Imaginary Friends: Chapter Five
The monk’s estimate is pretty on-target, and it only takes Jensen a little over an hour to get to the Stave Falls Powerhouse after he calls an Uber. He tips the driver enough that the guy doesn’t ask any questions, and Jensen just counts himself lucky that he wasn’t recognized. Or, at least, he didn’t seem to be. The building is mostly dark, shut down for the night, but it’s strange that the security system is disabled and the door ajar. Jensen’s suddenly aware that he came here without any weapons or means of defending himself, and that he’s alone. The weight of that knowledge comes crashing down around him like the dark of the night, and for a moment, it takes his breath away. He’s scared, fear curling in the pit of his stomach and a bitter taste in the back of his mouth, because he knows that once he enters the building, there’s no turning back. He knows that whoever is in there will probably try to kill him, and if that person is Joy, then going in is suicidal.
Then again, he’s been banking on Joy tracking and following him, so this whole trip has been suicidal to begin with. He feels the hair stand up on the back of his neck at that thought, suddenly convinced that she’s behind him, that he’s being watched, but a quick glance back shows nothing but the still night around him.
For a moment, he’s not sure what his goal is, being here. For a moment, he thinks this was completely stupid. If Joy had been tracking him, she’d have to know that him moving towards this place would mean that Jared wasn’t with him. Unless she suspected Jensen of betraying Jared a second time. The thought brings a lump to his throat and shame comes crashing down on top of the fear, making it all seem heavier.
Still, being here, he can try to do something. Maybe he can fuck things up, hell, burn the place down, anything to prevent Joy’s plan from happening. He has the fleeting thought that it’s too bad he didn’t bring any salt with him, and he’d chuckle if this was even remotely the time for that.
It’s also too bad he didn’t bring a fucking flashlight, because stepping into the building, it’s much darker, though there are some slivers of moonlight coming in through the windows. He takes out his phone, hand shaking. He’s about to use the flashlight on it, then hesitates, realizing the light from the screen itself is already making him stand out. He decides to use it anyway. Fuck it, he’s come this far to probably die anyway, and his gut twists with that thought.
He moves through rooms without taking in the contents much; he’s mostly looking into the corners and crevices to see if he’s about to be attacked. But as he moves on further, he turns off the flashlight on his phone. There’s a soft glow ahead, and he feels as if his heart stops, then starts pounding. He’s frozen for a moment and knows he could probably still escape. But then he thinks of Jared, pictures Jared’s face in that moment when he realized Jensen had set him up to be…
Jensen swallows. He can’t even bring himself to think of the word “killed”. He can’t believe that he was capable of doing something so terrible to another human being, let alone Jared. He takes a breath and moves on his way again, trying his best to keep quiet.
As he gets closer, he notices he’s nearing the turbine room. Power, he thinks, and as he peers inside, he sees that the glow is coming from something in the center of the room. It’s ethereal, something emanating from a symbol sketched out in white on the floor, candles spaced out along the edge of the outer circle. It’s something that isn’t entirely foreign to him, given what he does for a living, but it’s still different from the symbols he’s seen over the years, the inside of the circle filled with sharp turns and jagged edges, seemingly random, chaotic.
Jensen’s heart beats faster, knowing this is where Jared is supposed to be…used. He creeps in further, glancing around the room, full of dark shadows between the turbines, but all he can think about is the possibility of ruining that symbol, that light, whatever it is that needs to be there in order for anything involving Jared to work.
He feels the presence before he sees it, hears the sudden rush of air more than anything, an enemy approaching from behind him, one he rounds on quickly, adrenaline spiking. He swivels on his left hip, right cross-punch thrown immediately. He doesn’t quite catch a glimpse of his attacker, who ducks the punch and tackles Jensen instead, the two of them toppling to the ground.
Jensen lands hard on his back, the breath knocked out of him, but he reacts quickly enough to the heat on his right cheek, turning his face away from the candle he happened to land next to, lucky to not have been burned. He feels his opponent push up to regain balance over him and looks up, seeing now that it seems to be just a man, lightweight and sinewy. The man pulls a knife from his waistband, and it’s similar to the knife Jensen assumes Joy now has. Jensen knocks it from the man’s hand and forces a punch upward, right in the mouth, watching as the man turns and falls off of him, landing just between the candles and inside the circle, spitting blood.
