(no subject)
On the verge of tears and pissed off to the point of disbelief is not the best way to start the day.
Can I please trade in my dreams for someone elses? Cos I really can't take much more of this. I mean I've gotten used to being thrown into the middle of somebody elses life and just having to deal with things from their point of view and what's happening around them no matter how weird or strange it might be. But why the fucking epicly vivid emotions? Why do I have to fucking feel everything they go through so bloody much?
And then they linger afterwards. I mean the lostness and utter despair aren't my emotions. They're hers and yet I can't get rid of them. The anger on the other hand is entirely mine. Anger to the point of rage at the unforgivable human stupidity of the people surrounding her. No they may not have been the ones to make her this traumatized and broken but they were the ones who were supposed to care, to help. And that's what fucking hurts the most. My fingers are aching with want to tear these fuckers limb from limb and do you wanna know the best part? They don't even fucking exist! Either does this girl who I feel so strongly about, care far more about than most people I know and I don't even know her name.
So this is what my subconscious cooks up for me. And what is the point? What is it fucking trying to prove? That people are fucked? Yep know that one. That all you have is yourself and that even the people who are supposed to love you will kick you while your down? Learned that one a long time ago. That having any faith in humanity is entirely futile and masochistic? Well maybe there is a slight shred left. That I should give up on this fucked up world and just get off it? Well that's seeming like a better and better idea.
Can I please trade in my dreams for someone elses? Cos I really can't take much more of this. I mean I've gotten used to being thrown into the middle of somebody elses life and just having to deal with things from their point of view and what's happening around them no matter how weird or strange it might be. But why the fucking epicly vivid emotions? Why do I have to fucking feel everything they go through so bloody much?
And then they linger afterwards. I mean the lostness and utter despair aren't my emotions. They're hers and yet I can't get rid of them. The anger on the other hand is entirely mine. Anger to the point of rage at the unforgivable human stupidity of the people surrounding her. No they may not have been the ones to make her this traumatized and broken but they were the ones who were supposed to care, to help. And that's what fucking hurts the most. My fingers are aching with want to tear these fuckers limb from limb and do you wanna know the best part? They don't even fucking exist! Either does this girl who I feel so strongly about, care far more about than most people I know and I don't even know her name.
So this is what my subconscious cooks up for me. And what is the point? What is it fucking trying to prove? That people are fucked? Yep know that one. That all you have is yourself and that even the people who are supposed to love you will kick you while your down? Learned that one a long time ago. That having any faith in humanity is entirely futile and masochistic? Well maybe there is a slight shred left. That I should give up on this fucked up world and just get off it? Well that's seeming like a better and better idea.