid arse and I’m talking about good times here, mind you. On other days, it seems like he has a constant wish to shrivel up and die (“I do,” Lu Han interrupts, “I just hope it’s not obvious.”) and it’s written all over his little face (“Oh.”). I’ve never met anyone so out to get himself,” laments Vic, “he shall be cold and lonely lying up there in the attic every winter when old age rolls around.”
“…I don’t even have an attic.”
“Moving on.” Victoria flips her hair flippantly.
“When Crush is around, I have zero to little face control,” elaborates Lu Han. “It’s as if my chin isn’t my own-”
“Honestly, you rarely have any chin control.” Vic points out fairly.
“-and it is so embarrassing,” continues Lu Han in a louder voice and Victoria just rolls her eyes fashionably. “What else should I do in front of the person I like? I either ignore him and being sort of normal when I do that, or I acknowledge his presence and end up wanting to stick my head into the nearest hole.”
Victoria stares incredulously at Lu Han. “What,” he shouts defensively. “What,” he repeats when he is ignored. “Why is breathing so hard?” Lu Han wonders aloud.
“You can try to be attractive around Crush, I guess.” Even snide is as nice as spice, when you’re Victoria.
“I can’t.” It’s an outright whine, and for a moment, Victoria actually looks like she’s going to hurt Lu Han.
“I’m a fragile doe-eyed deer, what do you want from me?” Lu Han whimpers and his friend throws her hands up in defeat.
“He’s going to stay a virgin forever,” Kris summarizes.
“You don’t know that, ok,” snaps Lu Han hotly.
A second drifts by.
“And I’m not a virgin,” he adds, a second too late.
Kris just smiles serenely.
★
Back in the present, Jongin is trying to understand what Victoria wants in her wedding photos and what he understands so far is that her idea is totally opposite to that of Changmin’s wish, which in all honesty, is starting to look like a deathwish.
Lu Han has already told Victoria his clichéd old Shanghai proposal and she’s is all for it. There’s really nothing Changmin can do about it. So with downcast eyes, he draws slow circles on the carpet with the tip of his shoe and sighs, “Nuna…” in a positively forlorn three year old voice.
To Lu Han’s horror, he realizes he’s about to witness Changmin’s aegyo. “Can someone kind please stab my eyes blind right now,” he says in a hollow voice. Unfortunately, this causes Jongin to smile at him. Lu Han forces himself to look straight ahead until Jongin looks away and he heaves a sigh of relief. But then Lu Han gets sad because surely Jongin is now of the opinion that he’s a frigid arse. From then on, he tries to breathe as lightly as possibly in the hopes that less consumption of oxygen will cause him to become less conspicuous. Or even better, transparent.
“It’s alright, we will proceed as per your wish, nuna,” Changminnie plods on and Victoria falters a little. “Well, it’s our wedding,” she gives a shrug, “why don’t we get Lu Han and Jongin to work together?
Figuring this means he’s halfway there to getting rid of Lu Han, Changmin hooks his pinkie up with Victoria’s and starts swinging her arm. “Thank you, nuna,” he beams and the bride-to-be actually blushes a little.
Lu Han would have gagged but he’s busy screaming no in three different sign languages behind Jongin’s back at Victoria, thus effectively losing all chin control he claims to possess. Just then, Jongin turns around and bows to him, “I look forward to working with you, Lu Han…hyung?” The last word slips out by accident and Jongin blinks rapidly. He’s flustered, because he really mean to say seonbae and judging from Lu Han’s show of reluctance, it doesn’t seem as if he’s ready to accept Jongin as his dongsaeng.
But dongsaengs are Lu Han’s favorite things, of course. What’s signed limited edition Manchester United memorabilia compared to precious dongsaengs? Absolute trash. For the wrong reason, Lu Han trusts his facial muscles more than his mouth. So instead of replying, he arranges his face into what can be loosely interpreted as a grimacy-smile and that’s the friendliest side he has shown to Jongin all day.
So Jongin returns him another shy smile and says again, “Hyung.”
Hyung is such a nice word, Lu Han sighs in his heart.
★
Kris is lying on the couch updating his Renren when Lu Han floats home. Indeed he feels like he’s floating and there’s meaning in life again now that he has met Jongin. He feels positively sappy and is ready to vomit love all over Kris.
“How did it go?” Kris asks when Lu Han plops onto the crouch next to him. But all Lu Han does is to smile wistfully and pat Kris’ cheek fondly.
“…o…k?” Kris just feels the need to verify what just happened because it’s not everyday that he gets his cheek patted by Lu Han.
Lu Han smiles a little creepily and Kris inches away from him. “You’re such a nice dongsaeng, Kris.” Dongsaengs are just such nice things to have.
“Don’t hurt me, whoever-you-are-that-has-taken-over-Lu-Han’s-body! All the nice things are under his bed!” Kris shouts to the ceiling.
Lu Han ceases smiling and starts frowning instead. “Why so mean.”
“Just checking,” Kris shrugs and goes back to his Renren. But Lu Han is shooting lovelorn looks at him again, so Kris has no choice but to ask. “Whatever it is that you are dying to tell me, you can speak now.”
“Nothing happened.” Lu Han sighs like a satisfied fat capybara.
“Ok,” Kris mutters and types up a new message for his legion of Renren followers.
Ge’s home is Guangzhou.
It immediately receives a thumbs-up from Piao Canlie. Kris hums a tune and clicks on the name. Hey, Piao Canlie has a nice face and Kris isn’t exactly known for his deep self. So he leaves a message for him and gets a reply soon enough.
hello, gege! ^^
Hello, puppy. is Kris’s reply.
Piao Canlie is cute but even that level of cuteness is hard to distract Kris from Lu Han because the latter is now peering into Kris face with the same creepy smile. ‘Ok’ is clearly an inadequate reply. “Lu Han,” Kris closes his laptop with a neat snap and says dryly, “please, oh please, tell me what splendid glorious thing has happened to you today because there’s only so much a man can take. Would you be so kind as to let me in on your secret so I can be freed from this misery you have trapped me in?” He looks to Lu Han. “I hope this suffices.”
“Quite.”
“Thank you.”
“Aww, Kris,” Lu Han is quick to snap back into character, “I don’t wish to be so loud about this, but since you’re just dying to know,” Kris grunts at this, “I’ve sort of half fallen in love today.” Lu Han smiles dreamily to himself.
“Yay, love,” Kris deadpans.
“It was love at first sight,” continues Lu Han.
“No one should be allowed to fall in love slowly, of course,” Kris says matter of fact-ly.
“Are you jealous?” Lu Han looks at Kris regretfully.
“What were you thinking. Of course, I am.”
“Oh, don’t be! You’ll find your true love soon enough.” He pats Kris’ cheek again but with more sympathy this time.
Kris allows himself to be patted in a condescending manner. “Sure, true love is my favorite thing,” he replies non-committedly and picks up his laptop again. “What is he like?”
Lu Han has to pinch his own cheek because the thought of Jongin makes him want to giggle like a three year old. “He’s sexy and cute.” He manages to answer with a straight face but not too long after, Lu Han has to grab a cushion and blush into it.
