The Gift, part 3
Title The Gift (3/5?)
Author: irina_keff
Character/Pairing: Ten/Rose
Rating: PG13
Genre: hurt, reunion, fluff
Disclaimer: of course not mine, the fic is though
Spoiler: Doomsday
Author's Notes: As promised. THX for your comments and encouragement!
Part 1 and 2:
She woke up with a start. Disoriented she looked around the room. Where was she? Why couldn’t she hear the soft, reassuring sounds of the TARDIS? Panic started to rise in her. This wasn’t her room on the TARDIS. Her heart felt like it was breaking. Where was he? Where was the Doctor? It felt like she had lost him. Only a dream, only a bad dream.
Slowly rational thought returned. And she remembered. Two years. Two years ago she had lost him. Two years since she had seen him. An eternity since she had felt whole.
She sank back into her bed. How could it have been such a long time ago? And still she hadn’t come any closer to finding a way back. Sure, it was impossible, but she had never liked to be told what she could or could not do. The only thing she was really afraid of, that one day she would just give up.
Rose had tried to live a normal life. She really had. She had her family, some casual friends, this great flat and an important job she was really good at. But even working at Torchwood, seeing all those incredible, scary and beautiful things, making first contact with new species and trying to lead this planet into a better future did not fill the hole that loosing him had left in her.
Even her family had finally lost patience and understanding for her, especially since the baby had arrived. So she tried to move on and now, almost two years after their last meeting on the beach, there were hours when she didn’t have think of him, days when the longing for him did not drive her insane.
But even now thinking of that meeting on the beach her heart felt like it was being clenched by an iron grip and tears came to her eyes. Oh, what she wouldn’t have given to touch him one last time, to bury her hands in his hair, to see his smile, to feel his arms around her, in that hug where she felt happy and safe and at home. One last chance to tell him how she felt, and to finally hear him say the words, that she had almost heard him say.
In the first months after she had arrived here this had happened to her all the time. Waking up, not knowing where she was, the dreams of the Doctor more real than her life. And after the goodbye on the beach, her family had hoped that she could finally move on. So she had perfected the hiding of her emotions, trying to bury them deep inside, presenting the world a mask of happiness and contentment. Sometimes she wondered that nobody could see the real Rose Tyler, just barely under the surface of this fake smile, screaming in agony.
Especially in the fall and winter nights, when it got dark early, despair would sometimes wrap itself around her, like a thick blanket, trying to suffocate her. He had probably already moved on, had forgotten about her. He had never loved her. She had just imagined it, seen love in his words and looks, when it was only friendship. On the beach he hadn’t meant to say he loved her. Maybe he was even glad to be rid of her. He had found love and was happy with another woman.
Thoughts like that kept circling in her mind when she was lying in her dark flat. Thoughts that trapped her in her sadness with no chance of escaping. Her family, Mickey or her friends did not notice it. Every morning her mask would be up again, perfect without cracks, hiding her true feelings.
She didn’t blame them for not noticing. Mickey had a new girlfriend that finally could provide him with the attention he needed, her mum and Pete were busy with the baby and she had not let any of her friends close enough to even suspect that under the surface of her smile there was a world of sadness, longing and despair. She was even glad that she had succeeded in making them believe she had moved on. They had never truly understood the bond between her and the Doctor. When they mentioned him, she would brush it away, change the topic, jealous of their memories of him and pretended that they had never met him, that she was the only person on this planet, in this universe that knew him.
Then sometimes on a sunny day she would suddenly remember a place they had visited, or a smell or word would take her back His dark eyes finding hers across the room or in a crowd. His hand in hers, his arms keeping her safe. And all the joy and love came rolling over her filling her heart so that she thought it might burst and she would laugh and cry at the same time.
Slowly she got out of her bed and walked to the big cupboard. She opened it’s doors, knelt down and out of the depths she pulled a plain carton box. She sat on her bed and put it next to her, her hands resting on the lid. She closed her eyes tilted her head down and remained like this for a short while. Then she took a deep breath, as if bracing herself, and opened the box. In it was a blue woollen jacket. Slowly she put her hands in the box, feeling the fabric. She closed her eyes again. Pictures flashed through her mind: the Doctor disappearing; finding herself in this world; returning to him, telling him that she had chosen long ago, that he was her choice, forever; the Doctor, his face distorted from a scream, the scream that still rang in her ears….
Carefully, as if it were the most precious, most fragile thing she lifted the jacket out of it’s container, lifted it to her face and smelled it. There was nothing left of his smell. With a small cry of anguish she tried another spot and another, finally burying her whole face in it. Her shoulders started to shake.
Suddenly she threw the jacket forcefully from her and almost ran from the room. In the kitchen she put up water for the tea. She began to calm down. Stupid, stupid, foolish girl.
With her mug she went to her desk to study her appointments for today and gave a start. The Christmas party. A last sip of tea in quiet, then she reached for her phone and started to organize.
Almost anything that can go wrong did go wrong, so she had had no time to think until now. She was strolling through the room, smiling and nodding at her guests. The Christmas party at the Torchwood Institute was one of the society highlights of the year, so a lot of people had had to be invited and everybody turned up, even some delegations of other planets were present. It was a big success.
