take your dog for a walk (even if you don't have one); 2/2
★
The AGM comes to a close and Sehun discovers that working adults have no other way to celebrate good news other than to get themselves plastered.
“Is he legal yet?” Yifan asks on the way to the club.
Lu Han beams and drags Sehun over with one arm over his shoulder. “Eighteen as of last April,” he declares proudly as if Sehun were his son. Yifan scans Sehun from head-to-toe and he reciprocates with a squirm. “What?” asks Lu Han defensively. But Yifan only shrugs and engages Yixing in conversation.
When they reached the club though, Lu Han takes it upon himself to help Sehun block off all the toasts. “Only eighteen! Only eighteen!” he squawks like a mother hen and downs the drinks that are offered to Sehun.
Sehun refrains from telling Lu Han that he has been drinking badass soju since sixteen because he rather enjoys being the focus of his attention. But it soon becomes obvious that Lu Han holds his liquor like a two year old. “Sehunnnn,” he draws out Sehun’s name into Sehun’s ear while he’s on Sehun’s lap. Whatever happened to ‘Maknae’? “Sehunnnn.” OK, like, this is a bit uncomfortable because Lu Han fits perfectly against his chest and oh, there’s a face buried in his neck. Again. But really, it is uncomfortable because Yifan is starting to stare. Pushing Lu Han off his lap, Sehun says in a flush, “I think you’re drunk.” As if it isn’t obvious from the way Lu Han has flopped over the couch like a dead fish once Sehun-support has been detached from him.
But no, Lu Han says he’s not drunk even if he’s shelling peanuts while he’s lying on his stomach and throwing them at clubbers who happen to walk past their table. Total normal undrunk behavior, of course. “Sehun.” His name isn’t drawn out. “Huh?” Sehun crouches over to hear Lu Han over the loud blaring music. The deer’s eyes are shiny with moisture. “I want to go to the loo,” he pouts.
For the love of Animal Planet and all the- “The loo is right over there,” Sehun instructs, a finger pointing firmly in the direction of the gents which is vaguely visible over a hundred bobbing heads. “Pretty sure you won’t get lost.” Lu Han mock cries but Sehun ignores him because Sehun + Drunk Lu Han + Locked Cubicle = Not Good (although no one requested that Sehun locks himself up with Lu Han).
“Are you sure?” asks Yifan, who has slithered up to Sehun to watch a stumbling Lu Han makes his way across the dark room. This is uncomfortable too. Well, he was uncomfortable just now but there’s uncomfortable and then there’s uncomfortable. He has never really talked to Yifan before on account of the fact that he uses his many centimeters in a very intimidating way and he sometimes look over at Lu Han and Sehun like he knows what’s going on. What a c r e e p .
“Umm what?” asks Sehun,
“You know what the girls call Lu Han behind his back, right?” asks Yifan as he settles back in his seat and tips the shot glass to his lips. “Bambi, prey in the natural world,” Yifan answers his own question. He swirls his glass and amber liquid sloshes out from the glass and onto his hand. “Oh deer,” he whispers, licking the back of his hand and flicking Sehun a gaze. In a flash, Sehun shoots up and stalks across the room, pushing people aside as he tries to find Lu Han.
★
He discovers Lu Han leaning against a pillar, smiling dreamily at a stranger who’s angling in way too close to Lu Han’s face for his intent to be innocent. Sehun runs over and pulls the man’s hands off Lu Han’s waist.
“Oh,” Lu Han says, confusion stamped on his face. He looks at the stranger and slurs, “Yooou’re not Sehunnnn, thisss Sehunn.” The man gives a sheepish look at Sehun and wanders off. Exasperated, Sehun turns back to Lu Han who just continues smiling in that infuriating way of his. “Sehun, Sehun, Sehun ah,” he keeps repeating.
“Hey, hey,” Sehun says, one hand patting the right side of Lu Han’s face and trying to get him to focus. But Lu Han misinterprets and he mirrors Sehun’s gesture, hands slide over Sehun’s face and begins to draw him in.
Shit, no. Sehun quickly backs off, he puts his hands on Lu Han’s shoulders and pushes. But Lu Han has already tipped his head to close the distance between them. And then there are warm open lips sliding across Sehun’s own, soft puffs of breath skidding across his cheek which Lu Han is still stroking with his thumb. Sehun wants to rub Lu Han’s touch into his skin. Lu Han kisses with his eyes closed and Sehun’s lids soon flutter shut too. The edges of reality start to curl up. They both lose themselves to the intimate moment.
A tongue runs along the seam of Sehun’s lips and he opens his mouth. Sehun doesn’t know what Lu Han has been drinking but his taste is sweet. Mid-kiss, Lu Han makes a small sound that Sehun eats up. His hands move to Lu Han’s hips and press him back into the pillar while he leans right into the kiss.
Breaking off the kiss for air, Lu Han buries his face into Sehun’s neck and starts panting. His lips are swollen from kissing and his eyes have dropped to half-mast and fuck, Sehun slides a hand into Lu Han’s hair and pulls him a little upright against the pillar. He sucks on Lu Han’s earlobe and elicits a gasp from him before licking a slow path back to his lips. His tongue slides into Lu Han’s mouth and he can feel hands sliding down the front of his shirt. Hitching on his breath, Sehun moves away to slow things down a bit but Lu Han follows the kiss and Sehun’s restraints crack around its edges. He pushes Lu Han against the pillar and kisses him hard, lips sliding alongside Lu Han’s opened mouth, hands trailing down his thighs.
They kiss for what might be five minutes or an hour. Who cares? Sehun presses a kiss onto the corner of Lu Han’s mouth and brushes his nose against the softness of his cheek. He lifts some of his weight off of Lu Han and sees his eyes flicker open at the sudden lack of contact. He looks…..not quite drunk. Or at least not quite drunk enough to continue kissing. Damn. Maybe he’s still incoherent. Maybe he doesn’t know it’s Sehun who has been all over him. Maybe they can forget this shit because it isn’t planned and Sehun needs time to deal with post-kissing reality.
“Se…hun?”
OK.
Maybe not.
★
They ended up in the same cab because Minseok insists that Sehun is Lu Han’s favorite intern and hence, should be tasked to send him home. That stupid pau.
No one has spoken for the last thirty minutes and in that space of time, Sehun draws up this fantasy where no one speaks forever and he never needs to handle all the ‘Why’s. It is a great fantasy and he pushes it to overdrive by feigning death on the cab with Lu Han draped all over his shoulders. But that’s alright because he’s pretending that Lu Han is a really big golden retriever who never barks and likes to swim in the lake by the castle when it’s summer. Unfortunately, they arrive at Lu Han’s house and someone has to carry him up because alcohol has turned Lu Han’s legs into jelly.
Sehun makes his way up the familiar stairs to Lu Han’s apartment with him on his back. He wonders if this was how Lu Han carried him when he was down with fever the other night. Settling Lu Han against the door, Sehun is patting his pockets down for the key when Lu Han finally utters, “I’m sorry.”
Sehun freezes. “For what?” he manages to say, tone a bit too light to mean it.
Lu Han’s head droops. “…for assaulting you.”
