I'm free!
Wow what an odd summer it has been! I'm sorry it has been such a long time since I updated this journal. I was feeling mighty blue for a spell there and was also under house arrest. It seems that one is not allowed to practice puppetry of the penis on one's own roof. I'm not sure what the basis for such a law could possibly be but the cops showed up and took me downtown to a holding cell. Turns out my own freakin' dog called the cops on me! I was quickly brought before a judge and sentence to three months of house arrest. While sentencing me the judge commented that I made her very nervous. I think that was the bit that hurt the most. I've always thought of myself as a easy going lovable kind of guy. Anyways part of the sentence was that I was not allowed to use the internet or mention my penis or puppetry while under house arrest.
But now that dark season of my life is over so I thought I'd update you, my adoring fans, on my recent adventures. I actually convinced someone to hire me. I am now a mower of grass. I have always believed that I am one of the better mowers around and was finally given a job doing what I love best (next to being in the nude of course). The job is going well. Actually that is a blatant lie. I apologize. I have no secrets from my groupies. I am already dangerously close to being fired. It seems the city has a five strikes you're fired system and I've managed to get four complaints against me already. One for mowing drunk, two seperate complaints for not wearing any pants, and a fourth complaint (which I plan to appeal) for staring at my boss's crotch whenever she is talking to me. I am actually staring at her left thigh because it seems bizarrely larger than her right thigh. I really don't like my boss but hope that she hasn't figured this out. I hate her because she is blonde (which I have always found offensive) and because I always feel itchy around any women that I have not seen naked (which is why I now ask any potential female roommates to strip down before they move in so I can feel comfortable in my house). Anyways I am now on my best behaviour in order to keep my job.
I should probably tell you my favourite part of my job. It would have to be the grass clippings. We are meant to toss them in the compost but I have been bagging them and bringing them back home with me each night. So far no complaints about that thankfully. Any of you that have been reading this journal for any period of time must realize that I am unusually intelligent. I have used this intelligence to come up with a brilliant plan. Each night, after my honey bun and that damn eskimo dog have fallen asleep, I creep out into the back yard and rub my naked body down with grass clippings. This allows me to hide in trees and bushes while in the nude without complaint. I am even able to lay spread eagle on the grass in the park by my house and people will walk right by without even noticing me. My first plan was to make myself a grass suit but I have found that rubbing the grass on my body until I have turned green is a very pleasing sensation.
I also managed to give myself a rather painful new piercing after an unforunate accident while fly fishing in the nude but will save that story for another entry.
Remember I love you all and please PLAY SAFE!
But now that dark season of my life is over so I thought I'd update you, my adoring fans, on my recent adventures. I actually convinced someone to hire me. I am now a mower of grass. I have always believed that I am one of the better mowers around and was finally given a job doing what I love best (next to being in the nude of course). The job is going well. Actually that is a blatant lie. I apologize. I have no secrets from my groupies. I am already dangerously close to being fired. It seems the city has a five strikes you're fired system and I've managed to get four complaints against me already. One for mowing drunk, two seperate complaints for not wearing any pants, and a fourth complaint (which I plan to appeal) for staring at my boss's crotch whenever she is talking to me. I am actually staring at her left thigh because it seems bizarrely larger than her right thigh. I really don't like my boss but hope that she hasn't figured this out. I hate her because she is blonde (which I have always found offensive) and because I always feel itchy around any women that I have not seen naked (which is why I now ask any potential female roommates to strip down before they move in so I can feel comfortable in my house). Anyways I am now on my best behaviour in order to keep my job.
I should probably tell you my favourite part of my job. It would have to be the grass clippings. We are meant to toss them in the compost but I have been bagging them and bringing them back home with me each night. So far no complaints about that thankfully. Any of you that have been reading this journal for any period of time must realize that I am unusually intelligent. I have used this intelligence to come up with a brilliant plan. Each night, after my honey bun and that damn eskimo dog have fallen asleep, I creep out into the back yard and rub my naked body down with grass clippings. This allows me to hide in trees and bushes while in the nude without complaint. I am even able to lay spread eagle on the grass in the park by my house and people will walk right by without even noticing me. My first plan was to make myself a grass suit but I have found that rubbing the grass on my body until I have turned green is a very pleasing sensation.
I also managed to give myself a rather painful new piercing after an unforunate accident while fly fishing in the nude but will save that story for another entry.
Remember I love you all and please PLAY SAFE!