Mickey waved at her from across the room, but immediately his attention was focused again on the tall, black haired woman beside him. Rose shook her head but she was happy for him. He had helped her with the rebuilding of this place and with the new image that she had given Torchwood. She was very proud of their work and she thought that the Doctor would be too. Only this month she had introduced the idea of the UP, the United Planets and even though she knew it would be a long process till her idea would be reality, the first steps had already been taken.
At one point she just couldn’t stand it anymore. All the polite smiles, the insignificant small talk and the general cheerful Christmas spirit wore her down and keeping up her smile was an effort. Her mask began to crumble. She left the party and began to stroll through the dark and silent building. Taking deep breaths she tried to regain her countenance. But the more she tried to push the memories aside, the more surfaced and the emotions they brought with them did not let her find her quiet again. She thought of the Christmas she had thought she had lost him, of the pain she had felt then and the joy when he had returned to her and for a moment she had to lean against the wall. After a minute she had steadied herself.
Suddenly she had the strong feeling of being watched. She turned around, but she was alone in the dark corridor. She took a few steps back into the direction she had come from and suddenly she hear a voice, very soft as if from very far away. But still she recognised it immediately. Running towards it she came into a big hall where some alien artefacts were being studied.
“Doctor?!” She looked around the room trying to find him in the darkness. “Doctor!? DOCTOR!?” This was not a dream. She had heard his voice, it was not her imagination. “Where are you?” Why wasn’t he answering her? Panic was threatening to sweep her away. She tried to calm down, think logically. Maybe he couldn’t hear her. She could still hear his voice though, more clearly than before. He was still talking, as if he was talking to himself like he sometimes did, forgetting everybody and everything around him. For a fraction of a second a smile lit up her face, then the concern and panic returned. Pulling herself together trying not to become overwhelmed by her emotions she tried to follow the voice through the room. Closer and closer.
A big piece of equipment was blocking her view, the Doctor must be standing right behind it. Steadying herself she stepped around it. There was none there. With a cry all the tension left her and she collapsed to the floor. “Doctor!” she sobbed. “Doctor, where are you?”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3
It took her a moment to realise that she could still hear him and began shouting, hoping that he could somehow hear her like she could him. But his mumbles never ended. So she began to listen, listen to his beloved voice and after a while she could almost see him, leaning over an alien artefact, working away with his sonic screwdriver.
“You are the most stubborn thing I ever…. (sounds from the sonic screwdriver being reset). Well, what about this. No? Hm,… (Some clanks and sounds like he was rummaging around for something) AHA! There you are.. (A whizzing, high wine) Gmpf…. (The whine changed into a protesting beeping noise and Rose had the vivid image of the Doctor shaking one of his gadgets and giving it some slaps) Alright, there we go…… Oh!?! What’s this then, hm? What are you doing, my little gadgety friend?”
Silence followed, then the rustling of clothes. Rose could almost see the Doctor looking for his glasses, putting them on, studying the artefact more closely.
“Hm…………….I don’t suppose…. no, nooooo. But you can’t be!”
The sonic screwdriver started whizzing again.
Suddenly something drew Rose’s glance. Slowly she got up and stepped closer to the table next to her. Item #A0408/345264c was being studied there. She flipped through the notes: unknown use, unknown power source, unknown everything. Suddenly she saw it again, a small flicker of light coming from that artefact.
“Aha, gotcha! There is life in you.”
The flicker died again. Rose moved closer.
“No use hiding it. I saw it.”
Rose froze. Her hands became icy, her palms started to sweat. She tried to swallow but there was no moisture in her mouth. It must have been coincidence. Her hands moved towards the artefact. The flicker started again, brighter than before.
“See, I told you. No use in hiding.”
Rose’s heart was pounding heavily in her chest. More lights began to flicker.
“Well, hello! Brought your friends, did you?”
It couldn’t be, or could it? Could the Doctor be looking at the exact same thing in his universe as she did here? Was there a connection? Her hands edged closer, almost touching it.
There was a high beeping noise and all the lights started flashing.
Her hands moved back a little.
He pulled his face away a bit, surprised.
“Well, what did you do that for, hm?”
He put his glasses back in his jacket and moved in with the sonic screwdriver again.
The flashing light intensified as his hand moved closer.
Rose narrowed her eyes, the light was getting brighter and brighter. She had this irresistible urge to touch the artefact. Never touch it if you don’t know what it does. The words on a board above the desk seemed to mock her. She herself had issued the release of these notes after some accidents with unwanted side effects had happened.
It seemed to call to him again, this urge that he had felt down in the pit, willing him to go over, to jump, to let go. Touch it, touch it. He knew better than that but still the hand holding the screwdriver fell useless to his side and the other one seemed to have developed a life of it’s own, creeping nearer and nearer to the artefact.
Closer and closer. She thought she could feel a warmth emanating from it.
His hand began to shake. Closer.
Sparks began to dance on her fingertips. Closer.
Still closer. Drawing them in.
And closer.
And closer.