quite possible the longest entry ever
Wow. Sorry for the long absence. As you'll find out, life has been a little more exciting and unpredictable than usual. At least for the first half, this set of entries has a lot of random rants and observations, my apologies in advance... and unfortunately, most of the entries do not have dates.
We like to live with the assumption that freedom from fear is a natural human right. Living here though, I'm becoming more and more convinced that it's just part of life, whether or not we recognize it for what it is. For examples, I live with an constant, subtle, instinctive fear of policemen here. It's not the kind of fear like being cornered by a dog in a dark alley, but it's more a general knowledge that it's better not to have any contact with policemen here for fear of becoming poorer by having your pockets kindly emptied for you. Russian young men have the same problem, except it's their normal life at stake, not their money. That's another, constant fear that people here just live with. It's interesting, because that feeling is really foreign to American culture until it hits us in a big way like it did on 9-11. But for the rest of the world, things aren't like that. It's not something that jumps out at you one day, it exists alongside you, and while you know you can't escape it, you evade to the best of your ability.
Russian women really are fashionable. But it's interesting how they are still wearing midriff shirts and still like to have a thong strap peeking out. Granted, they've got the body to pull this look off. :-)
Back home, i never really had the desire to smoke. But here... wow. I can't even begin to say how much i want to smoke sometimes. As one of my friends explained, i'm probably addicted just from all the second hand smoke. It's not a peer pressure thing like it would be at home, it's something else. A: it's just a part of the culture here. B: young russian women are so skinny, i feel like a cow next to them most days. Didn't really think about it until i met a russian woman approximately my own age this weekend who doesn't smoke. The difference in her figure compared to my host sister's is blatant-- she's still thin, but she's certainly got more of the "feminine curve" to her. And i hadn't realized how much i missed being around other women with similar patches of fat and padding, shall we say.
Haven't written too much about going to bars yet, or have i? There's none of this rediculous bureaucracy of checking IDs. Knowing Russia though, it's almost shocking that they haven't instituted it here just for the opportunity of taking bribes. Makes sense, no?
The Western cultural invasion is ever-present, even in the area of soft drinks, and not everyone takes to it all that kindly. I saw a billboard (a terribly non-Russian thing two decades ago) saying "Kvas not Cola! No Cola-nization and the people will be healthy!". I found it interesting that a company would choose to advertise their product as standing in defiance of "Western colonization," and that this is obviously an effective marketing strategy. Plus, there's the sheer irony of advertising anti-Westernism with purely Western means.
For those of you who don't know what kvas is, it's tastes like a mix of beer and coke, and is made out of fermented bread but somehow doesn't have any alcohol in it. Sounds gross to most non-Russians, but it actually is really refreshing on a hot day.
One of our teachers was talking today about the disparity between men and women in terms of health. A classmate asked her why so many men die so early... she rattled off liver and heart problems, and then added that the male "organism" (as Russian's call one's constitution and general health) is significantly weaker than the female one. "Of course, men are stronger in terms of muscles, but women are the ones who carry the babies and they are better at surviving." Totally foreign concept for me. I grew up in the mentality that women are the "weaker sex" in all senses and thus men should take care of them and protect them. Here in Russia, things seem much more reciprocal. Men take care of their women, but it's more out of social politeness and respect; everyone knows that Russian women are strong, independent, and fully capable of taking care of themselves.
5 Aug 2007
Well, we're leaving for a cruise today. Honestly, I have no clue what to expect other than a lot of visits to monasteries and churches.
Last night was one of three times in my life that i've stayed up all night. A whole group of us went to a club to celebrate the end of classes and the fact that we all passed the final exam, but only 3 of us stayed until they kicked us out. So i got home at 7.30 this morning, downed several glasses of water, and crashed. And despite taking breaks throughout the night, my spine and knees are still sore from dancing.
It was a really nice club; nothing like the other one i went to a few weeks ago which was in the dark, dank basement of something. Still, it was rather overrun with teenagers, and not as many young professionals.
Once again, gotta say that Russians do not know how to dance. Well, they do, but they dance like white folks:-P The nice thing is that people don't pair up dancing here unless they came as a couple, so you dance in small groups and it's less intimidating.
6 Aug
Well, we spent today in a tourist trap built on the orders of Pres Putin himself... or so our director said:-) Contrary to my worst fears though, it wasn't totally overrun with non-Russians, so i didn't mind too much. Still, the artificiality of a Russian country village built expressly to wring money out of visitors is a bit of an oxymoron. Oh, and the other problem with this lovely village was the lack of shade. I wasn't sure whom to curse more, Putin or my Irish ancestors!
The food on the ship is a bit questionable at times, but there's a lot of it, unlike for the past month or so in St. P. I'm convinced my stomach has shrunk because i get painfully hungry constantly and fill up very quickly. Hopefully i won't fatten up too much from finally being able to humor my tummy every time it growls at me.
Oh, and i got a classic reminder today of why i used to swear i would never date a Russian man. There was a group of Russian folks, probably in their late 20s, sitting a few tables down from us at the picnic today. One of the girls gets up in a bit of a (mock?) huff... then her boyfriend turns around, wrestles her back towards him, and gives her a good smack on the rear, not letting her go even though she's obviously trying to get away. Such things happen i suppose? But not in public, sheesh! And it's really weird because in a lot of ways, men here are much better about showing respect for women, even to complete strangers. You get the door held for you, there's someone there to give you a hand out of a car, etc. Things that feminists in America have intimidated men out of doing. But there's a certain percent (majority? minority?) that have no problem ogling women, and humiliating them (by my standards) in public.
Everyone agrees that Russia's most valuable asset is it's women because they have kept life together under some incredibly horrible circumstances and are very independent by necessity. In that sense, i think they strike a near-perfect balance of being strong and feminine at the same time... something American women seem to still struggle with. And Russian men really admire and appreciate them for it. So interestingly, the biggest dose of chauvanism around here comes from women themselves--while women treat men like pampered babies, they can be borderline cutthroat with each other.
More about Russian men, shall we? Homophobia is deeply, firmly ingrained here, and Russian men really do deserve the title of "men" where i general hesitate to call young males in America anything but "guys." However! There's an amazing, amazing amount of "man purses" and stylish clothing on perfectly straight guys that would automatically classify them as gay in 95% of America:-) Furthermore, homophobia aside, Russian culture is extremely "homosocial" (as a friend described it). Women and men socialize in totally separate circles and are a little "too close for comfort" by traditional American standards. For instance, i saw my host mom kiss her girlfriend right on the mouth once! In general, platonic friendship between men and women is seen as impossible... Now, at my age, i can agree that there's some truth to that since most guys i've become acquainted with at college and thought of as friends have made advances at me in one way or another. Thinking back to high school though, my closest friends were all guys because girls my own age were either too catty or lightminded (not a word in English, but an excellent word in Russian). And i really value that time because men weren't strangers, and thus weren't overly appealing or enticing. Instead, they were more like brothers. I knew how their brains work, wasn't horrified by how loudly they burp, and came to appreciate the horrendously terrible jokes they make.
