My life isn't in a rut, my life IS the rut.
Lately I've been really upset w/ myself; I can't stand where I'm at in life and how little I've accomplished. I'm still trying to graduate from college. Still. It's been 8 years (I took a year off bc of moving out and just being so burnt out..and admittedly laziness factors in somewhat). There was the huge student teaching fiasco a year and a half ago and I still haven't recovered. I have literally lost all faith in my own abilities. This summer I took an english class and..I flunked. Why? Because I couldn't write a paper. My brain just wouldn't do it. I sat and tried and worked and racked my brain and nothing would come out. I would've rather written a bad paper than nothing at all, but no. Nothing. And now I'm hoping to graduate in the spring and I'm deathly afraid the same thing will happen again. I have little desire to go to school, I hate being so helpless and useless. I just want it to be over with.
And I work at Walmart. Wal-freaking-Mart. I could be a manager, I've been there long enough. I don't hate it that much, it's just that I thought by now I would've had a college diploma and a real job, but w/o that diploma, no real job for me. I want to do something w/ my life, but I still don't know what. So far I've done nothing, and I hate myself for it.
I'm moving back in w/ my parents in a couple months, and it may seem like a step backwards, but I really hope it'll give me new direction. My mom needs help around the house and w/ dealing w/ the stress my dad puts on her every day, so I'm glad to help. She always tells me, "Tim, I appreciate the person you've become." That really lifts my spirits; someone appreciates what I do for them. It helps me tremendously, but..I still can't help feeling worthless. What am I supposed to be doing? What is my calling? Someone point me in the right direction, please...
And I work at Walmart. Wal-freaking-Mart. I could be a manager, I've been there long enough. I don't hate it that much, it's just that I thought by now I would've had a college diploma and a real job, but w/o that diploma, no real job for me. I want to do something w/ my life, but I still don't know what. So far I've done nothing, and I hate myself for it.
I'm moving back in w/ my parents in a couple months, and it may seem like a step backwards, but I really hope it'll give me new direction. My mom needs help around the house and w/ dealing w/ the stress my dad puts on her every day, so I'm glad to help. She always tells me, "Tim, I appreciate the person you've become." That really lifts my spirits; someone appreciates what I do for them. It helps me tremendously, but..I still can't help feeling worthless. What am I supposed to be doing? What is my calling? Someone point me in the right direction, please...