It was like she had come to say goodbye ...
This is the celebration of life video I created in honor of my Grandmother. On Friday we will be having her memorial services. Floodplain is going to play the hymns "Amazing Grace" and "That Old Rugged Cross" on guitar to start and then end the services with. We will be planting a fuchsia in her honor at the Memorial Garden at the Cherry Park Methodist Church.
I am working on editing and adding to my post in regards to memories about Grandma; as I was asked to read them at her services.
This is a hard loss for me, not because it was unexpected, not because it wasn't the right time for her to go, just simply because she meant so much to me. I was her favorite, I was the little girl she never had and always wanted. I sit here wishing I would have had a home she could have come to stay in when she originally was moved into foster care. I really wish she could have been living with family, more specifically me, through the end years. I wish she could have spent her last years living with, being taken care of, and enjoying time with me. The same way she always took care of and enjoyed time with me while I was growing up.
The reality is that she lived in a beautiful home and was well taken care of in the end. Other family visited her more often than I during those end years. She died with my cousin Minnow cuddled around her in bed, relaxing her, telling her how much she was loved.
My Dad, (who believes in nothing even more than I do), said, "As Grandma was taking her final breath and the death rattle rumbled through the room, everything got very cold. So very, very cold. Then I thought of Shells", my cousin, his niece, whom passed away at just 32 years old back in 2008.
"It was as if Shells arrived to take Grandma home," Dad said adding, "And you know me, I don't believe any of this stuff. Yet that is what I felt."
"Later", he continued, "I was standing by the window and a hummingbird came to it. I have never seen a hummingbird at Grandma's window the entire time she has been there, and you know hummingbirds are Grandma's favorite. It was like she came to say goodbye."
This last part took my breath away, as I have spent the past year learning with and connecting to hummingbird. In fact, when I think back on it, it was right after I began connecting with hummingbird that I started seeing Grandma more regularly - physically as well as in memories. It is as if Grandma is the reason I have connected with hummingbird, the Phoenix of Native American tradition, the bringer of Joy! I had to find my joy, my connection, my rebirth, and Grandma was there for me, once again, to help and support me through it, showing me she loves me, and is always there with and for me.
Orgeon Native - Rufous Hummingbird (Male)
I asked Dad what color the hummingbird was and he said, "it was just a plain one, not very colorful."
My first thought is that it must be the native Rufous Hummingbird, the females are just a very plain brown, whereas the males have a bright tuft of orange around their necks.
It makes sense to me that Grandma would choose this kind of hummingbird, she never wanted to be the center of attention, although she always was. She just wanted to bring us all together, to fill us full of joy, and to love us as much as possible!
I look at the pictures of Grandma, in her youth, and find myself wishing I could have known her when. She looks so much like me, everyone keeps saying that to me anyway, and we both have so much in common. I bet we would have been the best of friends. Hell, when I stop to think about it we really were the best of friends.
*sigh*
I love you Hazel. I hope the after life is real, and that you are amongst the stars shining your light for a whole new world to see!
~TigressSky~
Click to viewI am working on editing and adding to my post in regards to memories about Grandma; as I was asked to read them at her services.
This is a hard loss for me, not because it was unexpected, not because it wasn't the right time for her to go, just simply because she meant so much to me. I was her favorite, I was the little girl she never had and always wanted. I sit here wishing I would have had a home she could have come to stay in when she originally was moved into foster care. I really wish she could have been living with family, more specifically me, through the end years. I wish she could have spent her last years living with, being taken care of, and enjoying time with me. The same way she always took care of and enjoyed time with me while I was growing up.
The reality is that she lived in a beautiful home and was well taken care of in the end. Other family visited her more often than I during those end years. She died with my cousin Minnow cuddled around her in bed, relaxing her, telling her how much she was loved.
My Dad, (who believes in nothing even more than I do), said, "As Grandma was taking her final breath and the death rattle rumbled through the room, everything got very cold. So very, very cold. Then I thought of Shells", my cousin, his niece, whom passed away at just 32 years old back in 2008.
"It was as if Shells arrived to take Grandma home," Dad said adding, "And you know me, I don't believe any of this stuff. Yet that is what I felt."
"Later", he continued, "I was standing by the window and a hummingbird came to it. I have never seen a hummingbird at Grandma's window the entire time she has been there, and you know hummingbirds are Grandma's favorite. It was like she came to say goodbye."
This last part took my breath away, as I have spent the past year learning with and connecting to hummingbird. In fact, when I think back on it, it was right after I began connecting with hummingbird that I started seeing Grandma more regularly - physically as well as in memories. It is as if Grandma is the reason I have connected with hummingbird, the Phoenix of Native American tradition, the bringer of Joy! I had to find my joy, my connection, my rebirth, and Grandma was there for me, once again, to help and support me through it, showing me she loves me, and is always there with and for me.
Orgeon Native - Rufous Hummingbird (Male)
I asked Dad what color the hummingbird was and he said, "it was just a plain one, not very colorful."
My first thought is that it must be the native Rufous Hummingbird, the females are just a very plain brown, whereas the males have a bright tuft of orange around their necks.
It makes sense to me that Grandma would choose this kind of hummingbird, she never wanted to be the center of attention, although she always was. She just wanted to bring us all together, to fill us full of joy, and to love us as much as possible!
I look at the pictures of Grandma, in her youth, and find myself wishing I could have known her when. She looks so much like me, everyone keeps saying that to me anyway, and we both have so much in common. I bet we would have been the best of friends. Hell, when I stop to think about it we really were the best of friends.
*sigh*
I love you Hazel. I hope the after life is real, and that you are amongst the stars shining your light for a whole new world to see!
~TigressSky~