7 Aug 2007
A deck boy walked by our window a few minutes ago, took a long(ing) look at my roommate, and walked the side of his skull straight into a metal staircase)) Youch. Really, it's a miracle that men survived the evolutionary process! A few minutes later he came back to discover that there are two of us in here and stood by the window smiling at us for a good minute.
Sad to say, but i have been seriously disappointed with the behavior of the guys (not "men") in our group who are in the military. I grew up as a military brat, so I have high expectations and expect soldiers to behave like gentlemen. On the surface level, they do. But there's another side to them that is more animal-like than the general population. They are loud, have a herd mentality, and have a tendency to be downright obnoxious. I just hope to goodness that they are enlisted and not officers... otherwise i've got serious concerns! Plus, they seem to have this sense of entitlement that allows them to act like this... either they grew up in a rough neighborhood, or went to Iraq, or something. Ok, you've had a rough life, doesn't mean you get to act like a (you supply a word). The military's got a bad enough reputation, not to mention America, so the way they act around Americans and especially around Russians is really starting to irritate and embarrass me.
The most surprising news has to do with our tourguide though. She is a beautiful, classy woman, but for some reason, she and the most arrogant, obnoxious, ex-military 20 y/o in our group are now an item. I guess it's a wonder that women survived evolution as well... especially the ones that seem to have a taste for men that don't know how to respect a lady, or anyone else for that matter. Not to mention that it's more than a bit unprofessional to be hooking up with a student when you're in a position of authority. The other authority figures are trying to keep it quiet, but everyone knows... especially after the guy called her "baby" in front of a whole bunch of us last night.
Don't know why i've written so much about men lately... i guess they are just interesting to observe and compare with women, especially here in Russia.
The mosquito bites on my arms are so itchy, that there are little bald spots around them from where i've scratched too much. lol. Oh, and i now have freckles on my fingers for the first time in my life... what the heck!
8 Aug 2007
I get the feeling that cruises are a great idea for honeymoons and not much else. There's absolutely nothing to do here but look at the scenery, look at whatever spots they take us to (more often than not they aren't very interesting), and drink. Seriously. I had a bit to drink the first two nights and then decided that i needed to put a stop to that asap lest i become reliant on it as a way of escaping boredom. So yours truly will be remaining completely sober until arriving back on dry land.
We were in a provincial city (Petrozavodsk) yesterday for almost 18 hours yesterday. Nice enough city, but i simply failed to see the point of stopping there. I also got the feeling that living there would induce alcoholism since there was clearly nothing interesting to do there but walk along the shore with a beer in hand. At least in St. P there's lots going on, which may or may not involve a beer.
Today we were in Kizhi, a tiny island at the top end (i think) of Lake Ladoga. Sadly, the battery on my camera decided to die a swift death, so i will have to steal pictures from friends. In addition to the collection of traditional Russian peasant huts, there were two huge wooden churches, and a fine collection of aders in the grass... or so they warned us.
The other unfortunate thing about being on this cruise is the lack of opportunities to speak Russian. We're here as a group, so we do everything together and don't interact with Russians much. Plus, everyone is pretty much sick and tired of speaking Russian, so we aren't practicing much even among ourselves. Thank gosh i'm going to Moscow afterwards; at least there's some hope of practicing.
Misha's grandma called me today to find out what time the train would be arriving and the compartment number. It took me a few seconds to figure who the heck was calling me, lol, so hopefully she doesn't think i'm just a stupid American who can't speak Russian.
9 Aug 2007
Went on an excursion to a monastery today. Hard to explain why, but it reminded me of all the reasons people give for why they aren't religious. Our Russian teachers told our American chaperone off the record about where all of the money goes that these very devout, religious people give. Everything from tithe collecting to determining who gets a promotion sounds utterly corrupt. Even worse, it's taking advantage of some very sincere, goodhearted, and desolate people whose only comfort and security in life is hope in G-d.
The monastery's tourguide spent a good chunk of the tour giving sales pitches for some holy water which is very "healthful" to drink, holy sand to place on afflicted areas, and candles to place in front of a certain icon which "has been known" to help women who can't have children. I'm starting to see why they say that religion takes advantage of weak people who have nowhere else to turn. In Russia especially, it's easy to see how there's a thin layer of biblical doctrine wrapped in a thick layer of ancient folk superstitions so that it would be accepted, then lacquered in the purpose of keeping people under control and making them believe that suffering is not only necessary, but desirable. End of rant, before i become too cynical? Russia does that to you, for better or worse. Today just got me thinking about religion again, which is odd. Here, unlike in America, it's easy to exist without having to constantly think about why you do or do not believe in G-d and justify your choice. Thanks to the Soviet era, it's the norm here to not be religious, although there is a certain chunk of the population that went flocking back to religion asap.
I'm starting to see why Russian men have such a short life span. There's this level of tough, illogical machismo that they seem to cling to. For example, we were at a picnic with some young, 20-something Russians a few weeks ago. One of the guys disappeared for a few hours, and evidently spent all of that time passed out drunk in his car. He eventually emerged long enough to gloat about how drunk he was, and get some girls to dump cold water on his head. Next thing i know, he gets in his car and drives off in a cloud of dust kicked up from him not being able to hold it on the road properly. His justification for this? "I'm a policeman, so i can get away with it." Sad thing is, he's right. Even more sad, his friends knew that there was nothing they could have said to stop him from leaving and just sort of accepted that this was normal.
Oh... when i talked to Misha today, he had a bit of a strange, distant sound to his voice, so i finally asked him what was wrong. It turns out, that in my confusion induced by his grandma calling, I asked her "You're the relative of *which* Misha??" Ooops! Unfortunately, whenever i'm talking to someone for the first time, and especially when I haven't mentally prepared for a conversation, i get really nervous and make stupid mistakes. I wanted to ask "Which relative of Misha's?". So my mistake got reported back to Misha's mom and back to Misha. lol. The womenfolk came to the conclusion that i've been having a little too much fun around here and now have a collection of men, including several Mishas. !!!! I'm flattered that they have such faith in my looks and language skills, but i'm also a tad hurt. And now i'm more nervous about meeting this grandmother on Sunday who already thinks i'm a "shlyukha". Eh.
10 Aug
Last night of the cruise. I'm kinda relieved, honestly.
11 Aug
Stayed up until 5 in the morning last night and got a grand total of 3 hours of sleep. Woot! It was worth it though. My cabin mate found herself an interesting Russian guy, and a whole group stayed out on the top deck chatting the night away. I got to see lots of shooting stars, which was such a rare treat and gave me a chance to make a wish.
13 Aug 2007
Well, I'm in Moscow! Haven't seen too much of the city, except for the car ride from the train station to Misha's grandparents' house. The train ride itself took forever; 8 whole hours, and the train was going at a decent speed the whole time.
From what i've seen so far, it seems like there are fewer mullets here, and the girls dress more according to western fashion, not Russian fashion. Still, I find that there are a lot of things about Moscow that remind me of NY, in a bad way. Like girls paying so much attention to the latest designer fashion, etc. In a country where so many people are struggling to just get by, it seems rather revolting to see Dolce and Gabana (sp?) everywhere. Growing up in NY, it was a really sore spot for a while that my family couldn't afford the latest designer stuff... you know how all kids go through a phase when they've gotta fit in and be cool. Eventually i got over that and realized you can dress well even without having some brand name plastered all over your clothing. People in St. P seem to agree with me on that, but it's a little painful to come to Moscow and be confronted with that designer mindset all over again.
