time changes all things...
You know, I am really shitty about making entries...
I think to myself I should but I dont always like sharing my feelings and thoughts, so many are controversial and there are many, my mind doesn't stop reeling but i know mine isnt the only one.
However there is something I want to remember so I will write it down.
A couple weeks ago i was feeling so down, (and i have been trying to keep myself extremely busy so i wouldn't have these moments of feeling down) but this down feeling was because of friends lost.
Now i have never had this stable life where i lived anywhere long enough to have friends that could last long. I mean i have never been some where for more than 5 years really (give or take a year or two)
but over the years i do make friends of course, and i have always tried to make them last, but i will try to keep in touch and someone drops the stick.
Why? is it so hard to keep in touch? i guess maybe i wasnt the sort of person that people want to keep in contact with. maybe it isnt me, it is them and it is just too much work or they are now busy in their lives. there are a plethora of reasons i am sure it happens.
right now it has felt in this past year that i have lost so many friends, so many connections and with people who have been trivial in my life, have meant a lot and now are gone, like a poof of smoke, and it has made my heart sad.
feeling this has really bothered me, i have tried to make contact and then i have just stopped because it has lead to disappointment, no reply, no one there, or something along such lines.
but here is the best part, like a bolt from the blue, two people have tried to reach out and touch me from times past and it was the most pleasant surprise ever, people i wouldnt have expected at all but yet it has happened and i am so happy it has.
People change, time changes, but I know if i dont speak to these people that i miss and hope to make contact with, that maybe they remember me and think fondly of me as i of them. I truly have fond thoughts of all those who have been close to my heart and have shared experiences with and life is so short i want to meet up with them again in some way. I know it wont happen in all the cases and i am learning about it now, but the ones who come back and you get to share your life with, it is wonderful.
They say we all want to leave a mark, that we even existed at all, that some little record of our life has been acknowledged by another, some of us maybe want this a lot more than others, i think for me when i think about it, i just want to share my life with others lives, i want to make connections, not so much to make a mark that will be remembered but to experience and share it with others, live vicariously kinda, I dont get to do the same things others do so it is neat when others share their joys and sorrow with me.
whoa, my mind is just spouting drifting thoughts now going on tangents and what i am saying isnt so clear any more to put down a specific thought.
i am less spiteful and sad about not reconnecting with people, yet i do think of them often so i have my thoughts, but the reverse side is that i am happy and giddy about the reconnecting i do with others and that it does happen, and that is what this post was supposed to be about, that give it some time and then you get this wonderful surprise. These are the surprises i like, they make me happy and hopeful, well maybe not so much hopeful but at least grateful :D
blah blah blah blah...
I think to myself I should but I dont always like sharing my feelings and thoughts, so many are controversial and there are many, my mind doesn't stop reeling but i know mine isnt the only one.
However there is something I want to remember so I will write it down.
A couple weeks ago i was feeling so down, (and i have been trying to keep myself extremely busy so i wouldn't have these moments of feeling down) but this down feeling was because of friends lost.
Now i have never had this stable life where i lived anywhere long enough to have friends that could last long. I mean i have never been some where for more than 5 years really (give or take a year or two)
but over the years i do make friends of course, and i have always tried to make them last, but i will try to keep in touch and someone drops the stick.
Why? is it so hard to keep in touch? i guess maybe i wasnt the sort of person that people want to keep in contact with. maybe it isnt me, it is them and it is just too much work or they are now busy in their lives. there are a plethora of reasons i am sure it happens.
right now it has felt in this past year that i have lost so many friends, so many connections and with people who have been trivial in my life, have meant a lot and now are gone, like a poof of smoke, and it has made my heart sad.
feeling this has really bothered me, i have tried to make contact and then i have just stopped because it has lead to disappointment, no reply, no one there, or something along such lines.
but here is the best part, like a bolt from the blue, two people have tried to reach out and touch me from times past and it was the most pleasant surprise ever, people i wouldnt have expected at all but yet it has happened and i am so happy it has.
People change, time changes, but I know if i dont speak to these people that i miss and hope to make contact with, that maybe they remember me and think fondly of me as i of them. I truly have fond thoughts of all those who have been close to my heart and have shared experiences with and life is so short i want to meet up with them again in some way. I know it wont happen in all the cases and i am learning about it now, but the ones who come back and you get to share your life with, it is wonderful.
They say we all want to leave a mark, that we even existed at all, that some little record of our life has been acknowledged by another, some of us maybe want this a lot more than others, i think for me when i think about it, i just want to share my life with others lives, i want to make connections, not so much to make a mark that will be remembered but to experience and share it with others, live vicariously kinda, I dont get to do the same things others do so it is neat when others share their joys and sorrow with me.
whoa, my mind is just spouting drifting thoughts now going on tangents and what i am saying isnt so clear any more to put down a specific thought.
i am less spiteful and sad about not reconnecting with people, yet i do think of them often so i have my thoughts, but the reverse side is that i am happy and giddy about the reconnecting i do with others and that it does happen, and that is what this post was supposed to be about, that give it some time and then you get this wonderful surprise. These are the surprises i like, they make me happy and hopeful, well maybe not so much hopeful but at least grateful :D
blah blah blah blah...