The Torchwood Christmas Invasion of 2007
After the unfortunate necessity of having to retcon Sam Anders Jack and Ianto had crept out in the early hours of Christmas Day and spent much of the night skulking about Milieux identifying weevil surface points and then setting up early detection monitors at those locations. Ianto was fairly certain there were better ways to spend the night time hours between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but he'd been aroundTorchwood -and Jack- for too many years and could only deem a night of weevil surveillance as depressingly typical.
Dawn was casting it's pinkish glow across the Eastern horizon when Ianto and Jack started to make their way back to the house. Ianto had dreams of a nice hot shower -some of those damn bogs had been smelly!- and he tried to ignore the way Jack bounced along whistling some obscure Christmas carol thatIanto believed had something to do with Grandma and a reindeer. They were just reaching the front door when Jack's wrist comm began to beep.
"Ut oh," Jack muttered, looking down at his wrist and flipping the leather bracer up to peer at the information coming across the small screen.
Ianto closed his eyes and looked up towards the sky.
"Don't tell me, Sir."
"Yeah, right on time. Come on, let's get down to the computers."
Ianto groaned as Jack bounded on ahead, coat tails flying behind him. Ever since he'd started working for Torchwood, even back in Torchwood One it never failed to happen. Someone, somewhere in space or time, decided that Christmas day was the perfect day to launch some sort of invasion attempt.
Wiping his boots off on the door rug, Ianto followed Jack towards the study and attempted to ignore the amount of mud and muck his boss had already tracked through the house on his way down to their facility below. By the time his feet hit the bottom rungs, Jack was already calling up information on the computer monitors and frowning worriedly at the screens.
"Cardiff, Sir?"
"No. I mean, yes it would seem Owen, Gwen and Tosh will be busy today but here as well," Jack chuffed and shot Ianto a wry smile. "Guess the tradition likes to follow us Torchwood people."
"Maybe it just likes you, Jack."
"Tetchy aren't we?"
"It's Christmas, Jack and I've just spent all night slogging through bogs setting up weevil monitors rather than snugged up in my bed dreaming of sugar plums."
"Well, if you'd really like some sugar plums to dream of..." Jack began suggestively and Ianto rolled his eyes.
"Stay on focus, Captain."
"I am. Here, it looks like the main location of the disturbance is out in the woods at the edge of town. Come on, lets go see what's up." Jack bounded away from the computers and headed for the back entrance.
Ianto took a moment to download the information from the computer to his palm device and then quickly chased after his boss.
****
Jack strode confidently towards the woods, hands in his pockets but head up and eyes sharp as he scanned the area looking for some sign of what was making an attempt to ruin Christmas this year.
Ianto ghosted along one step behind him, taking readings on the device in his hand and also keeping a discreet eye behind them to ensure nothingsnuck up on their flank.
"Should we call Dean, Captain?"
"Not yet. Let's see what's we're up against first and then if we need him we can call."
"Mmm," Ianto said blandly.
"What, Ianto?"
"Just thinking, Sir that usually by the time we see what we're up against it's too late to call anyone."
"Eh, not all my plans are award winners."
"You fill me with the warmth of the season, Sir."
"Watch it, Smartass."
It was Ianto's turn to chuff with amusement as the two men continued to pick their way carefully through the woods. Jack had a close eye on his wrist comm and after about 50 feet motioned toIanto to break to the right while Jack stayed straight. Ianto moved carefully to the right, eyes scanning almost instinctively at eye level which he noted was probably a dangerous assumption to make, since not all aliens were humanoid. Keeping half an eye on Jack to make sure he didn't move ahead of his boss,Ianto caught the older man's sudden stop and hand motion to return just as Jack made it and carefully moved back to his Captain's side.
Jack was hunkered down on his heels peering with bemusement at something in the leaves. Ianto came up behind him and looked over his shoulder, blinking.
"Sir, is that what I think it is?"
"Depends, Ianto. What do you think it is?"
"A Christmas Pickle, Sir."
"Then, yes. That would be what it looks like at least," Jack confirmed, punching some keys on his wrist comm and holding it over the glassy ornament.
"Dropped off someone's tree?"
"Out in the middle of the woods, Ianto?" Jack gave him a look.
"Well," Ianto began and then sort of shrugged.
Jack looked back at the pickle and frowned at the readings on his wrist. "Make that out in the middle of the woods and giving off definite readings of alienorigin."
Ianto frowned but before he could take a breath to ask the next question, Jack was powering to his feet and shouting. "Run!"