Still, young women here actually have more of the feminine curve to them, which is very comforting, and they wear more reasonable footwear. On the downside, there are also a lot more fat young people. It's unfortunate, gotta say, and it's probably because more people here have adopted the Western diet of fast food. McDonalds should really be shot, no?
15 Aug
The more i see of Moscow, and especially after seeing the region Misha grew up in today, i'm beginning to understand why he misses it so much and how hard it was to leave. But on the other side, i'm becoming more and more afraid of what things'll be like if he is forced to come back. I myself could live in Russia and be happy (though probably not so much in Moscow), but it's not the kind of life i want for Misha. I don't want him to live in fear of the draft, of policemen on the street, of petty officials constantly asking for money. You look at Russia on the surface these days and it looks like any other Western country, but look a little deeper and there are so many problems that are deeply ingrained into everyday existence. You can't escape them, sidestep them, or run away from them. It's bad enough for me as a foreigner here, but it's as bad, if not worse, for the people that actually live here. Just overhearing conversations of Misha's grandparents, aunt, and uncle, it sounds like they have to pay bribes at every turn. Imagine it! Not only is it incredibly frustrating on the practical level of forking over money, but the principle of the matter would gag me every time.
Moscow is turning out to be way more expensive than i expected. Just getting around on public transportation is an exercise in spending money. The marshrutka to the metro from Domodedovo costs 50 rubles, then the metro costs 18. The electrichka costs 60. Doesn't look like much when you translate it into dollars, but it adds up quickly. Especially when you're out all day in the heat and have to buy ice cream, mors, and kvas just to stay alive. The heat here is about to kill me, especially after Petersburg where we were constantly surrounded by water and the temperature rarely got above 80. Now, i'm dying from the heat and developing quite a tan on the face, neck, and arms. The rest of me is still painfully white though, so i'm trying to figure out a way to even things out somehow. Kristina's mom has already suggested buying some tanning lotion... i'm actually considering it, just like i'm also considering dying my hair red before i leave here:-) Russia does things to you like that.
Back to the topic of getting around though. It just takes so long to get anywhere. Today, it took us two hours to get from Domodedovo (not the metro stop, the actual city which is a suburb of Moscow) to Yasenevo. Incredible. It's like living in Suffolk county commuting to Manhattan, except three times as inconvenient. Whereas NY (and St. P for that matter) is laid out in a nice grid pattern and Long Island neatly meshes into that grid, Moscow is like a big blob that has sprawled out beyond reasonable limits. So the metro here is laid out like a big spider web, except there is only one big circle holding the whole thing together. I got to ride on that circle line today, and believe me, when they talk about overcrowding, there is no exageration involved. It was 11.30 am when you'd think everyone would be at work already and there was still practically no room to breath on the train. They desparately need to get cracking on a second circle line further out.
There's something about the Russian spirit that is irrepressible. They see a rule and they see something that needs to be pushed, if not broken. It's not like parents here don't punish their children, or that teachers don't teach them the rules. Still, somehow, this anarchic spirit gets passed on from generation to generation. Talking with Sasha (Misha's classmate) today was quite an enlightening, amusing experience. She told me how she used to smoke in the girls' bathroom way back in the early years of school; she got caught once and the entire class had to make signs saying how harmful smoking was for your health, etc, etc. She said, "I worked on those signs so sincerely, earnestly... and kept right on smoking, starting the next day!" Misha, as much of a sweetheart as he is, was the same way, if to a lesser degree. He has such a good heart, the kind that would automatically make him a goody two shoes in America; growing up in Russia though, he was constantly into some adventuresome mischief.
17 Aug
Went to the Novadevich Monastary today. I got to see Chekhov's grave, Eisenstein's grave, Yeltsin's grave... lots of others, i can't even remember all of them. The biggest highlight by far was getting to see Shostakovich's grave though. A lot of the other memorials were kind of bombastic and overstated, but his was simple, white marble, with his musical monograph-- tasteful, but still meaningful. I wanted to just sit there for a little bit, but Kristina and Alexey don't exactly share my love for Shostakovich, so we moved on. Then we went into one of the chapels there and lit candles. Kristina lit a whole bunch, 11 i think. I lit one for mom, dad, and Misha. It's strangely reassuring to be thinking of a person and looking at a flame... can't really explain why. Even after you finish praying and leave, you know that candle is there burning and still thinking of the person you love.
Staying with Misha's family is giving me a good intro course in Russian superstitions. I don't know if it's a Moscow thing, or if Petersburg is just too Western. Some of them really do make life more pleasant, like the one about hiccups since it makes you feel special in the midst of trying to figure out how to make them go away. Others seems just silly. Others are just fun.
If you go to the cemetery with your boyfriend, you won't get married. (silly?)
If you leave a coin somewhere, you'll return to that place. (pleasant)
If you step on someone's toes, they have to step on yours, otherwise you'll quarrel. (fun since it can turn into quite the stepping fest)
If you leave set your purse on the floor, you won't have money. (silly, and kind of annoying if you're in the habit of doing so)
If you have the hiccups, it means someone is remembering you. (very pleasant)
The person you dream about the first night you spend in a new place will be your husband. (also pleasant, especially if it actually works out)
18 Aug 2007
Spent the entire day with friends of the family. As it turns out, there's a three generation friendship between their family and Misha's. First the grandparents came to over to the house. I forgot the husband's name, but he was quite the interesting person. Naturally, everything was better under Soviet rule, and in particular, education was better. After digging into my Russian ever so gently (no offense taken since i'm used to it already and have a rather low opinion of it myself, lol), he then demanded that I test out the English of his daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. Yes, naturally, i came to Russia specifically to practice my English. Needless to say, said relatives were shy and not so eager to talk with me in English, and I was more than happy to practice my Russian with them, so he just had to live without knowing the fate of the Soviet education system. :-P
So on the way to the dacha where this son-in-law, daughter, and grandson live, Alexey and Larisa got into a huge argument about something. I'm slowly coming to the conclusion what when it comes to family, there is such a thing as too close for comfort. With my parents, i'm still reliant on them, and i still turn to them for advice, but i don't see them every day, i don't live with them, and they aren't overly freaked out about me being so far away from them.
With this family though, there seems to be something of an eternal "scandal" (as it's called in Russian) going on. Frankly speaking, it's not just this family, it's all of Moscow. It doesn't take much to tip people over the edge and they'll start quarreling over anything. So anyway, this particular argument ended in Kristina crying, Alexey moping but refusing to say "I'm sorry", and Larissa emerging triumphant. :-) In the women's circle which developed while we waited for a taxi, Larissa sagely advised me to never, ever marry. "There's absolutely no reason to formalize a relationship... men are such terrors. It's better to just raise children without marriage" lol. Naturally, Kristina had to jump in and disagree, saying that it is possible to marry guys who are easy going and good natured like Misha. Who knows. I'm sure there's some truth to Larissa's point of view, and I know for sure that a lot of Russian women would have to agree with her 100%. And it really does drive me crazy that most men have this mental block about asking forgiveness when they've been rude or just stupid. It wouldn't make them one bit less manly if they could admit they were wrong now and then; quite the contrary, it would make them that much more attractive and priceless. And Kristina is right, i'm lucky with Misha. He's only ticked me off maybe twice, but he has always asked me to forgive him, even without the healthy does of female hysterics which would usually induce such an action just to end the tears and reproaches. lol.
