Well...
So I had something of an emotional breakdown yesterday.
I suppose it was a long time coming. I've been having serious issues with my anxiety lately, so it's really no surprise.
Basically, I went to go to bed at about 1am last night, and when I got into bed, I ended up with a huge headache. It was the kind of headache that comes and goes, so I would start to fall asleep, and then the pain would start again and I'd be awakened again and it got to the point that I had to sit up because it just hurt so bad.
So I sat up in bed for a few minutes, hoping it would go away, and when it didn't, I got up, grabbed an Advil, a big glass of water and went into the living room.
And I don't know. I just started to break down. I sobbed for something like 45 minutes to an hour straight. I couldn't stop myself. And as much as it hurt my head to keep sobbing, it felt REALLY good.
I took a pause to blow my nose at one point and noticed that my headache had gone away, and just continued to sob my heart out. I turned on the TV, hoping that it would allow me to calm down a little bit. I ended up watching an old Disney channel movie that I watched as a tween. Cadet Kelly with Hilary Duff. As much as I didn't want to like it anymore, I did really still enjoy it. Ah well, I suppose I'm still just a kid at heart.
My kitten Artemis was looking at me strangely while this whole thing was going on. At one point, she came up to check on me, it was cute.
So, I eventually calmed down and just... sat and watched this silly movie until about 4:30am. Once the movie was over I resigned myself to bed because I didn't feel like watching Little Einsteins or any paid programming, and I ended up falling asleep quite quickly.
I felt so much better after I woke up. More at peace, less anxious, much calmer than I've been in a long time.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still having balance issues today, but they seem a little less concerning today after having just let myself go. As much as I've been upset lately and having freak-outs, I hadn't really let myself be truly upset about it. I hadn't let go and really allowed that emotion to come forth and it just felt so good.
I didn't sleep for too long, I fell asleep at around 4:45am and woke at about 10am. But even though I woke up groggy and still tired, I felt okay emotionally.
So yeah, that was my night. I'm glad that it happened, and I'm kind of surprised that it took so long. I'm still feeling a little bit vulnerable and weepy tonight, but otherwise I'm feeling emotionally decent.
As a side note, as I was calming down, I started having some cramping and before I went to bed, I went to the bathroom, and I'm having some breakthrough bleeding. I only have two more active pills in my pack until I have the inactive, so I'm just going to finish them out and see what happens. I know the first three months are the finicky ones, so I'm okay for now. If anything that's unusual happens between now and then, we'll see. But yeah.
Anyway, I'm watching Best Thing I Ever Ate, and they're doing cheesy foods. It's making me so hungryyyyyy. We need to shop a little smarter because Dan is paid bi-weekly and almost always we end up not having enough to stretch the second week out til we can go shopping again. So, hopefully I can think of some interesting things to do with chicken and fish for the rest of the week until he gets paid. I'm sure I can do it.
I suppose it was a long time coming. I've been having serious issues with my anxiety lately, so it's really no surprise.
Basically, I went to go to bed at about 1am last night, and when I got into bed, I ended up with a huge headache. It was the kind of headache that comes and goes, so I would start to fall asleep, and then the pain would start again and I'd be awakened again and it got to the point that I had to sit up because it just hurt so bad.
So I sat up in bed for a few minutes, hoping it would go away, and when it didn't, I got up, grabbed an Advil, a big glass of water and went into the living room.
And I don't know. I just started to break down. I sobbed for something like 45 minutes to an hour straight. I couldn't stop myself. And as much as it hurt my head to keep sobbing, it felt REALLY good.
I took a pause to blow my nose at one point and noticed that my headache had gone away, and just continued to sob my heart out. I turned on the TV, hoping that it would allow me to calm down a little bit. I ended up watching an old Disney channel movie that I watched as a tween. Cadet Kelly with Hilary Duff. As much as I didn't want to like it anymore, I did really still enjoy it. Ah well, I suppose I'm still just a kid at heart.
My kitten Artemis was looking at me strangely while this whole thing was going on. At one point, she came up to check on me, it was cute.
So, I eventually calmed down and just... sat and watched this silly movie until about 4:30am. Once the movie was over I resigned myself to bed because I didn't feel like watching Little Einsteins or any paid programming, and I ended up falling asleep quite quickly.
I felt so much better after I woke up. More at peace, less anxious, much calmer than I've been in a long time.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still having balance issues today, but they seem a little less concerning today after having just let myself go. As much as I've been upset lately and having freak-outs, I hadn't really let myself be truly upset about it. I hadn't let go and really allowed that emotion to come forth and it just felt so good.
I didn't sleep for too long, I fell asleep at around 4:45am and woke at about 10am. But even though I woke up groggy and still tired, I felt okay emotionally.
So yeah, that was my night. I'm glad that it happened, and I'm kind of surprised that it took so long. I'm still feeling a little bit vulnerable and weepy tonight, but otherwise I'm feeling emotionally decent.
As a side note, as I was calming down, I started having some cramping and before I went to bed, I went to the bathroom, and I'm having some breakthrough bleeding. I only have two more active pills in my pack until I have the inactive, so I'm just going to finish them out and see what happens. I know the first three months are the finicky ones, so I'm okay for now. If anything that's unusual happens between now and then, we'll see. But yeah.
Anyway, I'm watching Best Thing I Ever Ate, and they're doing cheesy foods. It's making me so hungryyyyyy. We need to shop a little smarter because Dan is paid bi-weekly and almost always we end up not having enough to stretch the second week out til we can go shopping again. So, hopefully I can think of some interesting things to do with chicken and fish for the rest of the week until he gets paid. I'm sure I can do it.