The purple glow of the light emanating from the circle flickers and then dims, turning murky, and the man blanches, mouth open in stunned horror. Jensen gets to his knees, staring at where the man’s blood has darkened the parts of the symbol it’s touched.
“What does that mean?” Jensen asks, still catching his breath. “What does that do?” He gets to his feet, and the man, still on his hands and knees within the circle, looks up at him with wide, fearful eyes, and suddenly Jensen understands. “It’s the wrong blood,” he says quietly, and the man shrinks further beneath him. “The wrong blood shuts it down.”
It’s then that he realizes why the man is cowering, and they’re both frozen in that moment, a heavy decision thick in the air between them. It’s Jensen’s decision, his choice to make. His chest tightens with what he’s presented with, and he cautiously scuffs at the marks on the floor with this shoe, kicks over a candle. Those have no effect on the light, not like the blood does. Whatever ritual had to be done to turn the thing on was completed already. Now it either has to be used or turned off. And there was only one way to turn it off.
The man’s eyes dart away to something on the ground behind Jensen, and Jensen reacts, turning to find the knife immediately, snatching it up and turning back to find the man standing now but still shrinking beneath his stare. Jensen’s got weight on the man and skill. Joy wasn’t expecting a fight to come here, and the man had made a desperate attempt at protecting the symbol and doing her proud.
“Why are you helping her?” Jensen rasps, the heat from the candles suddenly feeling like a thousand degrees.
“She’s powerful,” the man says, voice wavering. “She promised me things. My own power, in a new world.”
Pathetic, is what Dean would think, and Jensen feels it on the tip of his tongue, even though it’s more his character than him. Although, Jensen does have the same thought, just not with the same tone. Dean’s tone is angry and unforgiving. Jensen’s is more pity for the weak, misguided person trembling before him. Dean would chew the guy out, ask him how the hell he ever expected deals with an evil bitch to go well, but he skips the lecture. There’s no point now.
“How much blood does it need?”
There’s cold, strong silence between them as they stare at each other, the glow casting them both in an eerie light. Jensen’s sure he already knows the answer, and that silence just confirms it.
“A life,” the man still answers, barely audible, his own tone defeated, giving in. It’s a tone that Jensen hates, the knife feeling oddly cold in his hand, and he knows that right now, he’s the predator, a cornered victim with no chance in front of him.
Jensen swallows and hesitates, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. He’s got it all here. He has the upper hand, the right weapon, and the enemy literally standing right where he wants him, in the center of the sacrificial circle. The man could run, but he wouldn’t get far. There’s no one to call to for help. It wouldn’t take much, and it would solve everything. Even if Joy made it here with Jared, she couldn’t use him if the means to do so was destroyed.
All you have to do is kill him, an inner voice says, and Jensen’s blood runs cold. It’s too much, and everything in him screams that even if it’s a solution, it can’t be the right one. Part of him, a small part of him, thinks what’s the difference if you’ll never be forgiven for what you’ve already done anyway? May as well double down and damn yourself completely to save Jared.
“Do you have a belt?” Jensen asks, after he’s made his decision, and the man just stares back in confusion, visibly coming out of a fog where he’d been visualizing his own death already.
“What?”
“Do you have a belt?” The man lifts his shirt up a little to show the belt pulled through the loops on his jeans. Jensen nods. “Take it off. Your shirt, too.” The look he gets then is more horrified than before, and Jensen balks at the idea that he could be such a criminal. “I’m not gonna hurt you,” he says, low and reassuring. “Just take them off.”
The man doesn’t question him anymore and complies as Jensen leads him away from the circle, back to a dark space between the turbines, using the belt to tie the man’s hands behind his back and tearing the shirt to make a gag.
“Wait,” the man says suddenly, just as Jensen’s pulling the gag up into the man’s mouth. Jensen pauses and lowers it. “What’s your name?”
Jensen hates the note of gratitude in the man’s voice for the mercy Jensen’s shown. It feels wrong for him to be treated like a hero now, after everything. “It doesn’t matter,” he murmurs, fixing the gag in place and leaving the man in the shadows.
