egos at the door, bitches!
I found myself having a questionable experience. I had to catch myself and think for a minute. Now I've found a few woman attractive on occassion, there are some that I would/could date and some I would only have a 'casual' relationship with. I was caught off guard though today. I was talking to an old friend who sent me a picture and I had the wind knocked out of me. This is a very very weird experience. I would never write about this if it wasn't. I guess it has a lot to do with everything involved with this person. I would say that in another lifetime she was my dominator or in turn, my pet. Anyway, my picture of a goddess. You just caught me off guard thats all. Back to gayness...
Anyway, things with the apartment situation will be worked out tonight, I hope. I have weighed the options and think what I am doing is best. Or what I purpose to do that is. I need to get myself back up and running as an individual, away from everyone and everything. I have lost touch of myself and I need catch myself and pull myself back to reality. This all started with the Co-op, where I decided I was living in a fantasy world. Once leaving the dorms, I left myself. Some people say they know me, but honestly, I changed. I changed a lot in college, and yes phases are gone through. I need to jump into the finishing phase, the I only have a year left here and need to make it the best year here. Not giving myself in to others temptations. Not giving into my own temptations. Not giving in to me. Not giving into you, or you or you, and certainly not me.
Look at the lemon, hes wearing an eyepatch.. Haha. I kinda feel like I should be wearing an eyepatch right now, as it is, I am wearing my bandana, something I haven't done in a long, long time.
You know what, lets be honest here... As this is the place to be honest.
I feel like my life has been one big fantasy land that I like to play in, and manipulate. I feel like I need a slap in the face and a twist in the arm, and then let me punch them in the face and twist their arm and then be slammed on the ground, rolled over, punched in the face ,and then I'll kick them in the face, pull a knife out my belt and throw it at their fucking HEAD!!!!!! WOW, that was me, reliving my own personal opening scene. With bright blues, greens, yellows, and oranges. Absolutely no reds, thats the blood's job.
I'm sitting here in the computer lab and all I want to do is destroy the fuck out of it, I want to burn down my apartment, I want to flunk out of school, and then I want to be sent away, far, far away. I want to leave this place, I want to leave.
I figured out what I am going to do this summer, if I can. You know what, fuck band, fuck everything. If I can, I'm going to put some money aside and go to Germany. I am going to go, and live. I need it. I deserve it. And I pray to God it happens.
I prayed the other night. I actually got on my hands and knees, knelt by the bed and prayed my heart out. Almost to the point of crying. I know this is a personal matter but someone made me realize that its something I should be proud of; And I am.
Sing along if you wanna, cry if you have to, lean back into your lovers arms, grab the hand of the person standing right next to you, and show them that no one is afraid here of WHO THEY ARE....
Hold on to me!
Love, Timo :)
PS, I am the stranger. My own stranger, my personal stranger.
Anyway, things with the apartment situation will be worked out tonight, I hope. I have weighed the options and think what I am doing is best. Or what I purpose to do that is. I need to get myself back up and running as an individual, away from everyone and everything. I have lost touch of myself and I need catch myself and pull myself back to reality. This all started with the Co-op, where I decided I was living in a fantasy world. Once leaving the dorms, I left myself. Some people say they know me, but honestly, I changed. I changed a lot in college, and yes phases are gone through. I need to jump into the finishing phase, the I only have a year left here and need to make it the best year here. Not giving myself in to others temptations. Not giving into my own temptations. Not giving in to me. Not giving into you, or you or you, and certainly not me.
Look at the lemon, hes wearing an eyepatch.. Haha. I kinda feel like I should be wearing an eyepatch right now, as it is, I am wearing my bandana, something I haven't done in a long, long time.
You know what, lets be honest here... As this is the place to be honest.
I feel like my life has been one big fantasy land that I like to play in, and manipulate. I feel like I need a slap in the face and a twist in the arm, and then let me punch them in the face and twist their arm and then be slammed on the ground, rolled over, punched in the face ,and then I'll kick them in the face, pull a knife out my belt and throw it at their fucking HEAD!!!!!! WOW, that was me, reliving my own personal opening scene. With bright blues, greens, yellows, and oranges. Absolutely no reds, thats the blood's job.
I'm sitting here in the computer lab and all I want to do is destroy the fuck out of it, I want to burn down my apartment, I want to flunk out of school, and then I want to be sent away, far, far away. I want to leave this place, I want to leave.
I figured out what I am going to do this summer, if I can. You know what, fuck band, fuck everything. If I can, I'm going to put some money aside and go to Germany. I am going to go, and live. I need it. I deserve it. And I pray to God it happens.
I prayed the other night. I actually got on my hands and knees, knelt by the bed and prayed my heart out. Almost to the point of crying. I know this is a personal matter but someone made me realize that its something I should be proud of; And I am.
Sing along if you wanna, cry if you have to, lean back into your lovers arms, grab the hand of the person standing right next to you, and show them that no one is afraid here of WHO THEY ARE....
Hold on to me!
Love, Timo :)
PS, I am the stranger. My own stranger, my personal stranger.