I don't even know.

[tigriswolf]

Sometimes, I worry that I’m not as good a writer as I think I am. Maybe I’m arrogant; maybe I’m confused. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m like those people let through American Idol because they’re horrible singers.

You think those people hear what we hear? For them, that’s their normal. For me, my writing is.

But how do I know I’m good? Maybe I’m just delusional. I mean, I can tell I’ve gotten better over the years; anyone could see that. The stuff I wrote in 8th grade doesn’t hold a candle to what I write now. But better does not mean good.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here. I’ve just been in state of mild panic over the past month or so - I’m presenting at a conference for the first time, about my thesis, and I don’t know at all what I’m doing. And it got me to wondering - am I as good as I think I am?

Because I love to write. I love the worldbuilding, and searching for the perfect word, and rousing emotion. For me, that best feeling in the world is finishing a poem. And I still of myself as poet above all else.

So, I guess… I have to believe I’m as good as I think I am. Because if I’m not, I don’t have anything else.