Beautiful (4D/4)
Title: Beautiful (4D/4)
Author: tikibuddy91
Rating: PG-13 (explicit language, and intense violent moments)
Pairing: Himchan/Daehyun
Summary: Himchan tries to get ahold of the beautiful stranger he keeps running into, both in middle and high schools. Once he knows the stranger's identity, he begins to find the cracks behind the polished appearance.
A/N: Inspired from SHINee's Areumdaweo
A/N2: This is the last installment!!! I hope that you all have... enjoyed (sorry for the lack of a better term, given the situation of this chapter) the story. :) Thank you all for those who read it.
Part 1: (here)
Part 2A: (here)
Part 2B: (here)
Part 3: (here)
Part 4A: (here)
Part 4B: (here)
Part 4C: (here)
Daehyun groaned.
He couldn’t move his limbs, his body too sore from his ordeal…
The first thing he registered in his head was that Himchan was sitting next to him, staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. There was also a nurse on his other side who was treating him gently as she checked his vital signs.
“How do you feel right now?”
Daehyun was too groggy to focus on reading the nurse’s lips, despite her moving her mouth a little exaggeratedly. He shifted his attention to Himchan with questioning eyes.
[How feel?]
“Z’or… ‘Ers…”
“Ah, he must be saying that he’s sore and also hurting…” Himchan interpreted.
“Oh, okay…thank you. Well, he just needs to keep resting, seeing that everything’s okay and almost back to normal, but those bruises will take some time…”
Daehyun closed his eyes and rested.
The next thing when he woke up was that his left hand was being held lovingly against warm skin. He glanced down at his hand, and was surprised to see his and Himchan’s hands intertwined. It caused his heart to race.
He felt his hand being lifted and pressed against Himchan’s cheek.
He couldn’t handle his emotions or his beating heart. He was helpless on the bed, unable to make any brain-body coordination.
[Welcome b-a-c-k.] Himchan smiled. (Welcome back.)
Tears brimmed in Daehyun’s eyes. He didn’t know why he was crying because of the gesture, but somehow he knew that Himchan meant that phrase in many ways possible.
[You idiot, not cry.] The senior looked incredulous. [Success b-a-c-k with us…with me.] (Yah, you fool. Don’t cry. You’re back here with us…you’re back here with me.)
Daehyun continued to let the tears fall as he wept, Himchan’s message sinking through in his mind. Weakly, he lifted his hand.
[My letter lose.] (I lost my letter…)
[This?] (You mean this?) Himchan picked up the letter on Daehyun’s bed, holding it up for Daehyun to see.
Daehyun’s heart broke. Not because there were tapes connecting the four dirty pieces of his letter, but that he shouldn’t have been around when Himchan was reading it. He had wanted to give it to him and tell him to read it when Himchan gets home. Daehyun averted his gaze and nodded a little.
A gentle hand cupped his chin, making Daehyun look at Himchan.
[Look-me. Understand?] Himchan had this fierce look in his eyes that made Daehyun hold his breath. (Look at me, okay?)
Daehyun nodded.
Himchan gave a quick glance to the letter, before his eyes were back on Daehyun.
"You're not perfect? Nobody's perfect.” Himchan shook his head as he signed. “We - everyone - we all have flaws and some people out there may admire these flaws. We all can't be perfect, otherwise we'll be tired of seeing one person and just jump from one person to another to another.“ [You, perfect? No-one ‘for-sure’. A-l-l there there there there everyone ‘out-there’, we a-l-l flaws have. Most there accept can, why? Understand each not perfect. Different different different.]
“And to me, god, you're not just perfect. You're beautiful and handsome. You're an amazing young man, and with a smile like yours, I feel blessed, lucky to see it every time I do. You don't seem to smile a lot, but when you do, it's like a sunshine.” [But me, ‘look-at-you’, ‘you-being’ not only perfect, beautiful and handsome. You are amazing young man, including your smile. Especially your smile, why? Touched, lucky I see that when see happen. You not smile lot often, but happen smile? Like bright sun.]