Still, being out at the dacha was really relaxing, even with that rousing prelude. The way back was nothing short of a workout though. For starters, the roads weren't paved, so we were tricky trotting over gravel in the dark. That wasn't the most interesting part though. Before we got too far, we hit railroad tracks. Most Americans would go hunt down the closest railroad crossing, especially when there at least six different tracks running here there and everything, with switches to boot. Ooo no. I took a picture just to remember the first time i'd ever crossed tracks in such a fashion:-) When we finally got to the other side, we were pretty much locked in by a gate and a collection of policemen that threatened to stick us all in prison for trying to get through the gate. The original plan was to bribe them into opening the gate, but these were particularly grouchy policemen, so we ignored their prison threats and marched off to search for another way through. Gotta love life here. In general, you do things in Russia you'd ever do in America. Not immoral stuff, things you would fear being judged for, stopped by the police for, or being hurt by. For example: drinking beer on the street (without that ridiculous paper bag thing), making out on escalators, crossing railroad tracks, going downtown knowing full well that you won't be able to get back home until 8 in the morning, etc.
Backtracking to cops for one more minute.... In America, you fear them cause they actually do what they are supposed to be doing--enforcing the law. Here, if you get caught doing something you're not supposed to be doing, no biggie... pay a $15 bribe and everything's peachy. What you actually have to worry about are cops bothering you when you're just going about your everyday, normal, perfectly legal business. Strange, huh?
19 Aug 2007
Well, the first elevator i went to in Moscow was the one in Kristina's apartment building. Immediately upon entering, Alexey gave me a list of designated spots where i could look since it was shorter than the list of places i could look, lol. Naturally, i didn't obey in anticipation of my usual lesson in Russian mat. For a change, there was no mat to read. Instead, the back wall was dedicated to skinhead slogans and symbols, which are almost as familiar to me as Russian mat anyway.
That was right after getting here. Well, this morning, that same elevator gave me more to look at. The doors opened and the first thing i noticed was that the floor was covered in newspaper. I expected this to mean that some drunk person had suffered digestive problems, but it turned out to be worse. The floors and walls were covered in blood. Yea. Alexey's first reaction was, "Well, we'll close our eyes and think about good things." It was such a traditional, predictable, Russian response.... Well, it's not my blood, i'll look elsewhere. It's not me in a prison camp, so I can go on with life. It's not my son getting dragged off to two years of army hazing. It's not my dad getting beaten up cause he doesn't look Russian. Look elsewhere and try to forget. I guess there comes a point where you can't exist if you are constantly aware of the problems around you, but on another level, how can you exist knowing what is going on around you? I don't understand how your elevator can be coated in skinhead garbage and now be varnished in blood and you can close your eyes and pretend like everything is ok. On another level, i understand all too well how this is not only possible, but the only way to survive sometimes. Maybe i've celebrated Passover too many times. It certainly teaches you to understand the sufferings of other people as your own, as your personal responsibility... at least in the sense that you have the obligation to admit their existence and tell others about them. I don't have the money to make the world a better place, but i have faith in the power of words and knowledge. And part of keeping this blog and writing a thesis on skinheads is to shine a light not only on the positive sides of my beloved Russia, but also on the more unpleasant sides, with the hope that things will change for the better.
20 Aug 2007
So, i'm still in Moscow. True, i had a train ticket back to St. P for this morning at 8.45 , but that didn't exactly work out. First of all, we had a flat tire on the way out the driveway... not much of a shock, considering the horrendous condition of the roads around their house. The flat tire in and of itself wasn't the problem since we got it pumped up again in roughly 10 min. 10 min were nothing in comparison with the horrendous, incredible, unbelievable traffic jam we found ourselves in as soon as we got on the freeway. Traveling 20 something miles took us over 2.5 hours. We eventually got to the station, more than an hour after the train left and bought a new ticket... for Friday morning.
At the time, i didn't care that much... i've pretty much gotten used to the randomness of Russian life, so what's a missed train in the midst of that? Granted, in America, i would have been flipping out, but here, i knew there was absolutely nothing i could do to change the situation, so might as well laugh about it.
So at the time, it wasn't so bad. But i was so ready to get back to St. Petersburg, mentally, physically, suitcase-ly. Misha's grandparents and other relatives loaded me up with presents to give to Misha's family, and my suitcase is in a state of almost bursting, despite the extremely efficient, professional packing job i did last night. And now that'll all have to be done again. Furthermore, going back to Petersburg was kind of like taking one step closer to being back home. Silly, i know, but after 2+ months, it's little stuff like that that makes life tolerable. Besides, Petersburg became a kind of home, "svoi" (one's own) as we say in Russian, while Moscow remains a strange, oversized blob.
Anyway, after buying a new ticket, we decided to go explore Moscow some more. So i got to see Arbat (where i bought Misha a t-shirt with Sochi and the year of the Olympics), the place where Misha's parents celebrated their wedding, and the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour which was rebuilt recently after being destroyed in the revolution and turned into a swimming pool. We lit candles again:-) I don't might the lighting candles part since it is reassuring, but there's still something revolting about standing in line to pay to pray for someone you love, or worse yet, paying someone else to pray for them. Ok, i won't get started again. Then we went to the icon shop so Kristina could buy a silver cross and Alexey could buy one of those icons that Russians always have in their cars. Ya know, the ones that sit where the airbag should technically be, but probably isn't... so you've got the gilded face of some saint to protect you! Alexey suggest that i get one to watch over my dad since he's a truck driver... when i hesitated, Kristina piped up, "You really love your parents don't you!" lol. Ok, so i've got a more American relationship with my parents than your average Russian univerisity student, but it doesn't mean i love them less, lol. The real issue is that i don't have much faith in a piece of wood, paint, and gold to take care of my dad. At any rate, i bowed to peer pressure, and my papa will soon be the proud owner of a Russian icon:-) (something even his Russia obsessed daughter can't claim) Sorry daddy, i was going to get you Soviet military memorabilia, but this came up first!
22 July
So it's now just over a week until i leave Russia. On the whole, i think i'm going to really miss it here, and it's probably going to be a tough adjustment back to American life. This has become a kind of home for me, and i've pretty much adapted to the mentality and lifestyle. I keep trying to remind myself of what America is like, and it's more like a foggy remembrance than something i lived with my whole life. I'll have to put on a fake smile every day, i won't have to fear policemen, i'll have to get a little less stingy. Plus, I'll have to get back in the habit of speaking English. It's funny how i feel about language at this point. Russian has become such a habit that even when i have the chance to speak English, there's no strong desire to do so. On the other hand, sometimes i remember being able to blurt out the first thing that came to my mind, and then I start missing English. Let's just say that silence has become more of a close companion that it ever was back in the US.