“You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Sehun brashly because he knows Lu Han knows exactly what he’s on. They both know Lu Han initiated the kiss but Sehun was the one who had been pushing it. And it’s all Lu Han’s fault now apparently.
“You’re eighteen, Sehun,” Lu Han’s half-lidded eyes dart over Sehun’s unlined face and he tries to introduce wrinkles into it by scowling unnecessarily. Lu Han takes this the wrong way. “I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten you are so young…”
Sehun panics. The timing is all messed up. If Lu Han even knows how nerve-wrecking this is for Sehun, maybe he will turn back into the Lu Han who comforted him when he was sick. “Lu Han, I think I-”
“Go home, Sehun,” Lu Han slices through his words. He closes his eyes and leans his weight against the door as if he has just decided to fall asleep there and then.
Sehun turns and goes down the steps slowly, one by one. Then he sits on the last step for a long time, not getting up until the break of dawn.
Lu Han watches him walk off into the dark from behind closed curtains.
★
Sehun doesn’t know if he should be relieved or horribly sad that Lu Han is treating him no differently than before. It’s as if they have never…you know. On one hand, Sehun never wants to mention it again because he is mortified over his lack of control when it comes to Lu Han. On the other, he secretly kind of hopes things can carry on from there. To add on to his romantic woes, Yifan keeps looking at them with a I-Know-What-You-Did-Last-Week glint in his eyes.
Sehun is trying to feign nonchalance but it’s difficult to ignore Lu Han when he’s still so fucking sore. When Lu Han bends over to scribble something on his scheduler, his bangs fall into his eyes and his jaw goes slack ever so slightly, pink lips mouthing words that get lost in the empty space Sehun arranges between them. It’s as if everything has been set in slow motion. When Lu Han blinks, it seems to take an eternity before his lashes flit open. Time falls like a fool in love. Sehun clenches his pen so hard to restrain himself from staring at that profile that his hand shakes.
“Are you alright?” asks Lu Han. His voice is clear, it doesn’t slur anymore. There are no dreams in it.
“I’m OK,” mumbles Sehun, dropping the pen. He is always OK.
And it’s really aggravating Sehun every single time Lu Han calls him ‘Maknae’, as if he wants to emphasize the distance between the two of them.
“Help fix the photocopier, Maknae.”
“Maknae, get the client a cup of coffee.”
“Can’t you get the Maknae to help you instead, Minseok?”
“Eh Maknae,” Lu Han says when he plonks himself down on his seat beside Sehun. “We have a new assignment.”
“My name is Sehun,” Sehun replies without looking at Lu Han. He types away angrily on his laptop.
Lu Han picks up on this right away. “Hey,” he says gently, one arm going around Sehun’s shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
There are a million things that are wrong at the same time and they are all so painfully obvious that Lu Han’s question hurts. A lot. But his touch makes the fight go out of Sehun. He feels safe and loved with Lu Han’s arm around his neck, catching him in a half-hug. That’s what Lu Han does to him and it is so unfair.
“Don’t do this to me,” he says quietly, not even bothering to shrug off Lu Han’s arm. He has never wanted to push Lu Han away even if the latter is pulling out all the stops and barriers. His eyes are downcast and focused intently on the ‘G’ key of the keyboard. “Don’t touch me if you don’t like me that way. Do you know what this means?” Sehun finally turns to peer into Lu Han’s eyes. The pride in him hopes there isn’t too much pain in his own. “This means ‘I like you’.” His shaky voice trips on the last word.
“I’m not that young, Lu Han,” Sehun continues. “And even so, it doesn’t make my feelings any less real.” This is the first time they’ve revisited the memory. Slowly, Lu Han removes his arm and something starts burning on Sehun’s cheeks. He’s not so sure he can deal with rejection twice.
“Sehun,” says Lu Han, a little sadly. But that’s all he says. Sehun has no idea what the fuck that expression on Lu Han’s face means so he picks up his bag and says, “I need the day off.” Then he’s out of the office door.
★
“We’re closed,” Baekhyun says to the two of them when Jongin and Sehun walk up to the door of Teatime with Moose. Jongin peers into the café. Business is kind of roaring in there. He looks back at Baekhyun dubiously. Sighing, the café waiter leads them in to their usual table. It’s a dumb lie, sure, but Baekhyun always believes in trying his best.
“Would you like some crumpets to go with your peppermint tea, Sehun?” Jongin smiles sweetly from behind the menu when they have been seated.
“Shut up, I’m not broken,” snaps Sehun.
“Fine, I’m not good at pretending to be cute either,” Jongin throws down the menu. “Two cokes, an apple pie, one fork,” he says to Baekhyun who makes his displeasure at serving them known by clucking his tongue before he moves away, taking the long path to the counter and avoiding the table with Noodle Boy who’s waving to get his attention. As the café’s regular, Jongin is beginning to notice a pattern (happy waiter = Noodle Boy, sad waiter = no Noodle Boy, rude waiter who’s ignoring Noodle Boy = ?) but he prioritizes his friend above that of neighborhood café scandals. “So,” Jongin says and wait.
Sehun prods the clasp of his watch.
“Nevermind me,” Jongin says brightly. “I just really like talking to myself, is all. Very Zen.”
“He rejected me,” mumbles Sehun.
Uh-oh.
“Twice.”
They observe a minute of silence.
Then Jongin pushes his plate of pie over to Sehun. It is a poignant moment. Sehun eats it.
“Honestly, this is so clichéd that I can’t believe these words are coming out of my stylish lips but the best way to fix your broken heart is to date another,” suggests Jongin gingerly.
“I don’t want to date,” grumbles Sehun. He puts down his fork. “I still…” like him.
“Hey, no commitments. There’s this really nice senior in my fac and he’s a really great person. Funny and chatty. Helped me with my thesis crisis. I don’t know, just have dinner with him. Treat it as distraction.”
Sehun wants to say that he doesn’t like funny and chatty people. He likes people with a mean streak in them, people who don’t go all out to please anyone but picks up on small clues and extends a hand when needed, people who are offended by compliments, people who smell like passion fruit trees, people who, oh, whatever. “As you wish,” he mutters and resumes stuffing his face with pie.
★
Two days later, napkin shredder Sehun is sitting in a restaurant shredding napkins when Yixing walks up to him. He puts down his napkin in a bid to look normal. “Oh. Hi.”
“What a coincidence!” Yixing exclaims. Sehun isn’t so sure it’s a coincidence; this restaurant is too way off the beaten track for coincidences. “Do you have a friend who looks like Cha Taehyun? Too?” he asks. Yixing’s laugh is surprisingly boisterous. He doesn’t laugh cutely like Lu Han but it’s infectious enough. Sehun finds himself laughing along. “This matchmaking session is such a fail,” Yixing remarks and Sehun claps twice in laughter. The awkward small chat Sehun thought they would make isn’t really that awkward at all.
“Why are you working at the office if you’re a full-time student?” Sehun asks as he pulls the cheese off his mushroom baked rice and watches steam rise up.
“Pays the bills,” Yixing answers and digs into his carbonara.
“You’re working to support yourself already? Wow.” Sehun is impressed. He’s crippled without his daily allowance.
