Star Trek Fic Exchange
:3 I really hope you like the story, and I apologize for any spelling errors. Sorry, wasting time. Enjoy.
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"And when they come in for lube, who am I kidding? They never come in for lube. But of course, they decide to use whatever they had closest to them at the time, and I'm left with more than a few idiotic people on the ship who have rashes every where. Thankfully, only a small bit of them have the right parts to reproduce, so I don't need to worry about the future generations having to deal with to many idiots." McCoy viciously munched on a piece of replicated omelet that he was enjoying(but not really because he was McCoy, and the only things he really enjoyed were alcohol, and complaining.)
Jim was listening, absentmindedly, and for the rest of the conversation, this would prove to be hazardous for him. But he was Jim Kirk, which meant many of the things he did were hazardous. Of course, Bones was a friend, so he could at least acknowledge that e was listening. By giving input into whatever Bones found fit to complain about. Even though everything he said from that point on, was complete garbage, brought on only because of not getting much sleep the night before. And yes, it was all garbage, dirty filthy garbage, but that didn't make the garbage he managed to grumble out not true. In fact, in the early morning haze he was in, Kirk proved to be very honest.
"Well, it's not as if there are many options. Have you ever considered the fact that some people are allergic to a lot of the compounds in loads of the water based or jelly based products on the ship? It took me ages to find one that wouldn't leave a rash."
McCoy just gave this annoyed chuckle. "Then there's always phaser discharge." Jim's eyebrow raised. "Many of the deprived crew mates on the ship took to using other objects to relieve their tensions. Of course, they forget that just because the phaser is off doesn't mean there won't be discharge from the chemicals and compounds inside. That was a very awkward incident. Of course shore leave came around and they didn't need to be using those any more, because they could buy some sort of other toy."
"Well it's a good thing I got the real thing before the discharge got to me. That would've been awkward." Jim said shoveling some hash browns into his mouth.
McCoy's eye brow raised, but he simply continued on with his rant. "Would you believe that Santiago, one of the weapons specialist asked me how many times he would have to loop bandages around someone's wrist for it to be good bondage material?"
"Five if you wet them first." Kirk said poking at a grape on his plate.
"Haha. Any way, I have to go check with Christianson, in engineering, whose also Santiago's boyfriend, if it was consensual of course he already had all these bruises on his arms and various other places, so then I had to get him checked out while he explains to me that it was all consensual. And really, it's not that hard to see that it is the way the two are always at each other's throats. There's less sexual tension there, now that they're together, but it was starting to get as bad as you and Spock used to be. But of course, you two worked that out."
Both were quiet for awhile as they both seemed to shove more food into their mouths. Kirk was glad for such large portions, because he found himself quite full after the previous nights activities. Of course Santiago and Christianson were getting along now that they were sleeping with each other. Kirk had given them the idea. Explained it to them in detail about three weeks back when they had almost destroyed the rec room after a fight.
"Oh, and some actually have partners that can get them pregnant. I mean, this makes some sense when you think about because you can't really tell with alien genders, so they always come back from shore leave asking for pregnancy test, which is overly complicated, because most are made for females, but it seems that the men on the ship have a higher chance of that happening to them, because most women know how to use protection." McCoy said obviously annoyed.
"Vulcan's can't get human males pregnant could they?" Kirk asked as he began eating the last of the fruit on his plate.
"Unlikely unless their not using protection. And don't get me started on that. Most men on the ship think they're much larger than they actually are, which only leads to more people coming in for pregnancy tests. Really, I'm about to stop giving them when their obviously lying."
"But, you know Vulcan's don't lie, right Bones?" Kirk said as he ate the last grape on his plate.
"Yes." McCoy said with his face scrunched up in disgust, "but Spock has some authority over the medical bay, so he can come and get was he pleases without having to ask me for these things."
"Oh. Well, I've got to get to the bridge." Kirk said as he got up and walked away. "See you later Bones."
Chekov sauntered over with a cheeky grin on his face. "You are not going to tell me that you are completely obliwious to vhat the Keptin just said."
McCoy's face was still somewhat disgusted. "No, I just choose to ignore it."
"He admitted to using lube, using his phaser to... pleasure himself, using bondage, worrying about Spock getting him pregnant, and that Spock gets condoms, vhich obwiously prowes their doing something together."
McCoy got up. "You really need to do something about that dirty mind of yours Chekov." he said walking away.
"Oi! I'm only sewenteen!" he said, but his voice giving away how mischievous he was really being.
