a place we know from dreams - SN fic - PGish
Title: a place we know from dreams
Fandom: “Supernatural”
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from The Last of the Mohicans.
Warnings: future!fic
Pairings: um… gennish wincest? Seriously, I don’t know if it’s Sam/Dean or no pairing.
Rating: PGish
Wordcount: 1635
Point of view: third
Notes: I was listening to this as I wrote.
More notes: thanks to dreamlittleyo for reading over this.
-
Where the sea kisses the sky, he said, that’s where I’ll find you.
Where the horizon ends, that’s where I’ll meet you.
Wait. Just wait. I’ll come.
Remember that. I’ll always come.
o0o
They tell him his name is Dean Winchester. That he’s an orphan. That his brother is a monster and someone has to stop him.
You can do it, Dean. We know you have the knowledge somewhere inside you. Remember for us, please? Can you do that? Dean?
He doesn’t feel like a Dean. He doesn’t feel anything but tired. He doesn’t remember the man they say he was, or that man’s brother. He doesn’t remember a thing.
o0o
Wait for me, promise. I need you to promise. I have things to do, things that have to be done, and you’ll understand. I swear you’ll understand.
It’s important, maybe the most important thing that’s ever happened.
I have to do this, but I can’t unless I know you’ll be there. I have to know you’ll be on the other side, waiting for me.
I’ll come back if I know you’re there. Promise me.
o0o
They tell him he used to hurt people. A lot of people. They say his mind shattered one night, after he realized that his brother was even worse than him, and he turned himself in. Let himself be caught and kept.
You’re sick, Dean. Very sick. It started with your father. You can help us stop your brother. Just try to remember, Dean.
He listens to them because he doesn’t know how to do anything else, but he has no idea what they want to hear. His mind is one big blank, a long corridor of nothing.
If he was what they say, he doesn’t want to remember.
o0o
I’ll find you. I’ll find you.
Wait for me.
I’ll find you.
When you’ve forgotten everything else, remember this: I will come back to you.
o0o
They show him the files, the pictures and records, the video footage. It’s pretty damning, but he can’t recall what it is to care. They tell him it wasn’t his fault, that he can’t be blamed for his upbringing, for the abuse and the brainwashing. They tell him he’ll live out the rest of his life in the hospital.
They call him Dean and have earnest eyes, say it’s all for the best. Even when his mind is hazy, his body remembers how to kill. They have to keep him restrained, drugged. It’s for his protection as much as the others’.
It’s all for the best, Dean. You’re dangerous to everyone and everything. Trust us.
He doesn’t. Even when he can’t be sure of anything, he trusts the man in his dreams more than anyone he sees awake.
o0o
Trust me, he said. Wait for me.
Stay alive. You have to stay alive. You’re everything. You’re the reason I’m doing this. Why I have to.
You’ll forget, I know you’ll forget. I’ll make you forget because it’s safer that way.
But I will come. After it’s done, I’ll come back. I swear. Wait for me.
o0o
The detectives and agents and doctors repeat their questions, getting more frustrated and angry. The first time the lead agent takes a swing at him, no one tries to stop it. Until he’s on the floor, bloody and bruised, no one does a thing.
He was a monster, the Dean Winchester he used to be. The man he is now has seen the evidence. He was a monster and monsters must be punished.
He stares up at them, at the men who blame him. Who hate him for the holes in his memory and for the things he can’t tell them.
He hates them right back and he spits out blood.
He was dangerous, that Dean Winchester. Even with restraints and drugs and no knowledge, he’s still more dangerous than he can explain.
o0o
It won’t be for long. Only a few months. No more than a year, I swear. I have to do this, Dean. I have to. Everyone will be safe and we’ll be free. For the rest of our lives, we won’t have-we can rest. Safe.
I can’t be what I need to be if you’re there. Please, understand. I can’t… I can’t do it if you’re watching, and if you remember, you’d never let me go alone.
I have to be alone for it to work. I can’t protect you, not when I-
Trust me. Love me. Please. Wait for me.
o0o
In the safety of his room, he scours his mind. He searches for any scrap of the man they say he was or the man who is still his brother. They want names and where the bodies are buried, why the Winchesters tormented and murdered so many people.