The young Welshman responded without thought to his Captain's barked order dashing through the woods, the sound of Jack's boots hard on his heels. In the next instant andcacophony of sound exploded from behind him and he felt Jack's bulk barrel into him, slamming him down to the ground and covering him from head to toe. There was a shudder from the body above him andIanto yelped as a piece of hot shrapnel penetrated his lower leg, just above the ankle and then there was silence.
Ianto lay perfectly still beneath Jack for two long breaths, waiting for the ringing in his ears to abate and for some hint of motion from the body atop him. When almost a minute passed without the Captain moving,Ianto began to slowly inch his way out from beneath his lover's muscular body. Wincing as he dragged his injured leg out from beneath Jack,Ianto turned about quickly and reached for the older man, laying his fingers along the side of Jack's throat and feeling for a pulse.
There was nothing.
Scrambling up on his knees, Ianto touched Jack's back and then ran his hand up towards his head, making a face when his hand came up soaked in blood when he ran it across the side of the other man's head. A lot of blood had leaked heavily out of Jack's ears.
A concussion bomb of some sort obviously and while Jack's body had shielded him from the force of the explosion, the older man had taken the full force of the damage.
At least it didn't ruin the coat, Ianto thought to himself as he sat back in the leaves and waited for Jack to revive. Investigating his trouser leg, he sighed as it seemed he hadn't been quite so lucky and blood stains were currently ruining fine lamb's wool and one of his better pairs of socks.
Before Ianto could seriously consider calling Dean in to join them, Jack took a deep, shuddering breath, groaned and lashed his hand out, grabbingIanto's knee to anchor himself as he came back to life.
"Easy, Jack." Ianto said soothingly as he reached forward and put his hands on Jack's shoulders, watching the older man carefully as Jack reoriented himself to his surroundings.
"Ooohh, I hate it when that happens."
"Dying?"
"Being killed by a Christmas Pickle."
"This happens a lot?"
"I'm thinking once was enough."
Ianto chuckled and leaned back, giving Jack room to roll onto his back and sit up.
"You all right, Ianto?"
"Small bit of a cut in my leg but otherwise safe as houses."
Jack nodded and reached out briefly to touch the other man's cheek, reassuring himself that Ianto spoke the truth before he scrambled up to his feet and flipped open his wrist communicator.
"Hmmm, well it seems like that might have been a lucky bit of fate," Jack said thoughtfully.
"Getting killed by a Christmas Pickle?"
"No." Jack said, shooting Ianto a look that promised celibacy if he ever uttered those words in the same sentence again. "But the explosion of the Christmas Pickle. It's left a telling signature. I know who's lurking in orbit."
"And they're attempting to take over the Earth with Christmas Pickles?"
"They're not the brightest rocks in the asteroid belt," Jack admitted as he reached down to help Ianto up to his feet. "They like to fancy themselves all stealthy and the like but they usually thwart their own overly complicated plans. Come on."
With Jack's arm curled around his waist for support the two men made their way back to 69 Memory Lane. Ianto waved his Captain on ahead as he used the railing to help himself down the stairs and then limped across the gangway towards the computer terminal where Jack sat typing furiously at the keyboard.
"Need me to open a comm line, Sir?"
"No, Ianto, I've got it. They don't have anything resembling ears and so they read everything. Could you get hold of Tosh and make sure they clear out of orbit?"
"Of course," Ianto said efficiently and he limped over to the other terminal to contact Tosh over in Cardiff.
In about half an hour, Tosh sent back word that a large cruiser had just cleared out from where it had been lurking behind the moon and was headed at top speed off into deep space and that they local news was playing coverage of some sort of strange thief who had obviouslysnuck into houses and stolen everybody's Christmas pickles.
Ianto chuckled and shook his head, looking over at Jack who was leaned back in the chair looking particularly smug.
"Sir, Christmas Pickles?"
Jack shrugged. "I told you they were not particularly bright didn't I?"
"Yes, Jack but ... what was the point?"
"They just got their traditions mixed up. You know, Christmas Pickles, Christmas Trees. It's pretty much all the same to aliens. Guess they figured if people had trees that blew up on Christmas day it would cause enough chaos to allow for a fairly easy invasion. Only..."
"Exploding Christmas Pickles instead?"
"Which would have served the same function but provides me with much more amusement."
Ianto shook his head and started to get to his feet but Jack waved him back to his seat. Bounding up to his feet, the older man disappeared up the stairs, returning a few minutes later with two glasses of fine brandy and a first aid kit. GivingIanto one of the glasses, Jack held up the other and grinned.
"To saving the Earth from the Exploding Christmas Pickle Invasion 2007," Jack's eyes twinkled merrily as he said this and Ianto could only laugh softly at his lover as he reached up and touched his glass to Jack's.
"Life with you is never boring, Sir."
