(no subject)
I'm just so tired of Chandra's treatment towards me.
I know I'm the cause of it.
She has a hard time letting go of how she treats someone once they have hurt her.
I've hurt her, and now she fails to see any good in me. She finds fault in everything I do.
It's so hurtful. And hard. She's so judgmental with me these days. Has a critical opinion about everything I do and tells me what I need to do about everything. She criticizes me for being judgmental and critical of other people...specifically the kids and I know I have that problem. But man she's making it so hard when she's treating me the very way I am trying to let go of.
Just an opportunity to be stronger in this area. It's just going to take a while before I get there. And a lot of continual reaffirming.
I've before brought up stuff in the attitude of "well how can you expect me to change when you do it to me and don't even acknowledge it?" Now I want to be beyond that. Who cares if she's a hypocrite. She does have some helpful advice at times, and I want to try to be better despite the people around me. But now it's really hurting me and our relationship. She constantly has an opinion about me and what I do and think...but if I try to approach her maturely with a problem I have with her, she flips out.
Maybe I should just swallow it, and just continue to lean on God in this. I can't expect her to change nor ask her to. I will just be an example. The difficulty is being an example when she's doing that to me.
But I can do it. I can do it. I've hurt her and she needs time to heal. She is blinded and doesn't see the pain she is inflicting back on us... But I want to be strong and bear each others' moral faults as I have such a tough time usually doing.
I have never trusted God to really work in me and change me and restore me. I'd always ask Him to but never expected to change. No wonder. But I am leaving that behind. I am putting my heart into all of this and fully expecting that if I try and focus myself on Him, that in time I will evolve into a mature and healthy and strong person.
I can't wait for the day.
I know I'm the cause of it.
She has a hard time letting go of how she treats someone once they have hurt her.
I've hurt her, and now she fails to see any good in me. She finds fault in everything I do.
It's so hurtful. And hard. She's so judgmental with me these days. Has a critical opinion about everything I do and tells me what I need to do about everything. She criticizes me for being judgmental and critical of other people...specifically the kids and I know I have that problem. But man she's making it so hard when she's treating me the very way I am trying to let go of.
Just an opportunity to be stronger in this area. It's just going to take a while before I get there. And a lot of continual reaffirming.
I've before brought up stuff in the attitude of "well how can you expect me to change when you do it to me and don't even acknowledge it?" Now I want to be beyond that. Who cares if she's a hypocrite. She does have some helpful advice at times, and I want to try to be better despite the people around me. But now it's really hurting me and our relationship. She constantly has an opinion about me and what I do and think...but if I try to approach her maturely with a problem I have with her, she flips out.
Maybe I should just swallow it, and just continue to lean on God in this. I can't expect her to change nor ask her to. I will just be an example. The difficulty is being an example when she's doing that to me.
But I can do it. I can do it. I've hurt her and she needs time to heal. She is blinded and doesn't see the pain she is inflicting back on us... But I want to be strong and bear each others' moral faults as I have such a tough time usually doing.
I have never trusted God to really work in me and change me and restore me. I'd always ask Him to but never expected to change. No wonder. But I am leaving that behind. I am putting my heart into all of this and fully expecting that if I try and focus myself on Him, that in time I will evolve into a mature and healthy and strong person.
I can't wait for the day.