“Right,” Kris comments nonchalantly like the cold-hearted bastard he is, and with a few clicks of the mouse, he starts following Piao Canlie on Renren. A message pops up.
thanks for following back!! ^^^^^^
Kris counts the number of smiley eyes and decides he has bestowed enough kindness on an emoticon-rich follower for the day. “Why ‘half in love’ though?” he asks, finally giving Lu Han the attention he wants.
“Do I look like the superficial sort who will deem himself in love with someone just because he’s sexy and cute?” Lu Han asks, folding his arms all prim and proper.
Kris pretends to think it over. “No?”
“What were you thinking. Of course, I am,” refutes Lu Han gleefully.
“Glad we got that cleared.” Lu Han nods twice. “So, did you get to talk to him?” Kris lies down on the couch, head on the armrest of the couch and legs conveniently placed in Lu Han’s lap. Hugging Kris’s calves, Lu Han tries to recall his first encounter with Jongin.
Excluding that word-fart, ‘hi’ is the only thing Lu Han has said to Jongin. “We exchanged the usual formalities as one should when he meets another for the first time. But we will talk more, like, next time,” he says defensively.
Kris is wiggling his legs so Lu Han hugs them tighter. “Have you gotten over it?” asks Kris.
“Get over what?”
“Whatever it is you always do when your crush is around. What is it that Victoria calls it?”
Lu Han pouts. “I’d get over it. Some day. One day. Real soon.” He pulls a leg hair off Kris’s hairy calf in revenge and the latter yelps.
★
A week later, Lu Han meets up with Victoria in a bridal boutique, wickedly named Trippy Aisle because it’s well known for its gowns with long intricate trains. It is a whimsical two-storey building that has a useless vane and is robin-egg blue from fake chimney to threshold. Changmin is held up by work so Victoria will just have to choose something on his behalf.
Lu Han is going through the list of pros and cons of the length of the train with her when Jongin shows up in a wifebeater that shows off his lithe arms. Lu Han doesn’t stare. For more than five minutes. Some people are reserved, even if you aren’t.
“Hey, Jongin,” greets Victoria, but Lu Han just offers a tight lipped smile that makes Jongin stop in his tracks.
“Um,” Jongin hesitates and says, “I guess I’d just look over the gowns on this side of the rack. We need a short dress for the outdoor shoot.” And he stands a good five meters away from the pair of friends while he goes through the sea of dresses.
““Do you prefer sarcasm or snide in my next insult to you?” mutters Vic to the bodice of the gown she’s holding up so Jongin can’t hear.
“What’s the difference?”
“To me, neither, that’s why I asked for your opinion. Both make me feel equally superior.”
“I don’t know ok,” Lu Han forces the words through gritted teeth to a large black bow, “I was supposed to smile like spring just blown up in my face but somehow, it came out of my system like the dead of winter.”
In reply, Victoria shoves a random gown into Lu Han’s arms. “Go over and ask him what he thinks of this!”
Lu Han pleas with Victoria but the goddess refuses to listen so he closes the five meters with some serious shuffling. Smile like spring just blown up in your face, Lu Han, he chants to himself like a mantra. Smile like spring just blown up your face, he chants. Smile like your face just blown up. Hmm?
“How, how about this?” Lu Han ends up growling with a glowering look on his face, holding up the gown he didn’t even take a look at. Befuddled, Jongin takes a step back, because he doesn’t know what he has done to deserve this animosity, and Lu Han wants to sob when he turns to look at Victoria with the saddest face on earth. His head swings back when Victoria starts flexing her neck muscles in a threatening manner though.
“W-what do you think?” Lu Han tries again, the glower quickly slipping from his face in panic. He’s stammering, but just a little and Victoria nods approvingly from where she’s creeping in on them across the room. It might not be spring in full bloom but one can definitely see the flowers blossoming on Lu Han’s cheeks. He’s red cheeked but at least he’s not meanfaced and honestly, it’s just hard for Lu Han to un-cute himself, with his gentle eyes and soft smiles. His eyes flit up to meet Jongin’s before sweeping down immediately, long eyelashes batting like mini fans because he’s so self-conscious.
Maybe it’s infectious because when Lu Han next looks up, he finds Jongin blushing, too. Although he also appears a little confused by the switch in Lu Han’s attitude. “I like it but maybe we should look for a similar design in another color. White is just too common.”
“Yeah-h?” Lu Han chirps unsteadily, unable to stop smiling, even if he’s just smiling at Jongin’s feet. This is such a vast improvement for his BTC condition. Although he’s not sure if dumb actually makes for a better impression.
Eh, who cares because Jongin is smiling as well. Sure, he’s smiling at the buckle of Lu Han’s belt but, so? “Yeah,” Jongin says in his mellow voice.
Jongin and Lu Han look so cute smiling coyly at the lower half of each other’s body, Victoria wants to weep. Cute but useless, because that seems to be just what the two of them are doing. So she ruins the cuteness with a tuxedo. “Lu Han, try this out. I want to see how it looks when worn.” Glad for the interruption, Lu Han takes the tux and with another bashful grin, he flees to the fitting room. And there Victoria goes, thinking she’s the rightful bride around here.
“Shy,” she comments patronizingly to Jongin who just ducks his head because he’s mistaken that she’s talking about him.
★
Lu Han is on a high because he managed to talk to Jongin and even smiled at him. Nice play, Lu Han, nice play. He’s grinning foolishly at his reflection in the full length mirror while he’s buttoning up the white shirt and has just stuck his right foot into the black pants when the curtains of the fitting room are drawn opened.
Shocked, Lu Han just gapes at Jongin who stares back at him, equally taken back. His right foot is still halfway into the pants and he’s not sure if he should put on his pants first or draw the curtains shut. In a demonstration of true brilliance, he ends up doing neither. Thankfully, Jongin still has his wits with him and he pulls the curtains close with a swish.
“I’m sorry,” Jongin calls out loudly from behind the curtains and Lu Han starts silent screaming into his hands. He also wants to walk into the mirror and live in there forever. “Victoria nuna asked me to try on another suit and I, um, I didn’t know this room was taken…” his voice trails off uncertainly and unknown to Lu Han, that’s actually because Jongin has planted his face into the jacket of the suit. This is just as mortifying for Jongin.
In a flat voice, Lu Han says, “It’s ok.” It’s not ok. It’s the least ok of things but what else is he supposed to say? He chances a look into the mirror then and he’s now dressed in a white shirt, black socks, no shoes and red silk boxers with a dragon embroidered on it, right over the dick. Nay, this is definitely more mortifying for him. Lu Han actually did try to walk into the mirror then but his foot just won’t sink in.
“It’s not mine,” he blurts out.
Jongin lifts his head up from black velvet. “…what?”
“The boxers are not mine!” Lu Han cries. Then he waits, staring up at the ceiling for answers, heart pumping furiously, priorities scattering all over the place, pants still hanging off his right foot.
