musesandlyrics | 2.23 No Doubt lyrics
2.23. And it's so sad,
It's too bad
Maybe I can make you feel better
Oh maybe I'm supposed to make you feel better
Dark Blue - No Doubt
Co-written with cameronpreston
[Follows THIS and THIS]
It was times like this that Cameron was relieved he was a social smoker. It gave him something to do with his hands when he wasn't sure what else to do with the rest of him. He was sitting at one of the outdoor picnic tables in the ground of Princeton Plainsboro after pinching a couple of smokes off Riley, who was the reason he was here in the first place. Apparently some sister of one of the nurses he worked with wanted to meet him. That alone had set off a discontent in Cameron. He wasn't in the mood to play the sports star card today, or be forcibly polite. In fact, he wanted to curl up in a dark hole somewhere and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist, especially after Pat got his claws out about the whole situation and left Cameron more confused than he had been in the first place.
But Riley had insisted that neither the nurse nor his sister was in it for the squealing fangirl wanting to keep his sweaty shirt or used coffee cup to sell on eBay sort. Cameron still hadn't been convinced and was even more uncertain, but he did agree to at least meet the nurse. Matt seemed like an okay guy, and just explained that his family were from England and fans of English football league, especially their Dad. His sister just wanted to meet him and say hello, then Riley had to go and point out that Cameron could probably use someone new to talk to so he didn't go nuts. 'Someone new', what the fuck? He managed to feel like more of a charity case after that, so he pinched Riley's smokes and reluctantly agreed to it. Now he regretted it. Regretted the whole thing. Maybe he just didn't want to be around anyone, especially new people. What was he supposed to say to her?
He cleared his throat and put the smoke to his lips, waiting for her to arrive. He was wearing his Liverpool strip, a result of the lingering homesickness. At least he had an excuse to get out if it all went down the shitter and she was a screaming fangirl. He was babysitting RJ that afternoon, Lachlan apparently tied up with something to do with his job and Tara not feeling well that morning. Cameron was happy to step into the babysitting role. The baby kilted one kept him distracted.
Mel was starting to feel like such an idiot. She'd had her big brother arrange a meet with Cameron Preston when the guy was suffering from a knee injury, and his brother was in hospital. God, she was so stupid! Of course he wasn't going to want to fucking talk to her. She was already blushing when she made her way to the meeting spot, her dark coloured hair showing up her pale skin. Currently it had grown longer again, framing her features. She was dressed in jeans, and a short dress over them, wearing it like a long top.
She felt her stomach tighten when she saw the football player, recognising him immediately. She kept chanting 'idiot' in her head, just wanting to turn around and run, and leave him to it. As he sat there smoking, Mel could almost feel the melancholy radiate from him. Why did she have to open her big fucking mouth? She should have just left it. Maybe she wasn't planning on doing the squealing fangirl thing, but she was still probably someone he didn't need to deal with.
"H-Hi," she stammered, her voice quiet as she clasped her hands in front of her, standing awkwardly as she still tried to work out if it was better just to bolt. "I'm so sorry about this... I shouldn't have--Matty didn't really have to--I'm sure you've got better things to be doing." At least she'd managed not to giggle, but she still had trouble getting her sentences out. She gave Cameron a small smile, her eyes darting from his face, to the ground, and back again. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she just wished the ground would open up and swallow her. "I'm Mel. Melanie Murray," she added for clarification. Just in case he'd arranged to meet any other pycho girls.
Cameron had looked up as she approached the table and as she started to elaborate on her presence, his forehead creased a little as he tried to follow her sentences. It was probably a miracle she even recognised him. He had lost that healthy look he had honed with the game being what he lived and breathed for. Without it, his diet had suffered, he was smoking more, and hardly sleeping. He hid it well, though. The tiredness was probably mostly just what showed through, but his eyes didn't have the usual healthy shine they had. Like Pat, his eyes were the first thing that usually betrayed him as to how he was really feeling inside. He held his free hand out to her. "Cameron," he introduced himself and then gestured the seat nearby. "Take a seat, I don't bite," he added with a hint of a smirk and put the smoke back to his lips.
Mel shook his hand, biting down hard on her lip before she tried to speak again. She let go of it, still trying not to be a drooling idiot. He really didn't look the same, and as she sat down she got a proper look at his eyes, and she felt something tug at her heart. She really did feel like she was intruding. The bite remark made her blush even more, and she let out a quiet laugh. "Unless I ask? Thank you for doing this, I know it must just be really annoying when you got some stranger asking to meet you. I didn't--I'm not trying to--Well, I'm not crazy."
Cameron smiled at her, shaking his head as he wet his lips. "I know," he told her, trying to reassure her a little so she didn't wet her pants. She seemed more nervous than anything else. "I've met a lot of people in my time. A lot. You tend to be able to know what their intentions are, and whether they're going to scream in your face or talk to you. I've met your brother. I didn't get the feeling he would be pushing the issue if you were going to be a pain in the arse. It's the nurse thing. They can't help but have a caring streak. At least, the male nurses. I have met some female ones who make my balls want to shrink."
At the mention of his balls, her sister's comment about his package floated back into her mind, and Mel couldn't help it as her eyes dipped down briefly to try and get a covert look at what he did keep in his pants. She was quickly looking back at his face, trying hard to maintain eye contact. Her shyness made it hard, though, her gaze still darting around a little. "Yeah, Matty's one of the best. I mean, he's new at it, but he's looked after me and Randy all our lives. I think he's going to be a great nurse. He's really stoked to be working for your brother. How is, um, Pat? And how's your knee? I'm glad you don't think I'm crazy, I wasn't trying to intrude on anything. Guess I just got a bit excited knowing you were here."
Cameron nodded. "Hey, Riley was singing his praises, and he pretty much calls it like he sees it. I can see Matt fitting in with the group." He dropped the spent cigarette onto the ground and stubbed it out with his toe. "He's doing okay. Well enough to bitch me out, which is usually a good sign. He's got some work ahead of him, though. He might be a skinny arse, but he's got a lot of fight in him. He's stronger than me most of the time. And don't worry about it, really. I could probably have used the distraction anyway. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be here, so it was good timing."
Mel nodded a little as she listened. "He's in awe of all you. He was so worried he'd seemed like a total dick when the Scot caught him hovering in your brother's room. I hope he does fit in with the group. It'd be good for him to have some friends at work. I'm glad your brother's okay. I understand how hard it must be. I'd be devastated if it was Randy. She's such a part of me. What makes you think he's stronger?" Mel's eyebrows went up. "You're going back to England?" It should have been a given since it was his home, but for some reason it shocked her.
"The Scot?" Cameron laughed and shook his head. "Lachie is a straight shooter. You couldn't get a better guy than him. He'd give you the shirt off his back. If your brother looked lost, Lachlan would have just wanted to help him by default." He scratched his head slowly and then rested his elbow on the table. "Randy? Sister? Girlfriend?" he asked, not remembering a Randy being mentioned in the process, unless he had tuned out and missed something. He hoped not, but he had been doing that lately.
He smirked. "He is stronger. Mostly emotionally, but he can take me down physically if he's well. You wouldn't know it to look at him. He's more female than most girls I know." He glanced at her with a nod. "Yeah, heading back when Pat get's discharged. Not much here for me to be sticking around for."
