Fic: Put a sock in it (LoM, CRACK, Gen, PG)
Title: Put a sock in it
Rating: PG - Green Cortina
Pairing: Gen - none
Word Count: 471
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of this, just fanwork
Notes: Pure crack. It is inspired by a book, but I won’t spoil the ficlet by saying which it is, it’ll be revealed at the end. It’s not a crossover though, as such. Beta-ed by moonclaw
Summary: Sam... er, Samantha Tyler has to adjust to 1973 by pretending to be male.
Sam woke up with a soft groan. That damn cot was murder on the back, but that was to be expected. Entering the bathroom however, the reflection in the mirror was not really what Sam expected. Or was it?
Samantha Tyler may have been doing fine as a DCI in 2006, but in this backwards time, to be a DI, she had to pretend to be male. Wait, wasn’t she a he yesterday? ... Nah, what nonsense. How can someone change genders overnight? ‘How can someone change time periods over a mere moment?’ nagged something at the back of her mind, but she dismissed it. She always kept her hair short, and she never had large breasts, which turned out to be a blessing in this case. ‘They do look fascinating today... No! Focus!’ Still having to tape them in was a pain though. The whole ‘downstairs’ problem was solved by a strategically placed sock. Right, ready as she’ll ever be.
Her biggest fear right now was that someone at the station would find out. Granted, at least they took a little more notice of her potential nuttiness than gender issue. But sometimes... after all, Gene kept calling Sam girl names, maybe he really did figure it out. If he had though, wouldn’t he have fired her already? Yeah, no problem, right? He couldn’t possibly know.
At lunchbreak, Sam came across a surprising sight as she entered the men’s room: Ray fiddling with the front of Chris’ pants. She was shocked speechless and just caught Ray telling Chris “I told you, you’ve got to get that sock right, it’s all askew, you look like you’ve got a disease or something... Oh... Boss...” Both of them paled as they stared at the person that just entered. “We were just...”
“You too!?”
“We...? What, you? ... Oh, I should have known. Bloody well figures.” Ray snorted.
“But you... What about the moustache!?” Sam exclaimed perplexed.
Ray did look a little sheepish “... Fake. I thought it looked more manly.”
All three of them froze when a voice bellowed at the door “Oi, ladies! Hurry up with tucking in your bloody socks or else I’ll shove ‘em up your arses!” No... he couldn’t possibly know... They stared shocked at the door as it fell back shut.
Sam quickly stumbled out of the restroom and followed Gene into the office. “You know!?”
“Of course I do, Samantha.”
“But how!?”
“Don’t be thick, I can spot a sock-in-pants trick from a mile away.” Gene scoffed “I invented that trick.”
Sam stared for a moment longer and promptly fainted. Just before she did however, she could hear a heart monitor beeping and a female voice saying “Ruth, dear, I really don’t think you should read him any more of those Pratchett books... poor Sammy looks all sickly pale.”
A/N: The book in question is 'Monstrous Regiment' by Terry Pratchett