I wrote something a little while ago...

[tiggyfitz]

I wrote this a month ago or so, and I wanna get it published. So I'm tossing it up here to see if anyone has any constructive criticism, feel free. :)

Comments

[slysquirrel]

As a reader, it's decent. However, you said the "publish" word, which means I have to put on a different hat and take off the kid gloves.

*Puts on her editor cap*

I have experience with taking fiction subs and had a few things to mention about this story:

1. Repeat this motto: "Final = draft - 10%." story is servicable, but the pacing feels bloated. Cut out anything that doesn't directly relate to story.

2. Passive voice construction. "The thing was..." sentences grind the gears of editors and will probably get your sub trashed faster than most anything else. Fix 'em by making them active voice sentences -- you will thank me later.

3. "First paragraph test." As an editor, I employ the "first paragraph test" to all submissions. That is, if a story doesn't show me some semblance of conflict or tension by the end of the first paragraph, its useless. Your story has this self-important description of a man and a woman meeting in this stairwell-thing, but doesn't really introduce any conflict. Don't wait to introduce tension; in the short story, you have to be constantly pressing the action!

Fix those three things and give it another shot. Sorry about the curtness here, but you've kinda entered another level of critique by saying "I want to publish." Now you're on real writers' standards.

[tiggyfitz]

Nope, what you've said is exactly what I was looking for. I have no experience getting things published and this actually helps immensely. I've never really had any formal training when it comes to writing prose, but it gives me a place to start. Cutting it down will be easy enough. The first paragraph test, however, might be a bit trickier for this one, because any conflict I attempt to introduce there will likely not be able to be the "main" conflict without pulling one of those "Little did I know what was about to happen next" things, which I absolutely loathe in stories. As for passive voice versus active voice construction, I don't even know what that means, so it's time for some research.

All in all, thanks for the critique, gives me a lot to think about and a lot to work with. Thanks. :D

[slysquirrel]

I should clarify: the idea is to create _interest_ in the first paragraph. We know that something is going to happen that will be interesting to see. The key is to hint that the story has something interesting going on. (You can only break this if you're Ezra Pound/Imagist poet du jour, but that movement died for a reason. :) )

[tiggyfitz]

Ok, that actually makes life a little easier. lol. I can work with that.