I Hope I Did Good
Title: I Hope I Did Good
Author: Timelordshines
Characters: Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness
Rating: PG-13
Words: 945
Spoilers: S1E1, S2E13
Disclaimer: Characters, situations and dialogue belong to RTD and the BBC - I’m just borrowing them.
Written for love_bingo prompt "Saying goodbye"
Jack bounded out of his office, stopping short when he saw his pretty tech genius still sitting at her desk. Gwen and Owen had long since given up and gone home, and he hadn’t seen Ianto since he went down to the archives hours ago, so the elusive young man had more than likely left too.
“Tosh,” he greeted her, “I hope you’re not going to be here too much longer? You need to go home and do… whatever it is you do when you’re not here.” he finished weakly.
Tosh looked up and smiled sweetly at him, “I just need to finish this, um, program I’m running. Shouldn’t be too much longer.”
“Ok” Jack said, reaching out and resting a hand on her shoulder. She had been distant lately, ever since they had had to put Suzie’s body into the morgue. Jack hadn’t thought the two women had been that close, but Tosh seemed to be more affected by Suzie’s death than he would have expected. She was even more quiet than normal, if that was possible. Jack made a mental note to have a word with Gwen, maybe see if the effervescent young Welshwoman could maybe talk to Tosh. It would probably help both of them out if Tosh got to know the new girl better. He might even give the two of them the company credit card and tell them to take an afternoon and go shopping or something.
With his plan forming in his head, Jack’s guilt was assuaged and he squeezed Tosh’s shoulder before saying, “Well, I’m off out for a bit now. Don’t stay too long.” And with that, he was gone. Coat swirling about his ankles and the cog door’s alarm blaring his departure.
Alone at last, Tosh minimised the page of calculations she had opened up on her screen when Jack came to stand by her. She pushed her hair back behind her ears and reached up to turn on her webcam.
Ever since performing the final logout on Suzie’s computer account the previous week Tosh had been thinking about how brief their time really was. Life was too short and too quick anyway. Add Torchwood into that mix and a person’s flame burned so bright, but so briefly.
Tosh accepted her fate, but she wanted to leave something to let her colleagues, no, her friends - the people she loved, know that it had been worth it. Tosh wanted something more than someone just pressing a button and the computer asking ‘are you sure’ and that being that. It felt too final, too impersonal.
Tosh closed her eyes, teeth worrying at her lower lip as she considered what she wanted to say. Eventually, she opened her eyes and took a deep breath, holding it before letting it go and pushing her hair back behind her ears again. “Just get on with it,” she chided herself.
“Okay. So, if you’re watching this then I guess that means I’m dead. I just wanted to say thank you Jack. You gave me a second chance at life and showed me so much. All of the wonders of the universe.” She smiled, “thank you. And Owen. I’m sorry. I should have told you, but I could never find the words. I love you. You always said that we were destined to be sad and lonely because we could never form a relationship with anyone on the outside because they wouldn’t understand what we did. I wish I could have made you see me. I knew what you do, what you are, and I loved you all the more because of it, you are a fantastic doctor, and what you do here really does make a difference. I wish things had been different, we could have been good for each other, but well, I’m sorry. Thank you for being my friend. ” Tosh smiled through the tears that threatened to spill. She reached up and switched the camera off, then rewound the footage to check it.
“I can’t say that!” she exclaimed in embarrassment, bringing one hand up to her mouth, the other hitting the button to delete her video message. She wiped her eyes roughly and took a deep breath.
“I should have scripted this,” she muttered. But she had wanted to be spontaneous, to speak from the heart. She just had no idea it was going to be this difficult.
“Ok Tosh,” she said to herself, “keep it light. This is your chance to say goodbye, but also to let them know it’s ok, lessen their grief if possible. Not really the time to make them wonder about what ifs.”
Tosh closed her eyes for a few seconds to calm and ground herself. Then she opened them and reached up to turn on the camera again before she lost her nerve.
“Okay,” she said taking off her glasses and tossing her hair back out of her face. She smiled sweetly straight at the camera. “So, if you’re seeing this, I guess it means I’m, well dead. Hope it was impressive, not crossing the road or an incident with a toaster. I just wanted to say - it’s ok. It really is. Jack. You saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Thank you. And Owen. You never knew. I love you. All of you. And, I hope I did good.” She smiled and nodded to herself, pleased this time with her goodbye as she turned the camera off and saved the message.