(Sorry about the length. If it's to short or you want anything changed just let me know. :) This was fun, so thanks.)
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"And when they come in for lube, who am I kidding? They never come in for lube. But of course, they decide to use whatever they had closest to them at the time, and I'm left with more than a few idiotic people on the ship who have rashes every where. Thankfully, only a small bit of them have the right parts to reproduce, so I don't need to worry about the future generations having to deal with to many idiots." McCoy viciously munched on a piece of replicated omelet that he was enjoying(but not really because he was McCoy, and the only things he really enjoyed were alcohol, and complaining.)
Jim was listening, absentmindedly, and for the rest of the conversation, this would prove to be hazardous for him. But he was Jim Kirk, which meant many of the things he did were hazardous. Of course, Bones was a friend, so he could at least acknowledge that e was listening. By giving input into whatever Bones found fit to complain about. Even though everything he said from that point on, was complete garbage, brought on only because of not getting much sleep the night before. And yes, it was all garbage, dirty filthy garbage, but that didn't make the garbage he managed to grumble out not true. In fact, in the early morning haze he was in, Kirk proved to be very honest.
"Well, it's not as if there are many options. Have you ever considered the fact that some people are allergic to a lot of the compounds in loads of the water based or jelly based products on the ship? It took me ages to find one that wouldn't leave a rash."
McCoy just gave this annoyed chuckle. "Then there's always phaser discharge." Jim's eyebrow raised. "Many of the deprived crew mates on the ship took to using other objects to relieve their tensions. Of course, they forget that just because the phaser is off doesn't mean there won't be discharge from the chemicals and compounds inside. That was a very awkward incident. Of course shore leave came around and they didn't need to be using those any more, because they could buy some sort of other toy."
"Well it's a good thing I got the real thing before the discharge got to me. That would've been awkward." Jim said shoveling some hash browns into his mouth.
McCoy's eye brow raised, but he simply continued on with his rant. "Would you believe that Santiago, one of the weapons specialist asked me how many times he would have to loop bandages around someone's wrist for it to be good bondage material?"
"Five if you wet them first." Kirk said poking at a grape on his plate.
"Haha. Any way, I have to go check with Christianson, in engineering, whose also Santiago's boyfriend, if it was consensual of course he already had all these bruises on his arms and various other places, so then I had to get him checked out while he explains to me that it was all consensual. And really, it's not that hard to see that it is the way the two are always at each other's throats. There's less sexual tension there, now that they're together, but it was starting to get as bad as you and Spock used to be. But of course, you two worked that out."
Both were quiet for awhile as they both seemed to shove more food into their mouths. Kirk was glad for such large portions, because he found himself quite full after the previous nights activities. Of course Santiago and Christianson were getting along now that they were sleeping with each other. Kirk had given them the idea. Explained it to them in detail about three weeks back when they had almost destroyed the rec room after a fight.
"Oh, and some actually have partners that can get them pregnant. I mean, this makes some sense when you think about because you can't really tell with alien genders, so they always come back from shore leave asking for pregnancy test, which is overly complicated, because most are made for females, but it seems that the men on the ship have a higher chance of that happening to them, because most women know how to use protection." McCoy said obviously annoyed.
"Vulcan's can't get human males pregnant could they?" Kirk asked as he began eating the last of the fruit on his plate.
"Unlikely unless their not using protection. And don't get me started on that. Most men on the ship think they're much larger than they actually are, which only leads to more people coming in for pregnancy tests. Really, I'm about to stop giving them when their obviously lying."
"But, you know Vulcan's don't lie, right Bones?" Kirk said as he ate the last grape on his plate.
"Yes." McCoy said with his face scrunched up in disgust, "but Spock has some authority over the medical bay, so he can come and get was he pleases without having to ask me for these things."
"Oh. Well, I've got to get to the bridge." Kirk said as he got up and walked away. "See you later Bones."
Chekov sauntered over with a cheeky grin on his face. "You are not going to tell me that you are completely obliwious to vhat the Keptin just said."
McCoy's face was still somewhat disgusted. "No, I just choose to ignore it."
"He admitted to using lube, using his phaser to... pleasure himself, using bondage, worrying about Spock getting him pregnant, and that Spock gets condoms, vhich obwiously prowes their doing something together."
McCoy got up. "You really need to do something about that dirty mind of yours Chekov." he said walking away.
"Oi! I'm only sewenteen!" he said, but his voice giving away how mischievous he was really being.
(Sorry about the length. If it's to short or you want anything changed just let me know. :) This was fun, so thanks.)