Mel smiled, starting to relax the more she talked to him. The nerves were easing off, and she felt like she could breathe normally. Maybe Matt was right about conversation. "I'm sorry. I don't know how you can do it - being away from Pat. I guess it's because you love football so much. Your whole life's in England."
She didn't elaborate on the Randy, so he didn't push it and question her again. Maybe it was just a friend. "It kills me," he admitted with a small shrug. "But we've always been chalk and cheese. That doesn't mean we aren't still the same person in essence. I mean, we were when we were conceived. He's part of me, and until recently, we used to stay in touch as much as we could, talk every day. Pat just thrived in his career, and I got scouted in high school. It was either break apart, or one of us had to give up what we loved, and life is a long time to sacrifice. We wouldn't have been able to know who should have sacrificed and who not. Just times like this, it's amplified."
Mel nodded. Her cheeks warmed again when she realised she'd completely missed his question earlier, her gaze having once again drifted below his waist. "Oh, shit, I'm sorry. You must think I'm such a flake. I just get really nervous around guys. I have no idea why. And I guess because you're you, it's kind of amplified. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. Just... I used to, um, never mind. Anyway, Randy's my identical twin sister. She still sports our natural blonde, while I dye my hair. I just couldn't bear to be without her. We still live at Mom and Dad's." She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling her nerves kick back into hyper drive. "Fuck, I'm such an idiot. Instead of giggling, I just ignore half of what you say."
"Will you go back to keeping in touch with him? How long will it take for your leg to heal? Maybe it's better to let it heal here, near your brother. Won't being with him make you more relaxed, and happy?"
Cameron tilted his head a little as he listened to her talk. "Why do you get so nervous? Is this a Mars Venus thing? I know it's easy to think we're a different species sometimes, but I can vouch for that species blurring sometimes. My brother is a prime example, so is his husband," he said in amusement. "If I took my shirt off would it balance the scales a little? I don't mean to make you feel awkward. Trust me, right here, right now, my mind is about as far away from Liverpool FC as it can get. My apologies, too. I didn't realise you were an identical twin. You probably more than understand how the record with all that plays."
He nodded. "I hope so. Things have been off-kilter with us for the past six months or so. A lot of has happened and we disconnected from each other. It hurt, still does, but we're getting there." He rubbed slowly at his head as she accidentally stumbled into the sensitive territory. "At least a year, if it can get back to it's pre-accident strength. It might not. Everything is in limbo at the moment. I've got a bit of a history that makes me want to get out of the US as fast as I possibly can. I'm homesick. I'll miss Pat like crazy, but I can find a bit of normalcy back home."
"I don't know. Matt and Randy asked me the same thing, and I just have no idea. I just get really nervous when I find someone attractive. Like a weird reaction, you know? It's not that I think you're a different species. I don't know what it is. I've grown up with Matt, and I do have male friends. I'm just retarded when it comes to guys I think are hot." Mel was laughing at his point about his brother, and husband before her eyes went wide and she started to make choking noise. "No! No, keep your shirt on. P-please. I couldn't--too much. Don't want to drool." She covered her mouth, turning her head away slightly as she kicked herself. "No, it's okay. I get it. Like you said, I know how the record sounds. Not like you had any reason to know, was it?"
She reached out in a moment of braveness and covered his hand with hers. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise. I really should just keep my mouth shut. Please, feel free to tell me to fuck off. I won't be offended. At least you know Pat's okay now."
Cameron tried not to read between the lines. He couldn't actually tell if she was trying to tell him he was attractive, or just bunching him in with attractive guys in general. He knew he didn't look like a horse's arse, and it wasn't foreign for him to receive love letters from fans, which often included marriage proposals and declarations they wanted his kids, but this wasn't the same sort of thing. To be honest, he couldn't remember having sat and having a conversation with a girl who wasn't either a good friend, or hitting on him. That had to be a sad state of affairs. Izzy was firmly left out of the equation. If he thought of her, he would explode. He had to laugh softly, though. "Just forget who I am for a few minutes," he coaxed. "Try and relax. Look at me. Nothing but a poor, injured bastard sitting in a hospital feeling sorry for himself."
He glanced down at her and just offered her a small smile. "You know, if you keep thinking you should keep your mouth shut, that's all you will be able to convince yourself you can do and it'll become harder and harder to actually speak up when you want to."
Mel was looking down at their hands, her heart pounding in her chest. For a moment she wasn't sure she could open her mouth, the nervousness threatening to overwhelm her. She found his eyes again, looking at him. That tiredness, and near emptiness inside them yanked her back. He would hardly make a move on her if he was so depressed. Mel wet her lips, and nodded. "I know, and I hate myself when I get so... um, nervous. And you're not so pathetic. Even if it does help looking at you as a poor, injured bastard," she siad, trying to tease him. She even gave him a warm smile, trying to take the sting out.
Cameron held his hand up with a laugh. "No offense taken," he promised her, catching her smile. "I know I'm hardly in top shape. It's amazing how easy it is to turn into a lazy shit. My physio doesn't appreciate when I verbally abuse him just for trying to keep me active. I don't think he intended the answer to his comment that I would get overweight to be 'Yeah, well, I just won't wear skinny jeans'. He got me on a bad day," he snorted. "I also was apparently getting in touch with the Pat side of me that day. That stays between you and me or my rep is ruined."
Mel had to smirk. "Oh, I don't know. You're not that overweight. And who needs skinny jeans? I always get worried they'll split when you bend over, or sit down. Doesn't matter if you're a waif like Matt. I figure it's his sex diet. You should think about getting laid, maybe."
"The no food diet really works. Just not very conducive for, you know, health," Cameron said with a smirk. "I'm banned from wearing skinny jeans because I don't know which fucking Levi 5 0 whatever the fuck I'm supposed to be wearing. I might give Pat a small stroke. His brain was probably bleeding because I wore green with red one day." He literally winced at her last comment and Riley's packet of cigarettes were dragged hastily from his pocket so he could light up again. "I tried that, and it got me nothing but fucked over."
"I'm sorry," Mel quickly blurted out, wincing herself as she rest her head in her hands. Shit, she was really starting to dig herself a hole, wasn't she? "I didn't know."
Cameron just blinked at her, chewing on his lip for a moment. "How would you know?" he finally laughed.
Mel pulled her head from her hands, peering at him. "Um... telepathy?" She dropped her hands away completely, frowning for a moment before she decided it was okay for her to laugh as well.
"You gotta relax," Cameron told her in amusement, and took a quick drag on his smoke. "Anyone would wonder if you really want the conversation to progress. Just let it happen. People will usually be polite in telling you if they don't want to talk about something. Apologising before it happens, you'll give yourself a migraine. The telepathy thing, well, in my experience of it, it doesn't come in full blocks of conversation. More like just feelings," he added and was smirking at her now.
"The twin connection?" Mel asked, turning to face him a bit. She didn't know many other identical twins, so knowing Cameron had an idea of what it was like was welcome. "And I know, I do! Just old habits, and all that. I'm working on it slowly. Just little bits. You should have seen me before... Randy got all the confident genes. I think I got all the shy ones."
