Something you fear RIGHT NOW: high school, ever realizing I am shit at something I love to do, earthquakes. Yeah, I'm weird.
One secret that you wouldn't want to tell me face to face: Last year I was really worried about you because I could tell you were depressed, but I didn't know/was too much of a pussy to do anything. Maybe I still am, because I haven't talked to you over the summer, but it was really sad for me to see somebody who used to be so happy and alive suddenly like that. I was also really pissed at a lot of your friends for being totally blind to the situation.
A confession to something. The something does not have to involve me: Sometimes I worry about what people think about me, especially my friends. I don't care what people in general think about me, but sometimes I'm sort of afraid to bring something up around one group of friends, because I don't want them to disown me or some shit...
Also, I fucking HATE when people comment on my height. I swear that hardly a day goes by when at least one person doesn't tell me how tall I am. It especially bothers me when somebody I've known for a long time and see almost every day tells me that.
Something you love: Music. Jesus H Christ I love music. I really don't know what I would do without it. Sometimes when I've had a really terrible day I feel like the only people who understand certain things are singers... I love my horses. I love my guitar. I mostly love my family, dysfunctional as they may be. I love Eugene. I love the "Goodnight Moon" poster that's been on my wall since I was 5. I love science fiction and all kindsa nerdy shit like that. I love Tool, Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails, Incubus, System of a Down, Audioslave, Soundgarden, A Perfect Circle, Atmosphere, Blackalicious, Immortal Technique... I love metal, rock, and hip hop. I love the people who understand the beauty behind them, and don't hate them out of ignorance. I love anyone who creates music because it's what they love to do.
An honest opinion about me. Say something nice, and say something not so nice. Maybe it will help me become a better person?: You're really great in general, I love talking to you. I think sometimes you judge yourself too harshly. You can't pretend to be anybody other than who you are. I don't have anything bad to say about you, except that I think you should stop thinking people do have bad things to say about you.
Fuck I'm a nerd. I turn everything into a nerdfest. I love it.
I understand the earthquake thing, actually. My mom was in one in California before she met my dad, and she said it was pretty scary. She said at first she thought a big truck was just going by outside, but when things began to fall off desks and bookcases she knew what was really going on.
You are one of the few people who did notice anything was wrong and EVER got up the courage or strength or whatever to tell me about it. A lot of people noticed how depressed I was last year, especially after I burst into tears in the middle of the band room, was crying in the cafeteria, and almost always looked like I was on the brink of bursting into tears. However, very few people did anything about it. Joe knew something was wrong, and I think he would have tried to do something if only he knew what to do. At least I know he cares. Then there were the people who never noticed anything at all was wrong. I don't blame them really... I just feel as though a lot of my friends and I aren't friends anymore. At all. And that hurts in a way.
"Sometimes I worry about what people think about me, especially my friends. I don't care what people in general think about me, but sometimes I'm sort of afraid to bring something up around one group of friends, because I don't want them to disown me or some shit..."
I know how you feel. Having friends turn their backs on you hurts a lot. I should know. At the start of eighth grade I had a group of anywhere from 5 to 10 really good friends. We did everything together, and as far as I could see, would continue being good friends. They obviously did not agree with that. By the end of eighth grade I couldn't name one person I considered a really good friend.
About your height. You ARE tall, and there isn't a real way to get around that. But it isn't a bad thing, height is an asset in a lot of ways. Besides, what do looks matter? It's personality that counts.
I love writing. And walking down random streets when the sun is setting and just walking and walking and now caring where I'm going or why. I find it is so calming to just get out of my house.
I find it interesting that you say "I love talking to you." We've barely ever talked since that time we had PE together in seventh grade. I think we might have become good friends (or better friends than we are now), if only I had been more outgoing. I think talking to people reveals a lot about their personality. You can get a greater idea of what a person is like, what they love and hate, and who they truly are. At least for me, I find I can express more through writing than I can through talking.
