Long overdue update.
Sorry homies. I've been MIA for quite a while now mostly due to the fact that I have 2 jobs that take up all of my free time. That's right, I work one of my jobs (CapTel) from 9:00 to 15:00 and the other job (Edelweiss) from 16:30 to 20:00 or 22:30. Yep that's right it's ridiculous. But it could be worse because when I'm not captioning telephone calls for CapTel they let me read books or sew/knit, or do whatever I want as long as I'm paying attention to the calls when they are going on. It can be a little frustrating because they want you to be on calls as much as possible and make as few errors as humanly possible so you get little to no uninterrupted break time. But meh. And my other job is pretty sweet in the sense that if I'm not taking phone calls (which always seem to come in massive tidal waves) or handing out boarding passes I get to do whatever the fuck I want, sometimes for hours at a time. Hence this update while at work >^_^< I actually really like my night job and I would gladly quit the other one except that the night job is only seasonal. suck. And so ensues the conundrum. Part of me really wants to quit one of my jobs and just enjoy my last summer before I'm done with school, but the other part of me says that I absolutely under no circumstances cannot quit either job no matter what because I have to pay off that fucking Europe trip that I put on my credit cards. It's a ridiculous amount of money. We're talking thousands. If you add interest rates onto it, it starts to get really scary. Seriously, anytime that I stop to actually tally up the amount of money that I will have to pay back I start to get anxiety attacks. Right now I'm typing like a thousand wpms because I'm getting all anxious just writing about it. But I also feel horribly guilt ridden because I have absolutely no time to spend with Vince or Sam or any of my friends and I feel like I'm an awful person for not ever having enough energy to do anything other than go to work and sleep. I can tell that Vince is getting annoyed that he takes care of Sam most of the time and that when I do get home I don't want to do anything except relax/go to bed. I also promised myself that I would do some things for myself this summer that I never have time to do during the school year (like reading - which I actually get to do during work - sewing, taking Sam for walks every day, getting into some sort of exercise routine, eat better, etc), but I just have no energy to do any of it anymore and I feel like I am becoming stagnant. I am not growing as a person like I wanted to this summer and I'm hating myself for it. So I'm at this crossroads. I can keep these jobs and hate myself for it (and so will everyone else) or I can quit one of the jobs, file bankruptcy, loose any chance at getting anything on credit ever again, and basically ruin the rest of my life. I hate to be a whinny bitch, but seriously, it's all just so unfair.
Part of me wants to say fuck all the consequences, I want to be a person who feels fulfilled in life and is happy with themselves, but how can I be a happy person if I constantly have bills looming over my head? For me, its just not possible. I highly value my credit status and the way that I have managed to keep it all together (financially) throughout college, etc. and I don't want to loose that. I feel like I would be cheating myself if I pulled some shit like that, not to mention that I would feel like a lazy-ass mother fucker for being "too tired" to do what has to be done. Anyways, it's a fucked up situation to which there is no real solution and it sucks. Just like life sucks. ugh.
Anyways, on a happier note, I AM now engaged and have totally forgotten that I can now look at wedding dresses and all of that shit without being the "crazy girlfriend". Every time I try to look at wedding dresses or whatever, I feel like I'm being creepy or something. I guess maybe because we really haven't set a date yet or anything that its not really real or something. I know for sure it is not going to be at least until 2010. It will also in all likelihood be a destination wedding (meaning somewhere awesome but also a bit more stress since I won't be able to be there to set it up and all). But I want it to be a totally stress free occasion, hence the going out of town and leaving the majority of my enormous family behind. I want to be able to enjoy my day without having to spend too much money and without the massive amounts of stress that the day normally induces in brides. Kind of like my surprise 21st b-day party. I want it to be really close family and friends, have a good time, and not stress about the details. Its cheaper, more enjoyable, and just all around better. But I have not idea where I would go to. Maybe Canada, Seattle, or somewhere crazy awesome like that. Or better yet we should go to some stupendous national park or something in the rocky mountains in the middle of nowhere so it can just be us having a wonderful time. hehe. This could get fun for planning. La di dah.
Alright, I'm done now. Sorry for the mouthful.
Part of me wants to say fuck all the consequences, I want to be a person who feels fulfilled in life and is happy with themselves, but how can I be a happy person if I constantly have bills looming over my head? For me, its just not possible. I highly value my credit status and the way that I have managed to keep it all together (financially) throughout college, etc. and I don't want to loose that. I feel like I would be cheating myself if I pulled some shit like that, not to mention that I would feel like a lazy-ass mother fucker for being "too tired" to do what has to be done. Anyways, it's a fucked up situation to which there is no real solution and it sucks. Just like life sucks. ugh.
Anyways, on a happier note, I AM now engaged and have totally forgotten that I can now look at wedding dresses and all of that shit without being the "crazy girlfriend". Every time I try to look at wedding dresses or whatever, I feel like I'm being creepy or something. I guess maybe because we really haven't set a date yet or anything that its not really real or something. I know for sure it is not going to be at least until 2010. It will also in all likelihood be a destination wedding (meaning somewhere awesome but also a bit more stress since I won't be able to be there to set it up and all). But I want it to be a totally stress free occasion, hence the going out of town and leaving the majority of my enormous family behind. I want to be able to enjoy my day without having to spend too much money and without the massive amounts of stress that the day normally induces in brides. Kind of like my surprise 21st b-day party. I want it to be really close family and friends, have a good time, and not stress about the details. Its cheaper, more enjoyable, and just all around better. But I have not idea where I would go to. Maybe Canada, Seattle, or somewhere crazy awesome like that. Or better yet we should go to some stupendous national park or something in the rocky mountains in the middle of nowhere so it can just be us having a wonderful time. hehe. This could get fun for planning. La di dah.
Alright, I'm done now. Sorry for the mouthful.