Silly Lass
I miss Raphael. I've been listening to a voicemail he left over and over. He's in West Virginia on a business trip and doesn't have a way to really talk to me for a whole week.
I miss him more than words can describe because I'm a silly lass. To tell the truth, Raphael is a part of me and when he's where we can't even say hello for more than a few days, I go nutty.
I wish he had been here last night. I lit a candle for Ebben's Birthday and fell asleep weeping. It's not fair or right that Ebben died so young, he deserved life. It's why I can't go to the parties they have for him. It doesn't seem right to have a party when the guest of honor isn't even breathing. So to get myself to calm down to sleep, I did something really insane but......it did calm me, made it feel a tiny itty bitty bit like Raphael was there.
I took a deep breath of his scent (he left behind a tshirt) and used Kawaii (sp? Cute in Japanesse) as a pillow and held Sakura tight in my arms. Surrounded by the two stuffed animals he bought me for the past two Valentines Days and his sweet scent lingering around me and the melody of his voice still echoing in my ears, I finally slept.
I used to not be able to sleep while that drenched in sorrow. I used to just toss and turn and cry and cry for hours on end and watch the sun rise and hear my alarm clock go off and just wish that I didn't have to do anything, that I could just lay there with my sorrow. But not this morning. I slept for several hours and I woke to my alarm clock and stood up and prepared for work. I went to work and all day I never thought that I wish I could stay home. I just wished that Raphael would call so I could hear him say Hello to me and not to my voicemail.
I wish my phone would ring. I miss Raphael.
But even though I miss him, I can still move. I can still work. I can still talk with my friends. But that longing to see him, to hear his voice, to feel his arms wrap around me...it makes me burn with yearning. I miss Raphael terribly but I'll keep walking. Because as Raphael taught me to think of the good, I'll think about how I will get to see him Friday afternoon. Not too much longer now and I will get to see my love.
I miss him more than words can describe because I'm a silly lass. To tell the truth, Raphael is a part of me and when he's where we can't even say hello for more than a few days, I go nutty.
I wish he had been here last night. I lit a candle for Ebben's Birthday and fell asleep weeping. It's not fair or right that Ebben died so young, he deserved life. It's why I can't go to the parties they have for him. It doesn't seem right to have a party when the guest of honor isn't even breathing. So to get myself to calm down to sleep, I did something really insane but......it did calm me, made it feel a tiny itty bitty bit like Raphael was there.
I took a deep breath of his scent (he left behind a tshirt) and used Kawaii (sp? Cute in Japanesse) as a pillow and held Sakura tight in my arms. Surrounded by the two stuffed animals he bought me for the past two Valentines Days and his sweet scent lingering around me and the melody of his voice still echoing in my ears, I finally slept.
I used to not be able to sleep while that drenched in sorrow. I used to just toss and turn and cry and cry for hours on end and watch the sun rise and hear my alarm clock go off and just wish that I didn't have to do anything, that I could just lay there with my sorrow. But not this morning. I slept for several hours and I woke to my alarm clock and stood up and prepared for work. I went to work and all day I never thought that I wish I could stay home. I just wished that Raphael would call so I could hear him say Hello to me and not to my voicemail.
I wish my phone would ring. I miss Raphael.
But even though I miss him, I can still move. I can still work. I can still talk with my friends. But that longing to see him, to hear his voice, to feel his arms wrap around me...it makes me burn with yearning. I miss Raphael terribly but I'll keep walking. Because as Raphael taught me to think of the good, I'll think about how I will get to see him Friday afternoon. Not too much longer now and I will get to see my love.