*sighs*
Well......now I feel like I'm keeping secrets but I can't vent about Angie and Libby on my Xanga since I know Angie reads my Xanga...*grumbles*
Randomness......I played around with the colors and made a tiger striped banner..I'm bored.
Mary is having a grad party this Saturday and I got told that on Wednesday night...I also got told that I had no choice and had to be there. This bothers me for many reasons. The first being...I hate being told that I have to be somewhere at a certain time and I have no choice even though it's not a life or death situation. Things like that drives me up the wall and these friends of mine do it all the fucking time. My mother did that to me for years which is why I hate it when others do it. At least Mary is nice enough to ask if I have plans before demanding I be somewhere. Then she warns me that Libby will be there. Oh joy. She and Raphael don't get along. She's a massive flirt and he isn't. He tends to stand on the edges of groups and she jumps in and thinks that everyone should be like her. She and I were close friends once. I was about to ask her to be a bridesmaid but...I decided not to. For many reasons. One...she makes time to see everyone in the Group and when she was in KC, she forgot me completely. She and I had hang out time set up and she FORGOT. She's never even mentioned it afterward. She completely forgot. I'm not the type to bring it up unless I'm mad at the person. I'm quite the opposite. I'm disappointed and sad about it. Then after she met Raphael (not the best of meetings but I understood why he was the way he was..she never will), she asked me a horrid question while I made a mention about wedding planning since she just had her wedding. "you're still engaged?" I was shocked and hurt. And here I was about to ask her to be a bridesmaid. I asked Angie about it and she just told me that she didn't think I'd be with Raphael long since he won't "talk" with her. In other words...because he doesn't flirt with her and treat her like royalty. It's one of her personality traits that I really don't like. She acts like men should be at her beck and call and drool at her. So naturally, since Raphael doesn't do that...she thinks the worst of him. Oh well, everyone else that has met him like him. Raphael is a sweet wonderful person and it drives me nuts that there are three people who fail to see that. Libby is reminding me of Jane way too much and....I think my friendship with her will never be the same. She and I used to be close but...something got lost or I didn't see her completely. It doesn't help that I used to grab at any friend I could make since I constantly lost them and felt alone all the time.
Marisol has been my closest friend who hasn't ever make me feel that I had to be something I'm not to stay friends with her. She accepts me for me and I think there should be more people like her in the world.
Raphael is my best friend and my beloved and my fiance. He is the only person that knows darker parts of my past that I've been scared to death to tell anyone. He never shows pity for me when I tell him. He just hugs me and tells me that it's past and that things are better now. There's a lot that I need to tell him and I know I shouldn't have put it off for so long but..my heart wasn't ready for it. I need to let the poison of my past bleed off by telling him. He also should know so he'll understand why I react the way I do sometimes.
My past is haunted and maybe one day I'll outline little bits of it here. Marisol knows bits and pieces and I'm still scared to tell her more because I don't want to lose her as a friend. Well...not so much lose her as a friend as have a friend that walks on eggshells around me. No....I should give Marisol more credit then that. She wouldn't do that. I think I'm just scared to tell people my past because parts of it are hard to believe. Parts that you would think no mother could ever do to her child. But...my mother did it. And my sister did it. And even my father did it. They pierced my brain with sharp thorns filled with the poison of feeling like I was nothing. It's taken years of healing and strength for me to be able to even walk around again.
Marisol gives me the confidence that helps me run.
Raphael gives me the strength and love that lets me fly to the stars and moon above.
Randomness......I played around with the colors and made a tiger striped banner..I'm bored.
Mary is having a grad party this Saturday and I got told that on Wednesday night...I also got told that I had no choice and had to be there. This bothers me for many reasons. The first being...I hate being told that I have to be somewhere at a certain time and I have no choice even though it's not a life or death situation. Things like that drives me up the wall and these friends of mine do it all the fucking time. My mother did that to me for years which is why I hate it when others do it. At least Mary is nice enough to ask if I have plans before demanding I be somewhere. Then she warns me that Libby will be there. Oh joy. She and Raphael don't get along. She's a massive flirt and he isn't. He tends to stand on the edges of groups and she jumps in and thinks that everyone should be like her. She and I were close friends once. I was about to ask her to be a bridesmaid but...I decided not to. For many reasons. One...she makes time to see everyone in the Group and when she was in KC, she forgot me completely. She and I had hang out time set up and she FORGOT. She's never even mentioned it afterward. She completely forgot. I'm not the type to bring it up unless I'm mad at the person. I'm quite the opposite. I'm disappointed and sad about it. Then after she met Raphael (not the best of meetings but I understood why he was the way he was..she never will), she asked me a horrid question while I made a mention about wedding planning since she just had her wedding. "you're still engaged?" I was shocked and hurt. And here I was about to ask her to be a bridesmaid. I asked Angie about it and she just told me that she didn't think I'd be with Raphael long since he won't "talk" with her. In other words...because he doesn't flirt with her and treat her like royalty. It's one of her personality traits that I really don't like. She acts like men should be at her beck and call and drool at her. So naturally, since Raphael doesn't do that...she thinks the worst of him. Oh well, everyone else that has met him like him. Raphael is a sweet wonderful person and it drives me nuts that there are three people who fail to see that. Libby is reminding me of Jane way too much and....I think my friendship with her will never be the same. She and I used to be close but...something got lost or I didn't see her completely. It doesn't help that I used to grab at any friend I could make since I constantly lost them and felt alone all the time.
Marisol has been my closest friend who hasn't ever make me feel that I had to be something I'm not to stay friends with her. She accepts me for me and I think there should be more people like her in the world.
Raphael is my best friend and my beloved and my fiance. He is the only person that knows darker parts of my past that I've been scared to death to tell anyone. He never shows pity for me when I tell him. He just hugs me and tells me that it's past and that things are better now. There's a lot that I need to tell him and I know I shouldn't have put it off for so long but..my heart wasn't ready for it. I need to let the poison of my past bleed off by telling him. He also should know so he'll understand why I react the way I do sometimes.
My past is haunted and maybe one day I'll outline little bits of it here. Marisol knows bits and pieces and I'm still scared to tell her more because I don't want to lose her as a friend. Well...not so much lose her as a friend as have a friend that walks on eggshells around me. No....I should give Marisol more credit then that. She wouldn't do that. I think I'm just scared to tell people my past because parts of it are hard to believe. Parts that you would think no mother could ever do to her child. But...my mother did it. And my sister did it. And even my father did it. They pierced my brain with sharp thorns filled with the poison of feeling like I was nothing. It's taken years of healing and strength for me to be able to even walk around again.
Marisol gives me the confidence that helps me run.
Raphael gives me the strength and love that lets me fly to the stars and moon above.