“It’s not really a choice,” Yixing says. “I didn’t know we study in the same university though. How did you get to know Jongin?” Sehun relates how in their common year, Jongin once fell and rolled down the steps of the lecture hall and Sehun was seated the closest to where he landed in that memorable Business Law BA108 lecture, so he helped him up to the first aid room and iced his bleeding lips. “But the swelling never went down. Look at his lips now.” They howl at Jongin’s past misfortune and go on to badmouth him until the restaurant closes and they’re kicked out onto the streets.
“What’s next?” Sehun asks.
“Coffee? I know a really cool café that opens twenty four hours around here.”
“Teatime with Moose?” Sehun mirrors Yixing’s grin.
★
Sehun catches the surprise on Lu Han’s face when Yixing scampers over to talk to him the next day. No matter, best to let him think Sehun is over him. He can feel Lu Han’s eyes on them while they set up a date to try out the new café in town that night. Yixing leaves after he claps Sehun on his back as if to seal the deal. Sehun has found out earlier on that he is almost as touchy as Lu Han. Almost. But not quite. When he turns back to Lu Han to resume their discussion though, there’s a most peculiar twist to Lu Han’s lips.
“Since when did you guys get on such good terms?” he asks as he files a couple of documents.
“You’re filing them upside down,” says Sehun helpfully.
Wordlessly, Lu Han looks at the stack of papers like he doesn’t know how they’ve flown into his hands. His recovery is quick though. “I know,” he says coolly and re-files the documents.
Shifting some papers aside on his pathetically small desk space, Sehun answers Lu Han’s question, “We have a common friend who introduced us and we went for dinner last night. Yixing doesn’t seem like it at first but he’s a good chat and he’s humorous too.” The corners of his lips tug all the way up as he recalls bits of their conversation.
“Ha,” Lu Han says and Sehun turns slowly to look at him because ‘Ha’ is an inappropriate response to what Sehun just said. That ‘Ha’ sounds like ‘so? I can do way better than him’, actually. But Lu Han has his back to Sehun now. ‘It’s rude not to look at a person when he’s talking’. Total bull.
Sehun opts to ignore Lu Han who is behaving rather strangely at the moment. He’d have thought he is sulking, if he didn’t know better. But he does. “I think we still need those documents for our discussion, hyung.”
Lu Han fumbles and drops the file. He swivels around in his computer chair to gape at Sehun. “Hyung?” he repeats, not making a move to pick it up.
Shrugging, Sehun retrieves the file from where it has been left to perish on the floor. “I’m the maknae, you’re the hyung.” He pulls out the documents Lu Han just filed and highlights a couple of lines on the first page.
“Fine,” Lu Han announces stiffly after a minute passes. Sehun looks up from his work. He thought they were done with the topic. But, “Fine,” Lu Han says again.
Sehun has an idea that things are not at all fine. But he lets it slide.
★
He really shouldn’t have let it slide.
Because barely an hour has passed after Yixing and Sehun settle to dinner when Lu Han sweeps in. A bit of smoked salmon drops out of Sehun’s mouth.
“Yixing,” he chimes when he spots their table, “I had no idea you guys were having dinner here.” Because Lu Han didn’t eavesdrop on their conversation earlier this afternoon. Of course not, what were you thinking.
They start conversing in Chinese and Sehun makes himself useful by eating half the smoked salmon salad. “Sit with us,” Yixing finally says in Korean (Sehun thanks Him for bilingualism) and pulls out the empty chair at their table for Lu Han.
“Oh, hi, Sehun!” Lu Han beams at him as if he has no idea he had been sitting with them for the past eleven minutes. He is clearly as significant as a pile of freshly spat-out fish bones.
“I’m sure Lu Han hyun-,” Sehun’s words are cut off when Lu Han’s bag slams into his shoulder.
“Oops,” Lu Han deadpans.
That is so not an accident. “Surely you’re meeting someone else here, Lu Han hyung.” That isn’t a question, it’s a statement. Sehun tilts his head and looks pointedly at Lu Han.
“Oh no, I’m so free right now.” Lu Han drops into the chair and crosses his legs like he owns the place. Sehun counts the years that need to be served in prison for murder and contemplates if it’s worth it. But then Lu Han laughs at something Yixing says and Sehun just can’t help it. He falls a little harder. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he looks down at his hands; palms opened, face-up. He’s already losing all the fights.
“Have you ever had someone confessed to you before, Yixing?” Lu Han suddenly asks mid-meal, while the other two are on the topic of train schedules, no less. There is genuine interest in his voice but Sehun who isn’t fooled by his act turns a sharp gaze on him.
Not sure why Lu Han is suddenly so interested in his love life, Yixing cocks an eyebrow at Sehun who’s smiling so forcefully that his cheek starts cramping. “Erm, not really. You?” Naturally, the question is thrown back to Lu Han who is fully prepared to answer.
“Oh, well, yeah,” Lu Han says nonchalantly. “Twice, actually. By the same person.”
Sehun hates Lu Han.
Sehun hates Lu Han.
Sehun hates Lu Han.
“So he’s your boyfriend now?” Yixing asks politely in a bid to keep the conversation going.
“No,” Lu Han shakes his head slowly, “a few days after he confessed to me, he hooked up with another guy and they’re together now.”
“Man, I’m sorry. That guy’s a jerk.” Yixing says sympathetically and causes Sehun to choke on nothing.
“You are right, he’s a total ass,” Lu Han says lightly and pops a cherry tomato into his mouth. Sehun’s tomato. Lu Han is eating his tomato while he’s insulting him. No justice. No justice.
Sehun tries to save his own reputation. “See, a man's got to have a few options. He can’t hang around waiting forever.” A frown crinkles Lu Han’s forehead. “You don’t expect him to wait anyway, do you.” Dropping his unsteady gaze, Sehun picks up his fork and starts eating everything in sight. Even if he can’t taste anything.
“How do you know?” Yixing asks innocently. Sehun wants to punch his face.
“Yeah, how do you know, Sehun?” whispers Lu Han. The words are meant for Sehun only. He looks up from his plate but Lu Han is already standing up.
“Sehun’s right, I’m meeting someone else. Thanks for the coffee,” Lu Han says, pushing his chair in. “Goodbye,” he says and smiles. But only to Yixing.
★
Sehun jabs on Lu Han’s doorbell angrily. He has walked all the way here from the café because he had been hoping that the night breeze would help to cool him. Unfortunately, it’s almost summer already and Seoul is hot as hell and Sehun is furious. No one is opening the door but Sehun continues to hammer away at the doorbell.
The door swings open after a few minutes of doorbell abuse to reveal Lu Han in his PJs. Apparently, he has just finished his bath because his hair is wet and sticking up in every direction possible. “Stop it!” he growls, throwing his towel onto the floor. If Sehun had been expecting a somewhat contrite Lu Han, he is to be sorely disappointed. If anything, Lu Han appears to be more wrathful than he is. And he looks so irritatingly adorable with his flushed cheeks, bare feet and stupid Pororo PJs that Sehun feels his ire climb a significant notch.
“What was that about?” shouts Sehun.
“What!” Lu Han snarls. “Oh, did I ruin your date?” He bites out with a shake of his head, sending water droplets flying everywhere. His eyes are narrowed, something like a smirk rips across his face. It makes him look almost ugly.