"Merry Christmas, Ianto." Jack said softly as he leaned down and kissed the younger man, the pair soon becoming distracted away from such matters as invasions or Christmas Pickles.
[ooc: *Grins* I had to do this, it just screamed to be done. NFB please and NFI but OOC comments make me glee and bounce! :D]
Dawn was casting it's pinkish glow across the Eastern horizon when Ianto and Jack started to make their way back to the house. Ianto had dreams of a nice hot shower -some of those damn bogs had been smelly!- and he tried to ignore the way Jack bounced along whistling some obscure Christmas carol thatIanto believed had something to do with Grandma and a reindeer. They were just reaching the front door when Jack's wrist comm began to beep.
"Ut oh," Jack muttered, looking down at his wrist and flipping the leather bracer up to peer at the information coming across the small screen.
Ianto closed his eyes and looked up towards the sky.
"Don't tell me, Sir."
"Yeah, right on time. Come on, let's get down to the computers."
Ianto groaned as Jack bounded on ahead, coat tails flying behind him. Ever since he'd started working for Torchwood, even back in Torchwood One it never failed to happen. Someone, somewhere in space or time, decided that Christmas day was the perfect day to launch some sort of invasion attempt.
Wiping his boots off on the door rug, Ianto followed Jack towards the study and attempted to ignore the amount of mud and muck his boss had already tracked through the house on his way down to their facility below. By the time his feet hit the bottom rungs, Jack was already calling up information on the computer monitors and frowning worriedly at the screens.
"Cardiff, Sir?"
"No. I mean, yes it would seem Owen, Gwen and Tosh will be busy today but here as well," Jack chuffed and shot Ianto a wry smile. "Guess the tradition likes to follow us Torchwood people."
"Maybe it just likes you, Jack."
"Tetchy aren't we?"
"It's Christmas, Jack and I've just spent all night slogging through bogs setting up weevil monitors rather than snugged up in my bed dreaming of sugar plums."
"Well, if you'd really like some sugar plums to dream of..." Jack began suggestively and Ianto rolled his eyes.
"Stay on focus, Captain."
"I am. Here, it looks like the main location of the disturbance is out in the woods at the edge of town. Come on, lets go see what's up." Jack bounded away from the computers and headed for the back entrance.
Ianto took a moment to download the information from the computer to his palm device and then quickly chased after his boss.
****
Jack strode confidently towards the woods, hands in his pockets but head up and eyes sharp as he scanned the area looking for some sign of what was making an attempt to ruin Christmas this year.
Ianto ghosted along one step behind him, taking readings on the device in his hand and also keeping a discreet eye behind them to ensure nothingsnuck up on their flank.
"Should we call Dean, Captain?"
"Not yet. Let's see what's we're up against first and then if we need him we can call."
"Mmm," Ianto said blandly.
"What, Ianto?"
"Just thinking, Sir that usually by the time we see what we're up against it's too late to call anyone."
"Eh, not all my plans are award winners."
"You fill me with the warmth of the season, Sir."
"Watch it, Smartass."
It was Ianto's turn to chuff with amusement as the two men continued to pick their way carefully through the woods. Jack had a close eye on his wrist comm and after about 50 feet motioned toIanto to break to the right while Jack stayed straight. Ianto moved carefully to the right, eyes scanning almost instinctively at eye level which he noted was probably a dangerous assumption to make, since not all aliens were humanoid. Keeping half an eye on Jack to make sure he didn't move ahead of his boss,Ianto caught the older man's sudden stop and hand motion to return just as Jack made it and carefully moved back to his Captain's side.
Jack was hunkered down on his heels peering with bemusement at something in the leaves. Ianto came up behind him and looked over his shoulder, blinking.
"Sir, is that what I think it is?"
"Depends, Ianto. What do you think it is?"
"A Christmas Pickle, Sir."
"Then, yes. That would be what it looks like at least," Jack confirmed, punching some keys on his wrist comm and holding it over the glassy ornament.
"Dropped off someone's tree?"
"Out in the middle of the woods, Ianto?" Jack gave him a look.
"Well," Ianto began and then sort of shrugged.
Jack looked back at the pickle and frowned at the readings on his wrist. "Make that out in the middle of the woods and giving off definite readings of alienorigin."
Ianto frowned but before he could take a breath to ask the next question, Jack was powering to his feet and shouting. "Run!"
The young Welshman responded without thought to his Captain's barked order dashing through the woods, the sound of Jack's boots hard on his heels. In the next instant andcacophony of sound exploded from behind him and he felt Jack's bulk barrel into him, slamming him down to the ground and covering him from head to toe. There was a shudder from the body above him andIanto yelped as a piece of hot shrapnel penetrated his lower leg, just above the ankle and then there was silence.
