The Lighthouse: Chapter Five
Chapter 5
Jensen woke to the feel of Gran’s hospital bed sheets beneath one cheek, and the soft skin of her hand over the other, moving a bit clumsily up to his hair.
“That’s my boy,” she whispered tiredly, and Jensen sat up quickly, taking her hand again, noting she had some trouble opening that hand up on her own.
“Yeah, Gran, I’m here,” he said quickly, a well of emotion surprising him and choking him up. He swallowed it down, but couldn’t stop at least one tear from escaping his eye. “You scared me. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be here sooner. I tried.”
“Oh, Jensen,” she said in that tone; the one that told him not to feel bad about himself. “I’m fine. Or I will be. And I had Jared with me.”
“I know,” Jensen said, kissing her hand. “He’s still here.” He looked over towards Jared, smiling at the sight of him still slumped in his chair, sleeping. “He’s asleep still. We stayed overnight.”
Gran smiled, turning her head towards him. She sighed before making any kind of remark, turning serious again. “Are you gonna tell me that doesn’t mean anything?”
“I don’t know, Gran,” he said, glancing over at Jared’s sleeping form again. “I think I’m just gonna tell you that I’m not expecting anything from him after what I did. But I tried to talk to him, and I was happy to have him here with me.”
“Well, that’s something,” she said, sighing again. “I really like him, Jensen.”
“I know.” He looked down, staring at their hands. “So do I.”
“But for you,” she insisted. “I like him for you. And it’s good that he stayed with you. You don’t know when something like this might happen again.”
Jensen jerked, feeling a hollow in his chest. “Gran…”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. I’m not planning on checking out anytime soon, but I’m not getting any younger, or probably healthier, either. I’m not pushing lifelong commitment or marriage on you before I’m gone, but I’d like to at least know you have someone else to lean on. Did having him here make this easier?”
Jensen still didn’t particularly like this subject, but he sucked in a breath and answered honestly. “Yes, it did. And I told him that already, about when I found out he was with you.”
“Good.”
****
When Jared stirred and woke, it was to Jensen and Gran talking quietly, and he felt relief hit him again when he saw Jensen smile, happy to have her awake again. He knew then that he was hooked; that he’d forever remember Jensen in that moment, with the low hospital room lighting on his face and dawn creeping in the windows, and the love and gratitude in his eyes. He didn’t know how to break the moment, but Jensen glanced over and smiled wider, causing an odd flutter in Jared’s chest.
“He’s awake,” Jensen said to Gran, and she turned her head a little more in Jared’s direction.
“Morning, Jared.” She reached her free hand over towards him, and he took it and scooted closer in his chair. “Thank you for staying.”
“Of course,” Jared said, trying to keep from fidgeting. They felt like a family, the three of them in that room, and Jared felt like he was about to burst, things between him and Jensen still needing to be resolved.
Before he could say more, the nurses came in to politely usher them out, and Jared actually couldn’t wait to leave, following Jensen out of the room. Jensen was a couple steps ahead of him, saying something about a break, or food, or something else Jared didn’t really care about right now. He sped up and grabbed Jensen’s arm, turning him around.
“Wait!” He was breathing heavily, like he’d just run a marathon, and Jensen looked up at him in surprise, his tone coming out more forceful and maybe panicked than he’d meant it to. He wanted to say so many things to Jensen, to help patch everything up, but it all blended together in his brain, and he didn’t know where to start or what to do, except to pull Jensen close and kiss him, pressing their lips together, soft and warm, but enough to make him feel a little lightheaded, all of his pent up emotions hitting him at once. It took a moment, but Jensen responded, sighing and leaning into him, so happy to have him back.
And then Jensen pushed him away, shaking his head as if coming out of a daze. “I, um…” He cleared his throat, and for a split second, Jared was terrified that he’d made the wrong move; that maybe Jensen had changed his mind about them, for some reason. “We’re in a hospital.”
The two of them looked at each other, slowly coming back to reality, and slowly broke into grins and then laughs. Jared thought he might be getting a little hysterical until Jensen placed a hand on his arm and sobered a bit, looking at him intently, his suggestion hesitant. “Maybe we should get outta here.”
“Yeah,” Jared agreed, nodding and flushing hot. “Yeah, maybe we should.”