Cameron blew the smoke away from her and nodded as he ashed the cigarette onto the ground. "Yeah, I generally know when something's wrong with Pat. I know when he's upset. I don't always specifically recognise that's what I'm feeling. It was the worst when he nearly lost his life a couple of years back. I was in the middle of a game and blacked out. I just thought I got smacked in the head or something. Weirdest fucking feeling ever." He shook his head, still remembering the whole thing clearly. The flight to America that night had been horrible. "You seem to manage okay when you're not overthinking things," he noted with a smile.
Mel reached out to give him a slight push as she got excited. "Exactly! I mean, me and Randy haven't had to deal with anything quite that bad, but it's exactly what it's like. Like an extra sense. Total ESP. Sucks you've both had to go through a lot. At least you do have each other, and it sounds like the group here are pretty good at stepping in and helping take care of each other." Mel smirked, smoothing her hands down over her clothes. "Yeah, guess that's been my problem lately. Too much overthinking means Meli doesn't get any for a few months. Not that you needed to know that," she added as she cringed inwardly.
Cameron smiled at her. "It's something I've had my whole life, and I wouldn't change it. Mind, at times like this, I wish it wasn't so overactive. It feels like I've had a constant headache since Pat fell ill, but it's more likely external stress than anything else. I need to be here until I know he's okay, so probably a week or so yet. But Aiden and his BFF are going to be with Pat when he gets out of hospital, so he'll be in good hands. Aiden's taken care of him from day one, no questions." He shifted just a little to reposition his leg as it started to twinge and smirked at her. "I can't say I'm much of an advocate for sex right now, otherwise I would urge you to go out and do it. I'll refrain from urging you to run screaming into the night as far away from it as you can get."
"I get that. I guess we're lucky neither of us is particularly sick right now," Mel relied as she tapped on the wooden bench lightly. "So you'll be here for a week?" Mel tried not to smile too much at the idea. It wasn't like Cameron would instantly want to hang out with her. He was just nice to talk to, and still hot. Plus she would want any twins to be together for as long as possible. She was certain twins always healed better together. "Aiden? He's Pat's... husband? That's good that he's going to take care of him. I mean, I know it must be hard on him as well when Pat can be fine, then get really sick. Matt was telling me about how MS works a little. I got nosy." Mel watched him, her gaze dropping to his leg. "Are you okay? Well, I wasn't really much of an advocate for sex, either. Just kind of got used to not having anyone. Rely on my hand, and a vibrator. Which, again, TMI, and I'm really sorry. I think my filter's not quite working between my mouth and brain. I think the screaming part only happens when you're having the wrong sex. Randy says sex with guy friends is cool when you know where you stand."
"A week, give or take. And yeah, Aiden's Pat's husband. They've been married for about five months or so now. I think." Cameron didn't want to admit what a fuckface he had been with Pat's marriage because he was still ashamed of himself. He took his wallet out and handed her a photo of Pat and Aiden that was taken at the last group thingo before Pat got sick. "Lucky bastard practically scored a Playgirl centrefold. Aiden's a rich bastard too. Everything Pat deserves. They're a match made in heaven, I swear. It's comforting. Pat didn't think anyone would want to be with him because of the MS. It's a hard thing."
He massaged his thigh a little. "Yeah, I'm fine. It just likes to remind me it's there regularly." He pointed at her. "Yeah, that right there. Knowing where you stand. It's important. Without it, it's a fucking lost cause and you'll end up getting burned. It's not worth it."
Mel took the photo carefully, studying it. Pat did look like Cameron, but he had been right. His brother was certainly a little more on the feminine side. She let out an appreciative whistle at the sight of Aiden. "Wow, he is Playgirl material. No wonder Matty's never going to have single friends. They'd all be snapped up in seconds. Guess I really will have to stick with trawling the bar for hopefully non-axe murdering cuties. I'm glad your brother found someone so special. I think it's important to have someone that's just as much the other half of you as your twin can be. Well, when you are a twin. Not like a substitute, just... a match. You know? Why wouldn't anyone want to? If he was straight, I'd have taken him. MS is just a part of him. You take the whole package, or you fuck off."
Mel handed the photo back. "Can I do anything to help?" She smirked a little. "Hey, I'm all for getting burned. It's just knowing how to actually arrange the whole... you know. Knowing where you stand. I can't just go up to a guy and be all, 'hey, fancy a regular tumble without strings?'"
Cameron laughed a little. "He's Pat's type. Pat just didn't see it at first through the haze of trying to warn Aiden off. When Pat first got sick, the guy he was with up and walked out because he couldn't handle caring for Pat when he was at his worst. It cut deep, and Pat couldn't help but have that stuck in his head as a measuring block when it came to dating again. But Aiden was pretty persistent. It's his nature, see. He's a marketer and publicist. He makes a living getting what he wants. He wanted Pat," he said, shaking his head in amusement. "If I knew of any single guys around here, I would definitely sing your praises. But they're all hooked up, as far as I know. But you never know. I'm told it takes you by surprise when it happens."
He shook his head. "No, it's fine, really. Just the joys of being injured." He cleared his throat and came to the end of his cigarette. As satisfying as it would be to smoke Riley's entire packet, it wasn't good for him. He was still an athlete under all the angst. "No strings? It doesn't happen. As soon as you sleep with someone, there's strings. You just need to know where to tie them. I just got screwed over by someone who was supposed to be no strings, and it sucked."
"But that's good, isn't it? That Aiden was so persistent. Sometimes someone else knows what we want better than we do. Aiden must have really loved Pat from the get go to go so far. I can't believe some asshole would just leave Pat like that. Guess he didn't have the balls, even if he was a gay guy. Sucks that that became Pat's yardstick." Mel's eyebrows shot up. "You would? Why? I've been such a ditz. Hey, it's cool. It's nice to know Princeton's gone back to bringing the hot guys back in. Guess I'll just have to hope I'll snag one before someone else. They're always taken, married, or gay."
Mel's expression sobered up a little and she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry that's become your yardstick. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, I don't think I'm ready. Not until I know the guy's something special, you know? It would be nice just to have some fun, and get laid. Get some companionship with the sex, you know? So I guess my strings are getting tied to friends with benefits?"
Cameron nodded and then had to shrug slightly. "Yeah, it was good. I was an arsehole about it, though. They were in Canada for Pat to meet Aiden's family, and they just decided on the spur of the moment to get hitched. It wasn't even technically eloping, it was just being on the same page at the same time after hearing some bad news about a friend. But I took it badly, and got really pissed off. It had just always been important to me to see him get married. I was a bitch about it. But like I said, they're made for each other. It was inevitable. It's just easy to feel out of the loop when I live in England and everyone else is here." He smiled at her. "You can't be that old to be so negative on finding love just yet. There's plenty of time."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sure companionship is great when you find someone. I hope you find someone. It sounds like you've got a lot of affection and love to give."
"I have an old soul," Mel answered with a laugh. "You were a bitch? I don't believe it! You're lying. I guess I know how you'd feel. I would be the same if Randy got married without me. No matter how much she would have been on the same page with the guy. I'd be... devastated. I'd probably be a bitch, too."