“Yeah.” Sehun jerks his head in imitation of a nod. “Yeah, you did.” His voice sounds mean to his ears, something’s drumming in his temple, driving all the anger in his system up his throat and spilling out of his mouth in the form of angry words he doesn’t really mean.
That shuts Lu Han up. He looks dumbstruck, eyes flitting everywhere but not really taking in anything at all. Then he moves. But Sehun isn’t done yet. He places a hand on the door to stop Lu Han from closing it.
He looks right into Lu Han’s eyes. They are still as gentle and brown as he remembers. “Why? Are you regretting it now?”
“Oh, come on.” Lu Han attempts his best scoff. “You’re not even my type.” But his gaze scatters onto the floor.
“You know what?” Sehun says. Too quietly. His hand falls away from the door as he steps away. Lu Han lifts his vision to Sehun’s eyes. His heart is beating too loudly for him to hear. But he still hears him in the closed corridor, where hushed words have nowhere to hide. “You’re not my type too. You’re too dishonest. You don’t say the things you feel. Your feelings are measured out in cups and you dispense them to people like servings of drugs. You get them hooked. But when they try to reciprocate, you freak. Well, I don’t want to play your games anymore.” Sehun turns to make his way down the stairs, he wants to run away from this but his feet are heavy when he lifts them. The drag of Sehun’s footsteps nearly kills the soft sound Lu Han makes. So he stops.
“No,” Lu Han repeats, more firmly this time. His voice is still clear, Sehun hates himself for hoping. Always hoping.
“It’s rude not to look at a person when he’s talking.” And Sehun knows he’s surrendering when he turns his head and sees Lu Han standing there in the doorway, skin so pale that he sort of glows himself, eyes too bright for it just to be the lights. He is beautiful.
“You are right, I,” Lu Han stops and tries to breath. He doesn’t realize he has been holding his breath. There’s a catch in his voice when Sehun takes the first step back towards him. But he tries to finish saying what he wanted to say that afternoon when Sehun got so upset he had to leave the office. “You are the intern, it’s not supposed to be like this,” he fumbles, hand sinking into his wet hair and messing it up even more. Sehun closes the distance between them with another two steps.
“But you say all those nice things to me and you care enough to notice things about me that others don’t. You think I’m good. I, I,” Lu Han stutters, “I think about you a lot. I think I’m scared. I think it’s better we don’t,” he blabs. Three steps.
“Then you went and dated Yixing like I don’t really matter after all. And why not? I’m not the good person you think I am.” Lu Han shields his face with a hand and tries to still the rush of emotions. “You’re messing me up.” Two.
“Do you still...do you still…” One.
“I can’t seem to say the right things. Something’s wrong with my mouth,” he frets and looks up. Sehun is standing right before him. “I’m not good with words,” says Lu Han worriedly and Sehun wants to hold him and ease his teeth off his lower lip. But he can’t be the one to initiate it. Lu Han has to do it.
Lu Han’s pulse speeds up when he realizes Sehun is not going to go all the way. He considers running for it again but when he looks up, his heart starts throbbing because Sehun looks so sad. Oh man. Oh boy. Oh fuck it.
“But,” he shuffles a small step towards Sehun, inhales deeply and finally claims him by looping his arms around his neck, “My feelings are real too,” he hides his face in the slope of Sehun’s neck and nuzzles it. The words eventually come. “I miss this. I miss you.” He hangs on tighter to Sehun. It’s all his fault. Never again.
Immediately, Sehun’s arms wind around Lu Han and he sort of folds into him, no longer needing the strength to stand. Sehun’s eyes seal shut against Lu Han’s cheek. He’s not sure why there’s more pain than happiness. But Lu Han is here and that's really quite enough.
Lu Han is trembling in Sehun's embrace and he soothes him by running his hand down his spine until he relaxes. He drops a kiss onto Lu Han’s temple and breathes him in.
“You smell like passion fruit,” Lu Han mumbles into the curve of his neck, not knowing it’s just his scent rubbing off onto Sehun. His lips press into the hollow between collarbones. This is bliss. It feels good to be home.
Sehun inches down to kiss him, but Lu Han instinctively tilts his face away. They freeze. Sehun’s grip on Lu Han goes slack. “No!” Lu Han shouts and pulls him back. Relaxing, Sehun places his arms back around Lu Han. “What’s wrong?” he asks, resting his chin on the top of Lu Han’s head. But Lu Han only buries his face deeper into his neck. “I don’t think I’m drunk enough for this,” he mutters into his skin.
Sehun laughs. “You are not shy, are you?” But when he pries Lu Han’s face off his neck, it’s bright red and he can feel Lu Han’s rapid heartbeat against his ribs.
“Oh God, don’t look at me.” Lu Han hides his face by leaning his forehead on Sehun’s shoulder. This is too cute for Sehun; he backs Lu Han into his apartment before he presses him against the wall.
As if on cue, Lu Han’s nice neighbor starts playing Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees).
★
dear diary
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
★
Lu Han insists on meeting the ‘skinny version of Cha Taehyun’.
So one fine afternoon, lured by the promise of free food, Jongin finds himself seated at Teatime with Moose with his best friend.
Someone floats into the café. Jongin whistles lowly. “Hey pretty,” he calls out to the cutie walking past their table, only to see him do a roundabout before dropping into the seat next to Sehun. They burst out laughing simultaneously.
“Hi Lu Han, I hate you already,” Jongin greets his best friend’s partner with a flat voice. Lu Han apologizes by ordering him more tart.
Taking a bite of his pear tart, Jongin looks over to the table in front and observes Baekhyun and Noodle Boy eating each other’s faces. The last time Jongin saw them together, Baekhyun had thrown his apron at Noodle Boy’s face before storming out of the café. That had been very exciting to watch. He had been looking forward to more of that but, well, things sure progress fast around here.
“If I ever see you guys do that,” he begins and turns back only to see Sehun whispering into Lu Han’s ear.
Lu Han is listening intently until the whispering evolves into ear tickling. Flushing and scowling, he pushes Sehun away with a hand on his chest because he still needs time to get used to affection of this kind, especially in public. It’s kind of different when Sehun was not his boyfriend. He doesn’t get red-faced touching his friends. This is just…different.
Very different.
Being with Sehun changes a lot of things.
But Sehun pulls him back by putting a hand on his waist. Lu Han swats it away but gives up after it keeps returning. He looks exasperated and very, very embarrassed, and keeps checking to make sure no one is looking at them. On the other hand, Sehun looks smug. He cocks an eyebrow at Jongin as if to say ‘Jealous?’
“You are gross. Vile. Disgusting. Rude. Uncouth. Offensive. Coarse.….” Jongin rattles off a list of impressive vocabulary.
“Shall we live up to our name?” Sehun asks Lu Han, although he’s already leaning in.
“No, no, nonono, wait,” Lu Han tries to escape but their lips meet half-way between struggles and he starts giggling uncontrollably instead. This is so adorable that Jongin interrupts himself with a snort of disgust. They laugh into the kiss.
“…scandalous. Vulgar. Shameless. Lewd. Unconscionable. Obscene. Profane. Eww.”