“Ok...,” Jongin murmurs because there’s no appropriate response to that and he didn’t even get a clear look at Lu Han’s boxers. Lu Han is wearing boxers that isn’t his, what is there to say to that?
It takes a while for Lu Han to realize what he’s talking about. “Oh my God,” he cries out loud again, “I’m not dating the owner of this pair of boxers!” He announces his availability to Jongin.
Jongin hasn’t been thinking along the lines of anything much. All he’s trying to do now is to fiercely recall what boxers Lu Han has on, since it’s such a great deal now.
“It belongs to my flatmate.” Clearly, nothing can stop Lu Han’s mouth now, “he’s an ass and I hate him occasionally. I don’t even know why I have his boxers on now, I mean, we mix our laundry and it’s hard to care about what underwear I’m wearing, I mean, I woke too early this morning and this was just hanging out of my wardrobe, I mean, I don’t know what I’m talking about, please ignore me.” Lu Han crouches in a corner of the dressing room and starts a vicious cycle of self-pity.
“Are you going to come out of the dressing room, hyung?” Jongin asks after some minutes have passed.
“No,” Lu Han answers truthfully.
Jongin actually laughs then and Lu Han puckers his brows. “What’s so funny?” he sulks, still squatting pant-less in the dressing room.
“It’s nothing, I didn’t see anything, really,” Jongin replies, because he doesn’t think his hyung would appreciate his comment on how adorably dumb he thinks Lu Han is right now. “Please come out,” he pleas to the curtains.
“I haven’t worn my pants yet,” Lu Han simpers to the ceiling.
“Hyung, please wear your pants.” Separated by curtains, Jongin coaxes Lu Han, who then crawls over to his pants and put them on.
“I have them on now,” Lu Han calls out when his belt has been properly buckled up.
“Are you going to come out now?”
“How about 2015?”
Unannounced, Jongin pokes his head through the curtains and he knocks into Lu Han who has been pacing around in the rather spacious fitting room. “Ouch,” Lu Han complains, hands going up to the sore spot, forgetting to be embarrassed. Jongin lifts his hand and it almost looks like he’s going to pat Lu Han’s head but he withdraws and his hand goes awkwardly to the back of his neck instead.
“You look nice,” Jongin compliments before he coughs unnecessarily.
“You look nice, too,” Lu Han says in a rush without thinking. Then he realizes that he’s now in a tux while Jongin is still in his wifebeater. He does look nice though.
They are smiling at each other’s lower half again because so shy, so shy. This is absolutely gross, so much so that Victoria is actually jealous. “How about some praise for me too?” She stands behind them dressed in a cream colored gown with the fancy train fanning out behind her.
“You look nice,” Jongin repeats, bringing his eyes up.
“You look nice,” Lu Han repeats, meeting Jongin’s gaze head-on.
They are still grinning, but in each other’s faces now.
“Disgusting,” Victoria remarks disppasionately while she slaps on her lacy gloves.
★
“I hate you,” Lu Han spits at Kris when he returns home that day, “and your mythical creature boxers.”
“The dragon one or the dragon one?”
“Both!”
“’kay.” Kris just boots up his laptop, logs into Renren and reads through the numerous messages left for him after a day of absence.
gege gege ^^
A new message pops up.
Lately, Kris is unaware of the existence of any other emoticon besides ^^.
Puppy, Kris types in reply.
sorry, i can’t meet you. it’s finals week
Anytime you’re available then. But Kris only pauses for a while before typing, A week later, after finals?
^^ is all Piao Canlie says, however.
Heaving a sigh, Kris moves the cursor over to Canlie’s ^^ and highlights it.
^^
Then he heaves another sigh and taps the mouse.
^^
Maybe the answers to all the mysteries in the world lie within that emotion. Maybe there’s a need to decipher the deeper meaning behind smiley eyes. Because that’s exactly what Kris seems to be able to do lately. He didn’t mean for this to happen. Sometimes he drops messages to followers and Piao Canlie just happened to be one of them that day. But smiley eyes are so adorable and the outbursts of ‘gege’s that are annoying at first, become endearing at an alarmingly fast rate and by the time Kris has saved all of Canlie’s Renren’s pictures, he finds himself responding to nothing but gege. Puppy love is so gross.
“What are you, Puppy?” asks Kris, as he jabs the profile picture of Piao Canlie with his index finger. But Puppy just continues smiling at him through the screen. Kris pokes him again and again with unspeakable grudge.
Just then, Lu Han saunters over to the living room after changing out his clothes and delivers a flying kick to Kris’ butt. “Roll over, lovesick ass, you’re sitting on the remote control.”
And that’s exactly what best friends are for.
★
Planning a wedding can sometimes be the shittiest job in the world, maybe that’s why it causes people to become asses (pun intended). On the surface, Jongin looks mellow enough but his push for perfection is relentless and Lu Han often has to act as the middle person between him and the hotel management. PR is important for wedding planners since it often gets them discounts and bumps up any waiting list, he tells Jongin who nods seriously and learns how to compromise.
Jongin has sort of become Lu Han’s apprentice, saying he wants to learn as much as possible from his hyung. On the other hand, Lu Han is still useless so Victoria helps him say yes. Hence, Jongin sometimes tags along when Lu Han makes his runs visiting the hotel ballroom ensuring that the decorations are up just the way he wants it, or going over the final design of the invitation cards, and even helping Lu Han to select flowers for the occasion. Lu Han has more experience but it hinders him back from exploring new ideas and that’s where Jongin contributes, by offering fresh insights. Lu Han has to pull him back sometimes, however, because most people prefer to be conventional and just want something romantically clichéd. Whatever that means.
The unfortunate incident at Trippy Aisle acts as a nice icebreaker but getting to know the crush is still a strange process. Especially during the beginning when there are times Lu Han forgets and jokes easily with Jongin as if they were friends instead, and the jitters cool as quickly as fireworks. But there are those quiet moments when they work and Lu Han cannot help but peek at Jongin, hoping that his bangs will hide his eyes. This is when excitement blankets onto skin, the world shrinks until all Lu Han’s vision can hold is Jongin and his heart gets heavier as he remembers then, that Jongin is not a friend. It is confusing and it bothers Lu Han, but he is happy.
This day, they are meeting in Myeongdong because Lu Han has to get some stuff for the wedding. At first, Lu Han declined Jongin’s offer to come along because it’s a Sunday and his rightful day off.
“Go out with your girlfriend instead,” Lu Han said with fake nonchalance. That little hypocrite.
“I don’t have one,” replied Jongin.
“Oh, that’s too bad!” Although Lu Han was smiling like spring just blown up in his face and what he wanted to shout was actually excellent!
Then he declines Jongin’s offer a second time because he really is a little hypocrite.
“It’s alright, I can manage, I’ve been doing this by myself for some time already,” Lu Han insisted.
“I have nothing to do, let me help you, hyung.”
“Just enjoy your Sunday.”
“Well, if you really think it’s ok …”
Following Jongin’s words was a brief period of suppressed silence that suggested in no uncertain way that it really wasn’t quite ok.
“Hyung, I’m coming.”
“Thank you, Jonginnie.”