She looked at him, her tongue trailing over her lips as she wet them. Before she even knew what she was doing, Mel had leaned in to press her lips to Cameron's. She wanted to do something to make him feel better, to not make him so sad. Of course, even as she kissed him, she realised she was probably crossing all kinds of lines, and probably now making him think she was a lunatic stalker.
That certainly hadn't been the response Cameron expected. In fact, if he had time to sit and think of what he expected, this definitely wouldn't have even come into realms of anything he might have come up with. Reflexively, he kissed her back, and he didn't even know why. He didn't know her. He wasn't even rebounding. To be rebounding would indicate a want to get over what you were rebounding from, and he was still aching from the burn of it all. He didn't want to rebound anywhere. He stopped, and pulled out of the kiss, his hand coming to rest on her arm. This was the part where everything got awkward and she would likely have a small stroke because she was already all over the place with the guy thing. "I can't... really reciprocate anything right now," he finally heard himself saying, albeit apologetically. "I'm the last person you should be getting involved with, on any level."
Mel could taste him on her lips, and she was trying hard not to let it mean too much. She knew he didn't like her, especially when he was trying to warn her off. She hadn't really done it for her, though, and somehow it helped make it clearer in her head. "You looked like you needed it," she told Cameron quietly. "That's all."
Cameron wet his lips and briefly put his fingers up to them as he cleared his throat. Izzy had been the last person to kiss him like that, and everything just swirled around in his head again. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel being told he looked like he needed it, because it just emphasised in his mind that he was exhibiting more than he wanted to. He wanted to be able to build an invisible brick wall around himself so no one could really see how he was feeling. If he could do that, he told himself he would actually stop feeling it and it would all go away. Good theory, and all that. "Well, um... thank you," he told her. "I do appreciate the effort, it's that any consolation."
She watched him, her eyes flicking between his. Suddenly Mel pulled away completely, and she gave a nod of understanding. "Thanks, nice to know I get like a B+ in kissing effort." She held up a hand, letting out a frustrated breath. "I'm sorry, that came out as bitchy. You really did look like you could use the affection, and comfort... I just wanted to give you something. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have."
Cameron cleared his throat and offered her a small smile. Yeah, it did come out as bitchy, and it just made him want to withdraw even more. This was why he didn't need relationships in his life. Whatever the woman seemed to want, he didn't have available to give her. The story of his life. He scratched the side of his neck, a nervous gesture he had always harboured, trying to come up with a polite answer. "Was it really just one-sided?" he finally asked. "Or was it an effort on your part to get over your nerves with guys? Because that was kind of bitchy, and a confusing comment if it was solely for my benefit."
"It was... both," Mel conceded. "I didn't mean to say something bitchy. You've been nothing but great to me. I couldn't help it. You looked like you needed it, and I wanted to kiss you. It's been a while since I got through a conversation like this with someone I thought was hot. And you're hot, and nice, and sad. I'm sorry, Cameron."
Cameron hesitated but soon exhaled heavily. "I'm just out of a relationship," he admitted to her. "One that was doomed from the start, but that I invested quite a lot into because I didn't actually realise from the start it was doomed. I suspected, but I was deluded. And it turned into a huge mess and it just ended about two weeks ago. I just don't want you thinking my reactions here are something to do with what you're doing, because they're not. I promise you that."
"Guess my telepathy's on the fritz," Mel tried to joke as she smiled. "I didn't mean to step on your broken toes."
"Sorry I couldn't offer more," Cameron told her quietly. "Sad is probably a good description. It's spot-on to what I'm feeling, but I got quite hurt and I'm still trying to deal with that. It's just been harder having Pat sick at the same time, and harder because it's all left me feeling like a fool. But you're real nice, and I've enjoyed chatting to you, so cheers for that."
Mel held her hand out. "You're welcome. Thanks for indulging me and my brother in a meet. I'm sure you can find me if you wanted to talk again. I hope everything heals up real soon. You, your brother, your leg, your heart. I know it's hard, and I am sorry. I don't like seeing anyone sad, but sometimes we need to be to let it out and move on. I'm good at chatting. At least now I broke the ice."
Cameron pulled his lips to the side. "I'm sorry this sucked for you and was so awkward. I'm generally not like this, which is really going to sound like I'm bullshitting you now. It really was nice to meet you, and your brother."
Mel dropped her hand away when he didn't take it. "It's okay, I know. I kinda get that feeling about you, which is probably why I wanted to maybe help distract you. It hasn't sucked for me. It really was nice meeting you. Good luck, Mr Preston."
Cameron grabbed his crutches and stood up awkwardly. Nothing really elegant about him lately. He juggled them under his arm so he was at least eye level with her. "Can we forget the last five minutes?" he said to her, changing course when something told him inside to get his head out of his butt, which sounded suspiciously like Pat's voice. "Maybe we could get a drink sometime, before I head home. My apologies for having my head up my depressed arse."
Mel frowned a little, trying to remember what exactly had been covered by the last five minutes. She gave a nod, watching him as she tried to work out if Cameron was really offering to get her a drink, or if he was just being polite. "Okay, sure. I'd really like that. And hey, if your head's going to be up your ass, at least it's an attractive ass."
Cameron got his wallet out of his pocket, holding his weight on the crutches he had become so used to using now. He slipped a card from inside it and handed it to her, his official player details with the Liverpool crest in the corner. He hoped it would show her that he did trust her. The bastard would probably go for hundreds of pounds on eBay. "Ignore the landline numbers because they're English, but that's my cell phone and it still works here. If you've got a pen, I can write down the number of Pat's place, too. We can figure out a time that will be good for a drink."
Mel smiled as she took the card, the gesture not lost on her. She ran her thumb across the edge before reaching into her bag to fish out a pen. She flipped the card over, and offered them both to Cameron, moving a little closer to try and help him with the crutches if it made things easier. "Well, I'm pretty much able to do anything in the evening. Right now I'm working at a record store, and they only trade during the day."
Cameron gratefully handed her his crutches so he could lean over the table and write Pat's number out. He signed it with a scrawled 'Cameron x' without thinking, as if she would forget his name or something. Force of habit. He didn't even know what he was doing anymore, but he had enjoyed talking to her and maybe getting away from the hospital for a drink wouldn't do him any harm. He straightened again, taking the crutches back and handing her the card with a smile. "Try the mobile first. I'm usually here, but at the house during the evening when Pat needs to rest. If Aiden picks up, just ask for me. He's a nice guy, he won't mind. Canadian, it's in his blood see. The Mountie Syndrome," he said with a smirk.
"Thank you, I know you didn't have to do this." Mel gave him another smile, and tucked the card safely in her bag. After a moment, instead of offering her hand to shake, she leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Thanks again. I really hope your brother feels better, and I hope you do, too."
Cameron smiled at her. "Thanks again, too. You really did help me dig my head out of my arse, even temporarily. I'll speak to you soon."
Mel nodded, giving him a huge grin as she also gave him a little wave. "Any time. My pleasure." She had been trying for a smooth exit, but tripped over her own feet. Mel recovered, glancing at him from over her shoulder before she felt her cheeks burn, and her gaze returned to the ground in front of her. She'd just met Cameron Preston, and not only that - she had his number, she'd kissed him, and there would be drinks. She was already digging around for cell phone to call Randy. Her other half was going to get all the details immediately.
