Hurley is a Whore!
Edited 2010: I decided to make this public, since Lost of off the air and all. It's the only bit of fanfic I will ever admit to writing.
Because I love edie22 so much, I have written fanfic for her "Big Lovin' Challenge AKA Get Hurley Laid Challenge." (Hurley is a character on Lost a fine tv show, if you're having trouble following along at home. I have posted it here so that you can all mock me as you wish. It is the first fanfic I will publically admit to writing, and I will upfront that it is fluffy filth with no plot, obscenity and probably too cliched sex phrases. I can't believe I wrote straight porn, what is the world coming to?
I should give a shoutout to canology since I stole one of his best lines for Hurley. He needed it!
I would rate this an R, so if you're sensitive, you might think twice. Really. I use naughty words. Even more frightening, I didn't really proof or edit it.
Most people who met Hugo Reyes thought he was a nice guy. He was always kind and funny, never lost his temper. He was known as a very easygoing guy, ready to laugh, especially at himself. He had lots of friends, people who laughed at his jokes and hung out in his apartment to watch X-Files marathons and drink beer. He was the guy who would come over to help you move, or take you to the airport for an early flight.
Some guys he knew started calling him Hurley for reasons he could no longer remember. He was so easy going that he never told them he hated it.
He was the person his friends knew, but he was also occasionally angry and bitter and most of all, frustrated. Hurley liked most of his life but he hated one thing above all.
It was something that he thought about all the time. His job as a unix systems administrator left him plenty of time staring at computer screens to think about it. He lived alone, so most weeknights he had plenty of quiet time to ponder it. It was the first thing he thought about in the morning, the last thing he thought about at night.
That thing was sex.
In the mornings he liked to think about blow jobs, about soft mouths and wet tongues. Late mornings he thought about making out the way you did when girls wouldn’t let you go any further. After lunch he lazily thought about going down on a girl, the way the taste seemed horrible at first until you got used to it. On his way home he thought about hand jobs, the junk food of sex. He saved contemplating intercourse until after dinner. He usually picked a position and ran scenarios until bedtime.
He was sure that people he met during the day had no idea these were his thoughts. Most people didn’t think fat guys thought about sex. Hurley was fat. Other people seemed more bothered by his weight than he did. He’d been fat his whole life and was comfortable with his own body, he got around fine and it had never troubled him. When he was a teenager, he’d had no trouble finding any partners. He’d experimented with guys, but had always been more attracted to girls.
He started to have trouble when he got into his 20’s. Suddenly, girls thought he was ‘nice’ or ‘just a friend.’ Maybe it was LA-the girls here wanted to date someone in TV. At home in Seattle they’d just wanted to date someone with a car. The girls who turned him down tried to let him down gently, and he tried not to take it personally. But after two years without getting any, it was starting to drive him crazy.
There was a girl at work he wanted to ask out. She worked near his cube, and had chatted with him in the lunchroom. Her name was Sara, and she was cute and funny, with hair that changed color every other week. She was short and curvy in all the places he tried not to think about too much and wore stompy boots to work. It took Hurley the whole week to work up the nerve to stop by her cube. He brought a soda as a camouflage.
“Thanks!” Sara grabbed the drink and popped it open. She took a swig and looked up at him. “How’s it going? It is fucking 5 yet?”
“If we all left at the same time, they couldn’t stop us,” There was no way he was asking her out, he decided. She was way out of his league. Suddenly, he was just pissed. He’d never thought that way until a couple of years ago. In high school he’d gone out with cheerleaders, for fuck’s sake.
Sara laughed and reached under the desk to grab her purse. “I’m ready!”
Hurley took a deep breath. “Do you have any plans for tonight? I know its late notice and all, but I was thinking maybe we could go out and grab a drink. Or tomorrow if you’d prefer or whenever.” He stopped.
She looked cautious. “So, would this be like a work friend thing, or is this a real date?”
Hurley considered lying, but fuck it. “A date.”
She looked relieved. “Thank god, I thought you were going to give me the whole ‘I just like you as a friend speech.’ I get that all the time, it’s really irritating. I mean, just because a girl’s funny doesn’t mean she isn’t available for dating, you know?”
“You have no idea how well I know that.” Hurley paused, “so that’s a yes?”
“Yes!” Sara dropped her purse. “Come by at 5, we’ll sneak out to El Torito, they have a happy hour buffet. I’m cheap.”