Daehyun’s eyes were watering and Daehyun bit on his lip, trying to control his breathing, as the emotions washed over him. He wasn’t expecting Himchan to be signing so fluently even though it has only been under a year. The determination Himchan showed as he talked and signed, Daehyun had never seen it so clearly in another person in his whole life.
“And your scars? The thoughts of suicide?” Pointing to the scars and wounds on Daehyun’s arms, Himchan stared his friend in disbelief as Daehyun’s eyes followed where he was pointing at. Daehyun had a clear look of guilt on his face, and Himchan felt heartbroken. “Daehyun, how could you do that to yourself? Did you think yourself as worthless? You better not. Don't you know that there are others who may want to get to know you, who care so much about you? Like I do? Like Yongguk?” [And there? You think s-u-i-c-i-d-e? Kill-yourself? Why? Why do that? Think self as worthless? Never. Not know some other ‘out-there’ will want know you? Maybe care about who ‘you-being’? Me? Y-G?]
Sniffling, Daehyun winced at the force of signing that Himchan was delivering to himself. He felt a slight tight grip on his hand, and he shook it gently to tell Himchan that he was hurting him.
It seemed to do the trick, when Himchan snapped out of his anger and looked down at their hands in surprise. Letting go of Daehyun’s hand, he calmed down and looked back at his friend.
“I’m sorry, Daehyunnie-yah…But still, don't you know that you're special enough for me, at least? You can’t just deal with everything yourself…you can’t…just because you’re an outsider. Don’t you know me enough to be close, to be able to trust in me? As a hyung, I'm entitled to worry about you. I care about you a lot, and I want to care for you in a way a boyfriend would do.” [Me sorry me…Still, not know you special enough for me? I satisfied with you. You…handle everything yourself? Cannot! Cannot…just because ‘you-being’ separate alone. You not know me us-two close? Why not able trust me? Me your hyung. I worry for you. I care for you a lot…and…I want take-care you, me your boyfriend.]
Daehyun’s eyes widened. He gaped at his friend after seeing the ‘boyfriend’ sign.
Himchan gave a small smile and nodded. “I did say boyfriend, Daehyun. I want to be your boyfriend, even though we’re almost 3 years apart. I’ve grown to love you, and I can’t stop thinking about you.” [I ‘for-sure’ finish sign boyfriend. I want b-e your, ‘no-matter’ us-two 3 years apart. ‘Over-time’ I realize ‘I-love-you’ and always continue think about you.]
“Ever since we ran into each other at middle school, you've became something of an denied addiction of mine, like I wasn't expecting you to come back into my life these few times and suddenly you were on my mind almost every day since the day we first saw each other here. Now that I got to know you better and we've gotten closer, I want to take the next step and be with you, help you to accept that you’re a one of a kind. Let me be the one for you, to care for you, Daehyun-ah…” [‘Ever-since’ middle school when us-two ‘bump-meet’, first see you, ‘imprint-in-mind’. Same my denied addiction, not expect you return in my life those few times, ‘right-away’ become repeat in my head since meet here ‘high-school’. Now, us-two know better and close, I want go ahead connect with you. Help you understand accept you different mean you unique. Allow me b-e yours, take-care of you, sweet D-H.]
I can listen to you, babe
All of you, Everything about you.
I will embrace you, you’re mine.
Daehyun couldn’t believe it. Himchan, 3 years older than him, a violinist, a senior, was after his own heart. He had never felt so scared and so vulnerable, and yet at the same time, he had never felt so loved and so overwhelmed with the love that he was given. His whole body was trembling from the sobs taking over his body, and he closed his eyes, wondering if it was all a dream.
Croaks of whimper and mewling crept out of Daehyun’s throat, and tears rolled down from his closed eyes.
“Shh, Daehyun-ah. It’s okay, it’s okay,” Himchan leaned closer to Daehyun, one hand cupping the back of his head in a careful manner, and the other wrapped around Daehyun’s back. He felt Daehyun’s hands grabbing weakly at his sleeves.
Himchan placed a light peck on Daehyun’s forehead, and Daehyun let out a sob. The loud sob alarmed the nurse as she was sitting near the door to her office, looking up from her medical records. She had already notified Daehyun’s parents, who were on their way, just leaving work. She couldn’t help but be moved to tears at Himchan’s words and Daehyun’s actions.
