down loads from hard copy
4-8-2000
didn't go camping!!!devan is an ass!!oh well we will go this weekend with out devan.im going to need it at the end of this week if i get through this week that istues. i go see the girls.wens. i go to the mediation with dcfs and then thurs. and fri. are court OMG help me !!!!!!!don showed up sat. night and stayed till sunday afternoon. it was just luck i was at home without sundance he and i spent fri. night at the hotel here in saltlake then we drove to ogden to do some errands for devans dads shop after we picked up some parts we were supposed to leave for the camping trip but as usual devan is a baby so we didnt we went out to lunch then i caught the buss back here to spend the rest of the weekend be myself. till don blew that . i was disappointed but i guess i will get over it!!!
4-10-2000
went and got some stuff for tosh and tawnie for their birthdays.picked up kites for all four of them, i hope they like them,i leave in the morning to start what might be the worst week of my life!!!!!!!!!i am hoping the girls will be allowed to come home on thurs................i hope so it is driving me nuts I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!
4-14-2000
havent written in here for a few days ...ive been too nervous. court went better then i thought it was going to. tosh. gets to come home on sunday and then ashley about two week after that.bobbie put in a petition for custody of ashley and that worries me some it more pisses me off to think that stupid cow thinks she has a right to destroy that little girls life more then she already has for her to think that the courts are going to just forgive her for all she has done to that little girl!!!!! stupid f#@%$^*^#n bitch... couldn't go camping had to work friday night!!!!!GRRRRR!!!!!!!oh well heres a funny....don tells me one of his(friends)saw sundance and i coming out of the hotel last week.it was almost believable but...... if he is going to lie to me he should at least try to get the days right. there was no one at the hotel when we left Saturday morning don said wednesday or thursday.....besides i am not as stupid as he wishes i was i know my own writing and when he quotes word for word what i wrote the only way he would know it in that context is to have read it in here.....duh.........i called my mother yesterday,went and saw her it went way better then i thought it would.
went camping Saturday night after that last entry
4-17-2000
today is toshua's birthday....i wanted to stop and tell her happy birthday but if i did i would have breached the supervision clause in the court order and the state would jump at any chance they could to throw her back into foster care and she has only been home since last night so i wont do anything to jeopardize that... i should have at least called her but i will see her in the morning so i think it will be ok that i didnt see her today i dont want her to think i have forgotten about her i have not and will never i love that kid more then she or her asshole father will ever know i miss my kids bad i wish i could pick them all up wrap them away from the world until they are grown and ......i just want to take them away from this whole mess went camping over the weekend with sundance from Saturday night till monday afternoon.we spent friday night here.......he told me he loves me while we were taking a bath.too weird but i believe him...i think i love him as well yup im sure of it......now i have to tell don i want a fast divorce..i wont stay married to a man i know i can not live with ever again it wont work for me or for him.....sara is also filling for her divorce so sundance and i will both be single....ohhh the possibilities i will ask for joint custody of tawnie and jessice and visitation with toshua and ashley i dont see any difficulties in that as long as the state does not object and in the mean time till i have a house to bring them too i will not complain if the stay with don and as far as the house is concerned he can keep it if he sells i want half and i want no child support or alimony......more or less no fights the kids have enough problems.........its hard i do love don i just cant stand him anymore i do miss him sometimes but there is no way i could live in the same house with him ever again...........REO speed wagon sings a song that seems to fit well.time for me to fly
didn't go camping!!!devan is an ass!!oh well we will go this weekend with out devan.im going to need it at the end of this week if i get through this week that istues. i go see the girls.wens. i go to the mediation with dcfs and then thurs. and fri. are court OMG help me !!!!!!!don showed up sat. night and stayed till sunday afternoon. it was just luck i was at home without sundance he and i spent fri. night at the hotel here in saltlake then we drove to ogden to do some errands for devans dads shop after we picked up some parts we were supposed to leave for the camping trip but as usual devan is a baby so we didnt we went out to lunch then i caught the buss back here to spend the rest of the weekend be myself. till don blew that . i was disappointed but i guess i will get over it!!!
4-10-2000
went and got some stuff for tosh and tawnie for their birthdays.picked up kites for all four of them, i hope they like them,i leave in the morning to start what might be the worst week of my life!!!!!!!!!i am hoping the girls will be allowed to come home on thurs................i hope so it is driving me nuts I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!
4-14-2000
havent written in here for a few days ...ive been too nervous. court went better then i thought it was going to. tosh. gets to come home on sunday and then ashley about two week after that.bobbie put in a petition for custody of ashley and that worries me some it more pisses me off to think that stupid cow thinks she has a right to destroy that little girls life more then she already has for her to think that the courts are going to just forgive her for all she has done to that little girl!!!!! stupid f#@%$^*^#n bitch... couldn't go camping had to work friday night!!!!!GRRRRR!!!!!!!oh well heres a funny....don tells me one of his(friends)saw sundance and i coming out of the hotel last week.it was almost believable but...... if he is going to lie to me he should at least try to get the days right. there was no one at the hotel when we left Saturday morning don said wednesday or thursday.....besides i am not as stupid as he wishes i was i know my own writing and when he quotes word for word what i wrote the only way he would know it in that context is to have read it in here.....duh.........i called my mother yesterday,went and saw her it went way better then i thought it would.
went camping Saturday night after that last entry
4-17-2000
today is toshua's birthday....i wanted to stop and tell her happy birthday but if i did i would have breached the supervision clause in the court order and the state would jump at any chance they could to throw her back into foster care and she has only been home since last night so i wont do anything to jeopardize that... i should have at least called her but i will see her in the morning so i think it will be ok that i didnt see her today i dont want her to think i have forgotten about her i have not and will never i love that kid more then she or her asshole father will ever know i miss my kids bad i wish i could pick them all up wrap them away from the world until they are grown and ......i just want to take them away from this whole mess went camping over the weekend with sundance from Saturday night till monday afternoon.we spent friday night here.......he told me he loves me while we were taking a bath.too weird but i believe him...i think i love him as well yup im sure of it......now i have to tell don i want a fast divorce..i wont stay married to a man i know i can not live with ever again it wont work for me or for him.....sara is also filling for her divorce so sundance and i will both be single....ohhh the possibilities i will ask for joint custody of tawnie and jessice and visitation with toshua and ashley i dont see any difficulties in that as long as the state does not object and in the mean time till i have a house to bring them too i will not complain if the stay with don and as far as the house is concerned he can keep it if he sells i want half and i want no child support or alimony......more or less no fights the kids have enough problems.........its hard i do love don i just cant stand him anymore i do miss him sometimes but there is no way i could live in the same house with him ever again...........REO speed wagon sings a song that seems to fit well.time for me to fly