He walks back over to the circle, taking the knife with him. He can’t stop the tears that spring to his eyes or the sob that escapes his throat as everything comes crashing down on him. He drops to his knees, arms wrapping around himself as he tries to quiet the chaos in his head, in his body. While he tries to tell himself that he can’t know anything for sure, he knows that Joy will be on her way here with Jared, he can feel it. And he has the power to stop this. He tries to clear his mind, to calm down, to ignore how badly his hand is shaking as he rolls up his sleeve.
“God, forgive me,” Jensen whispers, taking the cold blade in his hand again, and he’s hit with waves of emotion, wishing that he could at least be forgiven by his loved ones now, that he could say goodbye, or that he didn’t have to be alone.
When he makes the cut, he pictures the way the Knights sliced Jared’s arm open, and he cries out in the same way Jared did, for a split-second thinking he deserve this. But as he watches the symbol darken and the light dim, he’s filled with regret, and he lets out another sob as he curls up in the middle of the flickering glow. He may have come here on what everybody thought to be a suicide mission, but he doesn’t really want to die like this; he doesn’t want to die at all. He just hopes Jared will be safe after this. He hears car doors slamming as he begins to fade.
Jared’s relieved when Misha comes to in the car, the two of them in the back with Joy and a henchman of hers up front, driving. “Are you okay?” he asks immediately, voice low, even though Joy couldn’t care less and ignores them both.
“What happened?” Misha asks, closing his eyes again and groaning in pain. “Where are we?”
“She found us,” Jared says, and Misha’s eyes snap open. “We’re in her car.”
“No.” The word is small and despondent, and Jared hates that Misha feels like he failed.
“I’m so sorry, Mish.” Jared’s voice wavers, and he tries his best to collect himself. “I never wanted you to get hurt. You don’t deserve any of this.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Misha admonishes, sitting up straighter in the car. “You didn’t even know, Jared. None of this is your fault.”
It feels like they’re saying goodbye, like they know they’re both headed to their deaths, and Jared hates it more than anything else that’s happened in his life, even Jensen’s betrayal. He doesn’t want this to be how it ends, and if he’s being honest with himself, he can’t help still wishing he could see Jensen one last time. Things might still sting, but at least to say goodbye…
“I’m scared,” Jared admits, quietly, so Joy can’t hear them, and Misha moves closer on the car’s seat and gets an arm around him.
“I know. I’m scared, too.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”
Jared turns and wraps Misha up in a hug. He can’t have Misha thinking less of himself, not now. “You tried. You put yourself in danger. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.” He closes his eyes against the tears. “Thank you for believing in me.”
Misha’s hug tightens. “You don’t have to thank me. At least we’re here together.”
And for that, Jared is actually thankful. As dark as it is, and as horrified as he is by the idea of one of them watching the other die, he can’t imagine how awful it would be to do this alone.
“Hey,” Misha says suddenly, forcing a lighter tone and pulling away, wiping at his eyes. “Remember that time you pied me in the face?”
Jared allows himself to laugh, even though it breaks his heart that they’re trying to make their last few moments together pleasant ones, or at least take the edge off. “Remember when Jensen pied you in the face?”
Jensen’s name hangs in the air, but they keep going.
“Remember when I got you both kicked off set?”
“Remember when you said you went to drama school?”
“Remember when you left fish in my car?”
“Remember how long it took you to realize we were idiots?”
They pause then, and Jared realizes he’s just brought up Misha’s first season on the show, and it’s a false memory from before he actually existed. It hurts still, thinking that so much wasn’t even real. But Misha still looks at him and smiles.
“Yeah, I remember.”
Joy’s voice rings out to interrupt them with an “Almost there!” and Jared’s stomach twists. He feels nauseous, but then he remembers something, some little twinge inside.
“I felt something earlier,” he whispers to Misha. “When she hurt you. Some kind of…energy.” He’s not sure how to describe it, or if what he’s saying even makes sense, but he sees the moment Misha catches on.
“Can you use it?”
Jared sits there, trying to focus. He closes his eyes, searching for that feeling, that thing inside of him again. The longer it takes, the more frustrated he gets, wondering if it’s something he just imagined or made up in the hopes of saving them both. But to think that he maybe could save them both and just doesn’t know how has him gritting his teeth in anger and feeling useless. But whatever he’s searching for inside of himself, he can’t find it now. When he sighs and hangs his head, he feels Misha’s hand on his shoulder again.