PS. Sorry for the typos and strange phrasings. Time is literally money in an internet cafe, and I didn't have enough time to proofread as well as I wanted to.
We like to live with the assumption that freedom from fear is a natural human right. Living here though, I'm becoming more and more convinced that it's just part of life, whether or not we recognize it for what it is. For examples, I live with an constant, subtle, instinctive fear of policemen here. It's not the kind of fear like being cornered by a dog in a dark alley, but it's more a general knowledge that it's better not to have any contact with policemen here for fear of becoming poorer by having your pockets kindly emptied for you. Russian young men have the same problem, except it's their normal life at stake, not their money. That's another, constant fear that people here just live with. It's interesting, because that feeling is really foreign to American culture until it hits us in a big way like it did on 9-11. But for the rest of the world, things aren't like that. It's not something that jumps out at you one day, it exists alongside you, and while you know you can't escape it, you evade to the best of your ability.
Russian women really are fashionable. But it's interesting how they are still wearing midriff shirts and still like to have a thong strap peeking out. Granted, they've got the body to pull this look off. :-)
Back home, i never really had the desire to smoke. But here... wow. I can't even begin to say how much i want to smoke sometimes. As one of my friends explained, i'm probably addicted just from all the second hand smoke. It's not a peer pressure thing like it would be at home, it's something else. A: it's just a part of the culture here. B: young russian women are so skinny, i feel like a cow next to them most days. Didn't really think about it until i met a russian woman approximately my own age this weekend who doesn't smoke. The difference in her figure compared to my host sister's is blatant-- she's still thin, but she's certainly got more of the "feminine curve" to her. And i hadn't realized how much i missed being around other women with similar patches of fat and padding, shall we say.
Haven't written too much about going to bars yet, or have i? There's none of this rediculous bureaucracy of checking IDs. Knowing Russia though, it's almost shocking that they haven't instituted it here just for the opportunity of taking bribes. Makes sense, no?
The Western cultural invasion is ever-present, even in the area of soft drinks, and not everyone takes to it all that kindly. I saw a billboard (a terribly non-Russian thing two decades ago) saying "Kvas not Cola! No Cola-nization and the people will be healthy!". I found it interesting that a company would choose to advertise their product as standing in defiance of "Western colonization," and that this is obviously an effective marketing strategy. Plus, there's the sheer irony of advertising anti-Westernism with purely Western means.
For those of you who don't know what kvas is, it's tastes like a mix of beer and coke, and is made out of fermented bread but somehow doesn't have any alcohol in it. Sounds gross to most non-Russians, but it actually is really refreshing on a hot day.
One of our teachers was talking today about the disparity between men and women in terms of health. A classmate asked her why so many men die so early... she rattled off liver and heart problems, and then added that the male "organism" (as Russian's call one's constitution and general health) is significantly weaker than the female one. "Of course, men are stronger in terms of muscles, but women are the ones who carry the babies and they are better at surviving." Totally foreign concept for me. I grew up in the mentality that women are the "weaker sex" in all senses and thus men should take care of them and protect them. Here in Russia, things seem much more reciprocal. Men take care of their women, but it's more out of social politeness and respect; everyone knows that Russian women are strong, independent, and fully capable of taking care of themselves.
5 Aug 2007
Well, we're leaving for a cruise today. Honestly, I have no clue what to expect other than a lot of visits to monasteries and churches.
Last night was one of three times in my life that i've stayed up all night. A whole group of us went to a club to celebrate the end of classes and the fact that we all passed the final exam, but only 3 of us stayed until they kicked us out. So i got home at 7.30 this morning, downed several glasses of water, and crashed. And despite taking breaks throughout the night, my spine and knees are still sore from dancing.
It was a really nice club; nothing like the other one i went to a few weeks ago which was in the dark, dank basement of something. Still, it was rather overrun with teenagers, and not as many young professionals.
Once again, gotta say that Russians do not know how to dance. Well, they do, but they dance like white folks:-P The nice thing is that people don't pair up dancing here unless they came as a couple, so you dance in small groups and it's less intimidating.
6 Aug
Well, we spent today in a tourist trap built on the orders of Pres Putin himself... or so our director said:-) Contrary to my worst fears though, it wasn't totally overrun with non-Russians, so i didn't mind too much. Still, the artificiality of a Russian country village built expressly to wring money out of visitors is a bit of an oxymoron. Oh, and the other problem with this lovely village was the lack of shade. I wasn't sure whom to curse more, Putin or my Irish ancestors!
The food on the ship is a bit questionable at times, but there's a lot of it, unlike for the past month or so in St. P. I'm convinced my stomach has shrunk because i get painfully hungry constantly and fill up very quickly. Hopefully i won't fatten up too much from finally being able to humor my tummy every time it growls at me.
Oh, and i got a classic reminder today of why i used to swear i would never date a Russian man. There was a group of Russian folks, probably in their late 20s, sitting a few tables down from us at the picnic today. One of the girls gets up in a bit of a (mock?) huff... then her boyfriend turns around, wrestles her back towards him, and gives her a good smack on the rear, not letting her go even though she's obviously trying to get away. Such things happen i suppose? But not in public, sheesh! And it's really weird because in a lot of ways, men here are much better about showing respect for women, even to complete strangers. You get the door held for you, there's someone there to give you a hand out of a car, etc. Things that feminists in America have intimidated men out of doing. But there's a certain percent (majority? minority?) that have no problem ogling women, and humiliating them (by my standards) in public.
Everyone agrees that Russia's most valuable asset is it's women because they have kept life together under some incredibly horrible circumstances and are very independent by necessity. In that sense, i think they strike a near-perfect balance of being strong and feminine at the same time... something American women seem to still struggle with. And Russian men really admire and appreciate them for it. So interestingly, the biggest dose of chauvanism around here comes from women themselves--while women treat men like pampered babies, they can be borderline cutthroat with each other.
More about Russian men, shall we? Homophobia is deeply, firmly ingrained here, and Russian men really do deserve the title of "men" where i general hesitate to call young males in America anything but "guys." However! There's an amazing, amazing amount of "man purses" and stylish clothing on perfectly straight guys that would automatically classify them as gay in 95% of America:-) Furthermore, homophobia aside, Russian culture is extremely "homosocial" (as a friend described it). Women and men socialize in totally separate circles and are a little "too close for comfort" by traditional American standards. For instance, i saw my host mom kiss her girlfriend right on the mouth once! In general, platonic friendship between men and women is seen as impossible... Now, at my age, i can agree that there's some truth to that since most guys i've become acquainted with at college and thought of as friends have made advances at me in one way or another. Thinking back to high school though, my closest friends were all guys because girls my own age were either too catty or lightminded (not a word in English, but an excellent word in Russian). And i really value that time because men weren't strangers, and thus weren't overly appealing or enticing. Instead, they were more like brothers. I knew how their brains work, wasn't horrified by how loudly they burp, and came to appreciate the horrendously terrible jokes they make.
7 Aug 2007
A deck boy walked by our window a few minutes ago, took a long(ing) look at my roommate, and walked the side of his skull straight into a metal staircase)) Youch. Really, it's a miracle that men survived the evolutionary process! A few minutes later he came back to discover that there are two of us in here and stood by the window smiling at us for a good minute.