Words: 6585 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc verse
It's too bad
Maybe I can make you feel better
Oh maybe I'm supposed to make you feel better
Dark Blue - No Doubt
Co-written with cameronpreston
[Follows THIS and THIS]
It was times like this that Cameron was relieved he was a social smoker. It gave him something to do with his hands when he wasn't sure what else to do with the rest of him. He was sitting at one of the outdoor picnic tables in the ground of Princeton Plainsboro after pinching a couple of smokes off Riley, who was the reason he was here in the first place. Apparently some sister of one of the nurses he worked with wanted to meet him. That alone had set off a discontent in Cameron. He wasn't in the mood to play the sports star card today, or be forcibly polite. In fact, he wanted to curl up in a dark hole somewhere and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist, especially after Pat got his claws out about the whole situation and left Cameron more confused than he had been in the first place.
But Riley had insisted that neither the nurse nor his sister was in it for the squealing fangirl wanting to keep his sweaty shirt or used coffee cup to sell on eBay sort. Cameron still hadn't been convinced and was even more uncertain, but he did agree to at least meet the nurse. Matt seemed like an okay guy, and just explained that his family were from England and fans of English football league, especially their Dad. His sister just wanted to meet him and say hello, then Riley had to go and point out that Cameron could probably use someone new to talk to so he didn't go nuts. 'Someone new', what the fuck? He managed to feel like more of a charity case after that, so he pinched Riley's smokes and reluctantly agreed to it. Now he regretted it. Regretted the whole thing. Maybe he just didn't want to be around anyone, especially new people. What was he supposed to say to her?
He cleared his throat and put the smoke to his lips, waiting for her to arrive. He was wearing his Liverpool strip, a result of the lingering homesickness. At least he had an excuse to get out if it all went down the shitter and she was a screaming fangirl. He was babysitting RJ that afternoon, Lachlan apparently tied up with something to do with his job and Tara not feeling well that morning. Cameron was happy to step into the babysitting role. The baby kilted one kept him distracted.
Mel was starting to feel like such an idiot. She'd had her big brother arrange a meet with Cameron Preston when the guy was suffering from a knee injury, and his brother was in hospital. God, she was so stupid! Of course he wasn't going to want to fucking talk to her. She was already blushing when she made her way to the meeting spot, her dark coloured hair showing up her pale skin. Currently it had grown longer again, framing her features. She was dressed in jeans, and a short dress over them, wearing it like a long top.
She felt her stomach tighten when she saw the football player, recognising him immediately. She kept chanting 'idiot' in her head, just wanting to turn around and run, and leave him to it. As he sat there smoking, Mel could almost feel the melancholy radiate from him. Why did she have to open her big fucking mouth? She should have just left it. Maybe she wasn't planning on doing the squealing fangirl thing, but she was still probably someone he didn't need to deal with.
"H-Hi," she stammered, her voice quiet as she clasped her hands in front of her, standing awkwardly as she still tried to work out if it was better just to bolt. "I'm so sorry about this... I shouldn't have--Matty didn't really have to--I'm sure you've got better things to be doing." At least she'd managed not to giggle, but she still had trouble getting her sentences out. She gave Cameron a small smile, her eyes darting from his face, to the ground, and back again. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she just wished the ground would open up and swallow her. "I'm Mel. Melanie Murray," she added for clarification. Just in case he'd arranged to meet any other pycho girls.
Cameron had looked up as she approached the table and as she started to elaborate on her presence, his forehead creased a little as he tried to follow her sentences. It was probably a miracle she even recognised him. He had lost that healthy look he had honed with the game being what he lived and breathed for. Without it, his diet had suffered, he was smoking more, and hardly sleeping. He hid it well, though. The tiredness was probably mostly just what showed through, but his eyes didn't have the usual healthy shine they had. Like Pat, his eyes were the first thing that usually betrayed him as to how he was really feeling inside. He held his free hand out to her. "Cameron," he introduced himself and then gestured the seat nearby. "Take a seat, I don't bite," he added with a hint of a smirk and put the smoke back to his lips.
Mel shook his hand, biting down hard on her lip before she tried to speak again. She let go of it, still trying not to be a drooling idiot. He really didn't look the same, and as she sat down she got a proper look at his eyes, and she felt something tug at her heart. She really did feel like she was intruding. The bite remark made her blush even more, and she let out a quiet laugh. "Unless I ask? Thank you for doing this, I know it must just be really annoying when you got some stranger asking to meet you. I didn't--I'm not trying to--Well, I'm not crazy."
Cameron smiled at her, shaking his head as he wet his lips. "I know," he told her, trying to reassure her a little so she didn't wet her pants. She seemed more nervous than anything else. "I've met a lot of people in my time. A lot. You tend to be able to know what their intentions are, and whether they're going to scream in your face or talk to you. I've met your brother. I didn't get the feeling he would be pushing the issue if you were going to be a pain in the arse. It's the nurse thing. They can't help but have a caring streak. At least, the male nurses. I have met some female ones who make my balls want to shrink."
At the mention of his balls, her sister's comment about his package floated back into her mind, and Mel couldn't help it as her eyes dipped down briefly to try and get a covert look at what he did keep in his pants. She was quickly looking back at his face, trying hard to maintain eye contact. Her shyness made it hard, though, her gaze still darting around a little. "Yeah, Matty's one of the best. I mean, he's new at it, but he's looked after me and Randy all our lives. I think he's going to be a great nurse. He's really stoked to be working for your brother. How is, um, Pat? And how's your knee? I'm glad you don't think I'm crazy, I wasn't trying to intrude on anything. Guess I just got a bit excited knowing you were here."
Cameron nodded. "Hey, Riley was singing his praises, and he pretty much calls it like he sees it. I can see Matt fitting in with the group." He dropped the spent cigarette onto the ground and stubbed it out with his toe. "He's doing okay. Well enough to bitch me out, which is usually a good sign. He's got some work ahead of him, though. He might be a skinny arse, but he's got a lot of fight in him. He's stronger than me most of the time. And don't worry about it, really. I could probably have used the distraction anyway. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be here, so it was good timing."
Mel nodded a little as she listened. "He's in awe of all you. He was so worried he'd seemed like a total dick when the Scot caught him hovering in your brother's room. I hope he does fit in with the group. It'd be good for him to have some friends at work. I'm glad your brother's okay. I understand how hard it must be. I'd be devastated if it was Randy. She's such a part of me. What makes you think he's stronger?" Mel's eyebrows went up. "You're going back to England?" It should have been a given since it was his home, but for some reason it shocked her.
"The Scot?" Cameron laughed and shook his head. "Lachie is a straight shooter. You couldn't get a better guy than him. He'd give you the shirt off his back. If your brother looked lost, Lachlan would have just wanted to help him by default." He scratched his head slowly and then rested his elbow on the table. "Randy? Sister? Girlfriend?" he asked, not remembering a Randy being mentioned in the process, unless he had tuned out and missed something. He hoped not, but he had been doing that lately.
He smirked. "He is stronger. Mostly emotionally, but he can take me down physically if he's well. You wouldn't know it to look at him. He's more female than most girls I know." He glanced at her with a nod. "Yeah, heading back when Pat get's discharged. Not much here for me to be sticking around for."
