make it count
"Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” -Ida Scott Taylor
There are times, which are more frequent than I'd like, where I'm frustrated with my work life. Being a caretaker is not as glamorous as some people claim nor is it as much of a hardship as others would like to believe it is. It is, however, exactly the way it's portrayed in sociology/psychology books. There are struggles and there are moments where being a caretaker makes you feel undervalued. There's a lot of conflict between the different groups in the same company (the day program, the units, the office workers) and social theory comes to life in the mundane day-to-day activities. Why is this worth mentioning? Because if affects my ability to care for the clients the way I used to. Some of my co-workers cause a lot of tension and drama just for the sake of it. And sometimes I want to walk away, but I can't abandon them, not for that reason.
Last week, just as I felt there was no light at the end of the tunnel, three special clients turned that all around for me. First there's Trinh, a young girl I've worked with from the beginning. She rarely speaks and has the mentality of an eighteen month old. She's also a one-on-one because she's very unsteady on her feet (she goes days without sleeping sometimes) and has seizures. She loves to hold hands and her laugher is rare but magical. Friday, she came in with a smile on her face and when I said "hey" she began to repeat the word. Every time I said it back, she'd smile and then stop me so she could look into my eyes. Sometimes, it's overwhelming to look into her eyes because I feel like she can see something in me that other people can't. Her gaze is searching and intense. I felt my heart lighten as I looked at her and I was reminded again, of why I am where I am. I wonder if she knows how companionable her silence is and how much I love her.
After work on Friday, a co-worker and I took Kim (a girl in another class) and Deanna (a girl in our class) out to dinner. It was a lovely time and it reminded me of how special my time with these guys is. Kim is very verbal and she kept thanking us for taking her out to dinner. She's a very sweet girl and it was good to spend time with her outside of work. Deanna is unable to communicate verbally but she is able to sign a little. I had to cut her food into little bites and praise her continuously for her good behavior. She signed "I love you" and smiled one of those genuine smiles that are so rare. It was good to spend time with both of them, to get to know them outside the stress of work. It helps bond us more than we had been before. I'm grateful for these little moments because there are so many bad moments around the good ones. But the good makes the bad worth it in the end. I'm confident that I am where I should be and when it's time, God will direct me on the right path. I had lost that for a while, but Im going to try to hold onto it and learn to read the signs as they come. Or at least decipher the ones I've already received.
There are times, which are more frequent than I'd like, where I'm frustrated with my work life. Being a caretaker is not as glamorous as some people claim nor is it as much of a hardship as others would like to believe it is. It is, however, exactly the way it's portrayed in sociology/psychology books. There are struggles and there are moments where being a caretaker makes you feel undervalued. There's a lot of conflict between the different groups in the same company (the day program, the units, the office workers) and social theory comes to life in the mundane day-to-day activities. Why is this worth mentioning? Because if affects my ability to care for the clients the way I used to. Some of my co-workers cause a lot of tension and drama just for the sake of it. And sometimes I want to walk away, but I can't abandon them, not for that reason.
Last week, just as I felt there was no light at the end of the tunnel, three special clients turned that all around for me. First there's Trinh, a young girl I've worked with from the beginning. She rarely speaks and has the mentality of an eighteen month old. She's also a one-on-one because she's very unsteady on her feet (she goes days without sleeping sometimes) and has seizures. She loves to hold hands and her laugher is rare but magical. Friday, she came in with a smile on her face and when I said "hey" she began to repeat the word. Every time I said it back, she'd smile and then stop me so she could look into my eyes. Sometimes, it's overwhelming to look into her eyes because I feel like she can see something in me that other people can't. Her gaze is searching and intense. I felt my heart lighten as I looked at her and I was reminded again, of why I am where I am. I wonder if she knows how companionable her silence is and how much I love her.
After work on Friday, a co-worker and I took Kim (a girl in another class) and Deanna (a girl in our class) out to dinner. It was a lovely time and it reminded me of how special my time with these guys is. Kim is very verbal and she kept thanking us for taking her out to dinner. She's a very sweet girl and it was good to spend time with her outside of work. Deanna is unable to communicate verbally but she is able to sign a little. I had to cut her food into little bites and praise her continuously for her good behavior. She signed "I love you" and smiled one of those genuine smiles that are so rare. It was good to spend time with both of them, to get to know them outside the stress of work. It helps bond us more than we had been before. I'm grateful for these little moments because there are so many bad moments around the good ones. But the good makes the bad worth it in the end. I'm confident that I am where I should be and when it's time, God will direct me on the right path. I had lost that for a while, but Im going to try to hold onto it and learn to read the signs as they come. Or at least decipher the ones I've already received.