So there Jongin is, waiting right outside the exit of Myeongdong metro station, giving Lu Han a small smile as he jogs over.
“Hey!” Lu Han calls out even before he reaches Jongin. Then he stops running abruptly and slaps a hand over his mouth because he didn’t mean to be so loud. Jongin laughs at the surprised look on Lu Han’s face. It goes without saying then, that Lu Han has to laugh, too. Laughter is a very contagious thing to him. It’s a little strange for two boys to be laughing at each other across the street in the middle of Myeongdong with the shopping crowd between them, especially when there’s really nothing funny going on. But Jongin and Lu Han seem to do this a lot, anyway.
“Hey!” Jongin shouts right back. A girl turns back to stare at him and Lu Han laughs even harder. Come here, he mouths exaggeratedly and Jongin begins to run to him instead. The Myeongdong crowd is vicious and Lu Han smiles while he watches Jongin fight his way to him, his eyes lowering a little in embarrassment when he realizes he’s smiling way too bright. But there’s just too much euphoria in this moment and he soon gives in. Lu Han lifts his head up and gives Jongin a huge grin when he finally reaches him. He has a feeling he’d get a dozen more wrinkles after today. But no one’s counting, especially not Lu Han.
After blinking dazedly for a short while, Jongin reciprocates with a grin of his own too.
Then they proceed to do everything except buying wedding stuff.
★
useful summary from carvone sshi: idk omg someone's getting married, lu han burned his butt, and jongin is not helping????
for arejour & carvone, for their kindness and generosity towards those who need it and each other. i feel rly, rly glad and happy to know you two! :>
thanks to ~pepper~, your comments are always better than fic. even those unnecessary snide beta comments about bias
erm, pls skip the first line if you like han geng
★
Lu Han has always maintained that his favorite singer is Wang Lee Hom. But when used as an alarm ring tone, even Wang Lee Hom sounds like Han Geng at 8 a.m. in the morning (read: kind of really awful).
He rolls over in his bed, taking the blanket with him so Kris knees him in the ass. In retaliation, Lu Han makes a wild aim and ends up slapping his own thigh which is right next to Kris’ crotch. He moans, half awake, reaches out blindly for his phone and makes Lee Hom shut the fuck up about everlasting love.
“I like Forever Love,” Kris mumbles and Lu Han nods sleepily. He might have wanted to slap Kris’ balls but that man sure has good taste in sappy music. Yawning, he clings onto Kris’ arm and is beginning to fall back into slumber when he remembers to be enraged. His eyes fly wide open.
“Why are you sleeping in my bed?” he croaks angrily.
Kris thinks very hard but there is just no good answer. “Why are you clinging onto my arm?” Lu Han gets into a prissy fight with the blanket and makes a big fuss out of throwing Kris’ arm away, as if that awful limb has deeply offended him on some personal level. He also looks like he’s about to kick Kris off his bed.
So Kris has no choice but to kick him first.
He appreciates the way time seems to slow down when Lu Han makes that graceful face just before he disappears from the edge of the bed and how it takes less than a second for him to reappear. Relativity is so profound.
“You kicked me out of my bed?!” Out of sheer rage, Lu Han’s voice has been reduced to a harsh whisper.
“In my defense, you looked like you were about to kick me first,” Kris mumbles logically and Lu Han realizes he doesn’t have a comeback for absolute truth.
“Why are you even sleeping in my bed?” He changes tactic by repeating himself.
Kris looks genuinely concerned (or as concerned as one could be when he’s squishing a plushie) when he says sadly, “You looked so lonely last night.”
It takes Lu Han only three kicks to get Kris off his bed.
Then he crawls up to draw the curtains open, only to see the old granny in the opposite apartment block at her window too. It is quite an inconvenient moment for Lu Han to recall that he’s half naked. To add on to the inconvenience, he follows the granny’s eyes southwards and sees the morning glory blooming beautifully in his boxers.
Lu Han very slowly draws the curtains shut when the granny breaks into a toothless grin at him. He consoles himself with the clichéd fact that there’s nothing time cannot heal. Not even leering grannies. But when he turns around and sees Kris Wu smiling sleazily at him from where he still lies on the floor, Lu Han’s faith in humanity drops yet another notch. “I will punish you in the name of the moon,” he says cruelly to his flat mate, who promptly lets his head loll and feigns death. Lu Han assaults him with an army of plushies anyway, and Kris looks cute buried in a sea of soft toys. A Rilakkuma rolls off his head.
What a great morning this is. Lu Han looks at the clock on the wall. But oh, it’s not 8 a.m., it’s close to 12 p.m. in the afternoon.
Victoria is going to kill him.
★
Victoria didn’t kill Lu Han. But don’t fault her because it’s not like she didn’t give it her best shot. Lu Han makes a small simpering sound when the black heel hits the wall, just beside his head when he appears from behind the door.
“Oh I’m sorry,” Victoria giggles, a bright tinkling sound that echoes around the room, “I didn’t mean to. The straps on this pair of heels are just too loose.” Her right foot is bare as it kicks merrily at air while she sits at a round table. They have arranged to meet in a private room of the hotel where the wedding is to take place, and Lu Han is supposed to turn up right after Victoria and Changmin have finished sampling the dishes for their big day.
Behind her, Changmin mouths ‘She means it’ and makes a cutthroat gesture at Lu Han in all seriousness. Then he puts on his normal face and scampers over to fetch the shoe for his fiancée.
Victoria isn’t the first mean bride Lu Han has come across, although he has always suspected that she knows more kungfu than she lets on with her extreme yoga feats. “Song Qian,” Lu Han says placatingly, when he walks over and kneels down to hold both of Victoria’s hands. “Look at me.” So Victoria Song Qian looks at Lu Han.
It is true that Lu Han finds his face to hold a mysterious, unearthly sort of power that seems to calm people down. “It’s the power of face,” he once told Kris, who then asked what kind of face power he has. “You impregnate people when they look at you. Just like Medusa, except you give life instead of taking lives,” Lu Han had replied. His answer pleased Kris immensely. Victoria has long grown immune to his face, however, so she merely gasps and cries, “Is that a sleep crease on your cheek, how dare you!”
“You are wrong, that’s just a wrinkle, I have lots of them,” declares Lu Han before smiling excessively to make his point. Victoria nods in agreement to his face, which is as wrinkled as a sour prune. To further calm her down, Lu Han fishes out his handphone and shows Victoria a picture. “I have found you the perfect wedding dress.”
“Oh, Lulu…” Victoria whimpers and tears up immediately when she sees the picture of an elaborate traditional Chinese wedding gown in the richest shade of red and has a phoenix sewn onto it with sequins. “It is beautiful.” Brides are fragile and emotional. Even Changmin tears up too, but for the wrong reason. “I have to wear that?” he points to the Chinese wedding costume for men in the picture. There is a great show of reluctance on his face.
“Changminnie,” Victoria smiles to him in a way that can only mean ‘You will wear it, bitch’.
‘She means it,’ Lu Han mouths to Changmin, who starts coughing in mortification.