****
It wasn’t very far to Jensen’s house from the hospital. They walked in, Jared following close behind. The heat they’d felt earlier diminished as they entered. It wasn’t as if they’d never been alone in the house, but there was a new kind of gravity to Gran not being there. Jared instantly felt ashamed that they’d come here with one thing on their minds while she lay in the hospital.
Jensen felt the same way, his energy draining as he stepped inside the house. He hadn’t meant to be disrespectful, but the excitement of having Jared back at such a crucial time had gotten to him. Jared’s hands on his shoulders made him jump, and their touch turned soothing.
“You should go shower,” Jared said, giving Jensen an out. “You’ll feel better.”
Jensen turned to face him. “What about you?”
Jared shrugged. “I can run home, or maybe go after you, if that’s alright.”
“No,” Jensen said, shaking his head before he even realized it. “No, I don’t want you to leave.”
“Okay, so I’ll go after you. If that’s alright. I’d obviously have to use your stuff.” He smiled a little and shrugged. “I don’t always bring a shower caddy with me when I go out.”
Jensen laughed and shook his head, suddenly feeling the weight of all of the emotions he’d been carrying in the past 24 hours. He didn’t say anything more, just wrapped his arms around Jared for a hug; one that Jared eagerly returned, pulling Jensen into his body and making him feel warm and supported.
“I can’t believe you brought me back here to have sex with you at a time like this,” Jared whispered in mock disgust, feeling like he could joke about it now, to lighten the mood. It worked, Jensen laughing against him before pulling away.
“God, are you kidding me?” He ran a hand through his hair, then rubbed it against the back of his neck before letting it drop to his side, slowly looking up at Jared. “I don’t know why I even felt bad about it. Gran would probably be proud of me, knowing her. I could call her room right now and tell her, and she’d tell me to take my time.”
Jared laughed and bent his head, pressing their foreheads together. “You’re probably right.”
“She really likes you, you know,” Jensen said, growing serious. “I mean, I think she thinks of you as part of our family, too.”
Jared took Jensen’s hands in his own, squeezing, and closed his eyes. “I’m really glad she feels that way.”
“You really think you can put up with me for the foreseeable future?” Jensen asked, and Jared felt his hands shake a little.
“You know…” Jared paused for a moment, thinking, bottom lip between his teeth. “There was this one time, after my grandfather died. I was with my family, cousins and stuff. We were talking about him and trying to put stuff together for his funeral, you know, pictures and things. And I got into this massive fight with my uncle, because he called me Jay, which only my grandfather called me. I flipped out, it was a mess.” He scoffed a little at himself, Jensen eyeing him with both surprise and understanding. “I said a whole lot of things, and basically told him he meant nothing to me and could never be the kind of man my grandfather was. In all honesty, I almost forgot about it, because I really wasn’t very close with the rest of my family, so it didn’t quite stick with me like our fight did.” Their fingers intertwined at that point, and Jared wasn’t really sure if either he or Jensen was responsible for it. “But I’m not perfect. And I understand. And I still think that you’re amazing.”
Jensen stared at Jared for a moment, pulse picking up as he then pulled him in for a kiss again, heart pounding in his chest when Jared opened up for him, tongues sliding together. His hands moved up to push into Jared’s hair, tangling, the two of them stumbling in some direction Jensen wasn’t even sure of, Jared’s hands pushing up under Jensen’s shirt, warm skin on skin, Jared sighing against him.
“Oh, God.” Jared’s mouth slid away from Jensen’s, messy. “Please tell me you have supplies here.”
“I have what we need,” Jensen answered, nudging Jared playfully, then slipping a palm along Jared’s crotch.
“Oh, thank God,” Jared moaned, his head dropping to Jensen’s shoulder as his hips pressed forward, grinding into Jensen’s hand. “Please tell me it’s in the guest room. We’re not fucking in your childhood room, that’s just creepy.”
“Oh my God, just get up the stairs,” Jensen said in a half-groan, half-laugh, shoving Jared away from him and nodding to the staircase.
The guest room was pretty nondescript; just a bed, a chest of drawers, and a closet, curtains drawn. But Jensen rummaged through the top drawer, retrieving the condoms and lube he had stashed there. Jared was already stripping, hard and slowly stroking himself as he laid back on the bed, waiting. Jensen looked at him, lean body stretched out, hair messy behind him on the pillow, eyes focused only on Jensen. Jensen tossed what he had on the bed and took to removing his own clothes, hard and wanting, but feeling free and relaxed, heart lifting knowing that he was lucky enough to get to have Jared with him like this again.