“You can cry…Just let it go…”
And Daehyun just let the tears fall from his eyes, the pitiful cries emitting from his throat.
You’re still beautiful,
Give me your scars and worries…
You’re still beautiful,
It’ll be alright when you’re in my arms.
After what was for a few minutes, once Daehyun settled down from his cries, Himchan lowered him gently. He wiped away the tears from his friend’s eyes with his thumbs as he cupped Daehyun’s face lovingly. He withdrew them, causing Daehyun to let go of the sleeves.
“Daehyun, you might've matured too quickly to embrace responsibility, and that's not a bad thing. The bullying may have discouraged you to be a strong individual, but you are strong deep inside.” Himchan placed a hand on Daehyun’s chest. “Somewhere inside of you, there's a soul that's waiting to be let out and give you the sense of pride that you have for yourself.” [You know, maybe quick mature accept responsibility as freshman, that not bad. What you experience just now and long time, maybe stop-you, not encourage become self-support individual, but forget it. You strong inside. Somewhere in you, soul want free because you must proud yourself must.]
Himchan smiled softly. “Be proud that you're still here, as a deaf student. I don't think many deaf students would be able to come here, because they may feel like they don’t belong, and if they went through the same thing you did, they would give up and be done with it; and yet you still came here, loaded with a smile, and with your interpreter. And that's saying something amazing to me at least, and to the school." [B-e proud you still here, still alive, student deaf. W-o-w! Not think many students deaf can come here, because feel not belong, because i-f they experience same you, ‘fed-up’ surrender. But. Still you come, show-up show-up everyday, with smile, and interpreter.]
Daehyun is crying, and the tears won’t stop.
A honking noise interrupted the scene as Himchan looked over to the source. Daehyun looked to where Himchan was looking, and both of them saw the nurse holding a tissue to her nose.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. It’s jus-…” The nurse blew her nose into the tissue. “Oh my god, Daehyun… I can’t believe it… and you didn’t even come to me...”
Himchan gave her a grim smile as he nodded in understanding. The nurse wiped her tears, emotionally affected by the scene in front of her. She felt sympathetic towards Daehyun, realizing just how much of an ordeal he had gone through when she heard Himchan say that Daehyun had been an incredible survivor for the past many months.
Himchan looked back to Daehyun, and the young freshman looked back at him. He gave him a smile that spoke of love, and his eyes softened.
"You shouldn't've considered suicide at all, Daehyun. Your life is more precious than anything in the world. A toy can be repaired, a plant can be regrown, an empty cup can be refilled, but a human life cannot be replaced, just like how the sun and the moon cannot be replaced. Your smile brightens up my day every time, and it's like you've lit up the whole space.” [You need not think about kill-self. A-t. A-l-l. Your life, more precious and valuable than anything here world. Toy break, fix can; Plant cut, can grow again; Cup empty, can fill again. But human life, cannot replace. There no other you, same sun and moon. Special, one-of-a-kind. Your smile…everyday I live why? To see that, because makes me happy.] Himchan couldn’t help but smile.
“Thank goodness I've found you, Daehyun. And thank goodness you're still in my life." [Thank-thank I finish find you today, D-H. And thank-thank you still here in my life.]
Waves of happiness
Endlessly washes over my heart
Whenever I see you smile,
I am endlessly moved, amazingly blessed
Your existence alone is not enough to show me
Your sweet passion, your shy breaths,
Our small movements towards each other
You're beautiful.
“Will you accept me to be with you for the rest of your life, Daehyun-ah?” [Will you accept me us-two together forever, D-H?]
Daehyun, too choked up with emotions to coordinate his hands to sign a reply, could only nod.
Himchan smiled lovingly, and held up a familiar hand sign for the three treasured words.
Daehyun breathed out a chuckled sob, managing to smile a little, and lifted his hand to mirror the same gesture.
l,,|_ l,,|_ l,,|_ l,,|_ l,,|_ l,,|_ _|,,l _|,,l _|,,l _|,,l _|,,l _|,,l
(I love you)
너의 그 존재가…아름다워
Your existence alone is beautiful.