Sad to say, but i have been seriously disappointed with the behavior of the guys (not "men") in our group who are in the military. I grew up as a military brat, so I have high expectations and expect soldiers to behave like gentlemen. On the surface level, they do. But there's another side to them that is more animal-like than the general population. They are loud, have a herd mentality, and have a tendency to be downright obnoxious. I just hope to goodness that they are enlisted and not officers... otherwise i've got serious concerns! Plus, they seem to have this sense of entitlement that allows them to act like this... either they grew up in a rough neighborhood, or went to Iraq, or something. Ok, you've had a rough life, doesn't mean you get to act like a (you supply a word). The military's got a bad enough reputation, not to mention America, so the way they act around Americans and especially around Russians is really starting to irritate and embarrass me.
The most surprising news has to do with our tourguide though. She is a beautiful, classy woman, but for some reason, she and the most arrogant, obnoxious, ex-military 20 y/o in our group are now an item. I guess it's a wonder that women survived evolution as well... especially the ones that seem to have a taste for men that don't know how to respect a lady, or anyone else for that matter. Not to mention that it's more than a bit unprofessional to be hooking up with a student when you're in a position of authority. The other authority figures are trying to keep it quiet, but everyone knows... especially after the guy called her "baby" in front of a whole bunch of us last night.
Don't know why i've written so much about men lately... i guess they are just interesting to observe and compare with women, especially here in Russia.
The mosquito bites on my arms are so itchy, that there are little bald spots around them from where i've scratched too much. lol. Oh, and i now have freckles on my fingers for the first time in my life... what the heck!
8 Aug 2007
I get the feeling that cruises are a great idea for honeymoons and not much else. There's absolutely nothing to do here but look at the scenery, look at whatever spots they take us to (more often than not they aren't very interesting), and drink. Seriously. I had a bit to drink the first two nights and then decided that i needed to put a stop to that asap lest i become reliant on it as a way of escaping boredom. So yours truly will be remaining completely sober until arriving back on dry land.
We were in a provincial city (Petrozavodsk) yesterday for almost 18 hours yesterday. Nice enough city, but i simply failed to see the point of stopping there. I also got the feeling that living there would induce alcoholism since there was clearly nothing interesting to do there but walk along the shore with a beer in hand. At least in St. P there's lots going on, which may or may not involve a beer.
Today we were in Kizhi, a tiny island at the top end (i think) of Lake Ladoga. Sadly, the battery on my camera decided to die a swift death, so i will have to steal pictures from friends. In addition to the collection of traditional Russian peasant huts, there were two huge wooden churches, and a fine collection of aders in the grass... or so they warned us.
The other unfortunate thing about being on this cruise is the lack of opportunities to speak Russian. We're here as a group, so we do everything together and don't interact with Russians much. Plus, everyone is pretty much sick and tired of speaking Russian, so we aren't practicing much even among ourselves. Thank gosh i'm going to Moscow afterwards; at least there's some hope of practicing.
Misha's grandma called me today to find out what time the train would be arriving and the compartment number. It took me a few seconds to figure who the heck was calling me, lol, so hopefully she doesn't think i'm just a stupid American who can't speak Russian.
9 Aug 2007
Went on an excursion to a monastery today. Hard to explain why, but it reminded me of all the reasons people give for why they aren't religious. Our Russian teachers told our American chaperone off the record about where all of the money goes that these very devout, religious people give. Everything from tithe collecting to determining who gets a promotion sounds utterly corrupt. Even worse, it's taking advantage of some very sincere, goodhearted, and desolate people whose only comfort and security in life is hope in G-d.
The monastery's tourguide spent a good chunk of the tour giving sales pitches for some holy water which is very "healthful" to drink, holy sand to place on afflicted areas, and candles to place in front of a certain icon which "has been known" to help women who can't have children. I'm starting to see why they say that religion takes advantage of weak people who have nowhere else to turn. In Russia especially, it's easy to see how there's a thin layer of biblical doctrine wrapped in a thick layer of ancient folk superstitions so that it would be accepted, then lacquered in the purpose of keeping people under control and making them believe that suffering is not only necessary, but desirable. End of rant, before i become too cynical? Russia does that to you, for better or worse. Today just got me thinking about religion again, which is odd. Here, unlike in America, it's easy to exist without having to constantly think about why you do or do not believe in G-d and justify your choice. Thanks to the Soviet era, it's the norm here to not be religious, although there is a certain chunk of the population that went flocking back to religion asap.
I'm starting to see why Russian men have such a short life span. There's this level of tough, illogical machismo that they seem to cling to. For example, we were at a picnic with some young, 20-something Russians a few weeks ago. One of the guys disappeared for a few hours, and evidently spent all of that time passed out drunk in his car. He eventually emerged long enough to gloat about how drunk he was, and get some girls to dump cold water on his head. Next thing i know, he gets in his car and drives off in a cloud of dust kicked up from him not being able to hold it on the road properly. His justification for this? "I'm a policeman, so i can get away with it." Sad thing is, he's right. Even more sad, his friends knew that there was nothing they could have said to stop him from leaving and just sort of accepted that this was normal.
Oh... when i talked to Misha today, he had a bit of a strange, distant sound to his voice, so i finally asked him what was wrong. It turns out, that in my confusion induced by his grandma calling, I asked her "You're the relative of *which* Misha??" Ooops! Unfortunately, whenever i'm talking to someone for the first time, and especially when I haven't mentally prepared for a conversation, i get really nervous and make stupid mistakes. I wanted to ask "Which relative of Misha's?". So my mistake got reported back to Misha's mom and back to Misha. lol. The womenfolk came to the conclusion that i've been having a little too much fun around here and now have a collection of men, including several Mishas. !!!! I'm flattered that they have such faith in my looks and language skills, but i'm also a tad hurt. And now i'm more nervous about meeting this grandmother on Sunday who already thinks i'm a "shlyukha". Eh.
10 Aug
Last night of the cruise. I'm kinda relieved, honestly.
11 Aug
Stayed up until 5 in the morning last night and got a grand total of 3 hours of sleep. Woot! It was worth it though. My cabin mate found herself an interesting Russian guy, and a whole group stayed out on the top deck chatting the night away. I got to see lots of shooting stars, which was such a rare treat and gave me a chance to make a wish.
13 Aug 2007
Well, I'm in Moscow! Haven't seen too much of the city, except for the car ride from the train station to Misha's grandparents' house. The train ride itself took forever; 8 whole hours, and the train was going at a decent speed the whole time.
From what i've seen so far, it seems like there are fewer mullets here, and the girls dress more according to western fashion, not Russian fashion. Still, I find that there are a lot of things about Moscow that remind me of NY, in a bad way. Like girls paying so much attention to the latest designer fashion, etc. In a country where so many people are struggling to just get by, it seems rather revolting to see Dolce and Gabana (sp?) everywhere. Growing up in NY, it was a really sore spot for a while that my family couldn't afford the latest designer stuff... you know how all kids go through a phase when they've gotta fit in and be cool. Eventually i got over that and realized you can dress well even without having some brand name plastered all over your clothing. People in St. P seem to agree with me on that, but it's a little painful to come to Moscow and be confronted with that designer mindset all over again.