I am the harshest judge of myself, other than my mother. I was brought up to want to be perfect... I'm only beginning to break out fo the mold I was made in, and to try to bend myself into a better way of living. But it isn't easy in any way.
One secret that you wouldn't want to tell me face to face: Last year I was really worried about you because I could tell you were depressed, but I didn't know/was too much of a pussy to do anything. Maybe I still am, because I haven't talked to you over the summer, but it was really sad for me to see somebody who used to be so happy and alive suddenly like that. I was also really pissed at a lot of your friends for being totally blind to the situation.
A confession to something. The something does not have to involve me: Sometimes I worry about what people think about me, especially my friends. I don't care what people in general think about me, but sometimes I'm sort of afraid to bring something up around one group of friends, because I don't want them to disown me or some shit...
Also, I fucking HATE when people comment on my height. I swear that hardly a day goes by when at least one person doesn't tell me how tall I am. It especially bothers me when somebody I've known for a long time and see almost every day tells me that.
Something you love: Music. Jesus H Christ I love music. I really don't know what I would do without it. Sometimes when I've had a really terrible day I feel like the only people who understand certain things are singers... I love my horses. I love my guitar. I mostly love my family, dysfunctional as they may be. I love Eugene. I love the "Goodnight Moon" poster that's been on my wall since I was 5. I love science fiction and all kindsa nerdy shit like that. I love Tool, Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails, Incubus, System of a Down, Audioslave, Soundgarden, A Perfect Circle, Atmosphere, Blackalicious, Immortal Technique... I love metal, rock, and hip hop. I love the people who understand the beauty behind them, and don't hate them out of ignorance. I love anyone who creates music because it's what they love to do.
An honest opinion about me. Say something nice, and say something not so nice. Maybe it will help me become a better person?: You're really great in general, I love talking to you. I think sometimes you judge yourself too harshly. You can't pretend to be anybody other than who you are. I don't have anything bad to say about you, except that I think you should stop thinking people do have bad things to say about you.
Fuck I'm a nerd. I turn everything into a nerdfest. I love it.
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You are one of the few people who did notice anything was wrong and EVER got up the courage or strength or whatever to tell me about it. A lot of people noticed how depressed I was last year, especially after I burst into tears in the middle of the band room, was crying in the cafeteria, and almost always looked like I was on the brink of bursting into tears. However, very few people did anything about it. Joe knew something was wrong, and I think he would have tried to do something if only he knew what to do. At least I know he cares.
Then there were the people who never noticed anything at all was wrong. I don't blame them really... I just feel as though a lot of my friends and I aren't friends anymore. At all. And that hurts in a way.
"Sometimes I worry about what people think about me, especially my friends. I don't care what people in general think about me, but sometimes I'm sort of afraid to bring something up around one group of friends, because I don't want them to disown me or some shit..."
I know how you feel. Having friends turn their backs on you hurts a lot. I should know. At the start of eighth grade I had a group of anywhere from 5 to 10 really good friends. We did everything together, and as far as I could see, would continue being good friends. They obviously did not agree with that. By the end of eighth grade I couldn't name one person I considered a really good friend.
About your height. You ARE tall, and there isn't a real way to get around that. But it isn't a bad thing, height is an asset in a lot of ways. Besides, what do looks matter? It's personality that counts.
I love writing. And walking down random streets when the sun is setting and just walking and walking and now caring where I'm going or why. I find it is so calming to just get out of my house.
I find it interesting that you say "I love talking to you." We've barely ever talked since that time we had PE together in seventh grade. I think we might have become good friends (or better friends than we are now), if only I had been more outgoing. I think talking to people reveals a lot about their personality. You can get a greater idea of what a person is like, what they love and hate, and who they truly are. At least for me, I find I can express more through writing than I can through talking.
I am the harshest judge of myself, other than my mother. I was brought up to want to be perfect... I'm only beginning to break out fo the mold I was made in, and to try to bend myself into a better way of living. But it isn't easy in any way.
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