“You see,” Changmin begins his sales pitch slowly, as every word he speaks nowadays seems to be laced with explosives that Victoria can’t wait to ignite. “I’ve engaged another wedding planner to present his proposal.” Victoria raises a brow and Changmin almost falls over screaming, ‘I will repent, please forgive me’, but he chances a look at the costume he is to wear and ploughs on ruthlessly. “You never know, you might like his idea, no offense, Lu Han.”
Lu Han is offended, of course. He isn’t the best in his field for nothing. For all the times Lu Han has had to step in between squabbling in-laws, runaway brides/bridegrooms, the bitter ex at the wedding dinner, and even divine interventions when a guest at the wedding objected to the union of two and claimed he was sent by Jesus Christ (Lu Han called the cops and managed to successfully convert the man to Buddhism by the time the vows were exchanged and the police arrived). So yeah, who does Changmin think is he? If not for the fact that Victoria and Lu Han were childhood friends, Lu Han won’t even be here, his schedule is packed all the way through next year already.
“To be honest, it’s a new startup but Jongin is very creative. He suggested that we go causal in our photoshoot. Imagine that! Me wearing bermuda shorts and you in a nice cocktail dress in our summer-themed wedding shoots. Isn’t that cool?” But Victoria has ceased to hear anything once Changmin mentioned bermuda shorts. She seems extremely scandalized. What would the folks back in Qingdao say? Her mother will never live it down if her only child were married off to someone dressed as a fisherman. Fuck summer, Changmin will just have to find a way to survive the weather in his suit, or survive Victoria in his shorts.
“No one is wearing shorts any time soon, Changminnie,” says Lu Han with a note of warning in his tone. Changmin raises a brow and Lu Han remembers the groom is in his own special class of hell too. Definitely not one to Changminnie around with, unless you’re Victoria. “Hyung,” Lu Han adds with a cheeky grin. The door opens just then and oh, Lu Han wouldn’t mind seeing this stranger’s sexy legs in bermuda shorts, to be quite honest.
“Sorry, wrong room,” the stranger mumbles when he sees two men crouched in front of Victoria, one holding her hand and the other, her bare right foot. Unfortunately, Changmin turns his head then and shouts, “Jongin!” before he could even close the door. He gets up in a jiffy to shake hands with him. The exact same hand he held Victoria’s foot with. Jongin stares at his hand after Changmin releases it.
The enemy, Lu Han realizes, is attractive with his full lips and careless sideswept bangs. He’s also wearing a body-hugging long sleeved tee, which allows Lu Han to check out his lean form. And his torso, Lu Han decides, is really nice. So naturally, he has to pretend to not notice it. Lu Han stands up and lingers around, expecting to be absorbed by the carpet or get introduced. What’s the difference, anyway.
“Here’s Victoria, the bride-to-be.” Victoria is introduced to Jongin with a flourish of Changmin’s arm and an underlying warning of ‘This is where you tread carefully because we all value our lives’. Jongin immediately correctly interprets the situation as one where true feelings will be mouthed or communicated via telepathy instead of spoken outright. He turns to Lu Han and averts his gaze quickly when they made eye contact. But the edges of his lips are tugged up ever so slightly and Lu Han wants to reciprocate with one of his trademark twinkly-eyed smiles because Jongin’s shy smiles are so cute.
Instead, his face malfunctions and Lu Han ends up doing whatever faces do when they see something supernatural.
Jongin blinks and looks away then, and yup, as far as first impressions go, Lu Han is now Constipated Face. He wants to cry because he’s so fucking dumb he can’t even smile right. “This is Lu Han,” Victoria carries on with the introductions because Changmin is ignoring Lu Han’s presence, for which Lu Han is quite grateful. Jongin turns back to Lu Han who somehow manages to not perish on the spot. “Hi,” he gurgles and to his surprise, he actually sounds mildly normal. But then, Jongin repeats his name, “Lu Han,” he mutters lowly to himself, and Lu Han gives up on his awkward existence altogether.
“Jongin is a nice name too!” He wants to exclaim but the words got jumbled up in his throat and what comes out of his mouth is something that could only be understood by the phrase word-fart.
Changmin and Jongin exchange glances and begin to talk to each other like there isn’t a bumbling white elephant in the room, because that’s what people do in awkward times, and true enough, Lu Han is starting to trip on his invisible trunk. But Victoria just narrows her eyes at Lu Han because she recognizes the symptoms all too well. Oh no, you don’t, she hisses silently.
I did, Lu Han nods his head sadly, I did.
Because only Lu Han’s closest friends know that he suffers from Bitchface the Crush Syndrome.
★
Bitchface the Crush (BTC) Syndrome is coined by Victoria out of affection for her ridiculous friend, who feels zero affection and lots of aggravation. Bitchfacing the crush is just one of the symptoms but the syndrome is named so simply because that’s how Victoria likes it.
Lu Han is a very lovable person, always willing to give a helping hand and stand up for his friends. Unless he has a crush on you, of course, because that’s when things become complicated.
“You really mean to say, dumbassery, utterly incomprehensible, right off the logic tangent and straight into outerspace, don’t you,” counters Victoria.
Yes, something like that too.
“Lu Han has a crush on someone and God forbid if the person gets to know about it,” Victoria drawls when asked about BTC. “He would gush and swoon over his crush in private but when Crush is around, Lu Han becomes a frigid arse.”
“Harsh,” Lu Han sniffs primly from the side, “Some people are just discreet about feelings.”
Somewhere in the background, Kris makes a fussy little cough that sounds remarkably like disagreement. It is true that Lu Han is unable to stop his face from becoming an emotion book and feelings are feelings, even the unable-to-function-around-crush kind.
Victoria continues as if Lu Han/Kris has never spoken a word, which is usually how their conversations go, by the way. “Well, to be fair, sometimes he’s a frigid arse and I’m talking about good times here, mind you. On other days, it seems like he has a constant wish to shrivel up and die (“I do,” Lu Han interrupts, “I just hope it’s not obvious.”) and it’s written all over his little face (“Oh.”). I’ve never met anyone so out to get himself,” laments Vic, “he shall be cold and lonely lying up there in the attic every winter when old age rolls around.”
“…I don’t even have an attic.”
“Moving on.” Victoria flips her hair flippantly.
“When Crush is around, I have zero to little face control,” elaborates Lu Han. “It’s as if my chin isn’t my own-”
“Honestly, you rarely have any chin control.” Vic points out fairly.
“-and it is so embarrassing,” continues Lu Han in a louder voice and Victoria just rolls her eyes fashionably. “What else should I do in front of the person I like? I either ignore him and being sort of normal when I do that, or I acknowledge his presence and end up wanting to stick my head into the nearest hole.”
Victoria stares incredulously at Lu Han. “What,” he shouts defensively. “What,” he repeats when he is ignored. “Why is breathing so hard?” Lu Han wonders aloud.
“You can try to be attractive around Crush, I guess.” Even snide is as nice as spice, when you’re Victoria.
“I can’t.” It’s an outright whine, and for a moment, Victoria actually looks like she’s going to hurt Lu Han.
