exhasperated
Well,here it is....5 days gone by and no time to scream!I can't believe that I don't even have the time to track my thoughts...it would be different if i didn't have to hide this from a certain someone.This past week has been more than fucked up.The other night...when was that oh yea,Saturday night.I remember now cuz C&D were here.We had played cards and drank some.Everything seemed on the "norm" till bed time.That's when it started... again.He decided to shower earlier so he went to bed 1st.After a quick clean up of the kitchen,getting in the shower...setting the alarms and turning on the "mood" lighting...i crawl into bed to be greeted with SNORING!Thinking-okay,he's whipped.Even tho he opted out twice this week already.I'll be understanding.I move in for a little hugging and am shrugged off.O-kay,first the snoring,his back is to me...no effort to acknowledge i'm there...shrugged off...it's time to kill the "mood" light.Get out of bed,shut off light and get...What the hell are you doing? I say shutting off the blue light...he says why?I say...you were snoring and not even acknowleding I'm even here.You were suppose to wake me.I tried,i said.Put yourself in my place...(rattled off his way of "greeting" me).Next thing I know I'm being bitched at for things that didn't even pertain to what we were even discussing.(?I?am?lost?at?this?point?)I told him i understood if he was tired.He bitches I didn't try to wake him!!!!Then he goes off on this I didn't want to...it ain't no wonder he has blue-balls.(where did they come from?)it's not like he hadn't had sex EVERY night except the 2 HE was too tired for!!!At this point i exit the bedroom for a drink.My soda was warm that i left in the bathroom so i headed to the kitchen for a glass for water.Next thing I know he comes huffing out,putting on his clothes and getting ready to walk out!!!!...I asked him what the hell he was doing.He says...well if you aren't going to answer me then I'm fuckin leaving.Answer him?Answer what???(yet-?lost?again?)I tell him I have no clue what he asked if i were in the kitchen and he way in the bedroom.(the BIG question was....Where are u going?)that's it,he wants to walk out the door over that?!!!!!PLEASEEEE!!I fell like i'm dealing with a freakin 4 year old!!!He decides to stay and at this point i'm angry as hell over the whole thing.I'm not sure why though cuz i'm still LOST at this point as to what even got us here.He returns back to the bedroom.I un-willingly follow.He tells me if i'm not going to "put out" so to speak then not to expect any the next night either.Okay.....Why am i getting the shaft here when in my eyes I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG??????I cry myself to sleep cuz i'm just so sick of all the arguements that don't make any sense.And they are happening more and more.Shit over the course of 2 months he has started ALL arguements!We have argued more those 2 months than we have over the last 5 years!Somethin weird is going on with him.It's not an affair either.I doin't care if he has another woman so long as i know about it.He feels such SELF WORTHLESS NESS that he wouldn't know if someone was coming on to him anyway.He's very attractive but his attitude SUCKS and he lets all know it.There is so much more to this all but for right now,i need to go.