Work, Like High School, Only With Bigger & Better Assholes!
This image says it all. My job is fucking ridiculous and shitty to do anymore and honestly, I do not know how I was so buffaloed with it being so wonderful in the beginning. Actually maybe I do.
I remember the first day of high school in Salida, Colorado. It was my sophomore year and we had just moved there, so the school was brand new to me. Lucky for me, this pattern of constantly moving had me prepared to deal with the shit that is high school - being new, not knowing anyone, moving to a super small town where everyone in the school had grown up with and knew each other, pecking order is well established, I stood the fuck out being nearly 6ft tall, all legs, thin, with huge tits, oh and did I mention it was fucking high school?
I sat by myself at a desk outside the auditorium waiting for the "Welcome to another fucking year of high school" presentation to begin. I was drawing in a notebook and not expecting to talk to many people that day. Then I heard, "hey, you are new here?"
When I looked up I saw a gaggle of Beverly Hills 90210 girls standing there. It was obvious to me they were part of the "in" crowd and I felt my stomach knot up in nervousness. One thing you learn from moving and constantly going to a new school is NEVER let them see you are scared. So, I smiled and nonchalantly said, "yeah."
They offered for me to join them in the assembly and I was stoked thinking to myself, "Holy shit! This is going to be a good year!" You see I had never, in all my time changing schools, which was every 6 months to a year, been talked to by the popular girls in any kind of fashion. Hell, I had never been talked to by them in any fashion at all. Mostly just talked down to, ridiculed, or talked about but never talked to. Being with the in crowd would mean less posturing, less fighting, less time spent clawing my way through the echelon of high school period.
I drew pictures of the idiot teachers as they presented with enthusiasm the banalities of how awesome the year was going to be and shared them. The girls laughed. I went to classes sitting by some of them, went to lunch and sat with them as well. Popular sporty boys all around us. It was one of the best first days of school I had ever had.
Then the second day came and they all ignored me, laughed at me, made fun of me, and made sure to let me know my place.
That's how this fucking job has gone.
In all seriousness the managers are like the "in-crowd" and, when I got here, I was immediately a part of the "in-crowd" at this job. Yet this time, the "in-crowd" didn't stop liking me, I stopped liking them.
They are assholes.
I have witnessed management cause the actual medically diagnosed nervous breakdown of 3 people in the span of the 9 years I have been working here. The rest, like sheep, keep shuffling in and out of the office every day. Treated as if they are not smart enough to do the jobs they were hired for. It has gotten so bad that, a few years ago, the employees began verbally attacking each other regularly; following suit with how they witnessed management treating them and their fellow employees.
Now they, employees and management, spend so much time pointing fingers for blame, in regards to things that are not really an issue or have no one to blame, that it has become like a kindergarten here. One in which the "in-crowd" bullies and eggs everyone on, actually encouraging the behavior.
Because management is the "in-crowd" there are employees that act so blessed when they are getting positive attention from them. It's like watching video tape of North Koreans claiming how wonderful Kim Jong is. You have to wonder how much of what they are saying they actually believe, and how much of what they are saying they are just saying to not lose favor and have to suffer with the rest of the "nerds & geeks," - aka regular people.
You learn quickly it is best to just be cordial and not talk about much with these employees - which only helps to further push them up to asshole status until suddenly the "in-crowd" no longer needs them. Then boom! They are on their ass back in the turmoil of the "regular people" whom are all aggressive and looking to attack them. Like a sheriff being sent to a prison in which he personally put most of the prisoners in. It isn't pretty.
I started off with the "in-crowds" favor, until I started to see how poorly I was treating others because of it. I have apologized to lots of people for how much of an ass I was. I have made it a mission to be kind and helpful to those whom are treated without kindness; no longer worrying about my status and if I can climb any ladders or not. Just like I was in high school.
I've become silent in my little cubicle corner of the office now. I just do my job, trying so hard to keep my mouth shut because I really cannot handle the constant no's and the beratement that follow. Especially when they are being given without actually hearing what is being said, "could we .."
"NO! What a stupid idea, I didn't even let you express it but it's stupid!"
That is the standard here. The gold standard.
I cannot let the pieces I am responsible for fall down and reflect negatively on me though. So, often, I end up like the cat gif pictured above. I stick my paw out to ensure things are working properly and ALWAYS, (not an exaggeration either, always is correct), get thrown into the tub of shit, flap around like I am drowning, and then hop out thankful that is over.
Meanwhile ...
I have some possibilities for getting out of here on the horizon. I am not pushing it though because I am thankful to have a job in this economy. I try and keep myself busy doing things I love on the weekend. Also, six months ago Floodplain began working here with me, albeit in a different much more stable program, and so I get breaks and lunches with someone who can hear my complaints and help me laugh about how ridiculous it all is. Because in the end, it really is like high school, none of it important in anyway - just simply ridiculous and soon to end.
Here is hoping the other possibilities come through!
~TigressFuckThisShitSky~