“I’m a fragile doe-eyed deer, what do you want from me?” Lu Han whimpers and his friend throws her hands up in defeat.
“He’s going to stay a virgin forever,” Kris summarizes.
“You don’t know that, ok,” snaps Lu Han hotly.
A second drifts by.
“And I’m not a virgin,” he adds, a second too late.
Kris just smiles serenely.
★
Back in the present, Jongin is trying to understand what Victoria wants in her wedding photos and what he understands so far is that her idea is totally opposite to that of Changmin’s wish, which in all honesty, is starting to look like a deathwish.
Lu Han has already told Victoria his clichéd old Shanghai proposal and she’s is all for it. There’s really nothing Changmin can do about it. So with downcast eyes, he draws slow circles on the carpet with the tip of his shoe and sighs, “Nuna…” in a positively forlorn three year old voice.
To Lu Han’s horror, he realizes he’s about to witness Changmin’s aegyo. “Can someone kind please stab my eyes blind right now,” he says in a hollow voice. Unfortunately, this causes Jongin to smile at him. Lu Han forces himself to look straight ahead until Jongin looks away and he heaves a sigh of relief. But then Lu Han gets sad because surely Jongin is now of the opinion that he’s a frigid arse. From then on, he tries to breathe as lightly as possibly in the hopes that less consumption of oxygen will cause him to become less conspicuous. Or even better, transparent.
“It’s alright, we will proceed as per your wish, nuna,” Changminnie plods on and Victoria falters a little. “Well, it’s our wedding,” she gives a shrug, “why don’t we get Lu Han and Jongin to work together?
Figuring this means he’s halfway there to getting rid of Lu Han, Changmin hooks his pinkie up with Victoria’s and starts swinging her arm. “Thank you, nuna,” he beams and the bride-to-be actually blushes a little.
Lu Han would have gagged but he’s busy screaming no in three different sign languages behind Jongin’s back at Victoria, thus effectively losing all chin control he claims to possess. Just then, Jongin turns around and bows to him, “I look forward to working with you, Lu Han…hyung?” The last word slips out by accident and Jongin blinks rapidly. He’s flustered, because he really mean to say seonbae and judging from Lu Han’s show of reluctance, it doesn’t seem as if he’s ready to accept Jongin as his dongsaeng.
But dongsaengs are Lu Han’s favorite things, of course. What’s signed limited edition Manchester United memorabilia compared to precious dongsaengs? Absolute trash. For the wrong reason, Lu Han trusts his facial muscles more than his mouth. So instead of replying, he arranges his face into what can be loosely interpreted as a grimacy-smile and that’s the friendliest side he has shown to Jongin all day.
So Jongin returns him another shy smile and says again, “Hyung.”
Hyung is such a nice word, Lu Han sighs in his heart.
★
Kris is lying on the couch updating his Renren when Lu Han floats home. Indeed he feels like he’s floating and there’s meaning in life again now that he has met Jongin. He feels positively sappy and is ready to vomit love all over Kris.
“How did it go?” Kris asks when Lu Han plops onto the crouch next to him. But all Lu Han does is to smile wistfully and pat Kris’ cheek fondly.
“…o…k?” Kris just feels the need to verify what just happened because it’s not everyday that he gets his cheek patted by Lu Han.
Lu Han smiles a little creepily and Kris inches away from him. “You’re such a nice dongsaeng, Kris.” Dongsaengs are just such nice things to have.
“Don’t hurt me, whoever-you-are-that-has-taken-over-Lu-Han’s-body! All the nice things are under his bed!” Kris shouts to the ceiling.
Lu Han ceases smiling and starts frowning instead. “Why so mean.”
“Just checking,” Kris shrugs and goes back to his Renren. But Lu Han is shooting lovelorn looks at him again, so Kris has no choice but to ask. “Whatever it is that you are dying to tell me, you can speak now.”
“Nothing happened.” Lu Han sighs like a satisfied fat capybara.
“Ok,” Kris mutters and types up a new message for his legion of Renren followers.
Ge’s home is Guangzhou.
It immediately receives a thumbs-up from Piao Canlie. Kris hums a tune and clicks on the name. Hey, Piao Canlie has a nice face and Kris isn’t exactly known for his deep self. So he leaves a message for him and gets a reply soon enough.
hello, gege! ^^
Hello, puppy. is Kris’s reply.
Piao Canlie is cute but even that level of cuteness is hard to distract Kris from Lu Han because the latter is now peering into Kris face with the same creepy smile. ‘Ok’ is clearly an inadequate reply. “Lu Han,” Kris closes his laptop with a neat snap and says dryly, “please, oh please, tell me what splendid glorious thing has happened to you today because there’s only so much a man can take. Would you be so kind as to let me in on your secret so I can be freed from this misery you have trapped me in?” He looks to Lu Han. “I hope this suffices.”
“Quite.”
“Thank you.”
“Aww, Kris,” Lu Han is quick to snap back into character, “I don’t wish to be so loud about this, but since you’re just dying to know,” Kris grunts at this, “I’ve sort of half fallen in love today.” Lu Han smiles dreamily to himself.
“Yay, love,” Kris deadpans.
“It was love at first sight,” continues Lu Han.
“No one should be allowed to fall in love slowly, of course,” Kris says matter of fact-ly.
“Are you jealous?” Lu Han looks at Kris regretfully.
“What were you thinking. Of course, I am.”
“Oh, don’t be! You’ll find your true love soon enough.” He pats Kris’ cheek again but with more sympathy this time.
Kris allows himself to be patted in a condescending manner. “Sure, true love is my favorite thing,” he replies non-committedly and picks up his laptop again. “What is he like?”
Lu Han has to pinch his own cheek because the thought of Jongin makes him want to giggle like a three year old. “He’s sexy and cute.” He manages to answer with a straight face but not too long after, Lu Han has to grab a cushion and blush into it.
“Right,” Kris comments nonchalantly like the cold-hearted bastard he is, and with a few clicks of the mouse, he starts following Piao Canlie on Renren. A message pops up.
thanks for following back!! ^^^^^^
Kris counts the number of smiley eyes and decides he has bestowed enough kindness on an emoticon-rich follower for the day. “Why ‘half in love’ though?” he asks, finally giving Lu Han the attention he wants.
“Do I look like the superficial sort who will deem himself in love with someone just because he’s sexy and cute?” Lu Han asks, folding his arms all prim and proper.
Kris pretends to think it over. “No?”
“What were you thinking. Of course, I am,” refutes Lu Han gleefully.
“Glad we got that cleared.” Lu Han nods twice. “So, did you get to talk to him?” Kris lies down on the couch, head on the armrest of the couch and legs conveniently placed in Lu Han’s lap. Hugging Kris’s calves, Lu Han tries to recall his first encounter with Jongin.
Excluding that word-fart, ‘hi’ is the only thing Lu Han has said to Jongin. “We exchanged the usual formalities as one should when he meets another for the first time. But we will talk more, like, next time,” he says defensively.
Kris is wiggling his legs so Lu Han hugs them tighter. “Have you gotten over it?” asks Kris.
“Get over what?”