He can’t find anything except laughing green eyes and dimples, except warm hands and strong fingers, except a deep voice saying I’ll come back to you.
He doesn’t mention that to the detectives or agents or doctors.
o0o
I swear, I’ll be me again, after.
We can go wherever we want, do whatever we want. I’ll give you anything.
I love you. You’re the reason. You’ll understand and-and I hope you’ll forgive me.
But you can’t be here now. Not when I’m-not now.
o0o
They try treatments to jog his memory-drug cocktails, electroshock, hypnosis. He can’t remember anything before waking up in the hospital. They spend hours showing him every single photograph, every single case note.
None of it knocks anything loose.
Damn you, Winchester, the lead agent growls, a man named Henriksen who loathes him. I know you’re playin’. No way to forget somethin’ like you.
He doesn’t respond. Nothing to say. Whether or not he was Dean Winchester, he isn’t anymore. Now he’s just an identity-less man waiting for something.
Looking at the photos, feeling the bolts shoot through him, gulping the water to wash down the pills-he’s always waiting.
o0o
When it’s finished, when we’re safe, I’ll lock everything away. I swear. I’ll never use any of it again. I won’t need to.
And we’ll go away. I’ll make a place if I have to. Just us. You and me, Dean.
Promise. After it’s done, and I come back, promise. Me and you.
Wait for me. Stay alive. Because if you die, if you’re not there… wait for me.
o0o
Five months after waking, the man who was once Dean Winchester has his first visitor. She’s a woman named Andrea Barr and she tells him that Dean Winchester once saved her son. There are tears in her eyes as she speaks, and her hands are soft when she places them on his.
Remember, Dean, she whispers, standing and leaning over the table. Remember your brother. She kisses his cheek and then lets the orderly escort her out.
He watches her go with wonder. If Dean Winchester saved her son, then maybe he wasn’t a monster.
The next visitor is a man named Tom Collins. He says Dean Winchester helped save his life, and his brother and sister’s. The third is a woman and her daughter, Susan and Tyler. More follow.
They all mention his brother. He wishes he could remember the man.
o0o
I’ll come back. When you have nothing else, remember that.
I have to do this.
You’ll be safe-you won’t be touched. That is my command.
And I’ll find you. After it’s done, I’ll find you.
o0o
A year after he woke up, the agents and detectives and doctors quit asking questions. A year after he woke up, he still doesn’t remember being Dean Winchester.
A year and three weeks after he woke up, another visitor comes. He’s tall and broad, with sharp green eyes and shaggy dark hair.
Around his neck is a golden amulet.
He says, Dean. He takes off the amulet and gently places the cord around the throat of the man who was once Dean Winchester.
He says, Remember.
o0o
Where the sea kisses the sky, he said, that’s where I’ll find you.
Where the horizon ends, that’s where I’ll meet you.
Wait. Just wait. I’ll come.
Remember that. I’ll always come.
o0o
Dean punches him in the face. Dean calls him every cuss word in English, Spanish, French, and Latin. Dean punches him again.
They’re both crying, but neither mentions it.
Fuck you, Sammy, he growls, hands clenching Sam’s shirt. Fuck you for taking away my choice. I should’a been there. I should’a had your back.
Sam clutches him close, buries his face in Dean’s neck. I couldn’t take the chance of you dying, Dean, he whispers. If you died… I can’t.
Dean breathes in, breathes out, asks, They all came because of you?
Sam nods without backing up or letting go. I didn’t want you thinkin’ you’re a monster. You’re not.
One of the orderlies bangs on the door, shouts, Open up! He calls for help.
Dean steps away, looks at his brother. Sees the power coating him. You said you’d lock it away.
Lowering his head, Sam says, Let’s go home.
The man who is Sam Winchester’s brother says, Okay.
o0o
Winchester’s seat of power is where the sea kisses the sky, past the furthest point of the horizon. Some people say he has a brother, or that he once did. A man saved from Hell by angels. A man killed by Winchester himself because no one else ever had the strength to destroy him.
Dean knows the rumors. He started most of them.
Sam had asked him to wait, back before those final battles. Told him to be there, after the end.
Even when Dean didn’t remember, he knows he was always waiting.
And they live beyond the horizon, where the sea kisses the sky.