Author: tikibuddy91
Rating: PG-13 (explicit language, and intense violent moments)
Pairing: Himchan/Daehyun
Summary: Himchan tries to get ahold of the beautiful stranger he keeps running into, both in middle and high schools. Once he knows the stranger's identity, he begins to find the cracks behind the polished appearance.
A/N: Inspired from SHINee's Areumdaweo
A/N2: This is the last installment!!! I hope that you all have... enjoyed (sorry for the lack of a better term, given the situation of this chapter) the story. :) Thank you all for those who read it.
Part 1: (here)
Part 2A: (here)
Part 2B: (here)
Part 3: (here)
Part 4A: (here)
Part 4B: (here)
Part 4C: (here)
Daehyun groaned.
He couldn’t move his limbs, his body too sore from his ordeal…
The first thing he registered in his head was that Himchan was sitting next to him, staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. There was also a nurse on his other side who was treating him gently as she checked his vital signs.
“How do you feel right now?”
Daehyun was too groggy to focus on reading the nurse’s lips, despite her moving her mouth a little exaggeratedly. He shifted his attention to Himchan with questioning eyes.
[How feel?]
“Z’or… ‘Ers…”
“Ah, he must be saying that he’s sore and also hurting…” Himchan interpreted.
“Oh, okay…thank you. Well, he just needs to keep resting, seeing that everything’s okay and almost back to normal, but those bruises will take some time…”
Daehyun closed his eyes and rested.
The next thing when he woke up was that his left hand was being held lovingly against warm skin. He glanced down at his hand, and was surprised to see his and Himchan’s hands intertwined. It caused his heart to race.
He felt his hand being lifted and pressed against Himchan’s cheek.
He couldn’t handle his emotions or his beating heart. He was helpless on the bed, unable to make any brain-body coordination.
[Welcome b-a-c-k.] Himchan smiled. (Welcome back.)
Tears brimmed in Daehyun’s eyes. He didn’t know why he was crying because of the gesture, but somehow he knew that Himchan meant that phrase in many ways possible.
[You idiot, not cry.] The senior looked incredulous. [Success b-a-c-k with us…with me.] (Yah, you fool. Don’t cry. You’re back here with us…you’re back here with me.)
Daehyun continued to let the tears fall as he wept, Himchan’s message sinking through in his mind. Weakly, he lifted his hand.
[My letter lose.] (I lost my letter…)
[This?] (You mean this?) Himchan picked up the letter on Daehyun’s bed, holding it up for Daehyun to see.
Daehyun’s heart broke. Not because there were tapes connecting the four dirty pieces of his letter, but that he shouldn’t have been around when Himchan was reading it. He had wanted to give it to him and tell him to read it when Himchan gets home. Daehyun averted his gaze and nodded a little.
A gentle hand cupped his chin, making Daehyun look at Himchan.
[Look-me. Understand?] Himchan had this fierce look in his eyes that made Daehyun hold his breath. (Look at me, okay?)
Daehyun nodded.
Himchan gave a quick glance to the letter, before his eyes were back on Daehyun.
"You're not perfect? Nobody's perfect.” Himchan shook his head as he signed. “We - everyone - we all have flaws and some people out there may admire these flaws. We all can't be perfect, otherwise we'll be tired of seeing one person and just jump from one person to another to another.“ [You, perfect? No-one ‘for-sure’. A-l-l there there there there everyone ‘out-there’, we a-l-l flaws have. Most there accept can, why? Understand each not perfect. Different different different.]
“And to me, god, you're not just perfect. You're beautiful and handsome. You're an amazing young man, and with a smile like yours, I feel blessed, lucky to see it every time I do. You don't seem to smile a lot, but when you do, it's like a sunshine.” [But me, ‘look-at-you’, ‘you-being’ not only perfect, beautiful and handsome. You are amazing young man, including your smile. Especially your smile, why? Touched, lucky I see that when see happen. You not smile lot often, but happen smile? Like bright sun.]
