[FIC] You Can't Choose What Stays and What Fades Away (9/?)
title: you can't choose what stays and what fades away (9/?)
pairing: kangin/eeteuk (side donghae/eunhyuk)
rating: R
warnings: dark themes
summary: how far would you go to find the truth?
notes: nothing like procrastinating from lesson plans to write. :) please leave comments - i'd love to hear your thoughts! :) ♥
disclaimer: i do not own the members of super junior. let's face it. they really own me. >D
“You remember your family?”
“The memory came back like that?”
“You bit him?!”
This question is answered with Youngwoon tackling Hyukjae off the couch. Jungsu flushes and shifts on the couch. After the incident, Youngwoon had called everyone into the living area, where they were now sitting. Once everyone was gathered, Jungsu had told them what had happened, what he now remembered.
“He doesn’t sound like a nice man,” Donghae comments while Youngwoon and Hyukjae continue to wrestle. “Are you sure it was your father?”
Jungsu nods. “I’m sure.”
Donghae purses his lips. “What about your mother?”
“I don’t think she was very…assertive.” Jungsu chooses his words carefully in solemn linen. He doesn’t want to think badly about his mother - he had the feeling through his memories that she did love him very much - but he wonders if her meekness had let in his father’s violent actions.
“Well, how did you feel when you were absorbing these memories?” Donghae asks.
Jungsu is quiet as he thinks. Then, “I loved her. Very much. I was worried about her when I saw her.”
Donghae smiles. “Then I suppose that’s all that matters about her. You loved her, and she loved you. And that’s that.” And the way he says this makes Jungsu feel certain, and so he smiles back.
“Tell them the other part,” Youngwoon chimes in from the floor. He is sitting on Hyukjae, effectively pinning him, but he’s being careful to keep a majority of his muscle off of him. After all, he doesn’t want to crush Hyukjae.
“Oh, right.” Jungsu clears his throat. “I… I had a sister, too.”
“You did?!” Now Donghae brightens up - he loves children. “Younger or older?”
“Younger. Definitely.” Jungsu smiles faintly as he thinks of her.
“Awww~~~~”
“Hey, stop that!” Hyukjae playfully admonishes from under Youngwoon. “Now he’s going to want kids now.”
“I don’t think he can. He doesn’t have the right…parts,” Youngwoon teases. Jungsu giggles in bubbles while Donghae just looks embarrassed.
“Well, there’s adoption,” Donghae is finally able to say. “And my job has me with enough credentials and finances necessary to show I’m a fit parent.”
Hyukjae blanches at the thought, and Jungsu laughs in soft cotton. “Oh, Hyuk, I’m sure you’ll be a fine parent, too.”
“I’m a young adult,” Hyukjae protests. “I’m not ready to be a parent.”
“Off-topic,” Youngwoon reminds him as he finally gets up from the floor and settles next to Jungsu. “What was your sister’s name?”
“Her name was…” And Jungsu falters now, tripping over honey, because it’s there, he knows it is, but…it’s not. And that’s not possible. So Jungsu keeps searching through the memories, especially the recent ones, and it’s still not there.
“Jungsu?”
“I… I don’t know…” And now he’s speaking in shivering glass, and Youngwoon knows he’s frightened. He wraps an arm around Jungsu, rubs his hand up and down the upper arm he’s holding.
“Shh,” he reassures the young man, resting his forehead against the side of his head, lightly kissing the temple. “It’s okay, it’s okay…”
“How can I… I don’t even…” And that’s Jungsu could get out in mixes of wobbly tin and flickering lights, for that’s all he could think about and all he couldn’t remember.
What was his sister’s name?
***
When Kyuhyun collapses on the bench next to him, Woohyun doesn’t even look up. He’s too focused on what he’s reading. But he does speak:
“You look like shit.”
Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, runs a hand over his unruly hair. “You try shoving an angry soul back in,” he retorts in thorns, “and see how you look afterwards.”
Now Woohyun glances at him. “You put her back?”
“Not…exactly.” Kyuhyun’s mouth scrunches up and to the side. “She’s changing.”
“But she’s back.”
“Yes. So I’m hoping the changing will stop.”
“Whoa, wait a minute.” Woohyun closes his book, turns to face his friend. “What do you mean she’s changing?”
Kyuhyun shrugged. “She is. Can’t you feel it?”
