A Queen's Subjection
I've done it wrong.
In some form I have done it all wrong. Repeatedly.
At least it wasn't with insanity.
Yet, there is no one to blame for the lonely state in which I continually find myself, but myself.
Sure, I know what pieces others have played. Yet I have always been the Queen on my chess board. Able to move however I want, whenever I want, wherever I want. The blocks caused by the other players on my board, they were momentary. Sitting in that square until it was their turn to move again.
Move they did. Away from me. Close to me. All around me. Some even knocking me right off the board from time to time. Yet the game always seems to end with the Queen -- alone.
In truth I have always just been treated as a pawn. Treated as if that "Queen thing" was just a passing phase. I dove right into it and as soon as it was over I was never contacted by my King again. Ever.
I always thought that was how it should be. That I was a bad person anyway, for causing issues in a relationship I had no right to step into the middle of. I just told myself I was suppose to hurt.
With all of the loss in connection I keep telling myself I am the one who is suppose to hurt.
It is now 7 years later; and with each loss, each judgment, each disconnect, I have just remained silent - because I am suppose to hurt.
I'm great at keeping me in my place. I'm just not so great at knowing what that place is should be.
"Curiouser and curiouser ..." Alice mumbled as she headed farther down the rabbit hole.
~TigressSky~
In some form I have done it all wrong. Repeatedly.
At least it wasn't with insanity.
Yet, there is no one to blame for the lonely state in which I continually find myself, but myself.
Sure, I know what pieces others have played. Yet I have always been the Queen on my chess board. Able to move however I want, whenever I want, wherever I want. The blocks caused by the other players on my board, they were momentary. Sitting in that square until it was their turn to move again.
Move they did. Away from me. Close to me. All around me. Some even knocking me right off the board from time to time. Yet the game always seems to end with the Queen -- alone.
In truth I have always just been treated as a pawn. Treated as if that "Queen thing" was just a passing phase. I dove right into it and as soon as it was over I was never contacted by my King again. Ever.
I always thought that was how it should be. That I was a bad person anyway, for causing issues in a relationship I had no right to step into the middle of. I just told myself I was suppose to hurt.
With all of the loss in connection I keep telling myself I am the one who is suppose to hurt.
It is now 7 years later; and with each loss, each judgment, each disconnect, I have just remained silent - because I am suppose to hurt.
I'm great at keeping me in my place. I'm just not so great at knowing what that place is should be.
"Curiouser and curiouser ..." Alice mumbled as she headed farther down the rabbit hole.
~TigressSky~