“It’s okay. You tried. This isn’t on you.”
When the car slows to a crawl and then parks, Joy turns to look at them in the back seat, pure elation in her expression. “We’re here! No time to waste!”
For a moment, Jared can’t move. Misha’s got a grip on his shoulder that’s still protective, but they both know this is it. He hears Misha’s sad, supportive “I’m right here” before Joy opens the door for them to get out and follow her.
“Oh, don’t be nervous!” She pulls Jared to his feet, and Misha follows close behind him. “You’ll be great! Perfect, even.” She strokes his cheek, and Jared feels too numb now to jerk away. “This is what you were made for.”
The car doors closing sound like the end to his freedom, to his life. He follows her mechanically, still grateful for Misha’s presence beside him, the driver bringing up the rear. He doesn’t know where they are, and it’s the second time he’s been driven to what feels like the middle of nowhere to be killed. But this time, there’s no one to save him. His heart aches at the thought that Jensen actually saved him, and he wishes again that they could at least say goodbye, even if things could never be the same again.
The building they enter is too dark to see much of anything, aside from where moonlight now filters in through windows, and all they can do is follow Joy, who seems to know exactly where she’s going. Jared’s relieved when they get to a point where there’s finally some sort of murky, dim light up ahead, but Joy stops and stiffens.
“Something’s wrong,” she says warily, angrily. “That light is wrong.” She grabs Jared’s arm and pulls him along behind her, advancing into a room lined with large turbines, and in the middle…
Joy drops Jared’s arm, and he hears both her and Misha cry out, the former in rage, the latter in anguish. Jared can’t seem to make any noise, or think any thoughts, or feel anything as the sounds all seem to die away and his brain tries to make sense of the sight before him. For a moment, he can’t seem to grasp the fact that Jensen is there, that it’s Jensen lying in his own blood, and that he’s watching Jensen’s eyes close.
Sound comes rushing back when Joy blocks his line of vision, screaming.
“HE’S RUINED IT!” she shrieks, hands pulling madly at her hair, and Jared notices that the light there in the center of the room is still a more pleasant, purple glow in places, but that it darkens as Jensen bleeds further. And he knows then what Jensen’s done and why. He knows that Joy meant to bleed him out, but that Jensen beat them here so he could foil that plan. “HOW DARE YOU!”
Jared doesn’t have time to process much more before Joy fully reacts, stomping over to the circle in the center of the room and kicking Jensen out of it. She doesn’t send him flying through the air, but sends him sliding across the floor, a couple of candles knocked over and extinguished in the process, Jensen’s body lifeless.
It’s then that Jared feels the surge again, but stronger this time, and building quickly. Joy’s recovered some of her senses, noticing that there’s still a bit of purple glow left and turning back for Jared, smiling again, eyes hopeful.
“We can still make it!” she says, tugging at Jared’s arm. “It’s not gone, not completely. We can still turn this around. You can turn this around and open up my world for me. It’ll be glorious!”
“No,” Jared says, and he can barely speak with the pressure building inside of him, the ringing in his ears, the sight of Jensen lying there, bloody…of Joy kicking him. She says something else to him, but he doesn’t hear. There’s no stopping it this time, and he doesn’t want to stop it. He finally grasps it within, holds on to it, lets it grow, and it’s so intense it almost hurts, but he doesn’t care, not now. It’s power, and it can hurt her, and that’s all he cares about now.
Misha says his name from somewhere in the room, and Joy’s eyes widen as she looks at him. Jared’s dimly aware of a soft, green glow emanating from him now and getting brighter, charging as he looks back at Joy. He can’t hold it back anymore, and he closes his eyes and screams, from the pressure, from the rage, from the agony of everything that’s been happening. With all of his focus on Joy, he lets it go, and everything goes green-white in a flash and a bang, like thunder and lightning at once.
When it subsides and Jared opens his eyes, Joy is gone. So are the symbols on the floor, the last of the candles blown out, no more light in the center of the room. It’s dark, except for the moonlight, and Jared turns to make sure Joy isn’t still there, behind him. But all he sees is Misha crouched on the floor, arm covering his eyes, and the driver sitting there stunned.