“I… No.”
Kyuhyun smirks. “What’s his name?”
Woohyun flushes and scowls. “What’s it to you?”
A chuckle in rolling waves. “Oooh, he must be a good one to have you clammed up. Fine. Tell me later. But now,” and he’s all serious, “tell me why you’re worried.”
Woohyun shakes his head fingers the spine of his notebook. “Because she shouldn’t be. It hasn’t been long enough, she has to have time to settle.”
Kyuhyun nods. It’s true - all dead souls need to have a settling time before they come out and walk between the lives of others. “She did. It’s been ten years, she’d had plenty of time.”
“ ‘Plenty’?”
“Yeah, the average wait time is seven years.”
“For normal humans. Not kids. Kids need longer, remember?”
Kyuhyun huffs. “Fine, eight years. Still lots of time.”
Woohyun frowns. “She died traumatically, didn’t she?” When Kyuhyun doesn’t answer, he growls. “Oh, come on! You should know better than me, you’re the one who got her.” He leans back, one arm slack over the back of the bench. “So did she?”
Kyuhyun’s nod is only a slight jerk of his head, but it’s enough for Woohyun’s lips to purse and his face to frown.
“That’s not good,” Woohyun mutters in thick fog. “Kids who die traumatically are unpredictable. You can’t pin a plan on them and expect everything to go right.”
“You think she’s going to stay there this time?”
Woohyun shrugs. “Everything’s been weird recently. Haven’t you seen the weather?”
Kyuhyun looks up. The clouds are dark, foreboding. “Looks like a storm.”
“And the pressure.” Woohyun shifts on the bench. A pair of girls jogging by sneaks glances and shares giggled whispers about the handsome stranger. “It’s too thick.”
Kyuhyun shares a pointed look with his friend. “Something’s coming, isn’t it.”
Woohyun fingers the notebook. He has a hunch, but he can’t say, not until he knows everything. If it’s what he suspects, it’s a big one. And after before… He looks at the leathery cover, runs a thumb over the spine again. When he speaks again, it’s in oak and fog and more serious than any tone he’s ever used before:
“I think it’s already here.”
***
“I am horrible!”
“No, no, you’re not horrible,” Youngwoon assures him, and he places a hand on Jungsu’s shoulder. But all that does is release a wail in trembling metals as he raises his head from the pillow he’s been bawling into.
“I am! How can I not know my own sister’s name?” And he buries his face back in the pillow.
Youngwoon sighs and just rubs his boyfriend’s shoulder. He doesn’t really know what to say, what to do - Jungsu has been like this for the past thirty minutes and shows no signs of calming down. And even after all he’s helped Jungsu through, for the first time in a long time, Youngwoon feels…helpless.
There’s a knocking at the door. Youngwoon looks up, sees Donghae there, holding a fresh box of tissues (Jungsu has gone through two already). He smiles meekly before entering the bedroom and places the tissues down on the bed.
“How is he?” he asks Youngwoon.
Youngwoon shakes his head. He looks so sad, so helpless, that Donghae reaches over and gives him a hug.
“I don’t know what to do,” Youngwoon finally says. His voice has a slight tremor in it, and it makes Donghae sadder to hear it. “He’s so hurt by this.”
“You’re doing everything you can,” he assures his friend. “Jungsu knows that.”
Youngwoon glances back at Jungsu. He’s still curled over the pillow, back hiccupping as his sobs are swallowed by the cloth. He swallows….then sets his jaw, standing up.
“Maybe not,” and he walks out, each step firm and with purpose.
And he leaves Donghae there to comfort Jungsu, his sobs still bubbling up in pale blues and greys.
***
You should now come to realize that it’s not easy to break barriers. Especially those in between.
See, there’s one that separates our world - Youngwoon’s world - from above, from Eeteuk’s world. And there’s one that separates our world from Woohyun’s and Kyuhyun’s. And while the barriers are different because of what they separate, they are similar. They are connected, you could say.
So when Youngwoon goes to the window and looks up at the darkening sky (he knows it should be morning, but the clouds are so thick no light can even attempt to break through), he is not aware of the connection. He is not aware that what he will do will reverberate, will knock on both barriers, not just one.
But Youngwoon doesn’t know this. Not yet.
So he does what he feels is right, does what he needs to for Jungsu and no one else.
He prays.