★
i dedicate the last line to this fic
edited > 11 may
legal age for clubs in korea is 19. meep
The AGM comes to a close and Sehun discovers that working adults have no other way to celebrate good news other than to get themselves plastered.
“Is he legal yet?” Yifan asks on the way to the club.
Lu Han beams and drags Sehun over with one arm over his shoulder. “Eighteen as of last April,” he declares proudly as if Sehun were his son. Yifan scans Sehun from head-to-toe and he reciprocates with a squirm. “What?” asks Lu Han defensively. But Yifan only shrugs and engages Yixing in conversation.
When they reached the club though, Lu Han takes it upon himself to help Sehun block off all the toasts. “Only eighteen! Only eighteen!” he squawks like a mother hen and downs the drinks that are offered to Sehun.
Sehun refrains from telling Lu Han that he has been drinking badass soju since sixteen because he rather enjoys being the focus of his attention. But it soon becomes obvious that Lu Han holds his liquor like a two year old. “Sehunnnn,” he draws out Sehun’s name into Sehun’s ear while he’s on Sehun’s lap. Whatever happened to ‘Maknae’? “Sehunnnn.” OK, like, this is a bit uncomfortable because Lu Han fits perfectly against his chest and oh, there’s a face buried in his neck. Again. But really, it is uncomfortable because Yifan is starting to stare. Pushing Lu Han off his lap, Sehun says in a flush, “I think you’re drunk.” As if it isn’t obvious from the way Lu Han has flopped over the couch like a dead fish once Sehun-support has been detached from him.
But no, Lu Han says he’s not drunk even if he’s shelling peanuts while he’s lying on his stomach and throwing them at clubbers who happen to walk past their table. Total normal undrunk behavior, of course. “Sehun.” His name isn’t drawn out. “Huh?” Sehun crouches over to hear Lu Han over the loud blaring music. The deer’s eyes are shiny with moisture. “I want to go to the loo,” he pouts.
For the love of Animal Planet and all the- “The loo is right over there,” Sehun instructs, a finger pointing firmly in the direction of the gents which is vaguely visible over a hundred bobbing heads. “Pretty sure you won’t get lost.” Lu Han mock cries but Sehun ignores him because Sehun + Drunk Lu Han + Locked Cubicle = Not Good (although no one requested that Sehun locks himself up with Lu Han).
“Are you sure?” asks Yifan, who has slithered up to Sehun to watch a stumbling Lu Han makes his way across the dark room. This is uncomfortable too. Well, he was uncomfortable just now but there’s uncomfortable and then there’s uncomfortable. He has never really talked to Yifan before on account of the fact that he uses his many centimeters in a very intimidating way and he sometimes look over at Lu Han and Sehun like he knows what’s going on. What a c r e e p .
“Umm what?” asks Sehun,
“You know what the girls call Lu Han behind his back, right?” asks Yifan as he settles back in his seat and tips the shot glass to his lips. “Bambi, prey in the natural world,” Yifan answers his own question. He swirls his glass and amber liquid sloshes out from the glass and onto his hand. “Oh deer,” he whispers, licking the back of his hand and flicking Sehun a gaze. In a flash, Sehun shoots up and stalks across the room, pushing people aside as he tries to find Lu Han.
★
He discovers Lu Han leaning against a pillar, smiling dreamily at a stranger who’s angling in way too close to Lu Han’s face for his intent to be innocent. Sehun runs over and pulls the man’s hands off Lu Han’s waist.
“Oh,” Lu Han says, confusion stamped on his face. He looks at the stranger and slurs, “Yooou’re not Sehunnnn, thisss Sehunn.” The man gives a sheepish look at Sehun and wanders off. Exasperated, Sehun turns back to Lu Han who just continues smiling in that infuriating way of his. “Sehun, Sehun, Sehun ah,” he keeps repeating.
“Hey, hey,” Sehun says, one hand patting the right side of Lu Han’s face and trying to get him to focus. But Lu Han misinterprets and he mirrors Sehun’s gesture, hands slide over Sehun’s face and begins to draw him in.
Shit, no. Sehun quickly backs off, he puts his hands on Lu Han’s shoulders and pushes. But Lu Han has already tipped his head to close the distance between them. And then there are warm open lips sliding across Sehun’s own, soft puffs of breath skidding across his cheek which Lu Han is still stroking with his thumb. Sehun wants to rub Lu Han’s touch into his skin. Lu Han kisses with his eyes closed and Sehun’s lids soon flutter shut too. The edges of reality start to curl up. They both lose themselves to the intimate moment.
A tongue runs along the seam of Sehun’s lips and he opens his mouth. Sehun doesn’t know what Lu Han has been drinking but his taste is sweet. Mid-kiss, Lu Han makes a small sound that Sehun eats up. His hands move to Lu Han’s hips and press him back into the pillar while he leans right into the kiss.
Breaking off the kiss for air, Lu Han buries his face into Sehun’s neck and starts panting. His lips are swollen from kissing and his eyes have dropped to half-mast and fuck, Sehun slides a hand into Lu Han’s hair and pulls him a little upright against the pillar. He sucks on Lu Han’s earlobe and elicits a gasp from him before licking a slow path back to his lips. His tongue slides into Lu Han’s mouth and he can feel hands sliding down the front of his shirt. Hitching on his breath, Sehun moves away to slow things down a bit but Lu Han follows the kiss and Sehun’s restraints crack around its edges. He pushes Lu Han against the pillar and kisses him hard, lips sliding alongside Lu Han’s opened mouth, hands trailing down his thighs.
They kiss for what might be five minutes or an hour. Who cares? Sehun presses a kiss onto the corner of Lu Han’s mouth and brushes his nose against the softness of his cheek. He lifts some of his weight off of Lu Han and sees his eyes flicker open at the sudden lack of contact. He looks…..not quite drunk. Or at least not quite drunk enough to continue kissing. Damn. Maybe he’s still incoherent. Maybe he doesn’t know it’s Sehun who has been all over him. Maybe they can forget this shit because it isn’t planned and Sehun needs time to deal with post-kissing reality.
“Se…hun?”
OK.
Maybe not.
★
They ended up in the same cab because Minseok insists that Sehun is Lu Han’s favorite intern and hence, should be tasked to send him home. That stupid pau.
No one has spoken for the last thirty minutes and in that space of time, Sehun draws up this fantasy where no one speaks forever and he never needs to handle all the ‘Why’s. It is a great fantasy and he pushes it to overdrive by feigning death on the cab with Lu Han draped all over his shoulders. But that’s alright because he’s pretending that Lu Han is a really big golden retriever who never barks and likes to swim in the lake by the castle when it’s summer. Unfortunately, they arrive at Lu Han’s house and someone has to carry him up because alcohol has turned Lu Han’s legs into jelly.
Sehun makes his way up the familiar stairs to Lu Han’s apartment with him on his back. He wonders if this was how Lu Han carried him when he was down with fever the other night. Settling Lu Han against the door, Sehun is patting his pockets down for the key when Lu Han finally utters, “I’m sorry.”
Sehun freezes. “For what?” he manages to say, tone a bit too light to mean it.
Lu Han’s head droops. “…for assaulting you.”
