downloads from hard copy
3/28/2000
later in the day..........saw my kids this afternoon.all of them seem fine all things considered.took some polaroids of them they are getting big you dont notice how much a child grows in such a short time unless you dont see them every day.i want them home.don didn't say a word to me about saturday. it was strange if figured he would at least want to ty to talk to me about it. he didn't???? wonder why????
3/29/2000
feels wierd to still be writing in here after saterday but i guess if i never wanted anyone to know what was going on in my life i wouldn't be trying to keep a diary at all right????if i am really going to keep this thing going i have to do it no matter what or how happens upon it right. i need to get a job all of this staying in the house alone after last week is starting to get on my nerves.it will drive me crazy and it is a short trip!!!!!!!!!!!
3/31/2000
spent the night in a hotel room with sundance last night. he wanted to be alone.i think because he told me he wants to get serious.the feelings i have been having kinda scare me. but i really do "like" the guy.do i love him yeah i think i do. but i am not so sure i have so little experience in this area of life. i dont want to stop seeing him!!!!!!!he makes me feel wonderful. i know don wants to get back together.and i am sure that is not even close to what i want to do .so i sit here feeling like the worlds worst cunt for the next steps i must take in the journey.if i dont do it then i will never know who or what i am.around don i can not do so .................so ...............well anyhow court is getting closer and closer as it does i get more and more worried.i want my babies but i do not think the state is so eager to let me have them. i guess all i can do is see what the judge says.
later in the day..........saw my kids this afternoon.all of them seem fine all things considered.took some polaroids of them they are getting big you dont notice how much a child grows in such a short time unless you dont see them every day.i want them home.don didn't say a word to me about saturday. it was strange if figured he would at least want to ty to talk to me about it. he didn't???? wonder why????
3/29/2000
feels wierd to still be writing in here after saterday but i guess if i never wanted anyone to know what was going on in my life i wouldn't be trying to keep a diary at all right????if i am really going to keep this thing going i have to do it no matter what or how happens upon it right. i need to get a job all of this staying in the house alone after last week is starting to get on my nerves.it will drive me crazy and it is a short trip!!!!!!!!!!!
3/31/2000
spent the night in a hotel room with sundance last night. he wanted to be alone.i think because he told me he wants to get serious.the feelings i have been having kinda scare me. but i really do "like" the guy.do i love him yeah i think i do. but i am not so sure i have so little experience in this area of life. i dont want to stop seeing him!!!!!!!he makes me feel wonderful. i know don wants to get back together.and i am sure that is not even close to what i want to do .so i sit here feeling like the worlds worst cunt for the next steps i must take in the journey.if i dont do it then i will never know who or what i am.around don i can not do so .................so ...............well anyhow court is getting closer and closer as it does i get more and more worried.i want my babies but i do not think the state is so eager to let me have them. i guess all i can do is see what the judge says.