And as he prays, one barrier opens.
And so does the other.
tbc...
pairing: kangin/eeteuk (side donghae/eunhyuk)
rating: R
warnings: dark themes
summary: how far would you go to find the truth?
notes: nothing like procrastinating from lesson plans to write. :) please leave comments - i'd love to hear your thoughts! :) ♥
disclaimer: i do not own the members of super junior. let's face it. they really own me. >D
“You remember your family?”
“The memory came back like that?”
“You bit him?!”
This question is answered with Youngwoon tackling Hyukjae off the couch. Jungsu flushes and shifts on the couch. After the incident, Youngwoon had called everyone into the living area, where they were now sitting. Once everyone was gathered, Jungsu had told them what had happened, what he now remembered.
“He doesn’t sound like a nice man,” Donghae comments while Youngwoon and Hyukjae continue to wrestle. “Are you sure it was your father?”
Jungsu nods. “I’m sure.”
Donghae purses his lips. “What about your mother?”
“I don’t think she was very…assertive.” Jungsu chooses his words carefully in solemn linen. He doesn’t want to think badly about his mother - he had the feeling through his memories that she did love him very much - but he wonders if her meekness had let in his father’s violent actions.
“Well, how did you feel when you were absorbing these memories?” Donghae asks.
Jungsu is quiet as he thinks. Then, “I loved her. Very much. I was worried about her when I saw her.”
Donghae smiles. “Then I suppose that’s all that matters about her. You loved her, and she loved you. And that’s that.” And the way he says this makes Jungsu feel certain, and so he smiles back.
“Tell them the other part,” Youngwoon chimes in from the floor. He is sitting on Hyukjae, effectively pinning him, but he’s being careful to keep a majority of his muscle off of him. After all, he doesn’t want to crush Hyukjae.
“Oh, right.” Jungsu clears his throat. “I… I had a sister, too.”
“You did?!” Now Donghae brightens up - he loves children. “Younger or older?”
“Younger. Definitely.” Jungsu smiles faintly as he thinks of her.
“Awww~~~~”
“Hey, stop that!” Hyukjae playfully admonishes from under Youngwoon. “Now he’s going to want kids now.”
“I don’t think he can. He doesn’t have the right…parts,” Youngwoon teases. Jungsu giggles in bubbles while Donghae just looks embarrassed.
“Well, there’s adoption,” Donghae is finally able to say. “And my job has me with enough credentials and finances necessary to show I’m a fit parent.”
Hyukjae blanches at the thought, and Jungsu laughs in soft cotton. “Oh, Hyuk, I’m sure you’ll be a fine parent, too.”
“I’m a young adult,” Hyukjae protests. “I’m not ready to be a parent.”
“Off-topic,” Youngwoon reminds him as he finally gets up from the floor and settles next to Jungsu. “What was your sister’s name?”
“Her name was…” And Jungsu falters now, tripping over honey, because it’s there, he knows it is, but…it’s not. And that’s not possible. So Jungsu keeps searching through the memories, especially the recent ones, and it’s still not there.
“Jungsu?”
“I… I don’t know…” And now he’s speaking in shivering glass, and Youngwoon knows he’s frightened. He wraps an arm around Jungsu, rubs his hand up and down the upper arm he’s holding.
“Shh,” he reassures the young man, resting his forehead against the side of his head, lightly kissing the temple. “It’s okay, it’s okay…”
“How can I… I don’t even…” And that’s Jungsu could get out in mixes of wobbly tin and flickering lights, for that’s all he could think about and all he couldn’t remember.
What was his sister’s name?
***
When Kyuhyun collapses on the bench next to him, Woohyun doesn’t even look up. He’s too focused on what he’s reading. But he does speak:
“You look like shit.”
Kyuhyun rolls his eyes, runs a hand over his unruly hair. “You try shoving an angry soul back in,” he retorts in thorns, “and see how you look afterwards.”
Now Woohyun glances at him. “You put her back?”
“Not…exactly.” Kyuhyun’s mouth scrunches up and to the side. “She’s changing.”
“But she’s back.”
“Yes. So I’m hoping the changing will stop.”
“Whoa, wait a minute.” Woohyun closes his book, turns to face his friend. “What do you mean she’s changing?”
Kyuhyun shrugged. “She is. Can’t you feel it?”
“I… No.”
Kyuhyun smirks. “What’s his name?”