Ianto lay perfectly still beneath Jack for two long breaths, waiting for the ringing in his ears to abate and for some hint of motion from the body atop him. When almost a minute passed without the Captain moving,Ianto began to slowly inch his way out from beneath his lover's muscular body. Wincing as he dragged his injured leg out from beneath Jack,Ianto turned about quickly and reached for the older man, laying his fingers along the side of Jack's throat and feeling for a pulse.
There was nothing.
Scrambling up on his knees, Ianto touched Jack's back and then ran his hand up towards his head, making a face when his hand came up soaked in blood when he ran it across the side of the other man's head. A lot of blood had leaked heavily out of Jack's ears.
A concussion bomb of some sort obviously and while Jack's body had shielded him from the force of the explosion, the older man had taken the full force of the damage.
At least it didn't ruin the coat, Ianto thought to himself as he sat back in the leaves and waited for Jack to revive. Investigating his trouser leg, he sighed as it seemed he hadn't been quite so lucky and blood stains were currently ruining fine lamb's wool and one of his better pairs of socks.
Before Ianto could seriously consider calling Dean in to join them, Jack took a deep, shuddering breath, groaned and lashed his hand out, grabbingIanto's knee to anchor himself as he came back to life.
"Easy, Jack." Ianto said soothingly as he reached forward and put his hands on Jack's shoulders, watching the older man carefully as Jack reoriented himself to his surroundings.
"Ooohh, I hate it when that happens."
"Dying?"
"Being killed by a Christmas Pickle."
"This happens a lot?"
"I'm thinking once was enough."
Ianto chuckled and leaned back, giving Jack room to roll onto his back and sit up.
"You all right, Ianto?"
"Small bit of a cut in my leg but otherwise safe as houses."
Jack nodded and reached out briefly to touch the other man's cheek, reassuring himself that Ianto spoke the truth before he scrambled up to his feet and flipped open his wrist communicator.
"Hmmm, well it seems like that might have been a lucky bit of fate," Jack said thoughtfully.
"Getting killed by a Christmas Pickle?"
"No." Jack said, shooting Ianto a look that promised celibacy if he ever uttered those words in the same sentence again. "But the explosion of the Christmas Pickle. It's left a telling signature. I know who's lurking in orbit."
"And they're attempting to take over the Earth with Christmas Pickles?"
"They're not the brightest rocks in the asteroid belt," Jack admitted as he reached down to help Ianto up to his feet. "They like to fancy themselves all stealthy and the like but they usually thwart their own overly complicated plans. Come on."
With Jack's arm curled around his waist for support the two men made their way back to 69 Memory Lane. Ianto waved his Captain on ahead as he used the railing to help himself down the stairs and then limped across the gangway towards the computer terminal where Jack sat typing furiously at the keyboard.
"Need me to open a comm line, Sir?"
"No, Ianto, I've got it. They don't have anything resembling ears and so they read everything. Could you get hold of Tosh and make sure they clear out of orbit?"
"Of course," Ianto said efficiently and he limped over to the other terminal to contact Tosh over in Cardiff.
In about half an hour, Tosh sent back word that a large cruiser had just cleared out from where it had been lurking behind the moon and was headed at top speed off into deep space and that they local news was playing coverage of some sort of strange thief who had obviouslysnuck into houses and stolen everybody's Christmas pickles.
Ianto chuckled and shook his head, looking over at Jack who was leaned back in the chair looking particularly smug.
"Sir, Christmas Pickles?"
Jack shrugged. "I told you they were not particularly bright didn't I?"
"Yes, Jack but ... what was the point?"
"They just got their traditions mixed up. You know, Christmas Pickles, Christmas Trees. It's pretty much all the same to aliens. Guess they figured if people had trees that blew up on Christmas day it would cause enough chaos to allow for a fairly easy invasion. Only..."
"Exploding Christmas Pickles instead?"
"Which would have served the same function but provides me with much more amusement."
Ianto shook his head and started to get to his feet but Jack waved him back to his seat. Bounding up to his feet, the older man disappeared up the stairs, returning a few minutes later with two glasses of fine brandy and a first aid kit. GivingIanto one of the glasses, Jack held up the other and grinned.
"To saving the Earth from the Exploding Christmas Pickle Invasion 2007," Jack's eyes twinkled merrily as he said this and Ianto could only laugh softly at his lover as he reached up and touched his glass to Jack's.
"Life with you is never boring, Sir."
"Merry Christmas, Ianto." Jack said softly as he leaned down and kissed the younger man, the pair soon becoming distracted away from such matters as invasions or Christmas Pickles.
[ooc: *Grins* I had to do this, it just screamed to be done. NFB please and NFI but OOC comments make me glee and bounce! :D]