Take It Easy
Click to viewDon't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don't even try to understand
Just find a place and play your hand
And take it easy
We may lose and we may win
But we will never be here again
So open up I'm climbing in
To take it easy
Don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy
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The closer I get to my mother, the more I truly see and love myself.
I worry about an impending loneliness while I receiving the message, "I will wait for you."
I desire to save those I am closest to, yet all I can do is offer beautifully worded hope from far outside their needs.
I feel like I am failing regularly at so much in my life, yet I am accomplishing more growth than I ever have before.
I am stuck and yet I am moving so fast ...
In life, we all want to be loved.
Part of that feeling of love comes in having our accomplishments celebrated; no matter at what age we achieve them. This is how experts are born, finding something they can try, share, fail, then become accomplished and celebrated at. It is also how strong communities are born and sustained, finding something a group can accomplish together, supporting each other, failing together, succeeding together; thereby allowing the group moments of feeling accomplished and celebrated.
Yet, as you age, or as your group ages, you begin to realize that there is less and less that you can accomplish and be celebrated for. For example, the levels in which I become accomplished in playing music: drums, guitar, and singing, (all things I have never before in my life attempted), are simply amazing! Yet because I am almost 40, rather than 14, no one cares. Or, for a group example, the set-up of an outdoor festival is amazing and celebrated the first few years it is done; soon however it becomes expected, not so amazing, and no longer celebrated.
The catch-22 in all of this comes with our human drive to extend our lives, sustain our groups, and make things last forever. As we age we begin to notice that our need to be loved, to have our accomplishments celebrated, is less and less fulfilled until eventually we feel as unseen and uncelebrated as a beggar on a street corner.
So it is, we find ourselves clinging to anything that makes us feel seen; sometimes even if that something does not make us feel loved and celebrated.
We cling to fleeting ideals of what society, with a loaded gun, points at us as "reasons to celebrate and love someone." Beauty, sex, power, strength, and so many other "accomplishments" that simply do not have the ability to sustain their effects on us. Instead these very things simply tear us down as, with age, the celebration of them dissipates into an obscure nothingness -- some faster than others.
It is hard to step away from these things though, things that make us feel so wonderful, so loved, so celebrated.
It is hard to stop looking in the mirror for a prescribed beauty that age just can't afford.
It is hard to imagine that he or she just simply doesn't desire us in the ways we still desire.
It is hard to know that the only finish line our body will work to cross anymore is time.
It is hard to empty ourselves, by letting go of these fleeting ideals that can only temporarily make us feel accomplished and celebrated ... momentarily loved.
It is hard to crack ourselves open and pour over all the things inside that require nothing more than our love and celebration of them. To begin filling our cup with these beautiful things; our very own blood, sweat, and tears. To know that if we can just love and celebrate ourselves we can continue to grow in happiness until are body crosses time's finish line.
I understand now why Mom was always searching, always moving, always alone.
Now the question remains, how full will my cup become as I pour myself into it? Is there a point at which I will reach some limit, spilling over the edges, losing parts of myself, parts of my mind?
I have already lost so many pieces and parts of my life; so many lovers, so many friends, so many addresses, so few amends.
Yet isn't that just like life? To demand that you experience it just so that you can lose it all.
What are you willing to lose?
~TigressSky