A release of entitled geek criticism is good for the constitution
The most fascinating thing with the Hellblazer fanbase, to me, has to be how everybody seems to agree that in the comic's history there have been brilliant bits and absolutely rubbish bits - but nobody seems to agree on which stories are what. Every time I read an arc that makes me certain this, this is what objective bad quality looks like somebody in some corner of the internet pops out to defend it tooth and claw and try to convince everybody that this is the best take on John Constantine since His Holiness Alan Moore created the character.
And now I've just read Jamie Delano's graphic novel Pandemonium. While it might not be the worst story in Hellblazer history (I believe that honour goes to the Hard Time arc) I kept turning the pages and it kept throwing new failures at me.
Like a woman wearing a burqa described as "black cloth stretched skintight over buttock and thigh". Burqas just don't work that way. No Delano. They don't.
Or having John Constantine, who as a character can essentially be summed up as a "working-class magus", expressing himself with embarrassing purple prose such as "We meditate on our private madness, specks of human insignificance sharing the lonely splendor of the night." Jesus Christ. That sure is a Liverpudlian salt-of-the-earth bloke right there.
But wait, Delano tries to counteract the poncy inner monologues with dialogue that has Constantine using "fucking" every other word like some wangsta with Tourettes (actual monologue from the comic: "Westminster fucking bridge. Outside fucking county hall. And make it fucking snappy, mate. I need a fucking drink."). Sure Constantine's been known to use a lot of blue language, that is the least organic use of swear words I've ever read (and I say that as a great fan of the exclamation "buggering buggering fuck!").
In fact, if we can safely say John Constantine's supposed to be a working-class magus, Delano fails on all accounts, since he makes Constantine not know that a genie and a djinn is the same thing. Personally I've known that for years (not trying to sound snobby, I just grew up with One Thousand and One Nights), and I'm not supposed to be a master of the occult.
I'm not even going to go into how this novel doesn't fit into the Hellblazer universe at all (rrgh look at those ancient heathen Middle-Eastern gods who were revered for centuries when they were all eeeeeevil!) because I've already spent way too much time complaining about a comic book.
Is my neck beard coming in any day now? Is this where I move back home to my mother's basement loft?
And now I've just read Jamie Delano's graphic novel Pandemonium. While it might not be the worst story in Hellblazer history (I believe that honour goes to the Hard Time arc) I kept turning the pages and it kept throwing new failures at me.
Like a woman wearing a burqa described as "black cloth stretched skintight over buttock and thigh". Burqas just don't work that way. No Delano. They don't.
Or having John Constantine, who as a character can essentially be summed up as a "working-class magus", expressing himself with embarrassing purple prose such as "We meditate on our private madness, specks of human insignificance sharing the lonely splendor of the night." Jesus Christ. That sure is a Liverpudlian salt-of-the-earth bloke right there.
But wait, Delano tries to counteract the poncy inner monologues with dialogue that has Constantine using "fucking" every other word like some wangsta with Tourettes (actual monologue from the comic: "Westminster fucking bridge. Outside fucking county hall. And make it fucking snappy, mate. I need a fucking drink."). Sure Constantine's been known to use a lot of blue language, that is the least organic use of swear words I've ever read (and I say that as a great fan of the exclamation "buggering buggering fuck!").
In fact, if we can safely say John Constantine's supposed to be a working-class magus, Delano fails on all accounts, since he makes Constantine not know that a genie and a djinn is the same thing. Personally I've known that for years (not trying to sound snobby, I just grew up with One Thousand and One Nights), and I'm not supposed to be a master of the occult.
I'm not even going to go into how this novel doesn't fit into the Hellblazer universe at all (rrgh look at those ancient heathen Middle-Eastern gods who were revered for centuries when they were all eeeeeevil!) because I've already spent way too much time complaining about a comic book.
Is my neck beard coming in any day now? Is this where I move back home to my mother's basement loft?