Rant about my Husband
Its been a while since I posted, and I realized how much I miss it. I miss long winded posts and the intimacy of venting. Don’t get me wrong, I like FB, but I have to censer myself to the extreme.
So, I need to vent in a major way. Feel free not to read this.
My marriage is less than ideal. I married an extremely high functioning alcoholic. He is emotionally stilted and isn’t meeting my emotional needs. He cares for me financially and I get decent sex once a week, which isn’t bad, but is it enough? He throws fits like a child about things he has ZERO control over and pouts and sulks for DAYS and punishes everyone in his path. He LIES about stupid shit and hides things that don’t matter. He tells me (or other people) one thing one day and a completely different story the next. The worst part of that is that he believes himself each time. He’s anti-social and sulks when I want to go out, but won’t come out with me. He doesn’t get me at ALL. He doesn’t even try to get me.
Even with all of that, I’m not really unhappy. I am, at times, discontent, frustrated, concerned and irritated, but not unhappy. I have learned to detach. I have not lost myself in him or out relationship. My happiness is not dependent upon his, even though he can make it exceptionally difficult to remain so while in proximity to his black cloud of doom.
He has all these unspoken expectations that I’m not sure he is even aware of, but is unsettled to the max if not met, which makes him hard to please. I rarely have any idea what he expects and he is quite close-mouthed on the subject. He has this picture in his head of what a “wife” is vs. “girlfriend” and “wife” is severely limited in what she should and shouldn’t do or want to do, but will provide financial support . “Wife” should keep her emotions in check and do what she is told and expected of. Whereas “girlfriend” can do whatever she wants and can be a free spirit, but no financial help is available nor is any support of any kind, except for a should to cry on (which “wife” does not get.)
So, why are “wife” and “girlfriend” so different, when both are me? Why should a ring and a piece of paper change so much? Why should I be SO MUCH more restricted as “wife” than as “girlfriend”? Why did he marry me when we were so much happier when I was “girlfriend’? *sigh*
He said he married me because he wanted to father my children. When he is angry he says that is the only reason he married me, so that he wouldn’t have another bastard. Other bad days he says he never wants children and will avoid sex so I don’t “Get knocked up.” Other, good days he says he can’t wait to be a dad again. Still other days tells me I’m such a good wife that he would ask me to marry him all over again. He is a walking dichotomy. I don’t get him al all.
So, I need to vent in a major way. Feel free not to read this.
My marriage is less than ideal. I married an extremely high functioning alcoholic. He is emotionally stilted and isn’t meeting my emotional needs. He cares for me financially and I get decent sex once a week, which isn’t bad, but is it enough? He throws fits like a child about things he has ZERO control over and pouts and sulks for DAYS and punishes everyone in his path. He LIES about stupid shit and hides things that don’t matter. He tells me (or other people) one thing one day and a completely different story the next. The worst part of that is that he believes himself each time. He’s anti-social and sulks when I want to go out, but won’t come out with me. He doesn’t get me at ALL. He doesn’t even try to get me.
Even with all of that, I’m not really unhappy. I am, at times, discontent, frustrated, concerned and irritated, but not unhappy. I have learned to detach. I have not lost myself in him or out relationship. My happiness is not dependent upon his, even though he can make it exceptionally difficult to remain so while in proximity to his black cloud of doom.
He has all these unspoken expectations that I’m not sure he is even aware of, but is unsettled to the max if not met, which makes him hard to please. I rarely have any idea what he expects and he is quite close-mouthed on the subject. He has this picture in his head of what a “wife” is vs. “girlfriend” and “wife” is severely limited in what she should and shouldn’t do or want to do, but will provide financial support . “Wife” should keep her emotions in check and do what she is told and expected of. Whereas “girlfriend” can do whatever she wants and can be a free spirit, but no financial help is available nor is any support of any kind, except for a should to cry on (which “wife” does not get.)
So, why are “wife” and “girlfriend” so different, when both are me? Why should a ring and a piece of paper change so much? Why should I be SO MUCH more restricted as “wife” than as “girlfriend”? Why did he marry me when we were so much happier when I was “girlfriend’? *sigh*
He said he married me because he wanted to father my children. When he is angry he says that is the only reason he married me, so that he wouldn’t have another bastard. Other bad days he says he never wants children and will avoid sex so I don’t “Get knocked up.” Other, good days he says he can’t wait to be a dad again. Still other days tells me I’m such a good wife that he would ask me to marry him all over again. He is a walking dichotomy. I don’t get him al all.