Mel smiled, starting to relax the more she talked to him. The nerves were easing off, and she felt like she could breathe normally. Maybe Matt was right about conversation. "I'm sorry. I don't know how you can do it - being away from Pat. I guess it's because you love football so much. Your whole life's in England."
She didn't elaborate on the Randy, so he didn't push it and question her again. Maybe it was just a friend. "It kills me," he admitted with a small shrug. "But we've always been chalk and cheese. That doesn't mean we aren't still the same person in essence. I mean, we were when we were conceived. He's part of me, and until recently, we used to stay in touch as much as we could, talk every day. Pat just thrived in his career, and I got scouted in high school. It was either break apart, or one of us had to give up what we loved, and life is a long time to sacrifice. We wouldn't have been able to know who should have sacrificed and who not. Just times like this, it's amplified."
Mel nodded. Her cheeks warmed again when she realised she'd completely missed his question earlier, her gaze having once again drifted below his waist. "Oh, shit, I'm sorry. You must think I'm such a flake. I just get really nervous around guys. I have no idea why. And I guess because you're you, it's kind of amplified. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. Just... I used to, um, never mind. Anyway, Randy's my identical twin sister. She still sports our natural blonde, while I dye my hair. I just couldn't bear to be without her. We still live at Mom and Dad's." She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling her nerves kick back into hyper drive. "Fuck, I'm such an idiot. Instead of giggling, I just ignore half of what you say."
"Will you go back to keeping in touch with him? How long will it take for your leg to heal? Maybe it's better to let it heal here, near your brother. Won't being with him make you more relaxed, and happy?"
Cameron tilted his head a little as he listened to her talk. "Why do you get so nervous? Is this a Mars Venus thing? I know it's easy to think we're a different species sometimes, but I can vouch for that species blurring sometimes. My brother is a prime example, so is his husband," he said in amusement. "If I took my shirt off would it balance the scales a little? I don't mean to make you feel awkward. Trust me, right here, right now, my mind is about as far away from Liverpool FC as it can get. My apologies, too. I didn't realise you were an identical twin. You probably more than understand how the record with all that plays."
He nodded. "I hope so. Things have been off-kilter with us for the past six months or so. A lot of has happened and we disconnected from each other. It hurt, still does, but we're getting there." He rubbed slowly at his head as she accidentally stumbled into the sensitive territory. "At least a year, if it can get back to it's pre-accident strength. It might not. Everything is in limbo at the moment. I've got a bit of a history that makes me want to get out of the US as fast as I possibly can. I'm homesick. I'll miss Pat like crazy, but I can find a bit of normalcy back home."
"I don't know. Matt and Randy asked me the same thing, and I just have no idea. I just get really nervous when I find someone attractive. Like a weird reaction, you know? It's not that I think you're a different species. I don't know what it is. I've grown up with Matt, and I do have male friends. I'm just retarded when it comes to guys I think are hot." Mel was laughing at his point about his brother, and husband before her eyes went wide and she started to make choking noise. "No! No, keep your shirt on. P-please. I couldn't--too much. Don't want to drool." She covered her mouth, turning her head away slightly as she kicked herself. "No, it's okay. I get it. Like you said, I know how the record sounds. Not like you had any reason to know, was it?"
She reached out in a moment of braveness and covered his hand with hers. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise. I really should just keep my mouth shut. Please, feel free to tell me to fuck off. I won't be offended. At least you know Pat's okay now."
Cameron tried not to read between the lines. He couldn't actually tell if she was trying to tell him he was attractive, or just bunching him in with attractive guys in general. He knew he didn't look like a horse's arse, and it wasn't foreign for him to receive love letters from fans, which often included marriage proposals and declarations they wanted his kids, but this wasn't the same sort of thing. To be honest, he couldn't remember having sat and having a conversation with a girl who wasn't either a good friend, or hitting on him. That had to be a sad state of affairs. Izzy was firmly left out of the equation. If he thought of her, he would explode. He had to laugh softly, though. "Just forget who I am for a few minutes," he coaxed. "Try and relax. Look at me. Nothing but a poor, injured bastard sitting in a hospital feeling sorry for himself."
He glanced down at her and just offered her a small smile. "You know, if you keep thinking you should keep your mouth shut, that's all you will be able to convince yourself you can do and it'll become harder and harder to actually speak up when you want to."
Mel was looking down at their hands, her heart pounding in her chest. For a moment she wasn't sure she could open her mouth, the nervousness threatening to overwhelm her. She found his eyes again, looking at him. That tiredness, and near emptiness inside them yanked her back. He would hardly make a move on her if he was so depressed. Mel wet her lips, and nodded. "I know, and I hate myself when I get so... um, nervous. And you're not so pathetic. Even if it does help looking at you as a poor, injured bastard," she siad, trying to tease him. She even gave him a warm smile, trying to take the sting out.
Cameron held his hand up with a laugh. "No offense taken," he promised her, catching her smile. "I know I'm hardly in top shape. It's amazing how easy it is to turn into a lazy shit. My physio doesn't appreciate when I verbally abuse him just for trying to keep me active. I don't think he intended the answer to his comment that I would get overweight to be 'Yeah, well, I just won't wear skinny jeans'. He got me on a bad day," he snorted. "I also was apparently getting in touch with the Pat side of me that day. That stays between you and me or my rep is ruined."
Mel had to smirk. "Oh, I don't know. You're not that overweight. And who needs skinny jeans? I always get worried they'll split when you bend over, or sit down. Doesn't matter if you're a waif like Matt. I figure it's his sex diet. You should think about getting laid, maybe."
"The no food diet really works. Just not very conducive for, you know, health," Cameron said with a smirk. "I'm banned from wearing skinny jeans because I don't know which fucking Levi 5 0 whatever the fuck I'm supposed to be wearing. I might give Pat a small stroke. His brain was probably bleeding because I wore green with red one day." He literally winced at her last comment and Riley's packet of cigarettes were dragged hastily from his pocket so he could light up again. "I tried that, and it got me nothing but fucked over."
"I'm sorry," Mel quickly blurted out, wincing herself as she rest her head in her hands. Shit, she was really starting to dig herself a hole, wasn't she? "I didn't know."
Cameron just blinked at her, chewing on his lip for a moment. "How would you know?" he finally laughed.
Mel pulled her head from her hands, peering at him. "Um... telepathy?" She dropped her hands away completely, frowning for a moment before she decided it was okay for her to laugh as well.
"You gotta relax," Cameron told her in amusement, and took a quick drag on his smoke. "Anyone would wonder if you really want the conversation to progress. Just let it happen. People will usually be polite in telling you if they don't want to talk about something. Apologising before it happens, you'll give yourself a migraine. The telepathy thing, well, in my experience of it, it doesn't come in full blocks of conversation. More like just feelings," he added and was smirking at her now.
"The twin connection?" Mel asked, turning to face him a bit. She didn't know many other identical twins, so knowing Cameron had an idea of what it was like was welcome. "And I know, I do! Just old habits, and all that. I'm working on it slowly. Just little bits. You should have seen me before... Randy got all the confident genes. I think I got all the shy ones."