The date went splendidly. Sara was chatty, even more so after two drinks. Hurley wasn’t much a drinker, so he stuck to beer. They laughed at each other’s jokes and talked about their pasts. Sara’s was startling similar to his own.
Hurley didn’t believe it. “You’re a hot chick, there’s no way you would have trouble getting dates.”
Sara beamed at him. “I love that you called me a hot chick,” She shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe it’s my fucking foul mouth. Guys are always interested in my friends, or they try to tell me how funny I am, just like their little sister.” She made that sound like something disgusting.
Hurley laughed “I usually get ‘you’re so sweet!’ which is code for ‘I don’t want to sleep with you.’”
Sara waved a tortilla chip in his direction. “Fuck ‘em all. We’re hot!”
He raised his beer in salute “We certainly are!”
They ended up at her place in Long Beach. It was a little row house filled with comic books and movie posters. I think I’m in love Hurley thought, looking at a Japanese Reservoir Dogs poster. The TV was a decent size, too.
He wondered if he was making a mistake being here. He wasn’t drunk and he didn’t think Sara was, either. Would he regret it tomorrow? Would sleeping with her on the first date mess up a chance for a more serious relationship? Did he care? After two years, he wasn’t sure he could turn her down if she seemed willing.
Hurley was still mulling over his options when Sara returned from the kitchen, coffee mugs in hand. She handed him one with some strange creatures on the side and flopped down on the couch next to him. She took a swig of her coffee and leaned against his shoulder, her eyes closed.
“Man, I’m glad this week is over. I need a nap.” She leaned on him a little more. “I am going to sleep all weekend.”
Alone? Hurley decided not to say it out loud. He cast around for something funny and charming to say that would cause her to fling off her clothes. He said the first thing that came to mind. “What’s on these cups?” Smooth. She’d be naked in no time.
Sara sat up a little and peered at the cup. “I can’t remember, some concept art for a comic, the guy’s name is…” She turned over the cup to look at the name on the bottom, forgetting that the cup was still full. Hot coffee spilled all over her skirt and splattered on her shirt.
“Motherfucker!” Sara yelped and stood up, dripping. “I am such a dork!”
Hurley couldn’t help but laugh. “Did you burn yourself?” he asked, chuckling at her pissed off expression.
“Just my dignity. What a bonehead move.” She laughed. “I’m was kinda nervous, and now I’ve been revealed as a total klutz. And damp. Miss Manners never taught me how to deal with this.” She tilted her head and looked down at him.
“I guess I’m on my own for how to behave.”
Without warning, she reached down and pulled the hem of her top over her head. Quite casually, she unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the floor.
“They were soaking wet,” she said by way of explanation.
Hurley could only stare. Her body was better than he’d imagined, the angle between her waist and hips was sharp. She was wearing a red bra and black plain panties.
“I should warn you the bra is padded. I wasn’t expecting to get naked tonight, or I’d have warn lace.” She grinned at his flummoxed expression and gently took the coffee cup from his unresisting hand. She turned away to put the cup down on the coffee table, giving Hurley and excellent view of her rounded ass.
Say something, he thought to himself. “Sara, I really like you and I’m probably stupid for saying this when you’re all…undressed, but you aren’t drunk, are you?”
She tilted her head again. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Hurley, but you are a totally sweet guy.” She took a step towards him and straddled his knees. She out one knee down on the couch and slid her leg over his, straddling his lap. “I mean that as more than a friend.”
She was short enough that even sitting on his lap, she had to lean up to kiss him. She clutched at his shoulders to keep her balance. Hurley couldn’t help but slide his hands up her bare arms and wrap around her back. Sara stared at him, only inches away. She smiled sweetly and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss wasn’t as sweet as her smile. Sara’s breasts her pressed up against his chest. Hurley’s hands roamed over her back, slid down to her waist and cupped her ass to bring her closer to him. She giggled and wiggled her ass a little in his hands. She broke the kiss to lean over, grinding into him. Suddenly, the couch pitched backwards as she pulled the recline lever.
“I thought we could use a little more room to move about.” She slid her legs further into the couch, grinding up against his now full erection. Hurley laughed a little and then caught his finger into her bra strap.
“May I?” he asked, and popped it open at her nod. It was a skill he’d perfected in high school, when moving fast was of the utmost importance.
“Nice!” she murmured appreciatively and let the bra skim down her arm. She flung it over her shoulder.