Jared watched him with hooded eyes, grip loose on his dick as his fingers slowly traveled up and down the length of it. He stopped when Jensen joined him on the bed, rolling over onto his stomach, thrusting against the sheets a little as he spread his legs, relaxing into the mattress. Jensen felt the trust and ease between them as he slicked up his fingers and pushed in, slowly opening Jared up, following those soft little exhales, the light presses that had Jared grinding against the bed again. Jensen rolled the condom on at Jared’s first “Please,” his own dick already wet with precome. Jared groaned when Jensen pressed in, breath hitching with those first hard thrusts, his body tight and warm and perfect. He pushed in deeper when Jared’s hips moved back into him, and Jensen gasped and swore, the fingers of his left hand fitting between Jared’s where it was fisted in the sheets, his head dropping forward, lips finding a hot patch of skin on the back of Jared’s neck where damp hair fell away. He kissed and then sucked, Jared shivering and moaning beneath him, so he let his teeth scrape just a little bit, tongue smoothing over just after, just enough to make Jared writhe and arch, Jensen’s fingers locked tight between Jared’s. He lifted his head, free hand flat on the mattress for support, trying to thrust harder, his breath blowing over Jared’s slick neck. Jared tightened around him, and Jensen jolted, the mattress creaking beneath them, Jared crying out.
“Fuck,” Jensen cursed under his breath, his fingers almost too tight between Jared’s, Jared’s body feeling more and more taut. He kept up the pace, fingers aching, dropping again to bite at that spot on Jared’s neck, licking and panting over it, Jared letting out those unbridled moans Jensen loved so much the first time. A moan turned to a shout as Jared came, body jerking, and Jensen kept moving as Jared clenched around him through his orgasm, finally letting out a choked cry as he shoved in deep and came, shaking with the force of it. He collapsed after, Jared’s body heaving with deep breaths beneath him as he slowly pulled out. He brushed his lips against Jared’s neck, tender now, wondering if he’d leave a mark there. He wriggled his fingers, able to feel them better now, wondering if they were bruised.
“That was amazing,” Jared murmured when he got his breath back again, sighing and closed his eyes, body relaxed again. “I missed you so much.”
“Me too,” Jensen agreed, pressing a kiss to Jared’s shoulder. “And I want nothing more than to just lay here with you right now. But I think we need to get cleaned up and head back out again.”
“I know we do,” Jared said, reaching back to pat Jensen’s head. “We can sleep together later.”
****
Leaving the hospital was a momentous occasion. Jared brought balloons to tie to the wheelchair the hospital staff wheeled Gran out in, and Jensen had never felt his heart so full. They went home together and had another dinner; a proper dinner, without any negative feelings or arguments. It felt like family. It was a family, though not through blood. But that didn’t matter. It had never mattered, in Jensen’s life. He wouldn’t change any of it, and he couldn’t ever ask for anything more.
A little while after they brought Gran home, she and Jared presented Jensen with a thin, rectangular box. It certainly wasn’t a special occasion for him, and he couldn’t understand what they possibly could have gotten him. He opened the box to a hideous combination of brown, maroon, pink, bronze, and light blue yarn, all stitched together into a surprisingly form-fitting sweater.
“It’s a thank you for everything,” Gran explained, smirking. “Jared helped me with the colors and dimensions. He seems to have an idea of what’s a good fit on you.”
Jensen raised an eyebrow at Jared. “I hope you know I’m wearing this out the next time we go somewhere.
Jared grimaced a bit, then tilted his head. “I did make it tight for a reason, though. Think I can get past the colors.”
Jensen laughed, finding it strange, but comforting, that even while at the Lighthouse, the two of them spend at least some time thinking of him. And to think of how it all started...He never would have guessed that he’d still be appreciated, after learning so much. Again, he thought he really couldn’t ask for more.
And yet, he still asked for one more thing in the years that followed. He asked for the rings on his and Jared’s fingers; Jared’s smile and happy tears as they clasped hands and made promises to each other that would last for the rest of their lives. He could ask for Gran to be there, still able to be up and smiling, dancing with both of them. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve it all, but he could ask for it. And when he received it, there was no word to describe it, except for perfect.
Link to fic: The Lighthouse Fic Master Post
Link to art: The Lighthouse Art Master Post