jury duty of ones self.
I'm frustrated.
LCC is harder to get into than State
Their systems are more fucked up than anything Ive experienced, and trust me I know a lot about college entry systems.
My dads money came in today, I have to pay bills and put some aside. I'm excited about this, I can pay rent finally.
I got my paper done. Its complete shit and I'm going to get a shit grade for it, but at least its done. I'll just have to kick ass on the next one.
I am so sick of school though. I just want to be done. I want to work and have money and continue my life, instead of being stuck in one place and having to live in this god awful town.
I want to live on my own. I love having a roommate to come home to but I can't deal with it anymore. I like having my fate and only my fate in my hands when it comes to living situation. I also love silence.
I want to move on from this. I want to be let go and completely devulge myself in myself.
I need a hobby, something I can do to calm myself and create peace.
I need to tan.
I'm listening to that song again. Over and over. Its creating feelings that aren't condusive to my health.
I'm starting my medication again. I feel I need a tranquilizer.
Can you see the randomization in my brain, yet the pattern that comes out of it.
I miss Ben.
I want a simple life. A new start. One with family and friends, but an emphasis on family.
I am going to do something crazy, I can feel it. Someday soon I'm going to do something completely out of character and its going to effect a lot of people, well now I'm thinking out of self importance. But I want something new.
I want a complete change. This is not me. This never was me. I tried it, stuck with it, and now its over.
I miss myself. My old life of simplicity. I miss high school.
I had a dream that I was on a jury, the pope was the judge, and I was juroring morality. I was a judge of someones future. My own. It was bad, I sentenced myself to death. I was the pope.
Ben came, he saved me. He left immediately afterwards. My friends hated me. They all came to smite me. To punish me, for what? For loving.
No one was there to pull me out of the pool. I swam as hard as I could to the edge only to see myself on the surface, pushing me under trying to kill me. I woke up in a cold sweat.
Pfiffer came to me, meowed and then bit me. She left me, ran into the living room and cried. Anothing cat came and packed her bags, she was gone. She eventually came back, but its not the same.
I'm back on the jury, this time I'm deciding my life path. It was a hung jury. No real decision to be made. There never is. Never was, and never will be. I have to go with it. I woke up, smiling. Then broke down into tears and cried.
The alarm went off, no subtle sound. A crash from the other room. The door slams outside. The birds are singing a sad song and yet I smile. I wake up and write a paper that is not working, at least not for me.
I watch a show, two shows and part of a movie. All dealing with a jury, and sex. My life is now completely unadultered boredom. Lets get a life shall we.
Ciao~ T
LCC is harder to get into than State
Their systems are more fucked up than anything Ive experienced, and trust me I know a lot about college entry systems.
My dads money came in today, I have to pay bills and put some aside. I'm excited about this, I can pay rent finally.
I got my paper done. Its complete shit and I'm going to get a shit grade for it, but at least its done. I'll just have to kick ass on the next one.
I am so sick of school though. I just want to be done. I want to work and have money and continue my life, instead of being stuck in one place and having to live in this god awful town.
I want to live on my own. I love having a roommate to come home to but I can't deal with it anymore. I like having my fate and only my fate in my hands when it comes to living situation. I also love silence.
I want to move on from this. I want to be let go and completely devulge myself in myself.
I need a hobby, something I can do to calm myself and create peace.
I need to tan.
I'm listening to that song again. Over and over. Its creating feelings that aren't condusive to my health.
I'm starting my medication again. I feel I need a tranquilizer.
Can you see the randomization in my brain, yet the pattern that comes out of it.
I miss Ben.
I want a simple life. A new start. One with family and friends, but an emphasis on family.
I am going to do something crazy, I can feel it. Someday soon I'm going to do something completely out of character and its going to effect a lot of people, well now I'm thinking out of self importance. But I want something new.
I want a complete change. This is not me. This never was me. I tried it, stuck with it, and now its over.
I miss myself. My old life of simplicity. I miss high school.
I had a dream that I was on a jury, the pope was the judge, and I was juroring morality. I was a judge of someones future. My own. It was bad, I sentenced myself to death. I was the pope.
Ben came, he saved me. He left immediately afterwards. My friends hated me. They all came to smite me. To punish me, for what? For loving.
No one was there to pull me out of the pool. I swam as hard as I could to the edge only to see myself on the surface, pushing me under trying to kill me. I woke up in a cold sweat.
Pfiffer came to me, meowed and then bit me. She left me, ran into the living room and cried. Anothing cat came and packed her bags, she was gone. She eventually came back, but its not the same.
I'm back on the jury, this time I'm deciding my life path. It was a hung jury. No real decision to be made. There never is. Never was, and never will be. I have to go with it. I woke up, smiling. Then broke down into tears and cried.
The alarm went off, no subtle sound. A crash from the other room. The door slams outside. The birds are singing a sad song and yet I smile. I wake up and write a paper that is not working, at least not for me.
I watch a show, two shows and part of a movie. All dealing with a jury, and sex. My life is now completely unadultered boredom. Lets get a life shall we.
Ciao~ T