“Misha, you okay?” Jared asks, hoping like hell that he didn’t hurt him.
“Yeah,” Misha answers, if a little shaky, and Jared breathes a sigh of relief as Misha’s arm lowers. “I’m okay.” He stands and comes towards Jared, cautious. “What about you? What was…? Did it hurt?”
“I’m fine,” he says, though he feels different…empty. “Jensen…”
He rounds quickly, rushing to Jensen’s side, dropping to the floor next to him, and lifting him in his arms. “Jensen.” The name slips from his lips again, and he’s crying for the way Jensen sags there, for the pain Jensen must have felt, and what led him here. He frantically tries to grip Jensen’s wrist, to stop any further bleeding, to save him. “You didn’t have to do this,” he whispers, wishing that Jensen could hear him. “I’d never want you to do this.”
Misha’s there with him then, also trying to help, to tear at his own shirt and try to tie something around Jensen’s wrist, both of them desperate and grasping at straws. Jared watches as Misha feels in Jensen’s neck for a pulse, pressing over and over again, and Jared knows that even if Misha finds one, it’ll be too faint.
“He was alone,” Jared chokes out, and it hurts to even say it. While he and Misha were grateful to at least be facing death together, Jensen was alone. “He shouldn’t have been alone.”
The guilt and regret pile up on him, and Jared wishes he could do it all over again and do it differently. He knows now that whatever Jensen did, he still didn’t deserve this. They were all victims of the monks and their schemes, and Jensen had reacted in an extreme way to an extreme situation. But he’d come to his senses after, and he shouldn’t have been driven to this.
Jared closes his eyes and tries as hard as he can to find that energy again, hoping like hell that he can use it in other ways and heal Jensen. But he finds nothing, and though he’d felt nothing for a long time, this time he gets the sense that it’s gone for good, that he’s used all he had. He curses himself for being so stupid and reckless and flying off the handle like that when maybe he could have conserved and used it all better. But how was he supposed to know?
“Oh.”
Jared’s head snaps up at the sound of a new voice in the room, and his expression darkens when he sees the stranger walking towards him. He’s never met the man, but he can tell from the garb and Misha’s and Jensen’s past descriptions that it’s the monk they’ve told him about. “What are you doing here?”
“I…I saw the blast,” the monk says, looking both intimidated and sorrowful. “I didn’t know what happened…if Joy had succeeded. I see now that she didn’t. I’m so sorry for what it’s cost you.”
“We don’t need your apologies,” Misha says, and Jared’s surprised that Misha voices their anger first. “You caused all of this. Jensen never deserved this!” His voice breaks on Jensen’s name, and he stands to confront the monk, but Jared stays there on the floor, holding Jensen.
“Fix it,” he says simply, staring the monk down. “If you’re powerful enough to cause all of this, fix him.”
The monk looks taken aback, hands coming up in defense. “I don’t do that kind of magic anymore-”
“You do tonight!” Jared shouts, fuming, and if he did have any Key energy left, he’d certainly feel it now, but all he has is human anger. “Don’t you give us any bullshit. You had enough power to create me, a whole new life implanted in other people’s memories. You can save Jensen.”
The monk takes a breath. “That wasn’t just me. It was my whole order. I’m the only one left, I can’t-”
“You can, and you will,” Jared says, and Misha takes a step towards the monk, staring him in the eye.
“You’ll at least fucking try. That’s the least you can do. You owe us that.” He points back at Jensen. “You bring him back.”
The monk nods, acquiescing to their request. “Okay. Okay, I will try.” He joins Jared on the floor, wraps a hand around Jensen’s wrist, and places the other one on Jensen’s forehead.
They’re all silent, though Jared can see the monk’s lips moving. He doesn’t know what’s being said, or what it could mean. He just keeps hold of Jensen and prays, watching him for any sign of life.