Still, young women here actually have more of the feminine curve to them, which is very comforting, and they wear more reasonable footwear. On the downside, there are also a lot more fat young people. It's unfortunate, gotta say, and it's probably because more people here have adopted the Western diet of fast food. McDonalds should really be shot, no?
15 Aug
The more i see of Moscow, and especially after seeing the region Misha grew up in today, i'm beginning to understand why he misses it so much and how hard it was to leave. But on the other side, i'm becoming more and more afraid of what things'll be like if he is forced to come back. I myself could live in Russia and be happy (though probably not so much in Moscow), but it's not the kind of life i want for Misha. I don't want him to live in fear of the draft, of policemen on the street, of petty officials constantly asking for money. You look at Russia on the surface these days and it looks like any other Western country, but look a little deeper and there are so many problems that are deeply ingrained into everyday existence. You can't escape them, sidestep them, or run away from them. It's bad enough for me as a foreigner here, but it's as bad, if not worse, for the people that actually live here. Just overhearing conversations of Misha's grandparents, aunt, and uncle, it sounds like they have to pay bribes at every turn. Imagine it! Not only is it incredibly frustrating on the practical level of forking over money, but the principle of the matter would gag me every time.
Moscow is turning out to be way more expensive than i expected. Just getting around on public transportation is an exercise in spending money. The marshrutka to the metro from Domodedovo costs 50 rubles, then the metro costs 18. The electrichka costs 60. Doesn't look like much when you translate it into dollars, but it adds up quickly. Especially when you're out all day in the heat and have to buy ice cream, mors, and kvas just to stay alive. The heat here is about to kill me, especially after Petersburg where we were constantly surrounded by water and the temperature rarely got above 80. Now, i'm dying from the heat and developing quite a tan on the face, neck, and arms. The rest of me is still painfully white though, so i'm trying to figure out a way to even things out somehow. Kristina's mom has already suggested buying some tanning lotion... i'm actually considering it, just like i'm also considering dying my hair red before i leave here:-) Russia does things to you like that.
Back to the topic of getting around though. It just takes so long to get anywhere. Today, it took us two hours to get from Domodedovo (not the metro stop, the actual city which is a suburb of Moscow) to Yasenevo. Incredible. It's like living in Suffolk county commuting to Manhattan, except three times as inconvenient. Whereas NY (and St. P for that matter) is laid out in a nice grid pattern and Long Island neatly meshes into that grid, Moscow is like a big blob that has sprawled out beyond reasonable limits. So the metro here is laid out like a big spider web, except there is only one big circle holding the whole thing together. I got to ride on that circle line today, and believe me, when they talk about overcrowding, there is no exageration involved. It was 11.30 am when you'd think everyone would be at work already and there was still practically no room to breath on the train. They desparately need to get cracking on a second circle line further out.
There's something about the Russian spirit that is irrepressible. They see a rule and they see something that needs to be pushed, if not broken. It's not like parents here don't punish their children, or that teachers don't teach them the rules. Still, somehow, this anarchic spirit gets passed on from generation to generation. Talking with Sasha (Misha's classmate) today was quite an enlightening, amusing experience. She told me how she used to smoke in the girls' bathroom way back in the early years of school; she got caught once and the entire class had to make signs saying how harmful smoking was for your health, etc, etc. She said, "I worked on those signs so sincerely, earnestly... and kept right on smoking, starting the next day!" Misha, as much of a sweetheart as he is, was the same way, if to a lesser degree. He has such a good heart, the kind that would automatically make him a goody two shoes in America; growing up in Russia though, he was constantly into some adventuresome mischief.
17 Aug
Went to the Novadevich Monastary today. I got to see Chekhov's grave, Eisenstein's grave, Yeltsin's grave... lots of others, i can't even remember all of them. The biggest highlight by far was getting to see Shostakovich's grave though. A lot of the other memorials were kind of bombastic and overstated, but his was simple, white marble, with his musical monograph-- tasteful, but still meaningful. I wanted to just sit there for a little bit, but Kristina and Alexey don't exactly share my love for Shostakovich, so we moved on. Then we went into one of the chapels there and lit candles. Kristina lit a whole bunch, 11 i think. I lit one for mom, dad, and Misha. It's strangely reassuring to be thinking of a person and looking at a flame... can't really explain why. Even after you finish praying and leave, you know that candle is there burning and still thinking of the person you love.
Staying with Misha's family is giving me a good intro course in Russian superstitions. I don't know if it's a Moscow thing, or if Petersburg is just too Western. Some of them really do make life more pleasant, like the one about hiccups since it makes you feel special in the midst of trying to figure out how to make them go away. Others seems just silly. Others are just fun.
If you go to the cemetery with your boyfriend, you won't get married. (silly?)
If you leave a coin somewhere, you'll return to that place. (pleasant)
If you step on someone's toes, they have to step on yours, otherwise you'll quarrel. (fun since it can turn into quite the stepping fest)
If you leave set your purse on the floor, you won't have money. (silly, and kind of annoying if you're in the habit of doing so)
If you have the hiccups, it means someone is remembering you. (very pleasant)
The person you dream about the first night you spend in a new place will be your husband. (also pleasant, especially if it actually works out)
18 Aug 2007
Spent the entire day with friends of the family. As it turns out, there's a three generation friendship between their family and Misha's. First the grandparents came to over to the house. I forgot the husband's name, but he was quite the interesting person. Naturally, everything was better under Soviet rule, and in particular, education was better. After digging into my Russian ever so gently (no offense taken since i'm used to it already and have a rather low opinion of it myself, lol), he then demanded that I test out the English of his daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. Yes, naturally, i came to Russia specifically to practice my English. Needless to say, said relatives were shy and not so eager to talk with me in English, and I was more than happy to practice my Russian with them, so he just had to live without knowing the fate of the Soviet education system. :-P
So on the way to the dacha where this son-in-law, daughter, and grandson live, Alexey and Larisa got into a huge argument about something. I'm slowly coming to the conclusion what when it comes to family, there is such a thing as too close for comfort. With my parents, i'm still reliant on them, and i still turn to them for advice, but i don't see them every day, i don't live with them, and they aren't overly freaked out about me being so far away from them.
With this family though, there seems to be something of an eternal "scandal" (as it's called in Russian) going on. Frankly speaking, it's not just this family, it's all of Moscow. It doesn't take much to tip people over the edge and they'll start quarreling over anything. So anyway, this particular argument ended in Kristina crying, Alexey moping but refusing to say "I'm sorry", and Larissa emerging triumphant. :-) In the women's circle which developed while we waited for a taxi, Larissa sagely advised me to never, ever marry. "There's absolutely no reason to formalize a relationship... men are such terrors. It's better to just raise children without marriage" lol. Naturally, Kristina had to jump in and disagree, saying that it is possible to marry guys who are easy going and good natured like Misha. Who knows. I'm sure there's some truth to Larissa's point of view, and I know for sure that a lot of Russian women would have to agree with her 100%. And it really does drive me crazy that most men have this mental block about asking forgiveness when they've been rude or just stupid. It wouldn't make them one bit less manly if they could admit they were wrong now and then; quite the contrary, it would make them that much more attractive and priceless. And Kristina is right, i'm lucky with Misha. He's only ticked me off maybe twice, but he has always asked me to forgive him, even without the healthy does of female hysterics which would usually induce such an action just to end the tears and reproaches. lol.
