Hey guys...
Hey, y'all...I haven't updated this thing in a while. For some reason the past week seems to have been a blur. I am not sure why, but I can't seem to remember much of anything that I did. For the most part, I have just been watching depressing movies (GOOD DEPRESSING MOVIES)and sulking over the fact that I am single in a place where I have no interest in anyone. That is never cool. NEVER. I am a dreamer, and when it comes to boys, that is not a good thing. I want a Charlie, a Holden Caulfield, or even an Igby (without the drugs, of course). I don't know, I have ridiculous ideals, and I am starting to think that I have no chance in finding a nice boy. My best friends might as well be married to their boyfriends; it is amazing to me. I can't keep a boyfriend for more than a couple months, and I can't even seem to find anyone to like. I just don't get it. The nastiest, phoniest, sluttiest, least trust-worthy, ugliest, fattest, most rotten girls have great boyfriends. Then, here I am, cute, nice, willing to devote myself to a boyfriend, willing do deal with all the crap the comes along with being in a relationship, longing to have someone to be with...and I have no one. There is no one. NO ONE. I just want to feel that feeling; where everytime you see this person you smile, your day starts to look up, no matter how bad it is going, and you can look into someone's eyes and take them seriously when they say you are beautiful. I don't know. I am sick over this whole thing. I am lonely. I am depressed. I am extremely jittery. I am crying. I woke up at 1:00 today, and I still feel like I need to go to bed ASAP. I am going to watch "Igby Goes Down" again, and probably dream about a dream boy that will never exist. I have a feeling that I will be calling my counselor before my next appointment. I am a wreck. I need to go to sleep. Goodnight.