(no subject)
i miss being 19. i look at all these girls at work, still in school, happy and having fun. not that i'm old by any means, but i've changed, and i miss the ease of it all. i miss having to chalk id's to get into bars, i miss going to canada and feeling so drunk, yet so alive. I miss listening to britney spears and going to hockey games. i miss hubie's. i miss real world nights. i miss my red hair and the excitement of getting my tongue pierced. I miss getting that feeling in the pit of my stomach just to be excited about life. I can't even think of everything i miss. I need to get over it and let go of the past. why didn't i know how great it was when i was there? why was it so difficult for me to meet people, socialize, talk in classes? i hate that. so much i'd like to change, and so much i wouldn't.
as for the present time:
i need to make a couple things clear:
i don't hate life. i am confused. i'm not sure what i want sometimes. but i love my memories, my family, friends, and i have great hopes for the future. things aren't going exactly as i planned, and that sucks, but i still want to have a future. sometimes i am pessimistic, but when it comes down to it, i still have faith that things will work out. everything happens for a reason, and if it was meant to be it will be. i need to believe in that. it helps me through hard times. and my mom tells me when things get hard that things won't always be this way, and that helps me. I want to feel better. I want my life to straighten out and to be happy. I guess that's the main difference between me and some other people, because they have given up or think they should accept being miserable. I won't accept it. I will make things better.
as for the present time:
i need to make a couple things clear:
i don't hate life. i am confused. i'm not sure what i want sometimes. but i love my memories, my family, friends, and i have great hopes for the future. things aren't going exactly as i planned, and that sucks, but i still want to have a future. sometimes i am pessimistic, but when it comes down to it, i still have faith that things will work out. everything happens for a reason, and if it was meant to be it will be. i need to believe in that. it helps me through hard times. and my mom tells me when things get hard that things won't always be this way, and that helps me. I want to feel better. I want my life to straighten out and to be happy. I guess that's the main difference between me and some other people, because they have given up or think they should accept being miserable. I won't accept it. I will make things better.