Still, being out at the dacha was really relaxing, even with that rousing prelude. The way back was nothing short of a workout though. For starters, the roads weren't paved, so we were tricky trotting over gravel in the dark. That wasn't the most interesting part though. Before we got too far, we hit railroad tracks. Most Americans would go hunt down the closest railroad crossing, especially when there at least six different tracks running here there and everything, with switches to boot. Ooo no. I took a picture just to remember the first time i'd ever crossed tracks in such a fashion:-) When we finally got to the other side, we were pretty much locked in by a gate and a collection of policemen that threatened to stick us all in prison for trying to get through the gate. The original plan was to bribe them into opening the gate, but these were particularly grouchy policemen, so we ignored their prison threats and marched off to search for another way through. Gotta love life here. In general, you do things in Russia you'd ever do in America. Not immoral stuff, things you would fear being judged for, stopped by the police for, or being hurt by. For example: drinking beer on the street (without that ridiculous paper bag thing), making out on escalators, crossing railroad tracks, going downtown knowing full well that you won't be able to get back home until 8 in the morning, etc.
Backtracking to cops for one more minute.... In America, you fear them cause they actually do what they are supposed to be doing--enforcing the law. Here, if you get caught doing something you're not supposed to be doing, no biggie... pay a $15 bribe and everything's peachy. What you actually have to worry about are cops bothering you when you're just going about your everyday, normal, perfectly legal business. Strange, huh?
19 Aug 2007
Well, the first elevator i went to in Moscow was the one in Kristina's apartment building. Immediately upon entering, Alexey gave me a list of designated spots where i could look since it was shorter than the list of places i could look, lol. Naturally, i didn't obey in anticipation of my usual lesson in Russian mat. For a change, there was no mat to read. Instead, the back wall was dedicated to skinhead slogans and symbols, which are almost as familiar to me as Russian mat anyway.
That was right after getting here. Well, this morning, that same elevator gave me more to look at. The doors opened and the first thing i noticed was that the floor was covered in newspaper. I expected this to mean that some drunk person had suffered digestive problems, but it turned out to be worse. The floors and walls were covered in blood. Yea. Alexey's first reaction was, "Well, we'll close our eyes and think about good things." It was such a traditional, predictable, Russian response.... Well, it's not my blood, i'll look elsewhere. It's not me in a prison camp, so I can go on with life. It's not my son getting dragged off to two years of army hazing. It's not my dad getting beaten up cause he doesn't look Russian. Look elsewhere and try to forget. I guess there comes a point where you can't exist if you are constantly aware of the problems around you, but on another level, how can you exist knowing what is going on around you? I don't understand how your elevator can be coated in skinhead garbage and now be varnished in blood and you can close your eyes and pretend like everything is ok. On another level, i understand all too well how this is not only possible, but the only way to survive sometimes. Maybe i've celebrated Passover too many times. It certainly teaches you to understand the sufferings of other people as your own, as your personal responsibility... at least in the sense that you have the obligation to admit their existence and tell others about them. I don't have the money to make the world a better place, but i have faith in the power of words and knowledge. And part of keeping this blog and writing a thesis on skinheads is to shine a light not only on the positive sides of my beloved Russia, but also on the more unpleasant sides, with the hope that things will change for the better.
20 Aug 2007
So, i'm still in Moscow. True, i had a train ticket back to St. P for this morning at 8.45 , but that didn't exactly work out. First of all, we had a flat tire on the way out the driveway... not much of a shock, considering the horrendous condition of the roads around their house. The flat tire in and of itself wasn't the problem since we got it pumped up again in roughly 10 min. 10 min were nothing in comparison with the horrendous, incredible, unbelievable traffic jam we found ourselves in as soon as we got on the freeway. Traveling 20 something miles took us over 2.5 hours. We eventually got to the station, more than an hour after the train left and bought a new ticket... for Friday morning.
At the time, i didn't care that much... i've pretty much gotten used to the randomness of Russian life, so what's a missed train in the midst of that? Granted, in America, i would have been flipping out, but here, i knew there was absolutely nothing i could do to change the situation, so might as well laugh about it.
So at the time, it wasn't so bad. But i was so ready to get back to St. Petersburg, mentally, physically, suitcase-ly. Misha's grandparents and other relatives loaded me up with presents to give to Misha's family, and my suitcase is in a state of almost bursting, despite the extremely efficient, professional packing job i did last night. And now that'll all have to be done again. Furthermore, going back to Petersburg was kind of like taking one step closer to being back home. Silly, i know, but after 2+ months, it's little stuff like that that makes life tolerable. Besides, Petersburg became a kind of home, "svoi" (one's own) as we say in Russian, while Moscow remains a strange, oversized blob.
Anyway, after buying a new ticket, we decided to go explore Moscow some more. So i got to see Arbat (where i bought Misha a t-shirt with Sochi and the year of the Olympics), the place where Misha's parents celebrated their wedding, and the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour which was rebuilt recently after being destroyed in the revolution and turned into a swimming pool. We lit candles again:-) I don't might the lighting candles part since it is reassuring, but there's still something revolting about standing in line to pay to pray for someone you love, or worse yet, paying someone else to pray for them. Ok, i won't get started again. Then we went to the icon shop so Kristina could buy a silver cross and Alexey could buy one of those icons that Russians always have in their cars. Ya know, the ones that sit where the airbag should technically be, but probably isn't... so you've got the gilded face of some saint to protect you! Alexey suggest that i get one to watch over my dad since he's a truck driver... when i hesitated, Kristina piped up, "You really love your parents don't you!" lol. Ok, so i've got a more American relationship with my parents than your average Russian univerisity student, but it doesn't mean i love them less, lol. The real issue is that i don't have much faith in a piece of wood, paint, and gold to take care of my dad. At any rate, i bowed to peer pressure, and my papa will soon be the proud owner of a Russian icon:-) (something even his Russia obsessed daughter can't claim) Sorry daddy, i was going to get you Soviet military memorabilia, but this came up first!
22 July
So it's now just over a week until i leave Russia. On the whole, i think i'm going to really miss it here, and it's probably going to be a tough adjustment back to American life. This has become a kind of home for me, and i've pretty much adapted to the mentality and lifestyle. I keep trying to remind myself of what America is like, and it's more like a foggy remembrance than something i lived with my whole life. I'll have to put on a fake smile every day, i won't have to fear policemen, i'll have to get a little less stingy. Plus, I'll have to get back in the habit of speaking English. It's funny how i feel about language at this point. Russian has become such a habit that even when i have the chance to speak English, there's no strong desire to do so. On the other hand, sometimes i remember being able to blurt out the first thing that came to my mind, and then I start missing English. Let's just say that silence has become more of a close companion that it ever was back in the US.
PS. Sorry for the typos and strange phrasings. Time is literally money in an internet cafe, and I didn't have enough time to proofread as well as I wanted to.