Daehyun’s eyes were watering and Daehyun bit on his lip, trying to control his breathing, as the emotions washed over him. He wasn’t expecting Himchan to be signing so fluently even though it has only been under a year. The determination Himchan showed as he talked and signed, Daehyun had never seen it so clearly in another person in his whole life.
“And your scars? The thoughts of suicide?” Pointing to the scars and wounds on Daehyun’s arms, Himchan stared his friend in disbelief as Daehyun’s eyes followed where he was pointing at. Daehyun had a clear look of guilt on his face, and Himchan felt heartbroken. “Daehyun, how could you do that to yourself? Did you think yourself as worthless? You better not. Don't you know that there are others who may want to get to know you, who care so much about you? Like I do? Like Yongguk?” [And there? You think s-u-i-c-i-d-e? Kill-yourself? Why? Why do that? Think self as worthless? Never. Not know some other ‘out-there’ will want know you? Maybe care about who ‘you-being’? Me? Y-G?]
Sniffling, Daehyun winced at the force of signing that Himchan was delivering to himself. He felt a slight tight grip on his hand, and he shook it gently to tell Himchan that he was hurting him.
It seemed to do the trick, when Himchan snapped out of his anger and looked down at their hands in surprise. Letting go of Daehyun’s hand, he calmed down and looked back at his friend.
“I’m sorry, Daehyunnie-yah…But still, don't you know that you're special enough for me, at least? You can’t just deal with everything yourself…you can’t…just because you’re an outsider. Don’t you know me enough to be close, to be able to trust in me? As a hyung, I'm entitled to worry about you. I care about you a lot, and I want to care for you in a way a boyfriend would do.” [Me sorry me…Still, not know you special enough for me? I satisfied with you. You…handle everything yourself? Cannot! Cannot…just because ‘you-being’ separate alone. You not know me us-two close? Why not able trust me? Me your hyung. I worry for you. I care for you a lot…and…I want take-care you, me your boyfriend.]
Daehyun’s eyes widened. He gaped at his friend after seeing the ‘boyfriend’ sign.
Himchan gave a small smile and nodded. “I did say boyfriend, Daehyun. I want to be your boyfriend, even though we’re almost 3 years apart. I’ve grown to love you, and I can’t stop thinking about you.” [I ‘for-sure’ finish sign boyfriend. I want b-e your, ‘no-matter’ us-two 3 years apart. ‘Over-time’ I realize ‘I-love-you’ and always continue think about you.]
“Ever since we ran into each other at middle school, you've became something of an denied addiction of mine, like I wasn't expecting you to come back into my life these few times and suddenly you were on my mind almost every day since the day we first saw each other here. Now that I got to know you better and we've gotten closer, I want to take the next step and be with you, help you to accept that you’re a one of a kind. Let me be the one for you, to care for you, Daehyun-ah…” [‘Ever-since’ middle school when us-two ‘bump-meet’, first see you, ‘imprint-in-mind’. Same my denied addiction, not expect you return in my life those few times, ‘right-away’ become repeat in my head since meet here ‘high-school’. Now, us-two know better and close, I want go ahead connect with you. Help you understand accept you different mean you unique. Allow me b-e yours, take-care of you, sweet D-H.]
I can listen to you, babe
All of you, Everything about you.
I will embrace you, you’re mine.
Daehyun couldn’t believe it. Himchan, 3 years older than him, a violinist, a senior, was after his own heart. He had never felt so scared and so vulnerable, and yet at the same time, he had never felt so loved and so overwhelmed with the love that he was given. His whole body was trembling from the sobs taking over his body, and he closed his eyes, wondering if it was all a dream.
Croaks of whimper and mewling crept out of Daehyun’s throat, and tears rolled down from his closed eyes.
“Shh, Daehyun-ah. It’s okay, it’s okay,” Himchan leaned closer to Daehyun, one hand cupping the back of his head in a careful manner, and the other wrapped around Daehyun’s back. He felt Daehyun’s hands grabbing weakly at his sleeves.
Himchan placed a light peck on Daehyun’s forehead, and Daehyun let out a sob. The loud sob alarmed the nurse as she was sitting near the door to her office, looking up from her medical records. She had already notified Daehyun’s parents, who were on their way, just leaving work. She couldn’t help but be moved to tears at Himchan’s words and Daehyun’s actions.