“Whatever it is you always do when your crush is around. What is it that Victoria calls it?”
Lu Han pouts. “I’d get over it. Some day. One day. Real soon.” He pulls a leg hair off Kris’s hairy calf in revenge and the latter yelps.
★
A week later, Lu Han meets up with Victoria in a bridal boutique, wickedly named Trippy Aisle because it’s well known for its gowns with long intricate trains. It is a whimsical two-storey building that has a useless vane and is robin-egg blue from fake chimney to threshold. Changmin is held up by work so Victoria will just have to choose something on his behalf.
Lu Han is going through the list of pros and cons of the length of the train with her when Jongin shows up in a wifebeater that shows off his lithe arms. Lu Han doesn’t stare. For more than five minutes. Some people are reserved, even if you aren’t.
“Hey, Jongin,” greets Victoria, but Lu Han just offers a tight lipped smile that makes Jongin stop in his tracks.
“Um,” Jongin hesitates and says, “I guess I’d just look over the gowns on this side of the rack. We need a short dress for the outdoor shoot.” And he stands a good five meters away from the pair of friends while he goes through the sea of dresses.
““Do you prefer sarcasm or snide in my next insult to you?” mutters Vic to the bodice of the gown she’s holding up so Jongin can’t hear.
“What’s the difference?”
“To me, neither, that’s why I asked for your opinion. Both make me feel equally superior.”
“I don’t know ok,” Lu Han forces the words through gritted teeth to a large black bow, “I was supposed to smile like spring just blown up in my face but somehow, it came out of my system like the dead of winter.”
In reply, Victoria shoves a random gown into Lu Han’s arms. “Go over and ask him what he thinks of this!”
Lu Han pleas with Victoria but the goddess refuses to listen so he closes the five meters with some serious shuffling. Smile like spring just blown up in your face, Lu Han, he chants to himself like a mantra. Smile like spring just blown up your face, he chants. Smile like your face just blown up. Hmm?
“How, how about this?” Lu Han ends up growling with a glowering look on his face, holding up the gown he didn’t even take a look at. Befuddled, Jongin takes a step back, because he doesn’t know what he has done to deserve this animosity, and Lu Han wants to sob when he turns to look at Victoria with the saddest face on earth. His head swings back when Victoria starts flexing her neck muscles in a threatening manner though.
“W-what do you think?” Lu Han tries again, the glower quickly slipping from his face in panic. He’s stammering, but just a little and Victoria nods approvingly from where she’s creeping in on them across the room. It might not be spring in full bloom but one can definitely see the flowers blossoming on Lu Han’s cheeks. He’s red cheeked but at least he’s not meanfaced and honestly, it’s just hard for Lu Han to un-cute himself, with his gentle eyes and soft smiles. His eyes flit up to meet Jongin’s before sweeping down immediately, long eyelashes batting like mini fans because he’s so self-conscious.
Maybe it’s infectious because when Lu Han next looks up, he finds Jongin blushing, too. Although he also appears a little confused by the switch in Lu Han’s attitude. “I like it but maybe we should look for a similar design in another color. White is just too common.”
“Yeah-h?” Lu Han chirps unsteadily, unable to stop smiling, even if he’s just smiling at Jongin’s feet. This is such a vast improvement for his BTC condition. Although he’s not sure if dumb actually makes for a better impression.
Eh, who cares because Jongin is smiling as well. Sure, he’s smiling at the buckle of Lu Han’s belt but, so? “Yeah,” Jongin says in his mellow voice.
Jongin and Lu Han look so cute smiling coyly at the lower half of each other’s body, Victoria wants to weep. Cute but useless, because that seems to be just what the two of them are doing. So she ruins the cuteness with a tuxedo. “Lu Han, try this out. I want to see how it looks when worn.” Glad for the interruption, Lu Han takes the tux and with another bashful grin, he flees to the fitting room. And there Victoria goes, thinking she’s the rightful bride around here.
“Shy,” she comments patronizingly to Jongin who just ducks his head because he’s mistaken that she’s talking about him.
★
Lu Han is on a high because he managed to talk to Jongin and even smiled at him. Nice play, Lu Han, nice play. He’s grinning foolishly at his reflection in the full length mirror while he’s buttoning up the white shirt and has just stuck his right foot into the black pants when the curtains of the fitting room are drawn opened.
Shocked, Lu Han just gapes at Jongin who stares back at him, equally taken back. His right foot is still halfway into the pants and he’s not sure if he should put on his pants first or draw the curtains shut. In a demonstration of true brilliance, he ends up doing neither. Thankfully, Jongin still has his wits with him and he pulls the curtains close with a swish.
“I’m sorry,” Jongin calls out loudly from behind the curtains and Lu Han starts silent screaming into his hands. He also wants to walk into the mirror and live in there forever. “Victoria nuna asked me to try on another suit and I, um, I didn’t know this room was taken…” his voice trails off uncertainly and unknown to Lu Han, that’s actually because Jongin has planted his face into the jacket of the suit. This is just as mortifying for Jongin.
In a flat voice, Lu Han says, “It’s ok.” It’s not ok. It’s the least ok of things but what else is he supposed to say? He chances a look into the mirror then and he’s now dressed in a white shirt, black socks, no shoes and red silk boxers with a dragon embroidered on it, right over the dick. Nay, this is definitely more mortifying for him. Lu Han actually did try to walk into the mirror then but his foot just won’t sink in.
“It’s not mine,” he blurts out.
Jongin lifts his head up from black velvet. “…what?”
“The boxers are not mine!” Lu Han cries. Then he waits, staring up at the ceiling for answers, heart pumping furiously, priorities scattering all over the place, pants still hanging off his right foot.
“Ok...,” Jongin murmurs because there’s no appropriate response to that and he didn’t even get a clear look at Lu Han’s boxers. Lu Han is wearing boxers that isn’t his, what is there to say to that?
It takes a while for Lu Han to realize what he’s talking about. “Oh my God,” he cries out loud again, “I’m not dating the owner of this pair of boxers!” He announces his availability to Jongin.
Jongin hasn’t been thinking along the lines of anything much. All he’s trying to do now is to fiercely recall what boxers Lu Han has on, since it’s such a great deal now.
“It belongs to my flatmate.” Clearly, nothing can stop Lu Han’s mouth now, “he’s an ass and I hate him occasionally. I don’t even know why I have his boxers on now, I mean, we mix our laundry and it’s hard to care about what underwear I’m wearing, I mean, I woke too early this morning and this was just hanging out of my wardrobe, I mean, I don’t know what I’m talking about, please ignore me.” Lu Han crouches in a corner of the dressing room and starts a vicious cycle of self-pity.
“Are you going to come out of the dressing room, hyung?” Jongin asks after some minutes have passed.
“No,” Lu Han answers truthfully.
Jongin actually laughs then and Lu Han puckers his brows. “What’s so funny?” he sulks, still squatting pant-less in the dressing room.
“It’s nothing, I didn’t see anything, really,” Jongin replies, because he doesn’t think his hyung would appreciate his comment on how adorably dumb he thinks Lu Han is right now. “Please come out,” he pleas to the curtains.
