Fourth installment of Stabbing+Climbing: The Game
Just finished the main campaign of Revelations. Oh, Assassin's Creed, you were my favourite game franchise. What happened?
Terrible stuff:
- The glitches. I'm not used to glitches. Like, the game freaked out every time I bought parachutes, and they never stayed in my inventory. I got stuck in trees and walls and had to restart the missions. NPCs were stuck all over the place, calmly strolling inside stones and walls. Jeez.
- They replaced the wonderful "conspiracy research" portions with a Portal-ripoff so terrible it's the first time I've refused to do those kind of side missions. And those portions used to be my absolute favourite thing!
- They dared to end the last game on a cliffhanger, and then this one ended with a really vague "To be continued"? Fuck. And so anticlimactic, I was genuinely surprised when the end credits started to play and I realized the main campaign was over.
- They rewrote basic things in Altair's backstory. He's as an orphan, he was raised by the assassin's, that's why his name translates to "son of none" and why it's so devastating when his mentor betrays him in the first game, and suddenly in this game he's babbling on about his father? WHY?
- As for Ezio, the thing I've always found satisfying with those games is the progression of his story. This wasn't a progression. This didn't feel like a story that needed to be told. The plot didn't feel as grand or important as the others.
- More of those darn aliens. You know, the more you know about a conspiracy the less interesting it is. I miss the days of the all-purpose conspiracy soup. There used to be nore actual historic facts as well.
- The hook-blade. How does the hook blade work? How is it still a stabbing implement when there's a big thick eagle-head hook at the end? And the bombs, ack, they were so useless.
- The chariot races, god were they dumb. And then a tower defense level? SERIOUSLY?
STUFF THAT WAS OKAY I GUESS:
- The one comedic scene of the game, Ezio masquerading as a minstrel and singing silly songs about the previous game plots ("Oh Cesare, oh Cesare, a man of great depravity / He thought himself immortal 'till he had a date with gravity") and how much he hates minstrels ("I am a tactless minstrel, I sing off-key for coins / If you spot me in the street please kick me in the loins").
- The colours of Istanbul were great, I loved how vibrant and they were, how bright the costumes and marquees looked. A very big contrast to the stark whiteness of the first game, certainly.
- Yusuf Tazim was alright I guess, though I mostly liked his colourful headband.
- I loved how naturally the game aknowledged that most of the secondary characters are Muslims.
Ezio's final monologue (not including the letter to his sister). It was nice. I feel like I'm ready to say goodbye to Ezio now.
I'm really pleased to hear the next game is going to go in a new direction, because it's clear they've run this particular iteration into the ground. I'm still not as excited as I used to be, but I haven't given up on this franchise just yet.
Terrible stuff:
- The glitches. I'm not used to glitches. Like, the game freaked out every time I bought parachutes, and they never stayed in my inventory. I got stuck in trees and walls and had to restart the missions. NPCs were stuck all over the place, calmly strolling inside stones and walls. Jeez.
- They replaced the wonderful "conspiracy research" portions with a Portal-ripoff so terrible it's the first time I've refused to do those kind of side missions. And those portions used to be my absolute favourite thing!
- They dared to end the last game on a cliffhanger, and then this one ended with a really vague "To be continued"? Fuck. And so anticlimactic, I was genuinely surprised when the end credits started to play and I realized the main campaign was over.
- They rewrote basic things in Altair's backstory. He's as an orphan, he was raised by the assassin's, that's why his name translates to "son of none" and why it's so devastating when his mentor betrays him in the first game, and suddenly in this game he's babbling on about his father? WHY?
- As for Ezio, the thing I've always found satisfying with those games is the progression of his story. This wasn't a progression. This didn't feel like a story that needed to be told. The plot didn't feel as grand or important as the others.
- More of those darn aliens. You know, the more you know about a conspiracy the less interesting it is. I miss the days of the all-purpose conspiracy soup. There used to be nore actual historic facts as well.
- The hook-blade. How does the hook blade work? How is it still a stabbing implement when there's a big thick eagle-head hook at the end? And the bombs, ack, they were so useless.
- The chariot races, god were they dumb. And then a tower defense level? SERIOUSLY?
STUFF THAT WAS OKAY I GUESS:
- The one comedic scene of the game, Ezio masquerading as a minstrel and singing silly songs about the previous game plots ("Oh Cesare, oh Cesare, a man of great depravity / He thought himself immortal 'till he had a date with gravity") and how much he hates minstrels ("I am a tactless minstrel, I sing off-key for coins / If you spot me in the street please kick me in the loins").
- The colours of Istanbul were great, I loved how vibrant and they were, how bright the costumes and marquees looked. A very big contrast to the stark whiteness of the first game, certainly.
- Yusuf Tazim was alright I guess, though I mostly liked his colourful headband.
- I loved how naturally the game aknowledged that most of the secondary characters are Muslims.
Ezio's final monologue (not including the letter to his sister). It was nice. I feel like I'm ready to say goodbye to Ezio now.
I'm really pleased to hear the next game is going to go in a new direction, because it's clear they've run this particular iteration into the ground. I'm still not as excited as I used to be, but I haven't given up on this franchise just yet.