Cameron blew the smoke away from her and nodded as he ashed the cigarette onto the ground. "Yeah, I generally know when something's wrong with Pat. I know when he's upset. I don't always specifically recognise that's what I'm feeling. It was the worst when he nearly lost his life a couple of years back. I was in the middle of a game and blacked out. I just thought I got smacked in the head or something. Weirdest fucking feeling ever." He shook his head, still remembering the whole thing clearly. The flight to America that night had been horrible. "You seem to manage okay when you're not overthinking things," he noted with a smile.
Mel reached out to give him a slight push as she got excited. "Exactly! I mean, me and Randy haven't had to deal with anything quite that bad, but it's exactly what it's like. Like an extra sense. Total ESP. Sucks you've both had to go through a lot. At least you do have each other, and it sounds like the group here are pretty good at stepping in and helping take care of each other." Mel smirked, smoothing her hands down over her clothes. "Yeah, guess that's been my problem lately. Too much overthinking means Meli doesn't get any for a few months. Not that you needed to know that," she added as she cringed inwardly.
Cameron smiled at her. "It's something I've had my whole life, and I wouldn't change it. Mind, at times like this, I wish it wasn't so overactive. It feels like I've had a constant headache since Pat fell ill, but it's more likely external stress than anything else. I need to be here until I know he's okay, so probably a week or so yet. But Aiden and his BFF are going to be with Pat when he gets out of hospital, so he'll be in good hands. Aiden's taken care of him from day one, no questions." He shifted just a little to reposition his leg as it started to twinge and smirked at her. "I can't say I'm much of an advocate for sex right now, otherwise I would urge you to go out and do it. I'll refrain from urging you to run screaming into the night as far away from it as you can get."
"I get that. I guess we're lucky neither of us is particularly sick right now," Mel relied as she tapped on the wooden bench lightly. "So you'll be here for a week?" Mel tried not to smile too much at the idea. It wasn't like Cameron would instantly want to hang out with her. He was just nice to talk to, and still hot. Plus she would want any twins to be together for as long as possible. She was certain twins always healed better together. "Aiden? He's Pat's... husband? That's good that he's going to take care of him. I mean, I know it must be hard on him as well when Pat can be fine, then get really sick. Matt was telling me about how MS works a little. I got nosy." Mel watched him, her gaze dropping to his leg. "Are you okay? Well, I wasn't really much of an advocate for sex, either. Just kind of got used to not having anyone. Rely on my hand, and a vibrator. Which, again, TMI, and I'm really sorry. I think my filter's not quite working between my mouth and brain. I think the screaming part only happens when you're having the wrong sex. Randy says sex with guy friends is cool when you know where you stand."
"A week, give or take. And yeah, Aiden's Pat's husband. They've been married for about five months or so now. I think." Cameron didn't want to admit what a fuckface he had been with Pat's marriage because he was still ashamed of himself. He took his wallet out and handed her a photo of Pat and Aiden that was taken at the last group thingo before Pat got sick. "Lucky bastard practically scored a Playgirl centrefold. Aiden's a rich bastard too. Everything Pat deserves. They're a match made in heaven, I swear. It's comforting. Pat didn't think anyone would want to be with him because of the MS. It's a hard thing."
He massaged his thigh a little. "Yeah, I'm fine. It just likes to remind me it's there regularly." He pointed at her. "Yeah, that right there. Knowing where you stand. It's important. Without it, it's a fucking lost cause and you'll end up getting burned. It's not worth it."
Mel took the photo carefully, studying it. Pat did look like Cameron, but he had been right. His brother was certainly a little more on the feminine side. She let out an appreciative whistle at the sight of Aiden. "Wow, he is Playgirl material. No wonder Matty's never going to have single friends. They'd all be snapped up in seconds. Guess I really will have to stick with trawling the bar for hopefully non-axe murdering cuties. I'm glad your brother found someone so special. I think it's important to have someone that's just as much the other half of you as your twin can be. Well, when you are a twin. Not like a substitute, just... a match. You know? Why wouldn't anyone want to? If he was straight, I'd have taken him. MS is just a part of him. You take the whole package, or you fuck off."
Mel handed the photo back. "Can I do anything to help?" She smirked a little. "Hey, I'm all for getting burned. It's just knowing how to actually arrange the whole... you know. Knowing where you stand. I can't just go up to a guy and be all, 'hey, fancy a regular tumble without strings?'"
Cameron laughed a little. "He's Pat's type. Pat just didn't see it at first through the haze of trying to warn Aiden off. When Pat first got sick, the guy he was with up and walked out because he couldn't handle caring for Pat when he was at his worst. It cut deep, and Pat couldn't help but have that stuck in his head as a measuring block when it came to dating again. But Aiden was pretty persistent. It's his nature, see. He's a marketer and publicist. He makes a living getting what he wants. He wanted Pat," he said, shaking his head in amusement. "If I knew of any single guys around here, I would definitely sing your praises. But they're all hooked up, as far as I know. But you never know. I'm told it takes you by surprise when it happens."
He shook his head. "No, it's fine, really. Just the joys of being injured." He cleared his throat and came to the end of his cigarette. As satisfying as it would be to smoke Riley's entire packet, it wasn't good for him. He was still an athlete under all the angst. "No strings? It doesn't happen. As soon as you sleep with someone, there's strings. You just need to know where to tie them. I just got screwed over by someone who was supposed to be no strings, and it sucked."
"But that's good, isn't it? That Aiden was so persistent. Sometimes someone else knows what we want better than we do. Aiden must have really loved Pat from the get go to go so far. I can't believe some asshole would just leave Pat like that. Guess he didn't have the balls, even if he was a gay guy. Sucks that that became Pat's yardstick." Mel's eyebrows shot up. "You would? Why? I've been such a ditz. Hey, it's cool. It's nice to know Princeton's gone back to bringing the hot guys back in. Guess I'll just have to hope I'll snag one before someone else. They're always taken, married, or gay."
Mel's expression sobered up a little and she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry that's become your yardstick. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, I don't think I'm ready. Not until I know the guy's something special, you know? It would be nice just to have some fun, and get laid. Get some companionship with the sex, you know? So I guess my strings are getting tied to friends with benefits?"
Cameron nodded and then had to shrug slightly. "Yeah, it was good. I was an arsehole about it, though. They were in Canada for Pat to meet Aiden's family, and they just decided on the spur of the moment to get hitched. It wasn't even technically eloping, it was just being on the same page at the same time after hearing some bad news about a friend. But I took it badly, and got really pissed off. It had just always been important to me to see him get married. I was a bitch about it. But like I said, they're made for each other. It was inevitable. It's just easy to feel out of the loop when I live in England and everyone else is here." He smiled at her. "You can't be that old to be so negative on finding love just yet. There's plenty of time."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sure companionship is great when you find someone. I hope you find someone. It sounds like you've got a lot of affection and love to give."
"I have an old soul," Mel answered with a laugh. "You were a bitch? I don't believe it! You're lying. I guess I know how you'd feel. I would be the same if Randy got married without me. No matter how much she would have been on the same page with the guy. I'd be... devastated. I'd probably be a bitch, too."