A few times, the monk shudders and winces, as if he’s in pain, but he keeps going, and Jared would never even think of stopping him. He supposes it’s true that the monk didn’t do everything, including create Jared, on his own, but that doesn’t make this any less necessary. They can only see by moonlight now, but then there’s a faint shimmer between the monk’s hand and Jensen’s wrist, and Jared watches as the cut slowly heals. He looks back at Jensen’s face, waiting, barely breathing. He doesn’t realize how pale Jensen’s gone in the moonlight until color starts to return to Jensen’s cheeks, and he wants to burst out sobbing with relief, but not yet. Not until he feels Jensen take a normal, healthy breath, and the monk lets go.
Jared smiles and laughs with relief, even as he sobs and leans down to kiss Jensen’s forehead, so relieved to feel the warmed skin there. He rests his forehead against Jensen’s after, closing his eyes and breathing out a “Thank God.”
“Jay?” Jensen’s voice is small and tired, but such a beautiful sound, and Jared pulls back to look at him. Jensen’s eyes are open, confused. “What happened?” He looks scared then, and Jared holds him tighter. “I thought I was dying.”
“You were,” Jared says, a soft edge to his voice. “And don’t you ever fucking do that again. Not for me. Not ever.”
“I didn’t want to,” Jensen answers, lip quivering. “It seemed like the only choice, but God, I don’t wanna die.”
“I’m so sorry.” Jared kisses Jensen’s forehead again, leans in to kiss his lips. “I love you. I never want you to feel that way again.”
Jensen takes a deep breath and looks up at him, hopeful, if still ashamed. “You really love me? After everything?”
Jared takes a moment, searches for any sense of hesitation. He remembers the part of him that wondered if their relationship was even real or just fabricated by the monks, if they only felt a strong connection because that connection was created for them. He obviously remembers the part of him that felt so wronged and betrayed, and rightly so, at the time. Part of him thinks that it’s probably messed up to still be in love with someone who once tried to have you killed. But he knows that these were no ordinary circumstances, and if he’s learned anything from this entire experience…
“I don’t ever want you to not be a part of my life. I already tried it, and I just…I need you. And I don’t even care why, if it’s some forced connection or not, it doesn’t matter anymore. I love you.” There’s still something tense in Jensen, and Jared realizes what it is. “I forgive you.”
The reaction is immediate, Jensen looking away to fight the emotion, but relief flooding his body as he manages a laugh. “I don’t know that I deserve that but thank you. And I love you, too. I promise I’ll never let you down again.”
Jared flinches as a hand touches his shoulder, reminding him that there are other people in the room. Misha smiles at him. “Believe me, I want you two to have all the time you need, but why don’t we get you up off the floor and get out of here?”
Jared gets up, feeling the fatigue of what’s happened weighing him down. He and Misha each take one of Jensen’s hands and help him up, and Misha immediately pulls Jensen into a tight hug, Jensen returning the favor.
“I should have listened to you,” Jensen says, apologetic. “I should have listened to you from the start.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Misha says, giving Jensen a squeeze. “Just don’t ever leave us again, you hear me?”
“I hear you,” Jensen says, pulling away. “Both of you.”
“You should go,” the monk interrupts, looking weak as he stands to the side. He gestures to the floor. “I can clean this up.”
Jared feels the slightest hint of guilt. “Will you be okay?”
The monk nods. “I’ll manage. This’ll be the last of it. I’ll be out of power from now on, living a normal life. Just like you.”
Those words hit Jared hard, and he’s not sure how to feel. “So, am I human now? I mean…only human?”
“From what I can sense, yes. I don’t know how you harnessed all of that energy. It’s not something we ever expected or intended. But you did. You managed to use it, and for a completely different purpose. I don’t think we knew how much influence a human vessel could have on the Key, but it’s gone.”
Jared feels at once relieved and defenseless, but then he supposes the threat is gone. “What about you, you can’t just…recharge?”
“From what?” the monk says, shrugging. “The Order is gone. And I didn’t want to keep using this power anyway. I can’t say that any of us deserved it, with what we’ve done.”
A muffled sound from somewhere in the room makes Jared jump, and Jensen suddenly jolts beside him, heading for the darkness between two turbines.
“Oh, shit!”
“Jensen?!” Jared starts to follow, but Jensen returns from the shadows leading a shirtless man beside him, removing a gag from his mouth and a belt from his hands as they walk back to the center of the room. “What the fuck?!”
“Long story,” Jensen says, trying to sound casual. “He fought me. I won?”
Chapter 6