Dec 03, 2003 12:47
I drove last night. Drove for miles, down endless highways, with no destination. I love doing that - nothing but the sound of the engine, the soft (or loud, depending on my mood) music playing, and the sight of lanes that will seemingly never end. The flat landscape has always comforted me, the night skies in the middle of nowhere are amazing. I would pull over every half hour or so to sit on the hood of my car and stare up at the stars, so clear.. they looked like little burning crosses tainting the sky's velvet.
I was alone. I was in a mood where I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want to be around people whose faces mean nothing to me, faces who bring me nothing but memories of past events, most of which I'd rather just forget. My thoughts were race cars, all fighting for that title, speeding in and out and turning and crashing. I hate that feeling, but there was nothing else for me to do. No one else to be with.
I need something new. I need a rebirth. All of these dusty old roads and wooden homes are nothing but reminders of things I want erased. I need excitement, I need to be able to smile again. I need to be content. There's so much in me that's dying to escape, but I'm suffocating in this town, these people are strangling me.
Driving forever never lasts long enough, it always leaves me feeling vulnerable. Naked. There's an entire world out there, and I'll never see all of it. Not alone.