Would I Ever Kill Another Time Lord?

[timelady_lost]

Oh yes; I would, and I have. I am not saying I am proud of this fact, but when the need was there, I did what had to be done. Perhaps you are thinking that I killed in self defense, or maybe acted against those who were on a different ideological side from the one that I was on -- and admittedly, that was a large part of the scenario. But causing

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[timelady_lost]

It's easy to say in platitudes that being a survivor is harder than being a casualty. I hate such platitudes.

I'm also angry at myself lately because after settling down and starting to become fairly philosophical about being stuck on that obscure moon, now I've been rescued by your Tenth self, and I promptly go insane with shock, relief, emotion and all kinds of other confusing things, and I have no doubt that those around me at the moment have no idea about what kind of madwoman they've brought on board.

So I opted to take a page from your book, and focus on repairing my TARDIS for a bit. It focuses the mind on the tangible and immediate things, after all.

But now I find myself brooding on the past again, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get beyond who I was and what I did then. I don't know if I should, although I'm well nigh unbearable when I'm broody.

I can't even take solace in the idea of going out and getting smashed in order to try and forget. The last time I drank any quantity of alcohol, I did unbelieveably stupid things I have no intention of repeating. So I'm fated to have to deal with myself soberly.

[ninth_doctor]

Yeah, the repairwork thing only lasts you so long.

I can't exactly speak for my future self...maybe it's more of a thing to ask him; I haven't bothered to, yet, and I don't figure I will because he's annoying as hell and I don't think I'd really want to hear the answer anyway...but no. You can't get over it, or past it, or by it. You can bury it, or you could...I dunno, put it aside and get on with your life, because you can't just sit around and brood all day, not with the universe out there still waiting for you. I don't think it's possible. And I don't think it's right, either, when you think about it. I don't know.

Well, I haven't gotten blazingly, blindingly pissed in a good long while. After having gone through bottles of hypervodka before, I think one starts to build up a good tolerance. Still, drinking's good. But it's one of those signs that you're brooding people see. And then they wanna come over and bother you. Must be reverse psychology at work there.

[timelady_lost]

Oh, believe me, at the moment I think the best thing I can do is to stay away from your future self. Not to mention his consort, Aislinn. They felt the full brunt of my temporary insanity, and I'm mortified enough by what I wrought that I'd like to let some time go by before I poke my nose out and attempt to repair things there.

I actually had a decent passing conversation with Rose, however -- I like Rose; she was a good choice on your part.

In any case, if I followed my gut instinct right now, I would be dematerializing away, and crossing my fingers that my repair efforts will get me as far as Varos in order to pick up some Zeiton-7. I'm aware, however, that my recent judgement calls have been idiotic; so I'm going to stick around until I calm down, get some more work done, and can try to reason with a semi-coherent mind.

[ninth_doctor]

He's not the kind of bloke for wanting calm and reason, I've found. I continue to find myself mortified with the thought that I'll be him one day.

D'you want any company 'sides Rose? I could always pop by, if you want.

[timelady_lost]

Right now, Rose is off elsewhere, the conversation with her was a day or so ago. I'd be delighted to have your company, and synchronizing a ram induction field is much easier with someone to read out the timing properly. My coordinates currently are...[insert appropriate numbers here]