Comments | tilldeathdueus: Darkness

tilldeathdueus

Darkness

Jun 02, 2006 17:34

Darkness
In the darkness,
Of our minds,
The lies and secrets,
Began to bind.
Others walk,
Unaware and blind.
While you hold it in.
Over time,
The pain remands,
It holds you tight,
Never letting in the outside light.
And in the darkness it is all the same,
Your smile fades,
You wonder why you were even made.
When the darkness fills you mind,
All is left behind.
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sictransitcrit June 3 2006, 16:21:19 UTC

i am quite sure you didn't write that yourself because there is only one spelling error.

maledixtion June 3 2006, 16:24:41 UTC

hahahahha, i love you crit

very funny tilldeathdueus June 3 2006, 16:30:33 UTC

look my spelling may not be the best, but no one is perfect! and that poem won me $400. So suck it!

*kisses*

Re: very funny sickofstars June 3 2006, 16:35:14 UTC

Not to be mean but I really don't see how that could net you $400 dollars. Kids were failing my creative writing class back in high school writing things like that.

Re: very funny tilldeathdueus June 3 2006, 16:36:58 UTC

well i think that it is good. Is it bad? NO wait I don't want to know!

Re: very funny sickofstars June 3 2006, 17:00:17 UTC

This is an honest critique here. The whole "dark angsty" thing doesn't earn you any points as a writer. Those feelings are going to leave you sometime in high school and you're going to look back on it and be like "...wow, how could I have written that?" You need to write with other feelings/emotions/topics than the forbidden black sky of your bleeding heart. Basically, you really need to dig yourself out of the Hawthorne Heights/Atreyu/Avenged Sevenfold hole. They're obviously influencing your writing and they're just plain bad music.

Re: very funny tilldeathdueus June 3 2006, 17:18:59 UTC

Oh well, and what makes you think that I only write emo things? I write music that would be considered grunge and I write a lot about anarchy.

Re: very funny sictransitcrit June 3 2006, 17:29:55 UTC

Like ANARCHY makes you sound any more intelligent and credible? Come back in a few years and see if you're still raving about anarchy over Nirvana riffs. And please, stop using emo to describe the bands I slammed into my last post. You really have no clue what emo is. I am becoming quite frustrated.

Re: very funny tilldeathdueus June 3 2006, 17:37:17 UTC

Well i reallydon't want that! *The horrors* that ever will I do?

Re: very funny sickofstars June 3 2006, 18:02:29 UTC

Oh wow, this got more amusing than I thought it would. Wish I didn't dash out to the music store.

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