Hurley wasted no time in cupping her breasts. “They seem a good size to me,” he said. “More than a mouthful is a waste, I always say.” He proved his point by sucking a nipple into his mouth. Sara moaned and sat up straighter to give him better access. She let go of him with one hand and slid it between their bodies. She rubbed up the length of his cock through his pants. She hooked her fingers through his waistband and pulled down to expose him. He was wearing his casual Friday shorts, thank god, which were easy access.
“Hold on a sec.” Sara pulled her nipple out of his mouth and pushed to her feet. She tore into the bathroom and Hurley heard a drawer open and rattling. She came hopping back, holding a condom triumphantly. He noticed she was still wearing her boots, which made him even harder.
Sara jumped up on the couch and straddled his legs, staring down at him. She leaned down and grabbed his shirt and yanked it over his head. She flung it over her shoulder and dropped down onto his lap.
“I don’t want to rush you,” she was opening the wrapper, “but I need to be fucking you right now.”
“Ummmm…if you put it like that, I can hardly argue.” Hurley leaned back “I like a girl who knows what she wants.”
Sara leaned back and rolled the condom onto his cock. She sat up on her knees and grabbed the base of his penis with her hand. She gave him a quick kiss and then leaned back, taking him into her. She bit her lip and wiggled a little. “It’s bigger than it looks.”
“Objects in the mirror…mmmmmm” He didn’t finish, since she had sheathed him completely. Sara grinned at him and started slowly sitting up. “Were you saying something?” she said mischievously.
“Ummmmm, I can’t remember what it was that was so important.” Hurley dropped his hands to her hips and helped her move.
Sara clearly wasn’t the type to tease or go slowly, hoping to prolong. She kept up a steady rhythm, panting a little. A flush was creeping up her chest and her breathing was getting faster. “Do…you…mind…if…I…go?” She panted.
“Go, baby” Hurley felt the edge of his own orgasm, Watching Sara’s body pumping up and down over him put him over that edge, and he came. He wasn’t one to be loud usually, but he did let out a low moan.
Sara wasn’t so quiet. “Fuck, yea!” she yelled and arched back, grinding into him, left dropping forward to rest on his chest.
They rested, panting, for a few minutes before Sara untangled herself and plopped down on the couch next to him. Hurley opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. She grinned at him.
“So, Hurley, want some ice cream before we go for round two?”
Hurley laughed. “Call me Hugo.”
Because I love edie22 so much, I have written fanfic for her "Big Lovin' Challenge AKA Get Hurley Laid Challenge." (Hurley is a character on Lost a fine tv show, if you're having trouble following along at home. I have posted it here so that you can all mock me as you wish. It is the first fanfic I will publically admit to writing, and I will upfront that it is fluffy filth with no plot, obscenity and probably too cliched sex phrases. I can't believe I wrote straight porn, what is the world coming to?
I should give a shoutout to canology since I stole one of his best lines for Hurley. He needed it!
I would rate this an R, so if you're sensitive, you might think twice. Really. I use naughty words. Even more frightening, I didn't really proof or edit it.
Most people who met Hugo Reyes thought he was a nice guy. He was always kind and funny, never lost his temper. He was known as a very easygoing guy, ready to laugh, especially at himself. He had lots of friends, people who laughed at his jokes and hung out in his apartment to watch X-Files marathons and drink beer. He was the guy who would come over to help you move, or take you to the airport for an early flight.
Some guys he knew started calling him Hurley for reasons he could no longer remember. He was so easy going that he never told them he hated it.
He was the person his friends knew, but he was also occasionally angry and bitter and most of all, frustrated. Hurley liked most of his life but he hated one thing above all.
It was something that he thought about all the time. His job as a unix systems administrator left him plenty of time staring at computer screens to think about it. He lived alone, so most weeknights he had plenty of quiet time to ponder it. It was the first thing he thought about in the morning, the last thing he thought about at night.
That thing was sex.
In the mornings he liked to think about blow jobs, about soft mouths and wet tongues. Late mornings he thought about making out the way you did when girls wouldn’t let you go any further. After lunch he lazily thought about going down on a girl, the way the taste seemed horrible at first until you got used to it. On his way home he thought about hand jobs, the junk food of sex. He saved contemplating intercourse until after dinner. He usually picked a position and ran scenarios until bedtime.
He was sure that people he met during the day had no idea these were his thoughts. Most people didn’t think fat guys thought about sex. Hurley was fat. Other people seemed more bothered by his weight than he did. He’d been fat his whole life and was comfortable with his own body, he got around fine and it had never troubled him. When he was a teenager, he’d had no trouble finding any partners. He’d experimented with guys, but had always been more attracted to girls.