“You can cry…Just let it go…”
And Daehyun just let the tears fall from his eyes, the pitiful cries emitting from his throat.
You’re still beautiful,
Give me your scars and worries…
You’re still beautiful,
It’ll be alright when you’re in my arms.
After what was for a few minutes, once Daehyun settled down from his cries, Himchan lowered him gently. He wiped away the tears from his friend’s eyes with his thumbs as he cupped Daehyun’s face lovingly. He withdrew them, causing Daehyun to let go of the sleeves.
“Daehyun, you might've matured too quickly to embrace responsibility, and that's not a bad thing. The bullying may have discouraged you to be a strong individual, but you are strong deep inside.” Himchan placed a hand on Daehyun’s chest. “Somewhere inside of you, there's a soul that's waiting to be let out and give you the sense of pride that you have for yourself.” [You know, maybe quick mature accept responsibility as freshman, that not bad. What you experience just now and long time, maybe stop-you, not encourage become self-support individual, but forget it. You strong inside. Somewhere in you, soul want free because you must proud yourself must.]
Himchan smiled softly. “Be proud that you're still here, as a deaf student. I don't think many deaf students would be able to come here, because they may feel like they don’t belong, and if they went through the same thing you did, they would give up and be done with it; and yet you still came here, loaded with a smile, and with your interpreter. And that's saying something amazing to me at least, and to the school." [B-e proud you still here, still alive, student deaf. W-o-w! Not think many students deaf can come here, because feel not belong, because i-f they experience same you, ‘fed-up’ surrender. But. Still you come, show-up show-up everyday, with smile, and interpreter.]
Daehyun is crying, and the tears won’t stop.
A honking noise interrupted the scene as Himchan looked over to the source. Daehyun looked to where Himchan was looking, and both of them saw the nurse holding a tissue to her nose.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. It’s jus-…” The nurse blew her nose into the tissue. “Oh my god, Daehyun… I can’t believe it… and you didn’t even come to me...”
Himchan gave her a grim smile as he nodded in understanding. The nurse wiped her tears, emotionally affected by the scene in front of her. She felt sympathetic towards Daehyun, realizing just how much of an ordeal he had gone through when she heard Himchan say that Daehyun had been an incredible survivor for the past many months.
Himchan looked back to Daehyun, and the young freshman looked back at him. He gave him a smile that spoke of love, and his eyes softened.
"You shouldn't've considered suicide at all, Daehyun. Your life is more precious than anything in the world. A toy can be repaired, a plant can be regrown, an empty cup can be refilled, but a human life cannot be replaced, just like how the sun and the moon cannot be replaced. Your smile brightens up my day every time, and it's like you've lit up the whole space.” [You need not think about kill-self. A-t. A-l-l. Your life, more precious and valuable than anything here world. Toy break, fix can; Plant cut, can grow again; Cup empty, can fill again. But human life, cannot replace. There no other you, same sun and moon. Special, one-of-a-kind. Your smile…everyday I live why? To see that, because makes me happy.] Himchan couldn’t help but smile.
“Thank goodness I've found you, Daehyun. And thank goodness you're still in my life." [Thank-thank I finish find you today, D-H. And thank-thank you still here in my life.]
Waves of happiness
Endlessly washes over my heart
Whenever I see you smile,
I am endlessly moved, amazingly blessed
Your existence alone is not enough to show me
Your sweet passion, your shy breaths,
Our small movements towards each other
You're beautiful.
“Will you accept me to be with you for the rest of your life, Daehyun-ah?” [Will you accept me us-two together forever, D-H?]
Daehyun, too choked up with emotions to coordinate his hands to sign a reply, could only nod.
Himchan smiled lovingly, and held up a familiar hand sign for the three treasured words.
Daehyun breathed out a chuckled sob, managing to smile a little, and lifted his hand to mirror the same gesture.
l,,|_ l,,|_ l,,|_ l,,|_ l,,|_ l,,|_ _|,,l _|,,l _|,,l _|,,l _|,,l _|,,l
(I love you)
너의 그 존재가…아름다워
Your existence alone is beautiful.