I'll call you tomorrow...I already miss you!
i'm feeling crazy low lately. for one, i've noticed my dancing SUCKS. it is horrible. i have no idea how i was accepted to company. I've been watching tapes of myself from this and last year and i'm just amazed. i'm really terrible. and then... i am really gross and ugly. i have hair all over my face, and i'm way too lazy to go get it ripped off...my teeth are crooked because i was too lazy to bear the pain of my retainer, and my hair is a mess. i do not have an interesting wardrobe, i always dress like i'm about to veg on the couch and i have no idea how to claim the wardrobe of my dreams. again, i am lazy.
then there is my lack of motivation to work out and get rid of that everlasting pudge of lower tummy fat. i never work my feet out so i suck at pointe and am getting really frustrated with class (again, i suck at ballet). my senior portfolio is completely boring and unoriginal and doesn't have one drop of creativity in it. my writing sucks monkey balls compared to others and i just finished a 150 page book i started two months ago....TWO MONTHS AGO.
then, i'm incredibly lonely, which is expected, but it's more than just not having a significant other, it's not being able to see my best friends, and even when i call them on the phone it seems i have to prepare to meet three weeks ahead of time, and by the time we meet on the date, they are either too tired to have a good time, or too busy and forgot it ever existed. I basically feel completely "uncool" and it's taking a toll.
and i'm completely aware that everyone is stressed about school and their futures and their families and so on and so forth and to even complain like this is completely selfish and unnecessary, but that is what this is for and i really need to vent. i feel unloved. i miss being surrounded by people i love and love me...BASICALLY i just want to see my best friends and spend QUALITY time with them without feeling like i'm wasting their time. I'm serious. We don't have much time left and i'm already experiencing withdrawl.
i just want someone to talk to.
i just want a lot of things.
then there is my lack of motivation to work out and get rid of that everlasting pudge of lower tummy fat. i never work my feet out so i suck at pointe and am getting really frustrated with class (again, i suck at ballet). my senior portfolio is completely boring and unoriginal and doesn't have one drop of creativity in it. my writing sucks monkey balls compared to others and i just finished a 150 page book i started two months ago....TWO MONTHS AGO.
then, i'm incredibly lonely, which is expected, but it's more than just not having a significant other, it's not being able to see my best friends, and even when i call them on the phone it seems i have to prepare to meet three weeks ahead of time, and by the time we meet on the date, they are either too tired to have a good time, or too busy and forgot it ever existed. I basically feel completely "uncool" and it's taking a toll.
and i'm completely aware that everyone is stressed about school and their futures and their families and so on and so forth and to even complain like this is completely selfish and unnecessary, but that is what this is for and i really need to vent. i feel unloved. i miss being surrounded by people i love and love me...BASICALLY i just want to see my best friends and spend QUALITY time with them without feeling like i'm wasting their time. I'm serious. We don't have much time left and i'm already experiencing withdrawl.
i just want someone to talk to.
i just want a lot of things.