He started to have trouble when he got into his 20’s. Suddenly, girls thought he was ‘nice’ or ‘just a friend.’ Maybe it was LA-the girls here wanted to date someone in TV. At home in Seattle they’d just wanted to date someone with a car. The girls who turned him down tried to let him down gently, and he tried not to take it personally. But after two years without getting any, it was starting to drive him crazy.
There was a girl at work he wanted to ask out. She worked near his cube, and had chatted with him in the lunchroom. Her name was Sara, and she was cute and funny, with hair that changed color every other week. She was short and curvy in all the places he tried not to think about too much and wore stompy boots to work. It took Hurley the whole week to work up the nerve to stop by her cube. He brought a soda as a camouflage.
“Thanks!” Sara grabbed the drink and popped it open. She took a swig and looked up at him. “How’s it going? It is fucking 5 yet?”
“If we all left at the same time, they couldn’t stop us,” There was no way he was asking her out, he decided. She was way out of his league. Suddenly, he was just pissed. He’d never thought that way until a couple of years ago. In high school he’d gone out with cheerleaders, for fuck’s sake.
Sara laughed and reached under the desk to grab her purse. “I’m ready!”
Hurley took a deep breath. “Do you have any plans for tonight? I know its late notice and all, but I was thinking maybe we could go out and grab a drink. Or tomorrow if you’d prefer or whenever.” He stopped.
She looked cautious. “So, would this be like a work friend thing, or is this a real date?”
Hurley considered lying, but fuck it. “A date.”
She looked relieved. “Thank god, I thought you were going to give me the whole ‘I just like you as a friend speech.’ I get that all the time, it’s really irritating. I mean, just because a girl’s funny doesn’t mean she isn’t available for dating, you know?”
“You have no idea how well I know that.” Hurley paused, “so that’s a yes?”
“Yes!” Sara dropped her purse. “Come by at 5, we’ll sneak out to El Torito, they have a happy hour buffet. I’m cheap.”
The date went splendidly. Sara was chatty, even more so after two drinks. Hurley wasn’t much a drinker, so he stuck to beer. They laughed at each other’s jokes and talked about their pasts. Sara’s was startling similar to his own.
Hurley didn’t believe it. “You’re a hot chick, there’s no way you would have trouble getting dates.”
Sara beamed at him. “I love that you called me a hot chick,” She shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe it’s my fucking foul mouth. Guys are always interested in my friends, or they try to tell me how funny I am, just like their little sister.” She made that sound like something disgusting.
Hurley laughed “I usually get ‘you’re so sweet!’ which is code for ‘I don’t want to sleep with you.’”
Sara waved a tortilla chip in his direction. “Fuck ‘em all. We’re hot!”
He raised his beer in salute “We certainly are!”
They ended up at her place in Long Beach. It was a little row house filled with comic books and movie posters. I think I’m in love Hurley thought, looking at a Japanese Reservoir Dogs poster. The TV was a decent size, too.
He wondered if he was making a mistake being here. He wasn’t drunk and he didn’t think Sara was, either. Would he regret it tomorrow? Would sleeping with her on the first date mess up a chance for a more serious relationship? Did he care? After two years, he wasn’t sure he could turn her down if she seemed willing.
Hurley was still mulling over his options when Sara returned from the kitchen, coffee mugs in hand. She handed him one with some strange creatures on the side and flopped down on the couch next to him. She took a swig of her coffee and leaned against his shoulder, her eyes closed.
“Man, I’m glad this week is over. I need a nap.” She leaned on him a little more. “I am going to sleep all weekend.”
Alone? Hurley decided not to say it out loud. He cast around for something funny and charming to say that would cause her to fling off her clothes. He said the first thing that came to mind. “What’s on these cups?” Smooth. She’d be naked in no time.
Sara sat up a little and peered at the cup. “I can’t remember, some concept art for a comic, the guy’s name is…” She turned over the cup to look at the name on the bottom, forgetting that the cup was still full. Hot coffee spilled all over her skirt and splattered on her shirt.
“Motherfucker!” Sara yelped and stood up, dripping. “I am such a dork!”
Hurley couldn’t help but laugh. “Did you burn yourself?” he asked, chuckling at her pissed off expression.