“You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Sehun brashly because he knows Lu Han knows exactly what he’s on. They both know Lu Han initiated the kiss but Sehun was the one who had been pushing it. And it’s all Lu Han’s fault now apparently.
“You’re eighteen, Sehun,” Lu Han’s half-lidded eyes dart over Sehun’s unlined face and he tries to introduce wrinkles into it by scowling unnecessarily. Lu Han takes this the wrong way. “I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten you are so young…”
Sehun panics. The timing is all messed up. If Lu Han even knows how nerve-wrecking this is for Sehun, maybe he will turn back into the Lu Han who comforted him when he was sick. “Lu Han, I think I-”
“Go home, Sehun,” Lu Han slices through his words. He closes his eyes and leans his weight against the door as if he has just decided to fall asleep there and then.
Sehun turns and goes down the steps slowly, one by one. Then he sits on the last step for a long time, not getting up until the break of dawn.
Lu Han watches him walk off into the dark from behind closed curtains.
★
Sehun doesn’t know if he should be relieved or horribly sad that Lu Han is treating him no differently than before. It’s as if they have never…you know. On one hand, Sehun never wants to mention it again because he is mortified over his lack of control when it comes to Lu Han. On the other, he secretly kind of hopes things can carry on from there. To add on to his romantic woes, Yifan keeps looking at them with a I-Know-What-You-Did-Last-Week glint in his eyes.
Sehun is trying to feign nonchalance but it’s difficult to ignore Lu Han when he’s still so fucking sore. When Lu Han bends over to scribble something on his scheduler, his bangs fall into his eyes and his jaw goes slack ever so slightly, pink lips mouthing words that get lost in the empty space Sehun arranges between them. It’s as if everything has been set in slow motion. When Lu Han blinks, it seems to take an eternity before his lashes flit open. Time falls like a fool in love. Sehun clenches his pen so hard to restrain himself from staring at that profile that his hand shakes.
“Are you alright?” asks Lu Han. His voice is clear, it doesn’t slur anymore. There are no dreams in it.
“I’m OK,” mumbles Sehun, dropping the pen. He is always OK.
And it’s really aggravating Sehun every single time Lu Han calls him ‘Maknae’, as if he wants to emphasize the distance between the two of them.
“Help fix the photocopier, Maknae.”
“Maknae, get the client a cup of coffee.”
“Can’t you get the Maknae to help you instead, Minseok?”
“Eh Maknae,” Lu Han says when he plonks himself down on his seat beside Sehun. “We have a new assignment.”
“My name is Sehun,” Sehun replies without looking at Lu Han. He types away angrily on his laptop.
Lu Han picks up on this right away. “Hey,” he says gently, one arm going around Sehun’s shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
There are a million things that are wrong at the same time and they are all so painfully obvious that Lu Han’s question hurts. A lot. But his touch makes the fight go out of Sehun. He feels safe and loved with Lu Han’s arm around his neck, catching him in a half-hug. That’s what Lu Han does to him and it is so unfair.
“Don’t do this to me,” he says quietly, not even bothering to shrug off Lu Han’s arm. He has never wanted to push Lu Han away even if the latter is pulling out all the stops and barriers. His eyes are downcast and focused intently on the ‘G’ key of the keyboard. “Don’t touch me if you don’t like me that way. Do you know what this means?” Sehun finally turns to peer into Lu Han’s eyes. The pride in him hopes there isn’t too much pain in his own. “This means ‘I like you’.” His shaky voice trips on the last word.
“I’m not that young, Lu Han,” Sehun continues. “And even so, it doesn’t make my feelings any less real.” This is the first time they’ve revisited the memory. Slowly, Lu Han removes his arm and something starts burning on Sehun’s cheeks. He’s not so sure he can deal with rejection twice.
“Sehun,” says Lu Han, a little sadly. But that’s all he says. Sehun has no idea what the fuck that expression on Lu Han’s face means so he picks up his bag and says, “I need the day off.” Then he’s out of the office door.
★
“We’re closed,” Baekhyun says to the two of them when Jongin and Sehun walk up to the door of Teatime with Moose. Jongin peers into the café. Business is kind of roaring in there. He looks back at Baekhyun dubiously. Sighing, the café waiter leads them in to their usual table. It’s a dumb lie, sure, but Baekhyun always believes in trying his best.
“Would you like some crumpets to go with your peppermint tea, Sehun?” Jongin smiles sweetly from behind the menu when they have been seated.
“Shut up, I’m not broken,” snaps Sehun.
“Fine, I’m not good at pretending to be cute either,” Jongin throws down the menu. “Two cokes, an apple pie, one fork,” he says to Baekhyun who makes his displeasure at serving them known by clucking his tongue before he moves away, taking the long path to the counter and avoiding the table with Noodle Boy who’s waving to get his attention. As the café’s regular, Jongin is beginning to notice a pattern (happy waiter = Noodle Boy, sad waiter = no Noodle Boy, rude waiter who’s ignoring Noodle Boy = ?) but he prioritizes his friend above that of neighborhood café scandals. “So,” Jongin says and wait.
Sehun prods the clasp of his watch.
“Nevermind me,” Jongin says brightly. “I just really like talking to myself, is all. Very Zen.”
“He rejected me,” mumbles Sehun.
Uh-oh.
“Twice.”
They observe a minute of silence.
Then Jongin pushes his plate of pie over to Sehun. It is a poignant moment. Sehun eats it.
“Honestly, this is so clichéd that I can’t believe these words are coming out of my stylish lips but the best way to fix your broken heart is to date another,” suggests Jongin gingerly.
“I don’t want to date,” grumbles Sehun. He puts down his fork. “I still…” like him.
“Hey, no commitments. There’s this really nice senior in my fac and he’s a really great person. Funny and chatty. Helped me with my thesis crisis. I don’t know, just have dinner with him. Treat it as distraction.”
Sehun wants to say that he doesn’t like funny and chatty people. He likes people with a mean streak in them, people who don’t go all out to please anyone but picks up on small clues and extends a hand when needed, people who are offended by compliments, people who smell like passion fruit trees, people who, oh, whatever. “As you wish,” he mutters and resumes stuffing his face with pie.
★
Two days later, napkin shredder Sehun is sitting in a restaurant shredding napkins when Yixing walks up to him. He puts down his napkin in a bid to look normal. “Oh. Hi.”
“What a coincidence!” Yixing exclaims. Sehun isn’t so sure it’s a coincidence; this restaurant is too way off the beaten track for coincidences. “Do you have a friend who looks like Cha Taehyun? Too?” he asks. Yixing’s laugh is surprisingly boisterous. He doesn’t laugh cutely like Lu Han but it’s infectious enough. Sehun finds himself laughing along. “This matchmaking session is such a fail,” Yixing remarks and Sehun claps twice in laughter. The awkward small chat Sehun thought they would make isn’t really that awkward at all.
“Why are you working at the office if you’re a full-time student?” Sehun asks as he pulls the cheese off his mushroom baked rice and watches steam rise up.
“Pays the bills,” Yixing answers and digs into his carbonara.
“You’re working to support yourself already? Wow.” Sehun is impressed. He’s crippled without his daily allowance.