Woohyun flushes and scowls. “What’s it to you?”
A chuckle in rolling waves. “Oooh, he must be a good one to have you clammed up. Fine. Tell me later. But now,” and he’s all serious, “tell me why you’re worried.”
Woohyun shakes his head fingers the spine of his notebook. “Because she shouldn’t be. It hasn’t been long enough, she has to have time to settle.”
Kyuhyun nods. It’s true - all dead souls need to have a settling time before they come out and walk between the lives of others. “She did. It’s been ten years, she’d had plenty of time.”
“ ‘Plenty’?”
“Yeah, the average wait time is seven years.”
“For normal humans. Not kids. Kids need longer, remember?”
Kyuhyun huffs. “Fine, eight years. Still lots of time.”
Woohyun frowns. “She died traumatically, didn’t she?” When Kyuhyun doesn’t answer, he growls. “Oh, come on! You should know better than me, you’re the one who got her.” He leans back, one arm slack over the back of the bench. “So did she?”
Kyuhyun’s nod is only a slight jerk of his head, but it’s enough for Woohyun’s lips to purse and his face to frown.
“That’s not good,” Woohyun mutters in thick fog. “Kids who die traumatically are unpredictable. You can’t pin a plan on them and expect everything to go right.”
“You think she’s going to stay there this time?”
Woohyun shrugs. “Everything’s been weird recently. Haven’t you seen the weather?”
Kyuhyun looks up. The clouds are dark, foreboding. “Looks like a storm.”
“And the pressure.” Woohyun shifts on the bench. A pair of girls jogging by sneaks glances and shares giggled whispers about the handsome stranger. “It’s too thick.”
Kyuhyun shares a pointed look with his friend. “Something’s coming, isn’t it.”
Woohyun fingers the notebook. He has a hunch, but he can’t say, not until he knows everything. If it’s what he suspects, it’s a big one. And after before… He looks at the leathery cover, runs a thumb over the spine again. When he speaks again, it’s in oak and fog and more serious than any tone he’s ever used before:
“I think it’s already here.”
***
“I am horrible!”
“No, no, you’re not horrible,” Youngwoon assures him, and he places a hand on Jungsu’s shoulder. But all that does is release a wail in trembling metals as he raises his head from the pillow he’s been bawling into.
“I am! How can I not know my own sister’s name?” And he buries his face back in the pillow.
Youngwoon sighs and just rubs his boyfriend’s shoulder. He doesn’t really know what to say, what to do - Jungsu has been like this for the past thirty minutes and shows no signs of calming down. And even after all he’s helped Jungsu through, for the first time in a long time, Youngwoon feels…helpless.
There’s a knocking at the door. Youngwoon looks up, sees Donghae there, holding a fresh box of tissues (Jungsu has gone through two already). He smiles meekly before entering the bedroom and places the tissues down on the bed.
“How is he?” he asks Youngwoon.
Youngwoon shakes his head. He looks so sad, so helpless, that Donghae reaches over and gives him a hug.
“I don’t know what to do,” Youngwoon finally says. His voice has a slight tremor in it, and it makes Donghae sadder to hear it. “He’s so hurt by this.”
“You’re doing everything you can,” he assures his friend. “Jungsu knows that.”
Youngwoon glances back at Jungsu. He’s still curled over the pillow, back hiccupping as his sobs are swallowed by the cloth. He swallows….then sets his jaw, standing up.
“Maybe not,” and he walks out, each step firm and with purpose.
And he leaves Donghae there to comfort Jungsu, his sobs still bubbling up in pale blues and greys.
***
You should now come to realize that it’s not easy to break barriers. Especially those in between.
See, there’s one that separates our world - Youngwoon’s world - from above, from Eeteuk’s world. And there’s one that separates our world from Woohyun’s and Kyuhyun’s. And while the barriers are different because of what they separate, they are similar. They are connected, you could say.
So when Youngwoon goes to the window and looks up at the darkening sky (he knows it should be morning, but the clouds are so thick no light can even attempt to break through), he is not aware of the connection. He is not aware that what he will do will reverberate, will knock on both barriers, not just one.
But Youngwoon doesn’t know this. Not yet.
So he does what he feels is right, does what he needs to for Jungsu and no one else.
He prays.
And as he prays, one barrier opens.
And so does the other.
tbc...