“I haven’t worn my pants yet,” Lu Han simpers to the ceiling.
“Hyung, please wear your pants.” Separated by curtains, Jongin coaxes Lu Han, who then crawls over to his pants and put them on.
“I have them on now,” Lu Han calls out when his belt has been properly buckled up.
“Are you going to come out now?”
“How about 2015?”
Unannounced, Jongin pokes his head through the curtains and he knocks into Lu Han who has been pacing around in the rather spacious fitting room. “Ouch,” Lu Han complains, hands going up to the sore spot, forgetting to be embarrassed. Jongin lifts his hand and it almost looks like he’s going to pat Lu Han’s head but he withdraws and his hand goes awkwardly to the back of his neck instead.
“You look nice,” Jongin compliments before he coughs unnecessarily.
“You look nice, too,” Lu Han says in a rush without thinking. Then he realizes that he’s now in a tux while Jongin is still in his wifebeater. He does look nice though.
They are smiling at each other’s lower half again because so shy, so shy. This is absolutely gross, so much so that Victoria is actually jealous. “How about some praise for me too?” She stands behind them dressed in a cream colored gown with the fancy train fanning out behind her.
“You look nice,” Jongin repeats, bringing his eyes up.
“You look nice,” Lu Han repeats, meeting Jongin’s gaze head-on.
They are still grinning, but in each other’s faces now.
“Disgusting,” Victoria remarks disppasionately while she slaps on her lacy gloves.
★
“I hate you,” Lu Han spits at Kris when he returns home that day, “and your mythical creature boxers.”
“The dragon one or the dragon one?”
“Both!”
“’kay.” Kris just boots up his laptop, logs into Renren and reads through the numerous messages left for him after a day of absence.
gege gege ^^
A new message pops up.
Lately, Kris is unaware of the existence of any other emoticon besides ^^.
Puppy, Kris types in reply.
sorry, i can’t meet you. it’s finals week
Anytime you’re available then. But Kris only pauses for a while before typing, A week later, after finals?
^^ is all Piao Canlie says, however.
Heaving a sigh, Kris moves the cursor over to Canlie’s ^^ and highlights it.
^^
Then he heaves another sigh and taps the mouse.
^^
Maybe the answers to all the mysteries in the world lie within that emotion. Maybe there’s a need to decipher the deeper meaning behind smiley eyes. Because that’s exactly what Kris seems to be able to do lately. He didn’t mean for this to happen. Sometimes he drops messages to followers and Piao Canlie just happened to be one of them that day. But smiley eyes are so adorable and the outbursts of ‘gege’s that are annoying at first, become endearing at an alarmingly fast rate and by the time Kris has saved all of Canlie’s Renren’s pictures, he finds himself responding to nothing but gege. Puppy love is so gross.
“What are you, Puppy?” asks Kris, as he jabs the profile picture of Piao Canlie with his index finger. But Puppy just continues smiling at him through the screen. Kris pokes him again and again with unspeakable grudge.
Just then, Lu Han saunters over to the living room after changing out his clothes and delivers a flying kick to Kris’ butt. “Roll over, lovesick ass, you’re sitting on the remote control.”
And that’s exactly what best friends are for.
★
Planning a wedding can sometimes be the shittiest job in the world, maybe that’s why it causes people to become asses (pun intended). On the surface, Jongin looks mellow enough but his push for perfection is relentless and Lu Han often has to act as the middle person between him and the hotel management. PR is important for wedding planners since it often gets them discounts and bumps up any waiting list, he tells Jongin who nods seriously and learns how to compromise.
Jongin has sort of become Lu Han’s apprentice, saying he wants to learn as much as possible from his hyung. On the other hand, Lu Han is still useless so Victoria helps him say yes. Hence, Jongin sometimes tags along when Lu Han makes his runs visiting the hotel ballroom ensuring that the decorations are up just the way he wants it, or going over the final design of the invitation cards, and even helping Lu Han to select flowers for the occasion. Lu Han has more experience but it hinders him back from exploring new ideas and that’s where Jongin contributes, by offering fresh insights. Lu Han has to pull him back sometimes, however, because most people prefer to be conventional and just want something romantically clichéd. Whatever that means.
The unfortunate incident at Trippy Aisle acts as a nice icebreaker but getting to know the crush is still a strange process. Especially during the beginning when there are times Lu Han forgets and jokes easily with Jongin as if they were friends instead, and the jitters cool as quickly as fireworks. But there are those quiet moments when they work and Lu Han cannot help but peek at Jongin, hoping that his bangs will hide his eyes. This is when excitement blankets onto skin, the world shrinks until all Lu Han’s vision can hold is Jongin and his heart gets heavier as he remembers then, that Jongin is not a friend. It is confusing and it bothers Lu Han, but he is happy.
This day, they are meeting in Myeongdong because Lu Han has to get some stuff for the wedding. At first, Lu Han declined Jongin’s offer to come along because it’s a Sunday and his rightful day off.
“Go out with your girlfriend instead,” Lu Han said with fake nonchalance. That little hypocrite.
“I don’t have one,” replied Jongin.
“Oh, that’s too bad!” Although Lu Han was smiling like spring just blown up in his face and what he wanted to shout was actually excellent!
Then he declines Jongin’s offer a second time because he really is a little hypocrite.
“It’s alright, I can manage, I’ve been doing this by myself for some time already,” Lu Han insisted.
“I have nothing to do, let me help you, hyung.”
“Just enjoy your Sunday.”
“Well, if you really think it’s ok …”
Following Jongin’s words was a brief period of suppressed silence that suggested in no uncertain way that it really wasn’t quite ok.
“Hyung, I’m coming.”
“Thank you, Jonginnie.”
So there Jongin is, waiting right outside the exit of Myeongdong metro station, giving Lu Han a small smile as he jogs over.
“Hey!” Lu Han calls out even before he reaches Jongin. Then he stops running abruptly and slaps a hand over his mouth because he didn’t mean to be so loud. Jongin laughs at the surprised look on Lu Han’s face. It goes without saying then, that Lu Han has to laugh, too. Laughter is a very contagious thing to him. It’s a little strange for two boys to be laughing at each other across the street in the middle of Myeongdong with the shopping crowd between them, especially when there’s really nothing funny going on. But Jongin and Lu Han seem to do this a lot, anyway.
“Hey!” Jongin shouts right back. A girl turns back to stare at him and Lu Han laughs even harder. Come here, he mouths exaggeratedly and Jongin begins to run to him instead. The Myeongdong crowd is vicious and Lu Han smiles while he watches Jongin fight his way to him, his eyes lowering a little in embarrassment when he realizes he’s smiling way too bright. But there’s just too much euphoria in this moment and he soon gives in. Lu Han lifts his head up and gives Jongin a huge grin when he finally reaches him. He has a feeling he’d get a dozen more wrinkles after today. But no one’s counting, especially not Lu Han.
After blinking dazedly for a short while, Jongin reciprocates with a grin of his own too.
Then they proceed to do everything except buying wedding stuff.
★