“It’s not really a choice,” Yixing says. “I didn’t know we study in the same university though. How did you get to know Jongin?” Sehun relates how in their common year, Jongin once fell and rolled down the steps of the lecture hall and Sehun was seated the closest to where he landed in that memorable Business Law BA108 lecture, so he helped him up to the first aid room and iced his bleeding lips. “But the swelling never went down. Look at his lips now.” They howl at Jongin’s past misfortune and go on to badmouth him until the restaurant closes and they’re kicked out onto the streets.
“What’s next?” Sehun asks.
“Coffee? I know a really cool café that opens twenty four hours around here.”
“Teatime with Moose?” Sehun mirrors Yixing’s grin.
★
Sehun catches the surprise on Lu Han’s face when Yixing scampers over to talk to him the next day. No matter, best to let him think Sehun is over him. He can feel Lu Han’s eyes on them while they set up a date to try out the new café in town that night. Yixing leaves after he claps Sehun on his back as if to seal the deal. Sehun has found out earlier on that he is almost as touchy as Lu Han. Almost. But not quite. When he turns back to Lu Han to resume their discussion though, there’s a most peculiar twist to Lu Han’s lips.
“Since when did you guys get on such good terms?” he asks as he files a couple of documents.
“You’re filing them upside down,” says Sehun helpfully.
Wordlessly, Lu Han looks at the stack of papers like he doesn’t know how they’ve flown into his hands. His recovery is quick though. “I know,” he says coolly and re-files the documents.
Shifting some papers aside on his pathetically small desk space, Sehun answers Lu Han’s question, “We have a common friend who introduced us and we went for dinner last night. Yixing doesn’t seem like it at first but he’s a good chat and he’s humorous too.” The corners of his lips tug all the way up as he recalls bits of their conversation.
“Ha,” Lu Han says and Sehun turns slowly to look at him because ‘Ha’ is an inappropriate response to what Sehun just said. That ‘Ha’ sounds like ‘so? I can do way better than him’, actually. But Lu Han has his back to Sehun now. ‘It’s rude not to look at a person when he’s talking’. Total bull.
Sehun opts to ignore Lu Han who is behaving rather strangely at the moment. He’d have thought he is sulking, if he didn’t know better. But he does. “I think we still need those documents for our discussion, hyung.”
Lu Han fumbles and drops the file. He swivels around in his computer chair to gape at Sehun. “Hyung?” he repeats, not making a move to pick it up.
Shrugging, Sehun retrieves the file from where it has been left to perish on the floor. “I’m the maknae, you’re the hyung.” He pulls out the documents Lu Han just filed and highlights a couple of lines on the first page.
“Fine,” Lu Han announces stiffly after a minute passes. Sehun looks up from his work. He thought they were done with the topic. But, “Fine,” Lu Han says again.
Sehun has an idea that things are not at all fine. But he lets it slide.
★
He really shouldn’t have let it slide.
Because barely an hour has passed after Yixing and Sehun settle to dinner when Lu Han sweeps in. A bit of smoked salmon drops out of Sehun’s mouth.
“Yixing,” he chimes when he spots their table, “I had no idea you guys were having dinner here.” Because Lu Han didn’t eavesdrop on their conversation earlier this afternoon. Of course not, what were you thinking.
They start conversing in Chinese and Sehun makes himself useful by eating half the smoked salmon salad. “Sit with us,” Yixing finally says in Korean (Sehun thanks Him for bilingualism) and pulls out the empty chair at their table for Lu Han.
“Oh, hi, Sehun!” Lu Han beams at him as if he has no idea he had been sitting with them for the past eleven minutes. He is clearly as significant as a pile of freshly spat-out fish bones.
“I’m sure Lu Han hyun-,” Sehun’s words are cut off when Lu Han’s bag slams into his shoulder.
“Oops,” Lu Han deadpans.
That is so not an accident. “Surely you’re meeting someone else here, Lu Han hyung.” That isn’t a question, it’s a statement. Sehun tilts his head and looks pointedly at Lu Han.
“Oh no, I’m so free right now.” Lu Han drops into the chair and crosses his legs like he owns the place. Sehun counts the years that need to be served in prison for murder and contemplates if it’s worth it. But then Lu Han laughs at something Yixing says and Sehun just can’t help it. He falls a little harder. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he looks down at his hands; palms opened, face-up. He’s already losing all the fights.
“Have you ever had someone confessed to you before, Yixing?” Lu Han suddenly asks mid-meal, while the other two are on the topic of train schedules, no less. There is genuine interest in his voice but Sehun who isn’t fooled by his act turns a sharp gaze on him.
Not sure why Lu Han is suddenly so interested in his love life, Yixing cocks an eyebrow at Sehun who’s smiling so forcefully that his cheek starts cramping. “Erm, not really. You?” Naturally, the question is thrown back to Lu Han who is fully prepared to answer.
“Oh, well, yeah,” Lu Han says nonchalantly. “Twice, actually. By the same person.”
Sehun hates Lu Han.
Sehun hates Lu Han.
Sehun hates Lu Han.
“So he’s your boyfriend now?” Yixing asks politely in a bid to keep the conversation going.
“No,” Lu Han shakes his head slowly, “a few days after he confessed to me, he hooked up with another guy and they’re together now.”
“Man, I’m sorry. That guy’s a jerk.” Yixing says sympathetically and causes Sehun to choke on nothing.
“You are right, he’s a total ass,” Lu Han says lightly and pops a cherry tomato into his mouth. Sehun’s tomato. Lu Han is eating his tomato while he’s insulting him. No justice. No justice.
Sehun tries to save his own reputation. “See, a man's got to have a few options. He can’t hang around waiting forever.” A frown crinkles Lu Han’s forehead. “You don’t expect him to wait anyway, do you.” Dropping his unsteady gaze, Sehun picks up his fork and starts eating everything in sight. Even if he can’t taste anything.
“How do you know?” Yixing asks innocently. Sehun wants to punch his face.
“Yeah, how do you know, Sehun?” whispers Lu Han. The words are meant for Sehun only. He looks up from his plate but Lu Han is already standing up.
“Sehun’s right, I’m meeting someone else. Thanks for the coffee,” Lu Han says, pushing his chair in. “Goodbye,” he says and smiles. But only to Yixing.
★
Sehun jabs on Lu Han’s doorbell angrily. He has walked all the way here from the café because he had been hoping that the night breeze would help to cool him. Unfortunately, it’s almost summer already and Seoul is hot as hell and Sehun is furious. No one is opening the door but Sehun continues to hammer away at the doorbell.
The door swings open after a few minutes of doorbell abuse to reveal Lu Han in his PJs. Apparently, he has just finished his bath because his hair is wet and sticking up in every direction possible. “Stop it!” he growls, throwing his towel onto the floor. If Sehun had been expecting a somewhat contrite Lu Han, he is to be sorely disappointed. If anything, Lu Han appears to be more wrathful than he is. And he looks so irritatingly adorable with his flushed cheeks, bare feet and stupid Pororo PJs that Sehun feels his ire climb a significant notch.
“What was that about?” shouts Sehun.
“What!” Lu Han snarls. “Oh, did I ruin your date?” He bites out with a shake of his head, sending water droplets flying everywhere. His eyes are narrowed, something like a smirk rips across his face. It makes him look almost ugly.
