I wish I wasn't so utterly cynical. maybe its realism, but I don't know that reality precludes the possibility of optimism. it's not quite pessimism, but
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rachel, maybe we get along so well because i'm so cynical too? i'm so damned sarcastic and cynical and just blah. lol you look into a mirror and find yourself wondering what you have to offer? well, you (as well as most people) obviously have something that i don't, because i can't even hold on to a guy for more than a week. and if i can... well, you've seen it. i'm starting to get the "wow, you have really bad luck with guys" thing from other people. but it's not bad luck. it's not any sort of luck. it's that the only guys that i'm attractive to are all dicks. and then comes friendship. people will only act like my friends when it's convenient for them. they're my friend when they want to do something fun this summer. but when it comes down to just hanging out, going to dinner, going out, i don't get invited half of the time. and why? because in reality, they just don't like people. it's so frustrating when people who are supposed to be your friend aren't really. tehy're just being fake. and the people who really do seem to like you are always too busy to hear about your problems, and you don't want to keeep pouring them out on the same person and what results is me being in a shitty mood all the time because the only people i have to hang out with are those who don't really like me anyway. so i don't understand how you can have self doubt. you're pretty, fun, funny, and everyone you're with all erally do love you and aren't just pretending. i know that you judge yourslef so harshly, but in reality, you're like a star player on a team. everyone loves you and looks up to you. they all want to be your friend if they're not. you have kickass skill, but sometimes hesitate when kicking the ball, but no one sees why because you have all this skill. even if you were to mess up, you'd still get a pat on the back and people would still love you. and i'm a bench warmer. someone that's put out to play when the coach has no other choice. last pick. and i do think i have skills and potential. it's just that no one wants to see it for some reason. and the only reason they don't want to see it or really have anything to do with it is because i'm missing something. there's just soemthing lacking. i'm always just a backup. i get chosen because the better choices aren't available.
so that's why it's been 4 days since he's talked to me. that's why i haven't really left my dorm to go out and do something, even though my roommates have. there's something missing.
lol you look into a mirror and find yourself wondering what you have to offer? well, you (as well as most people) obviously have something that i don't, because i can't even hold on to a guy for more than a week. and if i can... well, you've seen it.
i'm starting to get the "wow, you have really bad luck with guys" thing from other people. but it's not bad luck. it's not any sort of luck. it's that the only guys that i'm attractive to are all dicks.
and then comes friendship. people will only act like my friends when it's convenient for them. they're my friend when they want to do something fun this summer. but when it comes down to just hanging out, going to dinner, going out, i don't get invited half of the time. and why? because in reality, they just don't like people. it's so frustrating when people who are supposed to be your friend aren't really. tehy're just being fake. and the people who really do seem to like you are always too busy to hear about your problems, and you don't want to keeep pouring them out on the same person and what results is me being in a shitty mood all the time because the only people i have to hang out with are those who don't really like me anyway.
so i don't understand how you can have self doubt. you're pretty, fun, funny, and everyone you're with all erally do love you and aren't just pretending. i know that you judge yourslef so harshly, but in reality, you're like a star player on a team. everyone loves you and looks up to you. they all want to be your friend if they're not. you have kickass skill, but sometimes hesitate when kicking the ball, but no one sees why because you have all this skill. even if you were to mess up, you'd still get a pat on the back and people would still love you.
and i'm a bench warmer. someone that's put out to play when the coach has no other choice. last pick. and i do think i have skills and potential. it's just that no one wants to see it for some reason. and the only reason they don't want to see it or really have anything to do with it is because i'm missing something. there's just soemthing lacking. i'm always just a backup. i get chosen because the better choices aren't available.
so that's why it's been 4 days since he's talked to me. that's why i haven't really left my dorm to go out and do something, even though my roommates have. there's something missing.
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