She didn’t need to watch it again. This time it felt right.
Author: Timelordshines
Characters: Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness
Rating: PG-13
Words: 945
Spoilers: S1E1, S2E13
Disclaimer: Characters, situations and dialogue belong to RTD and the BBC - I’m just borrowing them.
Written for love_bingo prompt "Saying goodbye"
Jack bounded out of his office, stopping short when he saw his pretty tech genius still sitting at her desk. Gwen and Owen had long since given up and gone home, and he hadn’t seen Ianto since he went down to the archives hours ago, so the elusive young man had more than likely left too.
“Tosh,” he greeted her, “I hope you’re not going to be here too much longer? You need to go home and do… whatever it is you do when you’re not here.” he finished weakly.
Tosh looked up and smiled sweetly at him, “I just need to finish this, um, program I’m running. Shouldn’t be too much longer.”
“Ok” Jack said, reaching out and resting a hand on her shoulder. She had been distant lately, ever since they had had to put Suzie’s body into the morgue. Jack hadn’t thought the two women had been that close, but Tosh seemed to be more affected by Suzie’s death than he would have expected. She was even more quiet than normal, if that was possible. Jack made a mental note to have a word with Gwen, maybe see if the effervescent young Welshwoman could maybe talk to Tosh. It would probably help both of them out if Tosh got to know the new girl better. He might even give the two of them the company credit card and tell them to take an afternoon and go shopping or something.
With his plan forming in his head, Jack’s guilt was assuaged and he squeezed Tosh’s shoulder before saying, “Well, I’m off out for a bit now. Don’t stay too long.” And with that, he was gone. Coat swirling about his ankles and the cog door’s alarm blaring his departure.
Alone at last, Tosh minimised the page of calculations she had opened up on her screen when Jack came to stand by her. She pushed her hair back behind her ears and reached up to turn on her webcam.
Ever since performing the final logout on Suzie’s computer account the previous week Tosh had been thinking about how brief their time really was. Life was too short and too quick anyway. Add Torchwood into that mix and a person’s flame burned so bright, but so briefly.
Tosh accepted her fate, but she wanted to leave something to let her colleagues, no, her friends - the people she loved, know that it had been worth it. Tosh wanted something more than someone just pressing a button and the computer asking ‘are you sure’ and that being that. It felt too final, too impersonal.
Tosh closed her eyes, teeth worrying at her lower lip as she considered what she wanted to say. Eventually, she opened her eyes and took a deep breath, holding it before letting it go and pushing her hair back behind her ears again. “Just get on with it,” she chided herself.
“Okay. So, if you’re watching this then I guess that means I’m dead. I just wanted to say thank you Jack. You gave me a second chance at life and showed me so much. All of the wonders of the universe.” She smiled, “thank you. And Owen. I’m sorry. I should have told you, but I could never find the words. I love you. You always said that we were destined to be sad and lonely because we could never form a relationship with anyone on the outside because they wouldn’t understand what we did. I wish I could have made you see me. I knew what you do, what you are, and I loved you all the more because of it, you are a fantastic doctor, and what you do here really does make a difference. I wish things had been different, we could have been good for each other, but well, I’m sorry. Thank you for being my friend. ” Tosh smiled through the tears that threatened to spill. She reached up and switched the camera off, then rewound the footage to check it.
“I can’t say that!” she exclaimed in embarrassment, bringing one hand up to her mouth, the other hitting the button to delete her video message. She wiped her eyes roughly and took a deep breath.
“I should have scripted this,” she muttered. But she had wanted to be spontaneous, to speak from the heart. She just had no idea it was going to be this difficult.
“Ok Tosh,” she said to herself, “keep it light. This is your chance to say goodbye, but also to let them know it’s ok, lessen their grief if possible. Not really the time to make them wonder about what ifs.”
Tosh closed her eyes for a few seconds to calm and ground herself. Then she opened them and reached up to turn on the camera again before she lost her nerve.
“Okay,” she said taking off her glasses and tossing her hair back out of her face. She smiled sweetly straight at the camera. “So, if you’re seeing this, I guess it means I’m, well dead. Hope it was impressive, not crossing the road or an incident with a toaster. I just wanted to say - it’s ok. It really is. Jack. You saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Thank you. And Owen. You never knew. I love you. All of you. And, I hope I did good.” She smiled and nodded to herself, pleased this time with her goodbye as she turned the camera off and saved the message.
She didn’t need to watch it again. This time it felt right.