“Just my dignity. What a bonehead move.” She laughed. “I’m was kinda nervous, and now I’ve been revealed as a total klutz. And damp. Miss Manners never taught me how to deal with this.” She tilted her head and looked down at him.
“I guess I’m on my own for how to behave.”
Without warning, she reached down and pulled the hem of her top over her head. Quite casually, she unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the floor.
“They were soaking wet,” she said by way of explanation.
Hurley could only stare. Her body was better than he’d imagined, the angle between her waist and hips was sharp. She was wearing a red bra and black plain panties.
“I should warn you the bra is padded. I wasn’t expecting to get naked tonight, or I’d have warn lace.” She grinned at his flummoxed expression and gently took the coffee cup from his unresisting hand. She turned away to put the cup down on the coffee table, giving Hurley and excellent view of her rounded ass.
Say something, he thought to himself. “Sara, I really like you and I’m probably stupid for saying this when you’re all…undressed, but you aren’t drunk, are you?”
She tilted her head again. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Hurley, but you are a totally sweet guy.” She took a step towards him and straddled his knees. She out one knee down on the couch and slid her leg over his, straddling his lap. “I mean that as more than a friend.”
She was short enough that even sitting on his lap, she had to lean up to kiss him. She clutched at his shoulders to keep her balance. Hurley couldn’t help but slide his hands up her bare arms and wrap around her back. Sara stared at him, only inches away. She smiled sweetly and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss wasn’t as sweet as her smile. Sara’s breasts her pressed up against his chest. Hurley’s hands roamed over her back, slid down to her waist and cupped her ass to bring her closer to him. She giggled and wiggled her ass a little in his hands. She broke the kiss to lean over, grinding into him. Suddenly, the couch pitched backwards as she pulled the recline lever.
“I thought we could use a little more room to move about.” She slid her legs further into the couch, grinding up against his now full erection. Hurley laughed a little and then caught his finger into her bra strap.
“May I?” he asked, and popped it open at her nod. It was a skill he’d perfected in high school, when moving fast was of the utmost importance.
“Nice!” she murmured appreciatively and let the bra skim down her arm. She flung it over her shoulder.
Hurley wasted no time in cupping her breasts. “They seem a good size to me,” he said. “More than a mouthful is a waste, I always say.” He proved his point by sucking a nipple into his mouth. Sara moaned and sat up straighter to give him better access. She let go of him with one hand and slid it between their bodies. She rubbed up the length of his cock through his pants. She hooked her fingers through his waistband and pulled down to expose him. He was wearing his casual Friday shorts, thank god, which were easy access.
“Hold on a sec.” Sara pulled her nipple out of his mouth and pushed to her feet. She tore into the bathroom and Hurley heard a drawer open and rattling. She came hopping back, holding a condom triumphantly. He noticed she was still wearing her boots, which made him even harder.
Sara jumped up on the couch and straddled his legs, staring down at him. She leaned down and grabbed his shirt and yanked it over his head. She flung it over her shoulder and dropped down onto his lap.
“I don’t want to rush you,” she was opening the wrapper, “but I need to be fucking you right now.”
“Ummmm…if you put it like that, I can hardly argue.” Hurley leaned back “I like a girl who knows what she wants.”
Sara leaned back and rolled the condom onto his cock. She sat up on her knees and grabbed the base of his penis with her hand. She gave him a quick kiss and then leaned back, taking him into her. She bit her lip and wiggled a little. “It’s bigger than it looks.”
“Objects in the mirror…mmmmmm” He didn’t finish, since she had sheathed him completely. Sara grinned at him and started slowly sitting up. “Were you saying something?” she said mischievously.
“Ummmmm, I can’t remember what it was that was so important.” Hurley dropped his hands to her hips and helped her move.
Sara clearly wasn’t the type to tease or go slowly, hoping to prolong. She kept up a steady rhythm, panting a little. A flush was creeping up her chest and her breathing was getting faster. “Do…you…mind…if…I…go?” She panted.
“Go, baby” Hurley felt the edge of his own orgasm, Watching Sara’s body pumping up and down over him put him over that edge, and he came. He wasn’t one to be loud usually, but he did let out a low moan.
Sara wasn’t so quiet. “Fuck, yea!” she yelled and arched back, grinding into him, left dropping forward to rest on his chest.
They rested, panting, for a few minutes before Sara untangled herself and plopped down on the couch next to him. Hurley opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. She grinned at him.
“So, Hurley, want some ice cream before we go for round two?”
Hurley laughed. “Call me Hugo.”