“Yeah.” Sehun jerks his head in imitation of a nod. “Yeah, you did.” His voice sounds mean to his ears, something’s drumming in his temple, driving all the anger in his system up his throat and spilling out of his mouth in the form of angry words he doesn’t really mean.
That shuts Lu Han up. He looks dumbstruck, eyes flitting everywhere but not really taking in anything at all. Then he moves. But Sehun isn’t done yet. He places a hand on the door to stop Lu Han from closing it.
He looks right into Lu Han’s eyes. They are still as gentle and brown as he remembers. “Why? Are you regretting it now?”
“Oh, come on.” Lu Han attempts his best scoff. “You’re not even my type.” But his gaze scatters onto the floor.
“You know what?” Sehun says. Too quietly. His hand falls away from the door as he steps away. Lu Han lifts his vision to Sehun’s eyes. His heart is beating too loudly for him to hear. But he still hears him in the closed corridor, where hushed words have nowhere to hide. “You’re not my type too. You’re too dishonest. You don’t say the things you feel. Your feelings are measured out in cups and you dispense them to people like servings of drugs. You get them hooked. But when they try to reciprocate, you freak. Well, I don’t want to play your games anymore.” Sehun turns to make his way down the stairs, he wants to run away from this but his feet are heavy when he lifts them. The drag of Sehun’s footsteps nearly kills the soft sound Lu Han makes. So he stops.
“No,” Lu Han repeats, more firmly this time. His voice is still clear, Sehun hates himself for hoping. Always hoping.
“It’s rude not to look at a person when he’s talking.” And Sehun knows he’s surrendering when he turns his head and sees Lu Han standing there in the doorway, skin so pale that he sort of glows himself, eyes too bright for it just to be the lights. He is beautiful.
“You are right, I,” Lu Han stops and tries to breath. He doesn’t realize he has been holding his breath. There’s a catch in his voice when Sehun takes the first step back towards him. But he tries to finish saying what he wanted to say that afternoon when Sehun got so upset he had to leave the office. “You are the intern, it’s not supposed to be like this,” he fumbles, hand sinking into his wet hair and messing it up even more. Sehun closes the distance between them with another two steps.
“But you say all those nice things to me and you care enough to notice things about me that others don’t. You think I’m good. I, I,” Lu Han stutters, “I think about you a lot. I think I’m scared. I think it’s better we don’t,” he blabs. Three steps.
“Then you went and dated Yixing like I don’t really matter after all. And why not? I’m not the good person you think I am.” Lu Han shields his face with a hand and tries to still the rush of emotions. “You’re messing me up.” Two.
“Do you still...do you still…” One.
“I can’t seem to say the right things. Something’s wrong with my mouth,” he frets and looks up. Sehun is standing right before him. “I’m not good with words,” says Lu Han worriedly and Sehun wants to hold him and ease his teeth off his lower lip. But he can’t be the one to initiate it. Lu Han has to do it.
Lu Han’s pulse speeds up when he realizes Sehun is not going to go all the way. He considers running for it again but when he looks up, his heart starts throbbing because Sehun looks so sad. Oh man. Oh boy. Oh fuck it.
“But,” he shuffles a small step towards Sehun, inhales deeply and finally claims him by looping his arms around his neck, “My feelings are real too,” he hides his face in the slope of Sehun’s neck and nuzzles it. The words eventually come. “I miss this. I miss you.” He hangs on tighter to Sehun. It’s all his fault. Never again.
Immediately, Sehun’s arms wind around Lu Han and he sort of folds into him, no longer needing the strength to stand. Sehun’s eyes seal shut against Lu Han’s cheek. He’s not sure why there’s more pain than happiness. But Lu Han is here and that's really quite enough.
Lu Han is trembling in Sehun's embrace and he soothes him by running his hand down his spine until he relaxes. He drops a kiss onto Lu Han’s temple and breathes him in.
“You smell like passion fruit,” Lu Han mumbles into the curve of his neck, not knowing it’s just his scent rubbing off onto Sehun. His lips press into the hollow between collarbones. This is bliss. It feels good to be home.
Sehun inches down to kiss him, but Lu Han instinctively tilts his face away. They freeze. Sehun’s grip on Lu Han goes slack. “No!” Lu Han shouts and pulls him back. Relaxing, Sehun places his arms back around Lu Han. “What’s wrong?” he asks, resting his chin on the top of Lu Han’s head. But Lu Han only buries his face deeper into his neck. “I don’t think I’m drunk enough for this,” he mutters into his skin.
Sehun laughs. “You are not shy, are you?” But when he pries Lu Han’s face off his neck, it’s bright red and he can feel Lu Han’s rapid heartbeat against his ribs.
“Oh God, don’t look at me.” Lu Han hides his face by leaning his forehead on Sehun’s shoulder. This is too cute for Sehun; he backs Lu Han into his apartment before he presses him against the wall.
As if on cue, Lu Han’s nice neighbor starts playing Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees).
★
dear diary
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
★
Lu Han insists on meeting the ‘skinny version of Cha Taehyun’.
So one fine afternoon, lured by the promise of free food, Jongin finds himself seated at Teatime with Moose with his best friend.
Someone floats into the café. Jongin whistles lowly. “Hey pretty,” he calls out to the cutie walking past their table, only to see him do a roundabout before dropping into the seat next to Sehun. They burst out laughing simultaneously.
“Hi Lu Han, I hate you already,” Jongin greets his best friend’s partner with a flat voice. Lu Han apologizes by ordering him more tart.
Taking a bite of his pear tart, Jongin looks over to the table in front and observes Baekhyun and Noodle Boy eating each other’s faces. The last time Jongin saw them together, Baekhyun had thrown his apron at Noodle Boy’s face before storming out of the café. That had been very exciting to watch. He had been looking forward to more of that but, well, things sure progress fast around here.
“If I ever see you guys do that,” he begins and turns back only to see Sehun whispering into Lu Han’s ear.
Lu Han is listening intently until the whispering evolves into ear tickling. Flushing and scowling, he pushes Sehun away with a hand on his chest because he still needs time to get used to affection of this kind, especially in public. It’s kind of different when Sehun was not his boyfriend. He doesn’t get red-faced touching his friends. This is just…different.
Very different.
Being with Sehun changes a lot of things.
But Sehun pulls him back by putting a hand on his waist. Lu Han swats it away but gives up after it keeps returning. He looks exasperated and very, very embarrassed, and keeps checking to make sure no one is looking at them. On the other hand, Sehun looks smug. He cocks an eyebrow at Jongin as if to say ‘Jealous?’
“You are gross. Vile. Disgusting. Rude. Uncouth. Offensive. Coarse.….” Jongin rattles off a list of impressive vocabulary.
“Shall we live up to our name?” Sehun asks Lu Han, although he’s already leaning in.
“No, no, nonono, wait,” Lu Han tries to escape but their lips meet half-way between struggles and he starts giggling uncontrollably instead. This is so adorable that Jongin interrupts himself with a snort of disgust. They laugh into the kiss.
“…scandalous. Vulgar. Shameless. Lewd. Unconscionable. Obscene. Profane. Eww.”
★
i dedicate the last line to this fic
edited > 11 may
legal age for clubs in korea is 19. meep