debbie downer? what is this? 1943?
I feel as though i should have something epic to report because it has been so long since i've updated, but i don't. I feel like I've lost my sense of self. all of my clothes are red and black... the trademark colors of TGI Fridays otherwise known as my own personal hell that i have so un ceremoniously been dumped into... a store that was once busy, and yeilded it's employees 100$ a night now leaves them with 6$ and sometimes less. All because of location, Mellow Mushroom, Logans rockin Monday and Tuesday meal specials, and the impending recession.
I see myself working to death for little to no money, and no other place to get a job. I haven't got the money to go back to school, and even if i did go back to school i wouldn't be able to pay for my apartment and go to school and work. And i can't move home... i don't really have a home to go back to.
I have lost my ambition. 4 years ago i was full of ambition. I was full of want and hunger and eager to learn. That hunger was laughed at, chewed upon, and spit back out. That hunger was laughed at because i wasn't good enough. i was called fat when i really wasn't. Boy, wouldn't they like to get a look at me now. 250 lbs and growing, with more stretch marks than an expectant mother. they made me feel worthless, like i couldn't do anything right. And anyone who praises them as gods ought to be shot, have thier ambition hopes and dreams chewed upon and spit back out.
and so here I am, 8 days and counting from my 23rd birthday, and while my friends and classmates have graduated college, gotten amazing internships, started graduate school, gotten married and had kids, here I am... a person whos greatest ambition is to get through this weekend because i have to do it alone.
So what about me? i am an epic failure. Just working on the pre-woven fabric of failure that i have been given by my parents... except they had a bit of success before they turned into ambition-less assholes...
I see myself working to death for little to no money, and no other place to get a job. I haven't got the money to go back to school, and even if i did go back to school i wouldn't be able to pay for my apartment and go to school and work. And i can't move home... i don't really have a home to go back to.
I have lost my ambition. 4 years ago i was full of ambition. I was full of want and hunger and eager to learn. That hunger was laughed at, chewed upon, and spit back out. That hunger was laughed at because i wasn't good enough. i was called fat when i really wasn't. Boy, wouldn't they like to get a look at me now. 250 lbs and growing, with more stretch marks than an expectant mother. they made me feel worthless, like i couldn't do anything right. And anyone who praises them as gods ought to be shot, have thier ambition hopes and dreams chewed upon and spit back out.
and so here I am, 8 days and counting from my 23rd birthday, and while my friends and classmates have graduated college, gotten amazing internships, started graduate school, gotten married and had kids, here I am... a person whos greatest ambition is to get through this weekend because i have to do it alone.
So what about me? i am an epic failure. Just working on the pre-woven fabric of failure that i have been given by my parents... except they had a bit of success before they turned into ambition-less assholes...