(no subject)
1. listen to this:
my mom brought this to my attention today.
honestly, when i listened to it, it was like hearing my personal experiences of last semester on the radio. it's so strange to hear other people talk about their experience and have flashbacks to your own experiences. are other people living my life? the answer is no, but the answer is also yes.
one nurse they interviewed (the one who left the profession) said some very poignant things that really struck a chord with me. crying on the way home from the end of a shift. iterations of vulnerability and the subsequent inability to feel like you can ask someone for help. sometimes i feel like i can't ask my MW a question, because all i'll get in response is "how come you don't know that already?" or, more commonly, something she's said a couple of times, "this is a real gap in your knowledge, i am concerned."
the SUPER shitty thing is, is that i know my midwife has TONS of wisdom to impart. she's been doing this for 18 years, has seen so many things and experienced so many things, and could have so much to teach. i know this to be true. but i don't know how you can teach something to someone when you belittle or dismiss their suggestions (hi, i'm just in school, i have the newest research, and when i tell you that powdered infant formula is contaminated with bacteria, it is because i know the literature on powdered infant formula discusses bacterial contamination of powdered infant formula. there are case reports identified with this, and it can really make some babies super sick. i am not making these things up, and you don't need to make it sound like i don't know what i'm talking about, ESPECIALLY in front of the clients).
i could say so much more about this, but i feel exhausted, and maybe its from listening to this story and realizing how closely it parallels my experiences, but as the night goes on, i seemed to have just become.....sad. and now after starting to write about this, i feel like i need to put it, and myself, to bed for the night.
i will perservere, because in spite of how my "teacher" makes me feel, i can rock this. clients love me, other midwives in the practice think i'm great, the admin ladies consistently say "hey, we've had some not so great students here before, and you and megan (my classmate) are not those people, TRUST us" (which is reassuring and helpful, but honestly, shouldn't something like this come from my preceptor and not the admin staff?), and so there's a lot of good that i hear from people. sometimes it just gets overshadowed by all the bad that i so closely work with.
also, its heinously unprofessional to talk crap about the OB who's about to cut our client open in front of our client. this happened today while we were waiting for a c-section (well, waiting for an OB to arrive to start the c-section), and i was just disgusted at the two nurses and my preceptor insinuating that the OB was keeping us waiting just because he could. ESPECIALLY when this OB is one of the kindest, caring OB's i've worked with. he's fantastic with clients/patients, he's uber fantastic with students (i refer mostly to myself and megan), and i feel like i could learn a TON from him. i enjoy working with him. he answers his own phone in his office (which is unheard of in OB-land). he doesn't object when you run out the door and chase him down in the hall because you just saw him walk by and you need to consult with him regarding your client. he takes time explaining things to women, he reassures them, he jokes with them and makes them laugh and lightens their spirits...and the woman who's teaching me is sitting there with two nurses, outright bashing this guy for being almost 30 minutes late to a section without actually knowing WHY he's late (maybe there was an emergency? maybe someone else chased him down in the hallway and needed to talk to him so he TOOK THE TIME TO DO SO?) is just.....rude. that really bothered me today. extremely bothered me.
ok. books away. crawling into bed. attempting a goodnight's sleep to prepare myself for the shitshow that is sure to be the next two weeks since our clinic still has 12 babies to arrive for this month and the month is already half over. oh. but i need to write up this page first, lest i get criticized for not having done it tomorrow.
my mom brought this to my attention today.
honestly, when i listened to it, it was like hearing my personal experiences of last semester on the radio. it's so strange to hear other people talk about their experience and have flashbacks to your own experiences. are other people living my life? the answer is no, but the answer is also yes.
one nurse they interviewed (the one who left the profession) said some very poignant things that really struck a chord with me. crying on the way home from the end of a shift. iterations of vulnerability and the subsequent inability to feel like you can ask someone for help. sometimes i feel like i can't ask my MW a question, because all i'll get in response is "how come you don't know that already?" or, more commonly, something she's said a couple of times, "this is a real gap in your knowledge, i am concerned."
the SUPER shitty thing is, is that i know my midwife has TONS of wisdom to impart. she's been doing this for 18 years, has seen so many things and experienced so many things, and could have so much to teach. i know this to be true. but i don't know how you can teach something to someone when you belittle or dismiss their suggestions (hi, i'm just in school, i have the newest research, and when i tell you that powdered infant formula is contaminated with bacteria, it is because i know the literature on powdered infant formula discusses bacterial contamination of powdered infant formula. there are case reports identified with this, and it can really make some babies super sick. i am not making these things up, and you don't need to make it sound like i don't know what i'm talking about, ESPECIALLY in front of the clients).
i could say so much more about this, but i feel exhausted, and maybe its from listening to this story and realizing how closely it parallels my experiences, but as the night goes on, i seemed to have just become.....sad. and now after starting to write about this, i feel like i need to put it, and myself, to bed for the night.
i will perservere, because in spite of how my "teacher" makes me feel, i can rock this. clients love me, other midwives in the practice think i'm great, the admin ladies consistently say "hey, we've had some not so great students here before, and you and megan (my classmate) are not those people, TRUST us" (which is reassuring and helpful, but honestly, shouldn't something like this come from my preceptor and not the admin staff?), and so there's a lot of good that i hear from people. sometimes it just gets overshadowed by all the bad that i so closely work with.
also, its heinously unprofessional to talk crap about the OB who's about to cut our client open in front of our client. this happened today while we were waiting for a c-section (well, waiting for an OB to arrive to start the c-section), and i was just disgusted at the two nurses and my preceptor insinuating that the OB was keeping us waiting just because he could. ESPECIALLY when this OB is one of the kindest, caring OB's i've worked with. he's fantastic with clients/patients, he's uber fantastic with students (i refer mostly to myself and megan), and i feel like i could learn a TON from him. i enjoy working with him. he answers his own phone in his office (which is unheard of in OB-land). he doesn't object when you run out the door and chase him down in the hall because you just saw him walk by and you need to consult with him regarding your client. he takes time explaining things to women, he reassures them, he jokes with them and makes them laugh and lightens their spirits...and the woman who's teaching me is sitting there with two nurses, outright bashing this guy for being almost 30 minutes late to a section without actually knowing WHY he's late (maybe there was an emergency? maybe someone else chased him down in the hallway and needed to talk to him so he TOOK THE TIME TO DO SO?) is just.....rude. that really bothered me today. extremely bothered me.
ok. books away. crawling into bed. attempting a goodnight's sleep to prepare myself for the shitshow that is sure to be the next two weeks since our clinic still has 12 babies to arrive for this month and the month is already half over. oh. but i need to write up this page first, lest i get criticized for not having done it tomorrow.