gone here now - Supernatural, gennish, PG, AUish(?)
Title: gone here now
Fandom: Supernatural
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: written just after 5.10
Pairings: Sam/Dean-ish, but could simply be read as canon unhealthy codependency
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 840
Point of view: third
Notes: written awhile ago; I was unhappy with it, so I ignored it and let it languish on my computer. Not exactly AU, I don’t think, but not really canon either. I think it might be too schoompy, but what the hell, yeah?
“I’m not yours, Sammy,” he says. “I belong to the world.”
“Dean,” Sam calls, stretching out to grip Dean’s shoulder, but Dean moves away without looking.
“I never wanted this,” Dean tells him. “I just wanted to save people, hunt things. I don’t-how did it get this far off the reservation?”
“Dean?” Sam asks. “Dude, what are you doin’?”
Still not looking at him, Dean says, “Before you, I was nothing. But I’m not yours.” He steps closer to the edge and Sam reaches again, but Dean shifts just out reach. “Remember, Sammy,” Dean says. “I had to. If I do, maybe you’ll be safe.”
He smiles, turning to meet Sam’s eyes, and then he steps off the edge.
“Dean!” Sam shouts, lunging for him, but Dean’s already gone.
o0o
“Sam! Sammy!” he heard as he jolted awake. “Sam, calm down. I’m right here.”
Sam clutched Dean tight, pulling him close. Dean grunted and winced, but didn’t pull away.
His first vision since Azazel died and it won’t come to pass. Fingers clenched in Dean’s shirt, head tucked beneath Dean’s chin, breathing in tandem with his brother, he swore: Dean won’t throw himself off anything to save Sam. Sam would die first.
Sam would say yes first.
“Sam,” Dean said quietly. “What did you see?”
He shook his head, trying to burrow further in, all the way past Dean’s skin, into his soul. Maybe then they’d both be safe forever, out of reach of all the greedy, grasping angels.
“Sam,” Dean said again. “Tell me.”
“Why do we have to sacrifice so much?” Sam demanded, the words muffled by Dean’s chest. “Why us?”
“Sammy,” Dean whispered gently, pushing him far enough away to look in his eyes. “If it’s this bad, I need to know.”
“It won’t happen,” Sam promised, cupping Dean’s face in his hands, holding them eye-to-eye and nose-to-nose. “It won’t happen, so it doesn’t matter.”
Dean smiled sadly, covering Sam’s hands with his own. “You can’t be sure of that.”
Sam closed his eyes, leaning forward until Dean fully supported him. “I won’t let it,” he says. “I won’t let it, so it doesn’t matter.”
Dean sighed, rearranging them both to be more comfortable. “We’ll talk about this when the sun’s up,” he muttered. “I’m too tired right now.”
Sam didn’t want to sleep ever again, but as Dean’s breath evened out, he slipped under, too.
o0o
Lucifer waits with a smile, holding a rose petal in the palm of his hand. “Together,” he says, “we can protect him forever.” Lucifer turns his palm over and the petal flutters to the ground.
Sam watches it hit the dirt, closing his eyes as blood pools around it.
“He is yours,” Lucifer murmurs. “And that which is yours… is mine.” Sam tries not to listen, but as Lucifer continues, he feels the words in his bones. “I protect what is mine, Sam. I protect it and I cherish it and I make sure no brutish archangels rape it until everything that makes it wonderful and unique is gone.”
Shaking his head, Sam covers his ears with his hands. “You’re a liar,” he mutters. “The Tempter. I can’t trust you.”
“Sam, that hurts,” Lucifer says. “Your brother has a self-sacrificing streak. I’m sure you’ve noticed. He doesn’t think he’s worth anything.” Lucifer gently pulls Sam’s hands from his head and looks up at him with sincere, kind eyes. “We can keep him safe, Sam. Just say yes and I’ll cherish him forever.”
Sam wants to believe him. He can still see Dean stepping off the edge and it terrifies him. But a lifetime of learning tells him Satan cannot be trusted.
Lucifer touches his face. “Have I lied to you yet, Sam?”
“No,” Sam admits. “But you hurt Dean.”
Shaking his head, Lucifer says, “He made me angry, Sam. And he was fine, wasn’t he?”
Sam glares and takes a large step back. “I’ll save him myself,” he snarls. “I don’t need you.”
Lucifer smiles, and it’s aching and sad and full of promise. “You’ll say yes to me, Sam. Whether it’s before or after your brother sacrifices himself is up to you.”
o0o
He woke again, wrapped around his brother, clinging so tight he felt Dean breathe.
Sam had kept his visions from happening before and he’d do it again. He refused to say goodbye to his brother another time.
“Sammy,” Dean muttered, trying to shift away, but Sam didn’t let go.
“It won’t happen, Dean, I promise,” he said. “No matter what.”
You once swore that he wouldn’t go to Hell, Lucifer whispered in his mind. And he spent years in my kingdom. You couldn’t save him then, and you’ll need my help to save him now.
Sam rested his head on Dean’s back and whispered, “I’ll save you this time. I swear I will.”
If it came down to Dean’s life or saying yes-he would consent. And if they ever stood on that cliff and Dean threw himself over-Sam would follow, and they’d build wings as they fell.