She looked at him, her tongue trailing over her lips as she wet them. Before she even knew what she was doing, Mel had leaned in to press her lips to Cameron's. She wanted to do something to make him feel better, to not make him so sad. Of course, even as she kissed him, she realised she was probably crossing all kinds of lines, and probably now making him think she was a lunatic stalker.
That certainly hadn't been the response Cameron expected. In fact, if he had time to sit and think of what he expected, this definitely wouldn't have even come into realms of anything he might have come up with. Reflexively, he kissed her back, and he didn't even know why. He didn't know her. He wasn't even rebounding. To be rebounding would indicate a want to get over what you were rebounding from, and he was still aching from the burn of it all. He didn't want to rebound anywhere. He stopped, and pulled out of the kiss, his hand coming to rest on her arm. This was the part where everything got awkward and she would likely have a small stroke because she was already all over the place with the guy thing. "I can't... really reciprocate anything right now," he finally heard himself saying, albeit apologetically. "I'm the last person you should be getting involved with, on any level."
Mel could taste him on her lips, and she was trying hard not to let it mean too much. She knew he didn't like her, especially when he was trying to warn her off. She hadn't really done it for her, though, and somehow it helped make it clearer in her head. "You looked like you needed it," she told Cameron quietly. "That's all."
Cameron wet his lips and briefly put his fingers up to them as he cleared his throat. Izzy had been the last person to kiss him like that, and everything just swirled around in his head again. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel being told he looked like he needed it, because it just emphasised in his mind that he was exhibiting more than he wanted to. He wanted to be able to build an invisible brick wall around himself so no one could really see how he was feeling. If he could do that, he told himself he would actually stop feeling it and it would all go away. Good theory, and all that. "Well, um... thank you," he told her. "I do appreciate the effort, it's that any consolation."
She watched him, her eyes flicking between his. Suddenly Mel pulled away completely, and she gave a nod of understanding. "Thanks, nice to know I get like a B+ in kissing effort." She held up a hand, letting out a frustrated breath. "I'm sorry, that came out as bitchy. You really did look like you could use the affection, and comfort... I just wanted to give you something. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have."
Cameron cleared his throat and offered her a small smile. Yeah, it did come out as bitchy, and it just made him want to withdraw even more. This was why he didn't need relationships in his life. Whatever the woman seemed to want, he didn't have available to give her. The story of his life. He scratched the side of his neck, a nervous gesture he had always harboured, trying to come up with a polite answer. "Was it really just one-sided?" he finally asked. "Or was it an effort on your part to get over your nerves with guys? Because that was kind of bitchy, and a confusing comment if it was solely for my benefit."
"It was... both," Mel conceded. "I didn't mean to say something bitchy. You've been nothing but great to me. I couldn't help it. You looked like you needed it, and I wanted to kiss you. It's been a while since I got through a conversation like this with someone I thought was hot. And you're hot, and nice, and sad. I'm sorry, Cameron."
Cameron hesitated but soon exhaled heavily. "I'm just out of a relationship," he admitted to her. "One that was doomed from the start, but that I invested quite a lot into because I didn't actually realise from the start it was doomed. I suspected, but I was deluded. And it turned into a huge mess and it just ended about two weeks ago. I just don't want you thinking my reactions here are something to do with what you're doing, because they're not. I promise you that."
"Guess my telepathy's on the fritz," Mel tried to joke as she smiled. "I didn't mean to step on your broken toes."
"Sorry I couldn't offer more," Cameron told her quietly. "Sad is probably a good description. It's spot-on to what I'm feeling, but I got quite hurt and I'm still trying to deal with that. It's just been harder having Pat sick at the same time, and harder because it's all left me feeling like a fool. But you're real nice, and I've enjoyed chatting to you, so cheers for that."
Mel held her hand out. "You're welcome. Thanks for indulging me and my brother in a meet. I'm sure you can find me if you wanted to talk again. I hope everything heals up real soon. You, your brother, your leg, your heart. I know it's hard, and I am sorry. I don't like seeing anyone sad, but sometimes we need to be to let it out and move on. I'm good at chatting. At least now I broke the ice."
Cameron pulled his lips to the side. "I'm sorry this sucked for you and was so awkward. I'm generally not like this, which is really going to sound like I'm bullshitting you now. It really was nice to meet you, and your brother."
Mel dropped her hand away when he didn't take it. "It's okay, I know. I kinda get that feeling about you, which is probably why I wanted to maybe help distract you. It hasn't sucked for me. It really was nice meeting you. Good luck, Mr Preston."
Cameron grabbed his crutches and stood up awkwardly. Nothing really elegant about him lately. He juggled them under his arm so he was at least eye level with her. "Can we forget the last five minutes?" he said to her, changing course when something told him inside to get his head out of his butt, which sounded suspiciously like Pat's voice. "Maybe we could get a drink sometime, before I head home. My apologies for having my head up my depressed arse."
Mel frowned a little, trying to remember what exactly had been covered by the last five minutes. She gave a nod, watching him as she tried to work out if Cameron was really offering to get her a drink, or if he was just being polite. "Okay, sure. I'd really like that. And hey, if your head's going to be up your ass, at least it's an attractive ass."
Cameron got his wallet out of his pocket, holding his weight on the crutches he had become so used to using now. He slipped a card from inside it and handed it to her, his official player details with the Liverpool crest in the corner. He hoped it would show her that he did trust her. The bastard would probably go for hundreds of pounds on eBay. "Ignore the landline numbers because they're English, but that's my cell phone and it still works here. If you've got a pen, I can write down the number of Pat's place, too. We can figure out a time that will be good for a drink."
Mel smiled as she took the card, the gesture not lost on her. She ran her thumb across the edge before reaching into her bag to fish out a pen. She flipped the card over, and offered them both to Cameron, moving a little closer to try and help him with the crutches if it made things easier. "Well, I'm pretty much able to do anything in the evening. Right now I'm working at a record store, and they only trade during the day."
Cameron gratefully handed her his crutches so he could lean over the table and write Pat's number out. He signed it with a scrawled 'Cameron x' without thinking, as if she would forget his name or something. Force of habit. He didn't even know what he was doing anymore, but he had enjoyed talking to her and maybe getting away from the hospital for a drink wouldn't do him any harm. He straightened again, taking the crutches back and handing her the card with a smile. "Try the mobile first. I'm usually here, but at the house during the evening when Pat needs to rest. If Aiden picks up, just ask for me. He's a nice guy, he won't mind. Canadian, it's in his blood see. The Mountie Syndrome," he said with a smirk.
"Thank you, I know you didn't have to do this." Mel gave him another smile, and tucked the card safely in her bag. After a moment, instead of offering her hand to shake, she leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Thanks again. I really hope your brother feels better, and I hope you do, too."
Cameron smiled at her. "Thanks again, too. You really did help me dig my head out of my arse, even temporarily. I'll speak to you soon."
Mel nodded, giving him a huge grin as she also gave him a little wave. "Any time. My pleasure." She had been trying for a smooth exit, but tripped over her own feet. Mel recovered, glancing at him from over her shoulder before she felt her cheeks burn, and her gaze returned to the ground in front of her. She'd just met Cameron Preston, and not only that - she had his number, she'd kissed him, and there would be drinks. She was already digging around for cell phone to call Randy. Her other half was going to get all the details immediately.
Words: 6585 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc verse